


Beautiful Addiction

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-05
Updated: 2007-06-27
Packaged: 2019-01-19 03:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 120,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12402336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: (Revised and Revisited) Lily knew she shouldn't be doing this; she was lying to her friends and everyone else. James Potter was a Cavillor, and she an Ausculto. They were fundamentally incompatible, as silly as it all was, and yet they were charged with bringing the two groups together. As if that would happen without a storm.





	1. Inciting a Feud

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

_Disclaimer: This does not belong to me. Perhaps if I am reincarnated with a more brilliant mind and a… no, never mind, this will never be mine._

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**A/N: Alrighty then…I highly doubt that any of you recognize my name, but if you do, it would most likely be from this story. Yes, I have this posted at ff.net. However, this one is highly revised, although I will be following the same plot in general. That’s right, I’m rewriting the blasted thing. It has just been too long since I wrote the last chapter, and I cannot read the first several chapters of the old version without cringing. So I apologize if any of you have read this before and wish I wasn’t starting over. *Sigh* I thought I already chased all of you off =) No matter, I hope you will enjoy the revision more, if you care to try again. And for those of you completely unfamiliar with the story, I hope you enjoy it. Yes, this is obviously not following canon. And yes, I am insane. Please send complaints to AutumnAmethyst06@yahoo.com. I appreciate you all very much.**

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**Chapter One** ~ **Inciting a Feud**  


            Dumbledore glanced at the door to his office just as it swung open and swiftly shut again, the shouts of commotion he had detected quickly returning to silence. The headmaster turned questioning, if tired, blue eyes on Professor McGonagall, who was brushing lint off her robes; collecting herself.

            “Is there a problem, Minerva?”�

            She let out a strange sigh. “There always is, Albus. We have a situation. Why in Gryffindor’s name did you choose James Potter and Lily Evans as Head Boy and Girl? I thought there would be a scene immediately after your announcement at the Feast, I am surprised it waited even a few hours.”�

            “The students were hungry," Dumbledore allowed a weary smile. “And I have my reasons, we discussed this.”�             

Something passed over the Transfiguration professor’s face, and she stepped closer. “Albus, you must follow me,”� she spoke with more urgency, having collected herself, “This is madness, my House is no longer a House, only Cavillors and Auscultos, and-”�

            “It is not only your House, Minerva. The whole of Hogwarts is split down the middle. Only Slytherin has remained a collected House, ironic when its graduate created this conflict in the first place.”� Dumbledore rose from his seat and set down his quill for later.

            “You cannot believe that they are only fighting over the Voldemort issues now. Gryffindor should be united, not split down the middle with all this nonsense!”�

            “Oh no, this has become more than a single issue argument, Voldemort only opened the door for a deeper rift. Sometimes I almost think that there is a greater war here at Hogwarts than in the rest of the wizarding world. But come; let’s see about this new commotion.”�

            There was weariness about the headmaster as they left his office and followed the noise to the corridor outside of the Gryffindor common room. The Fat Lady was staring with wild eyes, back and forth from one group of people to the other.

            There was nothing short of a mob gathered there, all Gryffindors and yet divided by an invisible line into Auscultos and Cavillors. 

            “-and an Ausculto. I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS!”� A boy to the left, part of the group of Cavillors, shook his fist. A messy-haired boy with glasses stepped forward, holding his hand up carefully towards the younger student, as if to silence him. A shiny badge gleamed from the front of his robes.

            “I refuse to work with an Ausculto,”� his eyes scanned the crowd of Auscultos he was facing, searching for someone in particular. He scowled when he saw her. “Evans,”� he spat. “You will find yourself removed from the Head Girl position once I speak with Dumbledore.”�

            “I doubt it,”� she said with no less spite. Her green eyes flashed brilliantly. “I have better qualifications than you. You weren’t even a prefect! You’re a bloody menace — a _Cavillor_. Nobody from your group has been a Head Boy or Girl for four years, and it will not happen this year.”�

            “Tell that to Dumbledore,”� James Potter growled at her, taking a step closer and paying no attention to the rest of the crowd.

            She stepped forward as well, so close she could have touched him, and hissed, “Why don’t you tell him yourself.”� She looked pointedly to her left, where McGonagall and Dumbledore had stopped and were observing the scene.

            Suddenly, everyone broke into the fight once more, voices becoming progressively louder in order to drown one another out. Several of the students from both sides of the clash made a rush towards each other, their intentions clear by the looks on their faces.

            “SILENCE!”� Dumbledore dropped his hands and took a few steps forward, stopping in front of Lily and James. “I will not have this! You, Miss Evans and Mister Potter, are not in any position to question my decisions, and I will not be changing anything. You are both adults and it is time that we learn to work together.  I expect for that to be understood. This feud between you is going to end here!”� His tone became progressively calmer as he continued, “I want no more talk about groups, Cavillors or Auscultos. They don’t exist anymore. You are all Gryffindors, you should all be on the same side! You are obliged to work together, Mister Potter and Miss Evans, and don’t even consider the fact that you’re not of the same group. The rest of you will also cooperate with each other. As far as I am concerned, there is only one group now, and there always was.”�

            McGonagall was nodding at his side. “You must learn to work together. I refuse to let this rift continue to divide my House, or the rest of Hogwarts.”� She and Dumbledore, with one last glance of warning, left the scene with heavy hearts, neither of them sure that their warnings had made any impact. They had tried before, after all. Dumbledore’s scheme for this year did not seem as promising as he had hoped.

            It was true, they were all Gryffindors. But they were not together — there were Cavillors and there were Auscultos; one and the other — not both. 

            “This is not the end of it, Potter!”� Lily Evans shouted at him. “I will not work with you yet!”�

            But James Potter and the other Cavillors were already filtering through the portrait hole and into the Gryffindor common room, where they gathered to one side.

            The Auscultos, as usual wanting no contact with their perpetual opponents, gathered at the opposite side of the room.

            Lily and James shared one last glare before turning towards their respective groups, who were both boiling with anger. For the past five years — since the origin of the groups — Dumbledore had chosen Heads from the same group. He had always disapproved of the division, but he had never openly forced them to work together like this before. 

 

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            Lily Evans pulled her long and dark auburn hair into a loose ponytail. She was furious. _I am_ not _going to spend my last year at Hogwarts arguing with that- that Potter. He’s not an Ausculto, so I shouldn’t have to even speak with him._ What was Dumbledore playing at? The Headmaster knew that the two groups of Hogwarts had been around since Lily and James had been about twelve. Sure, at first they had started out as merely debating sides- mostly about how to handle Voldemort and bring him out of power- but now they were so much more. Now, they were in a way their own Houses. Only they were student-created, and that made them more powerful.

            She gazed around the dorm that she shared with two other girls — Kristen Washburn and Selene Kelehan. They were both, of course, Auscultos. Consistent with the division of Gryffindor, the dorm arrangements had also been altered. It was no longer boys to the left and girls to the right. It was now Auscultos to the right and Cavillors to the left. There had originally been two other girls sleeping with them, but when they ended up becoming Cavillors they moved to the other side of the tower. Lily was not sure about the Cavillors, but her group had arranged it so that girls slept at the top of the tower and the boys at the bottom; dorms were still all boys and all girls. Auscultos had dignity.             

            “Is something wrong, Lily?”� Kristen asked knowingly, pushing a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

            Selene, who had also just entered the room and was standing in front of Lily, said, “You mean besides the fact that she’s being forced to work with a Cavillor? And not just any Cavillor — one of the head Cavillors?”�                                                                                

            Kristen gave Selene a look,”� I was just trying to be helpful.”�             

Selene grinned. “I don’t think Lily’s even listening to us.”�                              

She turned her startlingly bright blue eyes towards their redheaded friend, who was spread out across her bed, arms and legs splayed over the sides.

            “Oh, I’m listening,”� mumbled Lily, her voice muffled against the comforter. “I’m just not in a very good mood at the moment. She lifted her head and glanced at her friends. “What a way to start seventh year, huh?”�

            Kristen sat on the edge of her bed facing Lily, “It won’t be so bad. If he ever gives you problems, we’ll…do something about it.”�

            “Damn right we will,”� Selene added loudly. “Why don’t you just march up to Dumbledore’s office now and tell him you refuse to work with Potter?”�

            Lily sighed. “You heard him. I think he’s set on this decision and I wish I knew why. I’m not exactly one to march up to the headmaster’s office anyways.”�

            Selene shrugged. “Suit yourself, but I would rather be tied up in a sack and left for dead before I worked with a Cavillor on a regular basis.”�

            Kristen chuckled just as an owl whooshed through the open window and landed on Lily’s bed, prodding her with its leg.

            “What now?”� Lily grumbled, sitting up and untying the note. After she finished reading, she looked up with a grimace. “Head rooms,”� was all she said, crumbling the parchment in her hand and moving towards the door. “I’ll be back later.”�

            

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            Of all the new developments of that evening, Lily was most dismayed with this one. She should be ecstatic; this should be the most exciting thing about being Head Girl. Except that it wasn’t, not with James Potter the Cavillor standing just a few feet away from her, surveying the common room they were supposed to share.

            Dumbledore watched them carefully, as if expecting them to shout at any moment. “I hope everything is agreeable, I myself have always thought the Head quarters to be some of the most beautiful rooms at Hogwarts.”� 

            Lily glanced at the headmaster warily. “It’s very beautiful, professor. Thank you for everything…”�

            James grumbled something and Lily glared in his general direction.

Dumbledore smiled, his eyes twinkling softly. “I believe I forgot to mention something. The two of you are not required to sleep in these rooms. You may choose to stay with your friends in Gryffindor Tower.”�

            James’ head shot up and he appeared immensely relieved. “Thank Merlin,”� he mumbled.

            Lily scowled, “Well it isn’t as if I was looking forward to sleeping here with you, either.”�

            Dumbledore broke in, “Well, I’m getting to be an old man…it’s best that I get my rest. Mister Potter, Miss Evans,”� he nodded to them, “please do not harm each other on your way back, you have a long year ahead.”� He smiled solemnly and left the room.

            Lily glanced back towards the fireplace, where a bright flame was burning, illuminating the large and lumpy couch in front of it. This was the common room they would share, and despite Lily’s obvious grievance with it, she thought it was quite attractive. Deep mahogany wood paneling covered the walls and several tapestries, including symbols of Gryffindor, fell in waves of gold and red. Three doors, apart from the entrance, connected to the common room; Lily’s room and James’ room, which were opposite one another, and the bathroom, which lay almost directly in the middle of the two. 

            There was also a large bookcase built into one of the walls. Lily immediately decided that it was her favorite part of the Heads rooms. She approached and scanned the titles; among them were The Hogwarts Split and How to Compromise. 

            She shook her head; if she didn’t know better, she would think Dumbledore was up to something. And then she noticed a presence over her shoulder and spun around.

            “Excuse me,”� she snapped, brushing past him. James held out his arm and she stepped back, repulsed by the idea of touching him.

            “Don’t be snappy with me,”� James grumbled, “this is as much my room as yours and as much as I dislike the idea, we’re going to have to share it.”�

            Lily simply glared at him, allowing herself to look at him for a long moment for the first time. She had never realized before how much his eyes resembled the color of chocolate. His hair, however, was just a mess and she resisted the urge to smooth it over. Not because she wanted to touch him of course, but because she liked everything to be neat and his hair was irritating her aesthetic senses.

            “What are you staring at?”� James’ eyes narrowed.

Lily scowled and glanced away quickly. “You should fix that hair of yours, it looks ridiculous.”�

            James’ hand immediately rose up to his head. Defiantly and with a slightly devious smirk on his face, he ruffled it even more.

            Lily made a noise of annoyance in the back of her throat and began to walk past him towards the door. This time, he made no move to stop her, but instead called after her.

            “Enjoy your Ausculto friends tonight, Evans, because I wouldn’t be so sure you’ll all go unharmed tomorrow.”�

            Lily turned back around, the door open and waiting for her to leave. “What is that supposed to mean?”�

            James smirked and went out in front of her. “It just means that my friends and I are not going to let this appointment of you as Head Girl go unanswered.”�

            Lily’s mouth dropped open in anger and she stumbled out the door behind him, not noticing or replying as the Three Musketeers in the portrait behind her shouted their goodbyes. She walked quickly down the corridor to catch up with James. “You think you and the rest of the Cavillors are just so right, don’t you? You have no idea what you are, but I’ll tell you — you’re a bunch of miserable, bloody-“

            “Miss Evans!”� McGonagall spoke from their left. “And Mister Potter! Return to Gryffindor Tower immediately, I do no want to hear any more unnecessary noise out of either of your mouths!”�

            “Yes, professor,”� Lily mumbled, pushing past James and hurrying towards the common room. Along the entire trek back, Lily felt his presence behind her like a foreboding cloud.

 

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            “James, mate, pass me a chocolate frog,”� Sirius seemed overly chipper considering what had recently transgressed.

            James glared at him. “Do you not care that I have to face that bloody Ausculto every day from now on?”�

            “It won’t be every day, and even if it is, we’ll prank her until she gives up her post. Stop whining and hand me a chocolate frog.”� 

            James threw the package at his friend’s head, but Sirius caught it with ease.

            “Aw, Moony, whatever shall we do for our dear Padfoot here?”�            

Lupin looked up from his book. He focused on James and sighed. “James, you are not going to solve this problem by staring at the floor. Dumbledore can’t expect you two to work together all year. Just give it a few days; I’m sure he’ll do something to fix the problem.”�

            “I don’t know,”� Peter jumped in squeakily, “He seemed like he wasn’t going to be much help.”�

            “Thanks guys, I feel loads better now,”� James remarked with sarcasm, pushing himself up from the floor and climbing onto his bed. “See you tomorrow,”� he grumbled, not even bothering to change his clothes before pulling the bed curtains around him and collapsing onto his pillow.

 

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          The next day found Lily and James both looking as if they had not had enough sleep. Every time Lily caught his eye and scowled, he only stared back defiantly and rumpled his hair. He was driving her mad. 

            They were currently in Potions, where she had thankfully been paired with Kristen, who had always been surprisingly good at Potions, considering the inadequacy Lily saw in their professor, Jenkins. He was a short man, skinny and with a hollow face. He looked generally unhealthy, and his hazel eyes often gazed back and forth with uneasiness. Lily had considered him a spineless idiot ever since he had singled her out in their first year.

            Lily grumbled something under her breath, attacking the green weed beneath her hands with a long knife. 

            “Er, Lily? Are you okay? I’ve asked you five times to hand me the shornish oil, and you haven’t answered me.”� 

            “Huh?”� Lily looked up, sparing a glare at James before turning to Kristen. She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I’m just slightly preoccupied.”�             

“Apparently.”� Kristen’s brown eyes sparkled as she leaned over Lily and grabbed the oil herself. “Well I don’t think staring him down is going to help the situation.”�

            “I am not-”�

“Miss Evans!”� Professor Jenkins snapped in his nasal voice.

            “Yes, Professor?”� She called, biting her lip in frustration.

“And Mister Potter — Dumbledore would like to see you in his office. Well? Right now!”�

            Lily dropped the knife with a loud clunk, apologized to Kristen, who shrugged and cast a disgusted look at James, and made her way to the door. Just as she was passing through to the corridor, James came beside her and squeezed through the door first, effectively squishing Lily against the wall. 

            “You bastard,”� she walked swiftly until she was beside him, and hissed in annoyance, “I hate you.”�

            “Really? How depressing, because you’re on the top of my list of favorite people.”� 

            Lily refrained from giving him a forceful shove simply because she did not wish to touch him, and besides, he was not worth the exertion of energy. They walked the rest of the way in silence, and when they arrived inside Dumbledore’s office, he gazed at them almost in amusement.

            Lily realized that her face must be bright red, and she damned her genes; she always managed to flush when she was embarrassed or angry. It was inevitable. Shifting on her feet, she addressed the headmaster.

            “You wanted to see us, Professor?”�             

“Yes, indeed I did.”�

            James cut in, “Er- Professor Dumbledore, are you quite sure that you will not reconsider-”�

            Dumbledore suddenly stood up. “No, I will not.”� He said it calmly and not quite loud, but forceful enough to close James’s mouth. After a fashion, the old man continued, “I called you in here because I have to ask you both a favor.”�

            Lily nodded eagerly; if Dumbledore was not going to change anything, she might as well be in his complete favor. James noticed her eagerness and scowled. 

            “The Ministry has asked me to prepare two reports, you see; one on Cavillors and one on Auscultos.”�

            “But why would they want-”� James began, but Dumbledore did not wait for him to finish.

            “They are interested in the happenings here at Hogwarts, especially with the war going on. They do not believe we can allow this division to continue and still win the war against Voldemort.”�

            Lily and James both shifted noticeably, neither looking directly at Dumbledore anymore.

            “Nevertheless, I will ask you two to prepare these reports for me. I have been fairly overwhelmed with my present obligations, and I know you both are capable of handling such a task. Would you oblige an old man?”�

            “Of course, sir.”� Lily smiled slightly. “I know enough about the Auscultos to write a very well-focused essay.”�

            “Oh, no no Miss Evans. I meant that you will be preparing an essay on the Cavillors. Mister Potter will be covering the subject of Auscultos.”� Lily swore she saw Dumbledore’s eyes give a small twinkle.

            James’s mouth fell open. “You can’t be serious, Professor!”�

“Oh, I am James. I am very serious. And I suggest that you begin immediately after your classes today, as I will require this essay to be finished in three days’ time. Thank you both. I very much appreciate your efforts.”�

            Lily, still shocked but regaining her sense of propriety, nodded carefully. She tread back to class with James several paces behind her, and yet she again felt that he was breathing down her neck. At this rate, it was going to be a very long year.

            When she re-entered the classroom, the other students were placing ingredients away and gathering their books. Kristen smiled softly at her, sensing her extreme discomfort. 

            “What was that about? Potter didn’t say anything to you, did he?”�             

“No…”� Lily was suddenly too tired to form a thoughtful response, and for once she was grateful when Selene linked her arms through both Kristen and Lily's, and pulled them out of the classroom. 

            Selene cast a look behind them and muttered, “Potter and his bloody friends are planning something. So help me Merlin, I am going to find out what it is and bash all of their heads in.”�

            Kristen shook her head but silently approved of their more aggressive friend, while Lily stared at the floor underneath them. 

 

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            Lily found out that they were indeed planning something later that evening when she was walking back from the library, a few books coddled against her chest. She had calmed herself and decided that she would do this essay, even if her beliefs told her that it was absurd, and she would do it well. 

            Suddenly she felt a strange tingling feeling begin at her feet and rise swiftly up to her chest. She suddenly felt like she couldn’t move and tried to spin around but found that her feet were rooted to the ground- literally. She reached up and felt — were those _leaves_? Where was her hair? She swallowed her panic and yelled, “POTTER!”�

            There was a sudden bout of laughing behind her, and try as she might, she could not turn around to find the source. She felt hands touching her head roughly, as if examining their handiwork. “Get your blasted hands off me!”� 

            “Fine, Ausuclto. Don’t be so bossy.”�

James appeared in front of her, followed by Sirius. “At least your hair matches your eyes now, Evans.”� James smirked at her, ruffled his hair, and the two of them set off down the corridor cackling.

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            A few hours later, Lily found herself sitting in the Gryffindor common room. She had left her two friends in their dorm, where they were climbing into bed, and descended the stairs to begin her research. She was far too irritated to get any sleep just yet. She roughly grabbed the first book in her stack and flipped the cover open, her emerald eyes scanning the page.

**_The Beginning of the Separation_ **

**  
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**

_It has been said before that Voldemort wants nothing more than to break the wizarding world into two. It is therefore expected that the separation we see at Hogwarts was mainly caused by his disturbances._

            _At first, students were eager to become involved in the fight against Voldemort. It was their future, and they wanted to have a say in it. Thus they debated on what should be done. Almost every student favored a different opinion, but most of them could be fitted into two categories. In time, the debating sides split into two distinct groups._

_One group wished not to find Voldemort right away. They believed the best course of action was to prepare themselves and their plans before making a move. They wanted to consider and sometimes reconsider their decision before they were certain it was the necessary thing to do. But by no means did they wish to let Voldemort go on with his ghastly actions. They simply did not wish to rush into anything, for they feared that the consequences might be worse. This group became known as the Auscultos._

_The other group, however, did not believe that there was enough time to think it over. They wanted to be rid of Voldemort, and be rid of him right then. No time could be wasted in trying to find the best solution. In doing that, more wizards and witches would die. This group collectively became known as the Cavillors._

_Both opinions are respected, and were respected at Hogwarts at the time. Fatefully, debates soon became heated arguments, and violence took the place of compromise. Students turned against each other in what seemed to be Howarts's own war. They split in every way possible, over time. It has been around five years since the initial split, and still the separation is more evident than ever. The groups became more than a singe-issue argument. In addition to their views on the Voldemort issues, they formed other similarities within their groups._

_Auscultos are known for working diligently. Most are honest and blunt. They are no smarter than their Cavillor counterparts, yet because of their dedication to their work, they often receive higher marks and more distinctions. They are often good listeners. (Hence Ausculto- to hear attentively)._

_Cavillors are bright and creative. Because of that creativity, they often enjoy pranks and a game; which is what earned them their name, meaning ‘to joke’. They are friendly and stubborn._

_Although these similarities are often noticed, not all of them can be categorized this way. It is mainly their choice of which group to join that makes these students who they are._

_Sadly, what began as a way to bring Voldemort down ironically turned out to be exactly what he wanted; a complete separation._

Lily let out a breath she had been holding and flipped the page.

**_The Cavillors_ **

_Ever since the days of friendly debates, this side of the argument has been fundamental in its-_

            “Fancy seeing you here.”�

Lily turned towards the spiteful voice and scowled for what must have been the four-hundredth time that day. “I will not honor you with the presence of my company,”� Lily practically growled at him. She snapped her book shut and grabbed her pile of work, deciding that she would rather do this by wandlight in her bed than sit down here while he made useless and inane remarks.

            “Suit yourself.”� James sniffed. “Really you're doing me a favor, leaving me a whole common room to myself.”�

            Lily frowned and realized that he was right, although she would never admit it. Nevertheless, she rose from where she was seated and said, “I would never do anything to make life easy on you, Potter.”�

            She was just about to brush past him when he caught her arm in his hand, looking ready to say something scathing to her. She continued to walk past him and his hand fell away slowly. Lily ignored the tangible and tingling trail his fingertips left on her arm. She took a deep breath and began to climb the stairs, silently aware of his stare on her back.

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**A/N: Woo! I haven’t written fanfiction in soo long. I am not sure I should be doing this right now, with so many college essays shoving themselves in my face. I have applied to about half of the schools I plan to so far, so I suppose I am making progress. Anyway, thank you all incredibly much; I appreciate you making it through the entire chapter. I will finish the next one as soon as possible!**

**Until next time,**

**~Emily~**

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	2. A Confusion of Debris

**A/N:** Thank you for the kind reviews, and I apologize to ixnay. I wrote an entire response to you, I swear, but then I realized that my cat, in jumping on the keyboard, submitted the response before I was finished. And apparently you cannot go back and modify responses. Lol, anyway, I thank you for your considerate comments and I hope that you’ll like this chapter, if you care to read. That goes for everybody, and now I will be quiet and let you read.

 

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**Chapter Two- A Confusion of Debris**

 

            There was a nagging feeling at the back of Lily’s mind and it was taking the entirety of her concentration to keep it there. She truly disliked being wrong. _This is absurd. You are_ not _wrong. Besides, you cannot even remember being anything other than an Ausculto, can you?_ She groaned aloud, believing herself mad.  Lily looked away from the book in front of her and focused her eyes on a bookshelf on the other side of the library. 

            “Well, well, if it isn’t the Head Mudblood,”� she heard a cool voice sneer behind her, knowing without looking that it was Lucius Malfoy. That boy could freeze ice with a simple glance, yet he only seemed to encourage fieriness in Lily. She grumbled something under her breath, swallowed, and stated calmly to the page in front of her, “Malfoy, I suggest you complete whatever business you have here and leave, or I will be obligated to take House points.”�

            “Oh, don’t worry, Evans. I _will_ be taking care of business this year.”�

            Lily managed to keep her mouth closed as he swept past her, Severus Snape slithering along behind him, out the doors of the library. 

            She heard a commotion off to her left and glanced up again, sighing as she wondered if she would ever get any work done.

            “I can’t believe-”�

            “What was he thinking? We would have won this year!”�

            Sirius Black and James Potter were currently engaged in a loud banter. Madame Pince hushed them swiftly, and with only slightly softer voices, they continued their conversation.

            Fed up with the continuous intrusions on her peace, Lily stood up abruptly, clasping a couple of books to her chest and leaving the others on the table, presumably for later. Her stomach gave an audible rumble, and after leaving the library, her feet turned in the direction of the Great Hall. She had left Selene and Kristen sleeping in their dorm earlier that day, grabbed a quick breakfast, and headed for the library. Determined as she was to do an excessively brilliant job on this essay, Lily had been searching for books on the Cavillors for an hour or so. Somehow she felt that she had not quite found what she needed yet.

            She entered the Great Hall and glanced around. Selene and Kristen were seated at the Ausculto table, as expected. Lily took a peek in the direction of the Cavillor table, noticing that Potter’s other two friends were piling their plates. She did not fail to feel the cold glare sent by Malfoy from his place at the Slytherin table — the only _House_ table left.

            “Hello, Lily,”� Kristen greeted, taking a small bite out of her buttered toast. 

            Selene, who had been concentrating solely on her food, looked up. She grinned, her mouth full of food. Lily shook her head as she grabbed the orange juice.

            “Did you see the announcement, Lily?”� Selene was scowling unpleasantly, her blue eyes intense.                         

“Huh?”�

            “Dumbledore has officially called off quidditch this year! Because the Houses are not united. Why this year all of a sudden?”� She grumbled and grabbed her drink, “So much for my plans to take the team away from the Cavillors.”� 

            It suddenly dawned on Lily what the Cavillor boys had been discussing…of course. James was a rather brilliant quidditch player, actually, but she refused to say it aloud.

            Kristen smiled sympathetically at Selene, although she herself had never played quidditch. Lily would have liked to, as she enjoyed the feeling of the air rushing past her, but the Gryffindor team had been in the hands of the Cavillors since the groups began in their second year. Nothing had changed. 

            “I had a run-in with a Cavillor this morning,”� Kristen grumbled, suddenly looking cross. Her brown eyes flashed with annoyance.

            Selene flipped her long black hair from her eyes and said, “Who do you want me to hex?”�

            Kristen smiled wryly. “No need to get detention so early in the year, Selene. No, I’m fine. Lupin is just a-an-”�

            “Arsehole?”� Lily offered.

“Yes, I suppose that works,”� Kristen drifted off into silence, and Lily was left to listen to Selene’s ranting with a slight smile on her face. Even if she had to work closely with a Cavillor this year, she intended to have some enjoyment in life.

 

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            After consuming a rather large lunch, Lily retreated to the library for a second time. Their first class that day was not until the late afternoon; potions again. Not only had she never been terribly fond of the subject, despite her good marks, but she had that class with the Slytherins in addition to several Gryffindor Cavillors. She would have rather shared the class with Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff Auscultos, but it was not to be. 

            Thus she found herself slightly harried as she dropped her quill and ink onto the same table from earlier and set off to search the bookshelves for whatever it was she was lacking. She scanned titles swiftly… _A History of Hogwarts…Magical Disputes…There, this one will do…_ _Cavillors and Auscultos._ She reached up to take it from the shelf and found that there was someone taking it from the other side. Their hands brushed, and she jumped away, her eyes peering over the rim of the book to see a pair of chocolate brown eyes staring back in surprise. Their eyes locked for what felt like hours, as they both seemed to realize who they were watching. There was nothing fantastical about it; Lily could feel tangible enmity, although something else was mixed in.

            James’s voice, finally interrupting the silence, startled Lily. “Go on, just take it, Ausculto.”� It sounded almost…inadvertently considerate. She was not quite sure to say, but found that she would not need to respond.

            “Back so soon, Mudblood?”� Malfoy stepped behind her, and she could feel his presence. She opened her mouth to tell him to leave, but noticed that the pair of brown eyes had disappeared from the bookshelf. She frowned in confusion.

            Another body came up beside her, and she heard James’s voice. “Leave her alone, Malfoy. You are not wanted here. Or anywhere else, for that matter. Go slither along with your worthless friends,”� he glowered, and Lily suddenly realized that Potter could be nearly as icy as the Slytherin.

            Malfoy sneered one last time, indicating that this feud was not over; it never was. He vacated their presence as quickly as he had come.

            Lily frowned again, whipping around in surprise, the silent question on her face.

            “We do have some common enemies, you know,”� James stated with relatively no emotion in his voice. He handed her the book silently and disappeared. She ran her fingers along the spine of the book and realized that she could not have said it better herself. She really was going mad. She glanced down at this book in her hands and realized that she had found that elusive piece of research she had been searching for.

 

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            Firelight sparkled in Lily’s emerald eyes as she lost herself in the common room fire; for a September day, it was rather chilly. She reached behind her, gathered up her long auburn hair, and slid a quill through to keep the bun in place. Without moving her eyes away, she said out of the corner of her mouth, “What time is it?”�

            Kristen rustled about for a moment and then answered, “Almost time for class. You should probably run up to the dorm and grab your things.”�

            “Alright, thanks,”� Lily finally managed to tear her eyes from the flames, and found Selene gazing at her oddly.

            “Okay there, Lily?”� She appeared concerned.

            Lily smiled reassuringly, “Just a bit tired.”� 

            “Well that’s your punishment for getting out of bed so early,”� Selene grinned, and Lily shrugged. She grabbed her parchment, upon which she had begun to write her essay for Dumbledore, and headed for the winding stairs. 

            She had not discussed her library encounter with her friends, nor did she intend to any time soon. She wasn’t sure what she would say. That James Potter had been almost nice to her? It was impossible, and yet she knew it had happened. The whole event seemed rather cliché, and Lily seriously disliked clichés.

            As she passed a group of Cavillors just before the stairs, she felt a pair of eyes follow her movement, and she frowned further. Surely he did not think his behavior was normal. What had possessed her to swallow her scathing comments and actually be less than menacing towards him? She _was_ feeling slightly disturbed by the truth of what she had read the night before; the groups were only reinforcing Voldemort’s wishes. Surely, however, this did not mean that she should be nice to Potter. No, and he could not have read the same thing, and therefore had no right nor reason to be nice to her.

            She waved it from her mind with the resolution that it was a one-time occurrence; a lapse of judgment of both of their parts. She threw open the door to her dorm, dropped the parchment on her bed, and grabbed her potions essentials before turning away and descending the stairs more quickly than she had come up.

 

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            James Potter laughed hollowly at something Sirius said. It really was a shame that his sometimes four-legged friend was rather bright, because he picked up on James’s lack of enthusiasm almost immediately.

            “What’s wrong, Prongs?”� 

James sighed. He wasn’t up for sharing. He wasn’t sure there was anything to share. “Nothing at all, Padfoot. I was only distracted by those girls over there, who happen to be looking at us. Whatever shall we do about it?”� He ruffled his hair and gave said girls a lopsided grin; a sure-to-win bet.

            Remus Lupin shook his head as he watched two of his best friends approach the group of giggling seventh-year Cavillors. He suspected that James would not have trouble getting a single date in his life, and Sirius was even more adept, to say the least. 

            For once, the werewolf was glad not to be either of them as one of Lily’s friends, the one with blonde hair who had confronted him earlier that day, sent the two boys a hateful glance. Remus watched as the other, black-haired girl turned to see what her friend was looking at. That one looked conniving, he thought, and turned away before they spotted him.

            Letting out a sigh of weariness, he turned to Peter. “Ready to go to Potions, mate?”� 

            Peter glanced up, blinked, and nodded. The two boys set about gathering their things, and waited while James and Sirius said their dramatic, if temporary, goodbyes.

 

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            When Lily passed through the common room a second time, Selene and Kristen were standing and staring at the other side of the room. She followed their line of sight and scowled. James Potter was praising himself in front of a group of spellbound girls; his specialty. It wasn’t until a moment later that she realized that his friend, Sirius something, was with him. This settled any questions she may have had before; he really was too full of himself to spare a thought for the rest of humanity. 

            “Come on,”� she said to her friends, pulling them away. Selene grumbled something, but Kristen followed with simply a sigh.

            

            They arrived in the dungeons to be greeted by moderate chaos; it appeared that the Slytherins were having a rather lively argument with a couple of the other students.

            Professor Jenkins strode through right behind Lily and her friends, and stopped at his desk. “Silence!”� His voice was more sprawling and boring than authoritative, and the Slytherins continued their yelling. 

            Lily rubbed at her head; her headache was returning. “OH, FOR MERLIN’S SAKE, SHUT UP!”� She almost didn’t realize that it had been her voice until everyone turned to stare at her. Potter and his Cavillor friends squeezed inside the room and Lily saw the nasty scowl he sent her way, while his friend Sirius was pretending to check her out. She frowned and felt Selene grab her arm gently.

            “Er- let’s just sit down.”�

Lily silently agreed, wondering what had set her off so suddenly, apart from the headache. No matter, everyone was quiet now.

            “Right,”� Jenkins addressed the class, “today we shall be making a Refragatio potion for magic; meaning that whatever object we apply this potion to will resist magic.”�

            Lily was sure that he continued lecturing, but she felt her mind slipping away. At one point, she laid her forehead in her palm and allowed her eyes to slip closed. 

            She heard Kristen whisper from beside her, “I don’t know how you got Head Girl if you refuse to stay awake in class.”�

             Lily shrugged. “You know I hate potions. And I always said you should have gotten Head Girl over me.”�

            “Well there was a reason Dumbledore picked you.”� 

            Lily was about to respond when Professor Jenkins announced, “Well! Get your cauldrons out and heated, I want this potion finished by the end of class!”�

            Lily groaned, causing Kristen to shake her head and smile. “Just go grab the everte twigs, will you?”�

            The redhead nodded, and just as she was about to climb out of her seat, a deep rumbling began all around them. Lily froze, her gaze traveling upward as she felt a few specks of dust hit her face. She frowned and jumped out of the way, pulling Kristen with her. A large section of the ceiling collapsed into their cauldron, shattering into several pieces with a sharp noise.

            “Um…”� Kristen gazed dumbly at the mess. “What?”�

Lily grabbed her friend’s arm. “What the hell?”�

            The rumbling began again, this time a little further to the left. Selene shoved her Cavillor potions partner out of the way, and both of them narrowly missed the next part of the ceiling to fall. 

            A loud boom sounded from the other end of the room, and finally the professor spoke. “Everybody take cover!”�

            “Thank you for that bit of insight,”� Lily heard James mumble from their left. She gave him a funny look which he caught just before glancing over at Remus Lupin, who was digging underneath the rubble for something.

            Selene motioned for Lily and Kristen to follow her, and the three of them hid beneath several cupboards in the back.

            Lily glanced around and spotted Sirius mouthing to Potter something that looked suspiciously like, “It worked,”� and she noticed them share a grin. Frowning, she saw Lupin pull whatever he had been looking for out of the rubble. _A crumpled piece of parchment?_ Lily snorted, _they’re all mad._

            “Ahem,”� the students froze as they heard the loud and surprisingly calm voice above them, “this is Professor Dumbledore.”� A few more pieces of the ceiling caved in, and Lily thought she could barely make out the blue robes of their headmaster. “We are currently working to fix this dilemma, but it seems that magic is not working on the situation, so we shall resort to Muggle ways of…digging you out, so to speak.”�

            Lily detected McGonagall’s voice from just above her, “Whoever is responsible for this shall be punished severely!”� 

            “Of course…when have we not been punished severely?”� Potter smirked and ruffled his hair.

            Lily frowned and pursed her lips. 

            “How ironic,”� Kristen said.

            Selene was gazing at the ceiling. “What?”�

            “Well, it was the Refragatio potion.”�

            “Oh…but we hadn’t made it yet.”�             

“Perhaps not, but Snape was already working on it when while Jenkins was still talking,”� Kristen indicated the greasy-haired Severus, who was hovering over his cauldron, looking relieved that the contents were okay. He seemed not to realize that his finished project was preventing them from exiting the dungeon by magic. 

            Lily sighed, and then felt a tinge of anger as she glanced at the four Cavillors, who were obviously pleased with themselves. She felt her face heat as the seventh-year Cavillor girls Potter had been talking up earlier approached the boys. _I have things to do tonight, and Potter dares waste everybody else’s time so that he can canoodle with silly girls with no brains._

            She crawled out from where they had been sitting and glanced around. It appeared that everything that was going to fall was already on the floor, conveniently blocking all of the entrances. Her face hot, she walked up to James.

            “How dare you,”� she hissed.

            “What?”� He glanced up innocently, and the girls standing around them gave her a quick once-over. 

            “ _What_?”� She asked mockingly. “How can you even wonder? You think it’s okay to waste my time with your immaturity, don’t you? I have bloody plans for tonight, Potter!”�             

“Plans for what, Evans? Plans to make out with a book? Or perhaps you really are a whore?”� 

            She was so surprised that he could be so cruel that her mouth fell open. She was thankful for Selene’s sudden appearance at her side. “If you dare insult Lily again, I swear to everything holy that-”�

            “If you’re quite finished, I require assistance in my stock room, as everything is now mixed up on the floor,”� Jenkins interrupted Selene with a pointed look.

            The raven-haired girl scowled, slapped James, and followed Jenkins. Lily stood off to the side, watching in disgust as the girls fawned over the handprint appearing on James’s face. 

            Lily was almost surprised that Jenkins had not said anything to Selene, but then remembered that the potions master had no backbone. _Nor do I, it seems_. She bit her lip and followed Selene and Kristen into the stock room. _I should have said something back...how dare he insult me. He barely knows my name, let alone anything personal…_ She shook her head, refusing to let this bother her any further.

            The three Auscultos arrived in the storeroom and half-listened to Jenkins’s instructions, before he disappeared and left them to do all the work. 

            “Hell if I’m doing all that,”� Selene grumbled, grabbing a few jars of something and throwing them on the shelf. 

            Lily sighed and rubbed her eyes, which felt like someone had thrown a handful of dust at her face. She felt Kristen nudge her and give her a small smile, which she slowly returned. “I’m sorry,”� Kristen said softly.

            “For what? You’ve never done anything wrong.”�

            “I know. I’m just sorry.”� Kristen shrugged and then looked over Lily’s shoulder, where James Potter was striding towards them quickly.

            Selene noticed as well, and made a move towards Lily, but the Head Girl held up a hand, “No, I’ll handle it this time. He’s going to think I can’t handle insults, but I’ll insult him back.”� 

            Selene nodded, and Kristen went to go help her place jars of yellowish liquids back on their shelves on the opposite side of the room.

            James entered the storeroom a moment later. “You want to make this difficult, Evans? It was already bloody difficult enough, but if you’re going to randomly insult me, this is going to be much harder for you.”�

            Lily grimaced. “How can it possibly be harder for me? You’re insufferable whether or not I confront you. I’ve only talked to you a few times and I already can’t stand you. I hate you, Potter. And not because you’re a Cavillor; I hate you as a person.”�

            “How can you make that judgment, with the conversations we’ve had? I’ve barely said five words to you at a time, and believe me, that was intentional.”� James’s brown eyes turned darker and he glanced up as the ceiling rumbled. 

            Lily noticed and refused to step out of the way, instead backing into the corner. This proved a very bad decision, she realized a moment later, as the rubble that fell surrounded them. She found herself enclosed in the corner she had chosen, with James Potter standing only a couple of feet away, the debris having only missed the tail of his robe by a few inches. 

            James glanced around in surprise, and then shoved a hand through his hair as he turned back to face Lily. She brushed dirt from her robes and tried to appear unfazed. 

            There was rustling from the other side of the wall of dust and stone, and she heard Selene say, “Bloody hell, are you okay in there, Lily?”� She ignored her friend for a moment and instead focused on Potter’s dark eyes, which were attempting to bore through hers, or so it seemed.

            “I’m fairly good at judging people’s characters, Potter. And so far, all I have seen of you is an arrogant, imposing, puerile little boy.”�

            “Now is not the time, Evans. I am hungry, dusty, and generally in a bad mood, thanks to you.”�

            “Oh yes, but I am in a terrific mood,”� she echoed his sarcasm from the other day, causing James to scowl.

            James glanced down at his shoes and looked for a moment like he was going to punch something. They both fell silent.

            Lily slumped into a sitting position again the wall, her hands on her knees. She sighed and leaned her head back, hoping that Dumbledore and McGonagall could get them out of here sooner rather than later. With her luck today, she expected to be here for awhile. Accompanied by Potter nonetheless, who was now staring at her again.

            “What? Insulting me is not enough? After calling me a whore, you’re going to stare at me so that I can’t even close my eyes?”� She glared at him and whispered, “Bastard.”� She set her head upon her knees and decided to stare him down until he looked away. For a few moments, their eyes met in a silent argument, chocolate against emerald. Finally, James looked down. He sat down carefully, and while still looking at the floor, said, “I’m sorry,”� so quietly that Lily thought she must have imagined it. 

 

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**A/N:** Okay…yes. I don’t have too much to say at this point, unless you wanted to hear about how much I am sick of my family, but how happy I am that finals are over. I think you probably don’t, and so I’ll just thank you for reading. 

 

Happy holidays,

~Emily~


	3. The Convolution of Identity

**Chapter Three ~ The Convolution of Identity**

            Lily’s jade eyes widened and then became softer as she realized that he had indeed apologized, judging from his demeanor. He was brushing dust from his shoes, apparently refusing to raise his eyes and meet hers. She took this as a liberty and allowed her eyes to trace his features, deciding that she had no better plan for entertainment at present.

            He was rather tall, but solid; not as bony as she vaguely remembered him being the previous year. Still, she preferred less lanky males… _What? You are not staring at him as a romantic possibility, Lily. Rather, you should be considering how you can best him in the future._

            Her eyes traveled up to his face, which he held in the palm of one hand. She understood, if only for a moment, the all-too-common groups of girls who threw themselves at him. He certainly had a nice jawbone. She wanted to lean over and fix his hair, but…she let out a breath as he threaded a hand through the wayward strands and looked up. His eyes were dark as he peered at her from his side of this corner; sharp and soft simultaneously.

            Her cheeks flushed slightly when he addressed her, “What, staring at me now, Evans?”� His voice seemed more weary than menacing; the bite had left his tone.

            “Might as well,”� Lily replied, fighting off her blush, “I don’t see much else to do around here.”�

            He glanced around them, sighed, and suddenly announced, “I believe someone is trying to get your attention.”� He pointed to her left, letting his hand drop unceremoniously. 

            Lily looked around and jumped at the sight of a finger moving through a small hole in the wall of rubble.

            “Lily?”� She heard a muffled call. “I hear voices- alright in there?”�

            Lily breathed another sigh. “Yes, I’m fine Selene. Are you two okay?”�

            “Just wonderful,”� Kristen answered, employing the sarcasm more often exhibited by her friends.

            “I’m sorry. This wasn’t some intentional way of trying to avoid cleaning the storeroom with you.”� Lily said, only half-serious.            

Selene laughed. “ _You’re_ sorry? I should say we are more worried for you, stuck inside there with Potter.”� 

            Lily turned her head a bit and found James watching her. Their eyes met again and Lily wondered why she was startled every time this occurred. She shook herself and turned back to the hole on her left.

            “Everything’s alright…no murders or anything else you need to report.”�

            “Oh, good.”�

            As Lily shifted back to face James, she felt something slip from atop her head, or so it seemed. Her dark auburn hair pooled around her shoulders and she felt the quill that had been holding it in place fall into her lap. She grumbled under her breath and reached around to put her hair back up, then stopped. _What the hell does it matter, anyway?_ She dropped her hands, still holding the quill in her fingers. 

            She examined the edges, where a few flecks of ink stained the otherwise pearl hue. The sight of the quill only reminded her of Dumbledore’s requested essay, which she suddenly realized would be due in little more than a day’s time. She had completed one paragraph, and was not even satisfied with that. Lily thought she had enough research, but…there was something lacking. She only liked writing essays when she truly understood a subject. Research was one thing, but understanding was quite another. 

            Was she willing to truly understand the body of Cavillors she had been fighting so adamantly for years? She closed her eyes in frustration. Even if she were to agree, she had no idea _how_ to go about understanding them.

            “Don’t go falling asleep on me, Evans,”� James growled, and her eyes shot open to meet his. “I’m bored enough without knowing that you’re comfortable.”�

            “Believe me, I’m far from comfortable.”�

            “You know,”� he said, mocking thoughtfulness, “I don’t think you’re ever comfortable…or carefree, I should say.”�

            “How the hell can you say something like that? You don’t know me.”�

            “Perhaps…but you couldn’t even begin to understand my friends and I, because we certainly know how to have fun.”�

            Lily rolled her eyes. “Oh, I understand you perfectly. I thought I already made that clear.”� Just after she finished, she frowned. Suddenly, she had an idea. James Potter didn’t think she understood? Well, she would test that thesis…and prove him wrong. 

            James seemed very confused by the sudden smile curving Lily’s mouth.

 

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                Lily felt herself very close to falling asleep when Dumbledore’s voice carried through the dungeons. 

            “Good evening, students. I apologize for the wait. It seems that almost everything has been cleared. We ask that you join us up here; there is still time for dinner in the Great Hall. After you leave, we shall finish cleaning the rest of the dungeons.”�

            Lily heard the loud scrambling around them and realized that Dumbledore must have no idea that she and Potter were stuck down here.

            “Kristen?”� she inquired of the wall beside her. “When you go out, will you tell Dumbledore that we’re stuck here?”�            

“Yes…We’ll meet you in the Great Hall then.”�

            Lily nodded, and then realized that there was no way Kristen or Selene would have seen that. She glanced across from her to see that James, in contrast to herself, had actually managed to drift off. 

            “Wake up, Potter!”� Lily said loudly, causing him to whip his head up and open sleepy eyes. He focused on her, his glasses slipping slightly down his nose. 

            “Wha?”�

            Lily opened her mouth to reprimand him, for what she was not sure, when Dumbledore’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

            “Lily? Your friend Kristen notified me of an extra mishap.”�

            “Yes, sir. Potter and I are…stuck in here.”�

            “I presumed as much,”� the reply came carefully. She heard a lot of scuffling, and then suddenly a passageway opened in front of her.

            “I thought…”� Lily trailed off, slightly confused as she pushed herself up, her legs aching from sitting in one position for so long.

            “Oh, Severus Snape’s potion lost its charm about thirty minutes ago. Thus I am now able to use magic to clear this.”� He indicated the rest of the debris with his wand.

            “Oh, er- do you need any help, professor?”� Lily asked as she glanced behind her to see Potter on his feet, grumbling and dreary-eyed. 

            “No, no, Miss Evans. You and Mister Potter may proceed to the Great Hall. I shall be just fine down here on my own. I do enjoy a bit of quiet from time to time. This will be meditative.”�

            “Er, alright.”� Lily nodded and made her way through the now cleared doorway, quickly exiting the dungeons and not checking on Potter’s progress behind her.

            She was so relieved to get out of the darkness that she allowed herself a large smile. She silently reviewed her plans for the following day, and her grin widened. Surely this would be successful; it was rather brilliant, if she could be allowed a small amount of self-praise. 

 

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            James Potter awoke the next day feeling strange. He spared a glance out the window and decided that it was probably because he had awoken so early. He heard a loud snore behind him and turned to see Sirius hanging halfway off his bed.

            With a shake of his head and a lopsided grin, James padded over to his trunk, which was splayed haphazardly under his own bed. He threw a few things out onto the floor until he located clean robes. He pulled his shirt off and threw it onto his bed, finding a clean one buried in the sheets. It smelled clean, anyhow. He grabbed his pillow with a smile and heaved it over his shoulder, knowing from past experience that it would hit Sirius somewhere near his head.

            Sure enough, he heard a muffled cry from behind him. “Mdhf…”�

            “Yes, Padfoot? I didn’t quite catch that.”�

            “Damn you, Prongs. I was having a good dream.”�

            James made a face and didn’t reply. 

            “I bet you’re only up because you had a dream involving Evans…you know, you were in there with her a long time yesterday. That’s enough to fuel anyone’s nightmares.”�

            James continued to be silent; his friend was not terribly far from the truth. He wasn’t having nightmares about Evans, but he had been restless last night, and she _was_ the cause. More or less, that is. He wasn’t quite sure what was bothering him so much. James was still annoyed with himself for having caved in; he had said he was sorry, and he wasn’t sure if that was the truth or not. This girl confused the hell out of him. _She’s an Ausculto; obviously not worth your thoughts. Stop dwelling on things that don’t matter._

He allowed himself a grin as he watched Sirius jump onto Remus’s bed, knocking off the sheets and causing the werewolf to glare. 

            “I’ll meet you kiddies downstairs,”� James smirked at them as he opened the door and disappeared. It was still rather early, and he noted the quiet lining the stairs. He rounded on the common room and was surprised to see that there was one person awake already. This was not as surprising, however, as the fact that it was a girl, and a girl he didn’t know. He knew all the girls.

            She turned as he treaded down the stairs, staring over at him with dark eyes. He stopped where he was, confused by the strange look she was sending him. It passed as quickly as it had come, and she smiled.

            For some reason, that smile was not terribly welcoming, and yet, it drew him in. She had dark hair to match her eyes, he realized as he stepped closer. 

            “Er- hello.”� He smiled at her, and extended his hand.

            She shook it carefully. “I’m, well, new here,”� she said, dropping his hand. “My name is L-Heather.”�            

James nodded, “Well, I’m James Potter. You a Cavillor or an Ausculto?”� He had to ask; it was customary. But if she was new, then perhaps…

            She paused, and he was sure, only for a moment, that she understood him. Her face then turned blank. “A what?”�

            “Oh, right — you’re new. Well, they’re groups you see. We don’t associate with one another, for good reasons.”� He paused. “I’m a Cavillor; you’re welcome to follow my friends and I around today, if you’d like. We can…introduce you to the school and all. Unless, of course-”�

            “I’m a seventh year,”� the girl stated quickly, as if knowing what he was about to ask.

            He frowned. “Me too…”� He wondered something, and couldn’t help but ask. “If you’re new, why weren’t you here at the Welcoming Feast? Or in classes the past couple of days?”�             

She hesitated. “It’s…complicated. I had…family issues. Dumbledore said it would be alright if I came a few days late.”�

            He seemed to accept her response, and was about to reply when he heard commotion on the stairs. Sirius was pushing Remus down the steps, while Peter followed behind them, yawning loudly into his hand. Remus stopped at the bottom of the steps, staring over at James and the girl.

            “Er, hello,”� Remus extended awkwardly, looking even more confused than James. 

            “This is Heather,”� James waved a hand towards the girl, “and these are my friends; Sirius, Remus, and Peter.”�

            She nodded at them, smiling almost absently. James wondered if he had awoken into an alternate life. 

 

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            The rest of the day passed somewhat like a dream, almost confirming James’s suppositions. Most of it was completely the same; entirely normal.  James realized that he liked this girl who called herself Heather. She was rather funny. He had the sneaking suspicion, however, that she was only laughing at his jokes to please him. This was where the feeling that he was in a dream came in.

            Heather had caught on very quickly to the complexities of Hogwarts. For example, James thought she was only following them down the hall; but at times, she was the first person to turn down the correct corridor. She couldn’t possibly know where she was going, could she?

            She was bizarrely good at charms class. Her previous school must have been pretty damn good. James felt reminded of someone by the way she held her wand, and bit her lip when in concentration. As soon as he blinked, the feeling left him. He kept thinking he might wake up and wonder what he had been dreaming. 

            Now that they were in Professor Binns’s class, James was left to his own thoughts. It was either that or fall asleep, after all. Sirius appeared to have already taken the latter route, and was drooling on his parchment. Remus had taken five words or so of notes, but was now staring out the window. 

            James felt someone nudge him from the left, and looked up. Heather was peering at him, and this gaze seemed more intimate than it should be. _Where_ did he know this girl from? Was it possible?

            “James…”� she whispered. “I just wanted to thank you for letting me follow you around today.”�

            He smiled. “It wasn’t any trouble, trust me.”� He paused. “You aren’t leaving or something after class, are you? Sirius over there would be extremely disappointed if you didn’t eat dinner with us.”�

            She frowned; her forehead creased. “Oh. Yes, I suppose I’ll eat dinner with you.”� She met his eyes and smiled.

            He thought he should say something else, judging by the way she was looking at him, but was saved by an abrupt dismissal from Professor Binns. The ghost disappeared into the back wall and James leaned over to shake Sirius awake. Perhaps if he could get his friend to start talking incessantly, Heather would not notice that he appeared to be chained to his thoughts and unable to figure something out.

            

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            Lily escaped into the bathroom to recast her charms, else she would be left to transform back into herself in front of James and his friends. All in all, she thought she had been rather good at playing her part. She had only slipped twice in calling him Potter instead of James. 

            Nonetheless, she was irritated. These facts galled her; that she was in a good mood despite herself, and despite her inner resistance and her built-in objections to everything Cavillor, she had had a good time. Even now, when she realized that this was impossible and she should not be feeling this way, her emotions felt differently. Her brain may be reminding her of all the reasons why she should be keeping this impersonal, but her heart was thoroughly enjoying itself.

            She heard a bang on the door, and smiled, again despite herself. “I’ll be right out,”� she called, glancing at herself in the mirror.

            The dark eyes and hair she had charmed onto herself were reflected back to her. She smiled; she had always been good at charms.

            When she emerged from the bathroom, James was standing furthest from the door, yet her eyes found him first. He grinned, but she could tell that his thoughts were elsewhere. In fact, he was looking at her with a very strange expression on his face…

            Sirius grabbed her arm and threaded it through his own, pulling her down the corridor. “We thought of a new prank, Heather…would you care for me to enlighten you?”�             

She moved her glance away from James, who reluctantly began to follow them, his eyes still on her. “Oh-er-sure.”�

            “I think you scare her a bit, Sirius,”� Remus cut in from where he was walking beside Peter.

            Lily’s glance found him smiling kindly. She had thought Remus seemed the most considerate of these boys, and this day had only confirmed her suspicions. 

            As Sirius launched into some new “bubble prank”� he had invented, Lily felt her mind drifting away, though she nodded at the correct times. It was dinner time, and classes had passed normally, almost boringly, yet this day had been so different from all of her others that her mind was tired from attempting to catch up.

            She thought Potter might have been right. His friends did know how to have fun, even if their idea of fun was a bit eccentric at times. She wasn’t ready to agree with all of these ideas she had repulsed so quickly in the past. 

            As they entered the Great Hall, Lily spotted Kristen and Selene eating together at the Ausculto table. They looked up at Lily (or Heather) and the boys, and she almost waved to them when she realized that it was a ridiculous notion; she looked nothing like herself. She stared in amazement as her friends glared at her, not knowing that this was her. Perhaps she should have told them of her plans for today. She was afraid they would object to her idea of needing to _understand_ Cavillors. It was rather ridiculous, and yet…yet she felt lighter than she had in years, even if the weight of this new knowledge was so heavy that she felt her eyelids wanting to fall shut. It would have helped, she supposed, had she known what this “new knowledge”� was. At present, it was only a jumble of thoughts.

            “Why so quiet, Heather?”� James asked her as she carefully placed food on her plate. She could have sworn that James put extra emphasis on her name, but perhaps she was imagining things; that idea was not unlikely.

            “Oh, I’m just…slightly overwhelmed.”�

            Sirius smiled at her with food falling out of his mouth. Lily was suddenly struck by how much Sirius reminded her of Selene at times. She grinned.

 

            As dinner drew to a close and they left the Great Hall, Sirius began chatting away about something they should go see on the third floor. As they neared the Gryffindor portrait hole, Lily felt that this would be the best time to make her escape. She reprimanded herself internally for actually wanting to spend the remainder of the evening with them. 

            “Well, I need to be finishing something back in my dorm. I think I’ll leave you all here,”� she called out, causing Sirius to protest. Eventually, the boys nodded their assent and she turned away while they kept walking.

            James who had been rather silent while walking behind them, stopped momentarily before passing her. She could feel his breath on her neck, and shivered. “I should go finish my essay soon too, Lily,”� he whispered in her ear. She whipped around in surprise, wanting to search his face for an indication of something, anything, but found that he was already walking away, his back to her.

            She frowned and sighed heavily; this was likely to infuse more awkwardness into the situation by the next time she saw James as her normal self.

 

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            “Where have you been, Lily?”� Selene practically shouted at her as she shut the door behind her.

            Kristen was staring at her in disbelief, blonde hair falling into her eyes. “You could have told us you would be gone all day,”� she reprimanded.

            Lily closed her eyes for a moment and walked over to her bed, where she sat down. “I’m sorry,”� she said, and meant it. “Really, I am. I should have left you a note or something this morning.”�

            “Well,”� Selene continued with only slightly less force, “where were you then?”�

            Lily hesitated. “I was…doing something for Dumbledore.”� It wasn’t an outright lie, she realized as she noticed the short paragraph she had written earlier was sitting near her pillow. She would have to write the rest of that essay tonight, when all she really wanted to do was sit in bed and organize her thoughts. 

            Selene shook her head. “I’m not sure if I like you being Head Girl, if you’re going to disappear on us randomly.”� The dark-haired girl seemed to realize that her tone was harsh; she softened. “I don’t mean to yell at you…it’s just that we were worried, when you didn’t show up for classes or meals.”�

            “I know. I’m sorry. I’ll tell you next time, I promise. I was just in a bit of a hurry this morning.”�

            Kristen patted her shoulder reassuringly. “No worries. I’m just glad you’re safe.”� She glanced at the parchment Lily had been lamenting a moment earlier. “Do you have to finish that tonight?”�

            “Yeah…”� Lily rubbed her eyes. “I think I’d better go to the Heads common room to finish this. I left a few books down there for reference.”� She rose from the bed, brushing her once more auburn hair from her eyes.

            “Well you have fun with that,”� Selene grinned at her. “I hope you don’t run into Potter there.”�

            Lily hoped so too. What on earth was she supposed to do now? They couldn’t possibly act the same towards each other, but she wasn’t ready to admit defeat. She couldn’t be nice to him either; it was almost morally wrong to consider that possibility. Her confusion outweighed her ability to think coherently, and she made her way down the steps and out the portrait hole in silence, though she thought she had waved at one Ausculto who called hello.

            She was finally beginning to regret her decision to go “undercover”� and attempt to “understand”� Cavillors. She should have written the essay without this extra research. She may have felt lighter earlier, but she was now feeling her fault. Things, in general, could not remain the same. 

            She mumbled the password to the Three Musketeers, who bowed and allowed her entrance to the common room. Lily almost smiled at the irony, but swallowed any possible amusement as James Potter turned to look at her.

            She couldn’t handle his gaze; not again. She took a few steps closer and glared at him. “If you knew it was me, why did you play along? Did you want to see me make a fool of myself, or are you just extremely twisted?”� She dropped the finger she had been waving.

            James sighed and tilted his head. She took a step back this time, feeling the heaviness in his gaze. He was much taller than her. His voice was quiet, but low. “I didn’t know…not until just before dinner.”�             

“I-”� Lily was seriously at a loss for words, and his stare was not helping. “Will you stop staring at me? I can’t think when you’re doing that!”�

            “No.”� 

           She let out a breath. “ _No_? Bloody hell, you really are out of your mind.”� 

            There was a pause. “You want to know what I think?”� He suddenly seemed closer.

            “No.”�

            “I think,”� James continued anyway, “that you had a good time today.”� The corners of his mouth curved when she shifted uncomfortably. “I think that you realized that I _am_ human, that I have very loyal friends, and that _you_ \- you actually enjoyed yourself.”�

            Lily’s eyes flashed, and then darkened; she lifted her gaze from the floor and returned it to his face. “You have no idea what I’m thinking.”�

            There was another long pause, but this time Lily refused to break their gaze, despite the fact that he was suddenly close to her again. She took another step back.

            He noticed her discomfort and something in his eyes changed. “Sometimes…sometimes, Evans, you do things before you truly think about them…and at times, the result is something better than you could have thought up. If it truly feels like precisely what you should do, then right and wrong are only negligible concepts.”�

            Lily was not sure if he was addressing the Cavillor’s general theory on how to handle Voldemort, or their own personal dilemma, but her suspicions aimed for the latter, and she couldn’t help but let the corners of her mouth tip upwards through her confusion.

            

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**A/N: Things are about to become high-tension between our dear friends. *Rubs hands together* I love confusion. I don’t really like this chapter though. I felt like most of it was simply a sentence to fill the gap between one event and the next.  I will hope that you all don’t dislike it too, but you know...**

**I hope you’re all enjoying your holidays. I am enjoying the time off work, that’s certainly true. Next week I will not be so fortunate…I have one day off, so that’s good. Lol, I’m working New Year’s Eve again, which means I will be up very late. Last year I sold tickets for the cash bar (It’s a country club, so normally we don’t deal with cash), and most people were so drunk it was fairly laughable…the woman behind me was dancing, right in front of the saxophone player, like Elaine from Seinfeld (and if you are unfamiliar, that means very bad, and very funny). Oh well. It’s still much better than going back to school.**

**I’m on another tangent, I apologize. Thanks for reading, of course. I’ll be working on chapter four soon, but not tomorrow, as it will be Christmas =)**

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**~Emily~**

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	4. A Tempest of Interests

**A/N: Haha, I signed on to post this, and I noticed that this story had 666 hits. I hope that isn’t a bad omen. Ah well, my sister used to set the microwave to say that just to bother me, and nothing ever happened, so…Lol, I hope you enjoy the chapter.**

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**Chapter Four ~ A Tempest of Interests**

            Lily heard a loud scuffling around her and slowly opened one eye, cringing at the flood of light pouring onto her bed. Someone was throwing the curtains around her bed back, and she silently cursed them.

            “What the-”�

            Kristen leaned over her, breathing heavily with half of her light hair pulled back and the other half seriously in need of a brush. “Lily! Wake up, we’re almost late! Bloody Selene over there forgot to wake-”�

            “Since when is it my job to make sure you two are-”�

            “Oh, for Merlin’s sake, be quiet,”� Lily exclaimed, sitting up quickly and rubbing her eyes. “We can’t be that late, right?”�

            Selene shrugged, throwing her long black hair over her shoulder. “Let’s just say there will be no breakfast for us.”�

            “Ten minutes!”� Kristen yelled, throwing pieces of clothing onto her normally-organized bed.

            Lily’s eyes widened and she threw the covers off. “Where are my robes?”�            

Selene threw a pair of socks at her head, and Lily glared at her. Nevertheless, she pulled them on and leaned over to locate the robes sticking out of her trunk. 

            Lily managed to be ready within five minutes, although she was rather sour about not being able to locate her chapstick. She roughly pulled her hair back into a ponytail as the three girls stumbled into the hallway and down the stairs. The Gryffindor common room was nearly empty as they raced through. Transfiguration was a good distance away; they now had three minutes to go.

            “What about-”� Kristen began to ask, casting a glance in Selene’s direction.

            Selene scowled. “Don’t talk to me right now, I’m trying to breathe.”�

            Lily shook her head and a strand of auburn hair fell into her eyes. She dug through her bag to make sure she had not forgotten a quill, and almost dropped everything as they rounded the last corner.

            Kristen let out a heavy breath. “Finally,”� she mumbled.

            “You see? We aren’t late.”� Selene smiled.

            The three girls tumbled into the classroom, causing all of the other students and Professor McGonagall to stare up at them. Lily’s eyes immediately landed on James, and she paused, suddenly remembering their discussion from the night before. How could she have forgotten? Even amidst the chaos of oversleeping, she should not have forgotten their awkwardly exchanged words. She had left soon after he had suggested that “right and wrong were only negligible concepts”�; actually, she had fled. She was not ready to deal with that question, and judging from the look he was giving her, neither was he.

            She suddenly felt a hand wrap around her arm, and looked up to see Selene at the other end. She and Kristen pulled her to the nearest table, and she sat between them. 

            “Almost late, but I suppose you made it on time,”� McGonagall announced sternly, giving them a look which suggested that they may as well have been late.

            Lily realized, with a slight hitch in her heartbeat, that they had seated themselves at the perfect angle for she and Potter to exchange glances. She hated this, though she wasn’t sure what this was. Her thoughts were interrupted as Selene leaned over.

            “Did you run into Potter last night?”�

             “Yes,”� she sighed as Kristen tilted her head curiously.

            “Well?”�

            “What happened?”�   

            Lily supposed they were asking because James was still staring at her. Didn’t he realize he was making people wonder? He had no right, not when they had done nothing more than exchange a few civil words and —

            “Lily?”�

            Her eyes snapped away from his horrible stare as Professor McGonagall cleared her throat. “Girls, I suggest you pay attention. There will be an exam over this on Friday, and I will not shy away from taking points from my own House for poor conduct.”�

            “Well that’s for sure.”� Sirius mumbled from beside James, who finally looked away from Lily.

            “Mr. Black!”� McGonagall snapped. “Five points for insolence!”� 

            Sirius Black only grinned at her and ruffled James’s hair for him.

            Lily took this opportunity to whisper to her friends, “Nothing happened. We argued. Same as usual.”� She knew she was lying. She and James had exchanged words, and though they had led nowhere certain, she was fairly positive that her friends would not approve. Actually, she did not approve. She took a deep breath and resolved not to look at James for the remainder of the class. She should never have considered the possibility of being friends with him. Rather than holding amazement at how intriguing his friends had been, she should be using blackmail…or simply keeping her mouth shut and her eyes away. 

            Resolved, she lifted a quill out of her bag and began to scribble notes on a slightly crumpled piece of parchment.

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            Lily, Selene, and Kristen exited Transfiguration a good bit more slowly than they had entered. Kristen had calmed down considerably, and Selene resumed questioning Lily.

            “So you say you argued?”�

            “Yes,”� Lily replied, slightly exasperated.

            Selene ignored her tone of voice. “Then why does he keep staring at you? And you at him?”�            

            Lily paused, not sure what to tell her. “Well,”� she began, “I insulted him quite badly. And I stare at people who stare at me, that part is simple.”�

            Kristen shook her head. “You must have insulted him within his life, if he’s so determined to make you uncomfortable.”�

            “What did you say?”� Selene suddenly seemed amused.

            “I- don’t remember.”�

            “You must remember some-”�

            “Evans!”� Lily shut her eyes, recognizing the voice behind them. She stopped and faced him.

            “What, Potter?”�

            He frowned at her and scowled at her friends. “Dumbledore wants to see us, after History of Magic.”�

            “Yes. Whatever,”� Lily turned away, determined not to meet that gaze any longer than she had to. She could feel his stare heating the back of her neck. 

            “I wonder what that’s all about.”� Kristen smiled sympathetically at her redheaded friend.

            “As long as you aren’t going to be disappearing all day again,”� Selene curled a strand of black hair around her finger.

            “No, no. That’s not going to happen. He probably only wants my report. I sort of fell asleep before handing it in last night.”�

            With that, the three girls fell into silence as they approached the History of Magic corridor. 

 

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            James wasn’t sure what was wrong with him. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of Lily Evans, and it was driving him mad. Something about her entranced and addicted him, and he hated the cliché. What did it mean? They were still enemies; of that much he was sure. They had broken ground, however, and he didn’t think that ground was going to be refilled. She had instigated this; she had gone undercover and dared to spend time with Cavillors. She should have known that this would change things, and not for the better. Well, depending on how one looked at it.

            He didn’t want to be friends with her. He didn’t. But then, he wanted something, and he thought that could only be accomplished by getting her alone. This couldn’t be overheard by either of their groups of friends, or anyone else for that matter. They weren’t supposed to be talking. Why did he feel this urge to do just that? Why must this have happened? He was feeling his hatred for her slip away, to be replaced by something else, something that was definitely not normal. Perhaps he did want to be friends with her.

            _No, you’re mad. Completely bonkers. Shut the hell up and get out of my head._ James groaned, taking his seat in Professor Binns’s classroom. Sirius nudged him and asked loudly, 

            “What is wrong with you? It’s like you’ve gone crazy today.”� He paused, abruptly grinning. “You didn’t try that potion already, did you? Because I told you it wouldn’t be finished for-”�

            “No, I didn’t drink your bloody potion!”� James snapped, swatting his friend’s hand away. “I’m just not in a good mood today, so lay off.”�

            Sirius whistled and turned to Remus and Peter, who looked as if they wanted to avoid this conflict. “Can you believe our boy Prongs? I think he needs something to cheer him up. You know, there’s this fantastic seventh-year in Ravenclaw that you really must meet- she’s head over heels in love with you- literally, mate. She fell down the stairs last time you passed by. Don’t you think-”�

            “Maybe later, Padfoot,”� James mumbled, feeling his glance slip over to Evans, who was seating herself and very obviously avoiding his side of the room. James shook his head, furious at his eyes and mind. He couldn’t have woken up normal, could he?

            Remus seemed to follow his gaze and frowned. “Alright there, James?”� 

            “Yes, splendid.”�

            “Is it Evans? Honestly, she’s just an Ausculto. I don’t know what she could have possibly said to you that would harm your ego.”�

            “Evans?”� Sirius had overheard their conversation, and was leaning over to peer at James as if he were insane. “Is that why your knickers are in a twist? Damn, we’ll just prank her. See? No big deal.”�

            James shook his head sharply. “No pranking.”�     

            All three of his friends frowned, confused. James was glad for the interruption of class, because he wasn’t sure what he would answer to their inevitable question. Why did he not want to prank Lily Evans?

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            Lily continued shifting in her seat, wishing very much for the end of class. She wanted to speak with Dumbledore, tell Potter off for staring at her, and devour a lunch. Her stomach was beginning to grumble audibly. She hated skipping breakfast.

            She suddenly felt Selene’s hand on her arm again, and realized that everyone was rising from their seats. Thank Merlin.

            “Do I have to help you with everything today?”� Selene asked.

            Lily smiled sweetly at her. “Will you feed me too?”�

            “Erm, Lily,”� Kristen nudged her. “I think Potter is waiting for you. We’ll meet you in the Great Hall, I’m famished.”�

            Lily looked over to see that James was, indeed, waiting for her. His friends had disappeared.

            “Right.”� She said, trying to rid herself of his gaze and not succeeding. “Let’s go then.”� She proceeded out of the room, but as soon as she started down the corridor, he passed her. 

            Lily attempted to turn in the direction she was sure was the right one, but James grabbed onto her arm and pulled her in the opposite direction.

            “What the f-”�

            “Dumbledore didn’t want us. But we need to talk.”�

            “You lied!”� She poked at him, shoving his hand off of her arm. “Don’t touch me, Potter, or I swear-”�

            “You’ll do what? Everyone is eating. And I would never lay a finger on you, so just be quiet.”�

            “How do I know that? For all I know you’re some psychotic murderer and I am your next victim.”�

            “Do you really think- dammit, that’s beside the point. You don’t know me at all; this is exactly what we need to talk about.”�

            “What?”� She was becoming exasperated, and her stomach growled louder. “Make this fast Potter, I want to eat.”�

            “Right. We need to talk.”�

            “You established that much.”� Lily shifted on her feet, and his eyes followed her hand as she pushed her ponytail over her shoulder.

            James shook himself. “I think that we should work together. There.”�

            “Are you _mad_?”� Lily hissed, glaring at him. “Just because I went undercover and spoke nicely to you for one entire day does not mean that I- that wasn’t even me! I was pretending to be someone else!”� He only stared at her, and she faltered under his gaze. “Potter, you are seriously mistaken if you think I want to be friends. I will not even visualize that such a thing could occur. Please leave me alone, unless you have something more insightful to say.”�

            James frowned, “This is ridiculous.”�

            “ _What_ is?”�

            “This.”� He spread his arms wide. “We are human beings, adults even-”�

            Lily snorted at this, and turned as if to leave.

            “And acting like children.”� He paused, grimacing as she gathered her bag and books to her chest. He swallowed audibly. “You _like_ me Lily. I know that you do,”� he took a few steps towards her. 

            She turned to look at him and found his dark eyes staring at her again. She was sure she detected the beginnings of a grin there. 

            “Perhaps you even think that I’m funny. Or handsome?”� His eyes peered down at her, almost hopefully, and she could not help but smile, biting her lip to hold it back. She allowed herself to really look at him and thought that yes, he was handsome. There was something in his eyes, and a certain angle to his jaw. She decided that he was more captivating than he was handsome. She looked up, her eyes meeting his once more. She thought his eyes blazed rather well for their darkness.

            What was she doing? Her smile fell as her gaze retreated inward; she shouldn’t be doing this, conversing with him and smiling at an enemy. She was almost flirting. She was lying to her friends, breaking the rules. She didn’t want to be a liar, and yet she had no one to blame but herself.

            James seemed to sense her indecision, and he laid a hand on her arm. She pulled back swiftly and stepped away. “We are _not_ friends, Potter.”� Her gaze had rapidly turned hateful.

            He frowned again, a bitter expression crossing his face. They stared at one another fervently for several long moments. “Fine. I attempted to be nice. Whatever. I was going to offer to turn in your report for you, as I need to hand in mine, however-”�

            “I can bloody well do it myself, Cavillor. And stop staring at me!”� She turned around and stomped away, leaving James to gawk after her in bewilderment. That last request was not bloody likely, he thought as he watched her hair trail behind her. What had he just done? Sirius must have slipped him something when he wasn’t looking, because there was no way in hell that he had just asked Lily Evans to be his friend.

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            “What’s wrong?”� Kristen asked, noticing the expression crossing Lily’s face as she piled food onto her plate.

            “Nothing.”� Lily replied sharply. “I just-”� Her voice turned into more of a growl as she watched Potter take his seat at the table across from them. She glared vehemently, turning to her plate.

            “I take it that your meeting went poorly,”� Selene noted through a mouthful of food.

            “Actually, that meeting never happened. S’pose I’ll go after I eat.”�

            Maybe it was the expression on her face, but her friends did not question her further. They probably pitied her situation. _As well they should_ , thought Lily, _I am hopeless_. 

            She finished eating in relative silence, although she did insert a comment here and there into her friends’ conversation. She wasn’t even sure what they were discussing, but they weren’t looking at her funny, so she must be making some sort of sense.

            She heard Potter pass behind her and dropped her fork. What was wrong with her? Perhaps she needed to take a few deep breaths. Nothing had so much changed, except her mind. This was all in her mind, and if she could rid herself of it, her problem would magically alleviate. She rubbed at her eyes, suddenly quite tired.

            Finally feeling her hunger satisfied, Lily took another sip of pumpkin juice before informing her two friends that she would meet them in the common room; she had to drop Dumbledore’s report off before he came looking for her.

            Lily rummaged around in her bag for the tied off bit of parchment she had completed last night. Just as she passed through the statue and approached the door to his office, she found it, and pulled it out with no small amount of relief crossing her mind. She knocked.

            “Come in, Miss Evans,”� Dumbledore’s serene voice so contrasted her present state of emotions that Lily found her hand trembled as she pushed the door open. Something was most certainly wrong with her. And here he was.

            “What are you doing here?”� Lily sneered at James.

            “The same thing you are, I presume,”� he scowled back, not looking like he wanted to be friends any longer.

            Dumbledore ignored their antics and addressed Lily. “I am sure you completed your essay, Miss Evans?”�

            “Yes, sir,”� she pulled it from her bag. “Here you go. I hope it’s satisfactory.”�

            “Oh, I’m positive that it is.”�

            The two Heads made a move to leave then, but Dumbledore halted them.

            “Just a moment, you two. I sense that you are having trouble working together.”�

            “Well if she would only-”�

            “He is so ins-”�

            “Yes, yes. I’ve heard it all before.”� Dumbledore smiled at them each in turn, laying their reports side by side on his desk. “I think that you will find, if only you’ll bother to look, that you are very compatible with one another. You are both highly intelligent, and I expect you to use that intelligence. I do not speak only of Hogwarts, Miss Evans and Mister Potter, but of the entire wizarding world. We are at war.”� He paused here, watching as his two students lowered their gazes to the floor. “I have faith that you will both play your part. But first, you must cooperate with one another.”� 

            Lily and James glanced at Dumbledore, neither sure of an appropriate answer. Lily simply nodded.

            “Er- thanks, Professor. Do you need anything else?”�             

“No, Lily. You may leave, if you wish,”�

            Lily was out of his office faster than she had ever been in the past. She refused to meet James’s gaze before she exited, and was now left to wonder if he had drawn the same conclusions as she had from the headmaster’s speech. Maybe she had been too rash earlier. James had only asked that they work together, after all, not that they become secret lovers and leave on a midnight rendezvous. _Oh yes, you are mad, Lily Evans. Very mad indeed._

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            “Malfoy is such a right git!”� Selene threw her quill onto the floor in protest.

            “Did you need confirmation of that?”� Kristen changed positions on the couch, so that she could see her raven-haired friend. 

            “Yes, well. Snape is not much better, the slimy idiot.”� Lily was flipping through her Potions book, looking for that elusive fact she needed to complete her essay. 

            “It would probably be better just to forget it happened,”� Kristen advised her friend. “Malfoy and Snape are not going to leave anyone alone, if they can help it. You didn’t get detention this time; let’s just leave it at that.”� 

            Selene shrugged, leaning over to pick up her discarded quill. “I’m not in the mood to be doing Potions right now, anyway.”�

            “You never are,”� Lily answered, scribbling furiously again now that she had located what she was looking for.

            “I wish I had gotten detention! Because it would mean that I gave them a worthy punishment-”�

            “I think you’ve had more detentions than any other seventh year in the school,”� Kristen began, smiling.

            Lily shrugged. “Actually, those four probably take the cake.”� She indicated the Cavillor boys seated a few paces away from them, and suddenly realized that James was not with them. She had been glancing over at him all night, any time she thought nobody was looking. He was nowhere to be found now, however, and she frowned.       

            “What now?”�             

“Nothing,”� Lily shook her head and pulled her hair out of her ponytail, meaning to fix it but leaving her hair-tie on her wrist instead. “I just remembered something Dumbledore asked me to do. Have you seen Potter?”�             

“No, and I’m glad,”� Selene answered, while Kristen joined her in peering around.

            “Well, I’ll be back in a bit,”� Lily shut her book and threw it onto the chair as she left it. 

            She took a breath and approached the three Cavillors, who fell silent when they noticed her presence.

            Sirius glared at her as she opened her mouth. “Er- Dumbledore needed something. Where’s Potter?”�

            Remus frowned heavily. “He’s out on the quidditch pitch, I think.”�

            “I can never drag him away from there, you know,”� Sirius was speaking to his friends, but cut off as he realized that Lily was still standing in front of them. She glanced out the window and saw pink clouds dotting the horizon. What was Potter doing, flying at dusk? Lily scowled at the boys half-heartedly and made her way out the portrait hole, waving to her friends, who waved back in perplexity. 

            Lily’s mind wandered as she made her way out to the quidditch pitch. Of course Dumbledore did not need something else; at least not directly. She had lied to her friends again. It was becoming easier, and that realization only made her feel worse. Dumbledore was inexplicably good at getting people to do as he wanted, and Lily suspected that he had succeeded once again, at least with her.

            She realized now that the groups were doing just as the book said; granting Voldemort’s wishes. How many times in history had this occurred? A united group of people overthrows a horrible entity which suppressed them mostly through keeping them separate. Except in this case, they were keeping themselves separate, and that only worsened the situation. _What can I possibly do to make it better?_ Lily struggled with herself. _A lot, actually._

It did not help that Lily felt herself drawn to James. She had no idea what was so interesting about him or why she felt the need to touch him when he was near her. Perhaps that was why she had drawn away from him so quickly earlier. Lily was positive that she hadn’t had a more eventful day in many years. Emotionally eventful, that is. Her mind was ready to die on her.           

            She realized in quiet surprise that she had already arrived at the quidditch pitch. She squinted and found the spot of movement she was looking for. The sun was still half-present on the horizon, and it cast a crimson glow over his Gryffindor robes. James was an amazing flyer, really.

            Lily felt her resolve begin to slip as she watched him for several moments, the wind whipping around her. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t lie to her friends. Should she go through with this, she would most certainly be doing just that. They might never understand if she told them. They would probably think she had gone mad. Perhaps she had.

            She almost didn’t notice as James approached her, descending to the ground and hopping off of his broom at a bit of a run. She couldn’t see his face as he approached her; his hair was even more unruly than usual.

            “Why are you here?”� He grumbled, holding his broom in front of him, as if he needed it to separate them. His eyes found hers, as they had been apt to do all day. She looked away.

            “I was thinking…”�

            “Oh, brilliant. Just what the world needs. You know, this sounds awfully familiar. I hope you’re not mocking me, because I-”�

            “Will you shut up! This isn’t easy for me either, you know. I should hate you…this is all very fast, so will you please stop tormenting me?”� Lily was surprised to hear nothing from his mouth. “Only yesterday I hated you, and today…”�

            “What?”� He asked, and though he attempted to fill the word with spite, it didn’t come out quite that way.

            “I think Dumbledore was right.”�

            “Dumbledore’s always right. What’s your point?”�

            Exasperated, Lily licked her lips; the wind was making them dry. “Well, don’t you think we should work together, then?”� The words almost pained her.

            “Why should I want to be friends with you?”�             

“I never said friends! I said work together!”� Lily shifted, no longer sure of herself. Had he not brought this up first? “I-”�

            “We are better suited to be enemies, and let’s face it, that’s all we can ever really be.”�

            Lily paused, breathing deeply. “Don’t you- don’t you know anyone who has died because of Voldemort?”� 

            James tilted his head, his face impassive. He nodded carefully.

            She continued.  “If not for my sanity- because arguing with you just takes all of my spare energy- then let’s at least pretend to work together. Voldemort is only as strong as we allow him to be.”� She bit her lip, wanting slightly to hide under a rock.

            “What can we change, really?”�

            “I don’t know, James. But it’s a start.”�

            Perhaps it was because she had called him by his first name, or maybe it was her hair whipping wildly around her face, but he felt himself falling. _I am willingly stepping into a hole,_ he thought. _A very deep and dark hole._

            “Alright. What do you have in mind?”�

           

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**A/N: Thanks to all of you who reviewed, and for all of the Happy Holidays/New Years wishes. New Years was quite eventful, actually, at the country club party I was stuck working. At some point a lady was clutching the window and informing us that the cops were after her and her husband. Ahaha.**

**On a less nonsensical note, when I said I would write soon, apparently I meant two weeks ;) If you must know what I’ve been doing, I shall tell you: crap and more crap. Actually, it’s been fairly stressful. My grandfather, in town from** **Arizona** **, had a stroke. Thank God it was only minor. So I’ve been attempting to visit him downtown in the hospital, but my literature and calculus teachers are ridiculous. I’ve been so tired. Although I am happy now, because I have completed my last college application. Ever. That’s right.**

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**Yes, I’m sorry for talking too long. I do thank you for reading the chapter, and please leave comments if you have any extra time, whatever your opinion.**

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**Until chapter five,**

**~Emily~**


	5. Without Reason

**Chapter Five ~ Without Reason**

            Lily felt her calm slipping away. Her hand was numb from writing so frequently and she was sure this would never end. When had seventh year become so grueling? She didn’t remember seventh years complaining in the past, but then again, her friends were not complaining either. _It’s your fault you have so much work. You’re the one who signed up for all of these classes._ She sighed, feeling her mind begin to wander as it was apt to do. She only wished it would wander someplace worthwhile.

            Lily’s eyes fell shut and she rubbed at her temples. The common room seemed unnaturally warm, although she couldn’t say it was an unpleasant feeling. Something about it calmed her.

            She opened her eyes slowly, wanting instead to fall asleep, and noticed a pair of dark eyes watching her from across the room. James was seated on the Cavillor side, naturally, while the look he was giving her was most decidedly not natural. She pursed her lips together and his eyes continued to blaze. Did he expect her to react? They were in a room filled with people; Auscultos surrounding her and Cavillors surrounding him. 

            She was unable to glance away. She thought this might have something to do with how tired she was. Either way, Lily was glad when Sirius Black threw his quill at James, who immediately looked away.

            They hadn’t spoken in days. In fact, they had said little more than two words to one another since their conversation on the quidditch pitch. He had been watching her, though. She could feel it; in classes, in the Great Hall, and here in the common room. She got the same warm feeling every time. _You only know he’s been watching you because you keep looking at him._ You could obtain endless information from a simple glance, most of the time. James confused her, however, and she drew nothing from his looks. Nothing rational, anyway.

            “Hello Lily! Where were you all day?”� Kristen dropped into the seat next to her, and Selene placed herself on the armrest, smiling.

            “In the library,”� Lily grumbled. “And I don’t want to know what you two were doing, thanks.”�

            “Why? Because you know we had a thousand times more fun than you did?”� Selene continued grinning. “I don’t understand why you do this to yourself. Just shut the book and put the quill down.”�

            “Oh, alright,”� Lily muttered begrudgingly, knowing that as soon as this story was over, she would have to go back to studying.

            Selene nodded in satisfaction. “Right then. You know the Hufflepuff keeper?”�

            “The Ausculto?”� Lily asked wearily.

            Selene looked affronted. “Of course, are you daft? Well, we ran into him in the hallway, and he was rather flirty.”�

            Kristen laughed. “You mean you were rather flirty. I think he got the hint.”�

            “Whatever.”� Selene waved a hand. “Either way, I’m going to Hogsmeade with him next weekend.”�

            “Next weekend is a Hogsmeade weekend?”� Lily frowned.

            “Oh, Lily. You really should climb out of those books more often.”� 

            Selene nodded in agreement. “I think we should find you a date.”�

            Lily snorted. “Do I ever have dates?”�

            “Exactly…you need some excitement in life. Is there anyone in particular you would want to go with?”�

            Lily felt her eyes begin to wander again, but she forced them back; looking at him now would be good for no one. “No.”�

            “Alright then. My choice.”� Selene looked positively gleeful, and even Kristen had the sense to look slightly worried.

            “Er- yeah.”� Lily attempted to laugh wearily, but it turned into a yawn instead. “I think perhaps I’ll go to bed. I’ll see you two in the morning.”�

            “Or we might wake you up later.”�

            “Unless you want to be severely hexed, you won’t.”�

            “Point taken. Good night, Lily.”�

            “Night.”� She piled all of her books and balanced them on her hip as she walked slowly across the room. She was sure that warmth was from his eyes again; the fire was nowhere near her.

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            The next morning found Lily in Charms class, which she was mildly glad for, though still exhausted. She had little time to think of much more than her assignments. She felt his eyes every once in a while, and chose to ignore them. They would need to talk soon, for the benefit of beginning this task they had undertaken. They were going to work together. Lily almost laughed; the entire situation was absurd. She might be making a huge mistake.

            While the Head Girl attempted to focus on the new retraction charm they were learning, Selene leaned over and whispered, “You need to relax, Lily.”�

            Lily shifted in her chair. “I _am_ relaxed.”�

            “No, you aren’t. Then why are you sitting so stiffly? You look horrible.”�

            “Well thanks. That helps a lot.”� Lily bit the end of her quill, suddenly cross in addition to tired and frustrated. 

            She ignored her friends for the rest of the lesson. She knew they meant well, but sometimes she just wanted to be left alone to wallow in her own issues. So she wasn’t relaxed, what did that matter? Even if she were to unwind, she would still have endless work to do.

            The class ended with little excitement, and Lily gathered her things slowly; there were a few hours before her next class. Kristen sighed and watched her friend unhurriedly screw the cap on her ink bottle, students filtering past them. Just as Lily turned to leave, James bumped into her. She looked up and their eyes locked. She was about to say something, but it was too difficult to maintain an unsuspicious facial expression; besides, he was dropping something lightly into her pocket. She watched as he swept past her, glancing over at her friends to make sure they had not seen.

            “Why didn’t you yell at him?”� Selene asked curiously.

            “I-it…just wasn’t worth it.”�

            “She’s worn-out,”� Kristen supported, leading the way out the door. She glanced back at Selene, “Perhaps next time you’ll be glad to help her out in the way of insults.”�

            Lily balanced her books on one arm and let the other hand slip into the pocket of her robes. She fingered the small piece of parchment James had dropped inside. What could he possibly have to say to her? Her fingertips brushed over the edges, and she distantly heard Kristen laugh at something Selene had said. The blonde looked back at her and Lily offered a brief smile.  

            They reached the broad doors of the Great Hall and Lily decided that she could look at the note quickly without her friends noticing. She pulled it out and smoothed the edges.

 

_Meet me in the Heads common room. Please._

__

            That was it? Lily sighed, stuffing the note back into her pocket. What did he want? Just as Selene and Kristen were about to enter the Great Hall, they glanced back at her again.

            “Coming, Lily?”� Kristen asked gently. 

            “No…I- have something I need to do,”� Lily frowned.

            “Are you okay?”� Selene appeared concerned.

            “I’m fine,”� Lily composed herself and smiled at her friends lightly. “Just tired, thanks. I’ll meet you later.”�

            They nodded. Lily carefully shifted her books and continued down the corridor to her left. She was glad that she hadn’t had time to talk to James lately; her mind had been able to settle slightly. She was a little nervous as she approached the portrait of the Three Musketeers, but she wasn’t sure why. They bowed to her when she repeated the password, and she entered the Heads common room, squinting to adjust to the light. There were only a few flames lining the walls, and it appeared that James had lit the fireplace. He was standing in front of it, slightly bent over, as she entered.

            He straightened and turned, his eyes slowly rising to her face.

            “You came,”� he said.

            She stepped closer, able to see his face more clearly now. “Why wouldn’t I?”� She laid a hand on the back of the couch, which sat in front of the fireplace and in front of him.

            He shifted his feet. “I don’t know.”�

            Lily glanced around them, having trouble holding her eyes to his. “Well…”� She sighed. “What did you want?”� she asked, becoming slightly exasperated, but still intrigued.

            “We haven’t talked in awhile.”�

            She frowned. “Yes…”�

            He realized that he wasn’t answering her directly, and shook himself. He finally moved from his position by the fireplace, lowering the tension slightly. “I’m sorry…it’s just that I was beginning to wonder if this…turn of events was all a dream.”�

            She smiled at him hesitantly, moving to the other side of the couch and sitting down. “Would it be a good dream or a bad one?”� Her eyes slipped shut as she sank into the cushions. When he didn’t answer, she glanced up at him. He gave a start and seated himself next to her cautiously, like she might still pounce on him.

            She sat up straighter in an attempt to keep herself awake. “What are we doing again?”�

            James loosened somewhat, and to her great relief, moved his gaze to the fire. “I have no bloody idea.”�

            Lily rubbed her neck. “Either way, I am…glad not to be arguing. I’m exhausted.”� She lowered her gaze to the ground, her eyes half-shut.

            James watched the firelight reflecting off of her hair. “So…as you said before. How are we going to interfere with Voldemort’s plans?”�

            Lily sighed again. “We have to get the groups to stop fighting, naturally. We all need to work together, as funny as that sounds.”�

            James laughed softly. “And how do you propose we go about this?”�

            Lily turned her eyes towards him. “I propose nothing. See, I was hoping you would help me out here.”�

            He raised an eyebrow and ran a hand through his hair. She found that this no longer irritated her in the same way. “Er- it’s funny you should ask me. Who says I’m intelligent?”�             

“You’re Head Boy. I should hope you’re intelligent.”�

            He laughed. “Only on my good days.”�

            Lily took a deep breath, turning her body to face his. “Why is this so easy?”�

            “Easy? What’s easy?”� 

            “This,”� she gestured between them. “We aren’t fighting. It’s so easy to be relaxed around you. I should hate you, but I can’t.”�

            He smiled knowingly. “I have charm.”�

            “Yeah, right.”� She smirked, wishing he would not give her that grin.

            He sobered. “I know what you mean. I forget, when I’m around you alone, that I should hate you. You’re just Lily. Not an Ausculto.”�

            “Oh, but I am an Ausculto.”�

            He paused. “I know.”�

            “And you’re a Cavillor.”�

            “And that makes us?”�             

Lily shrugged. “Enemies, of course.”�

            “Yes, that is a shame,”� he reached over and pushed a strand of hair behind her ears.

            Her eyes shot up at this gesture and she blushed slightly at the warm trail his fingers left. If he had this effect on everyone, she was sure this was the source of his confidence. She cleared her throat, not willing to melt into silliness. “Anyway, about getting the groups together…”�

            He pulled back, his grin fading but still watching her closely. “Yes?”�

            “There are a lot of ways we can go about this, but I’m not sure that any of them will work.”�

            “This is nearly impossible, so I suppose it doesn’t matter.”� He shrugged, prompting her to continue.

            “Yes, well. I think we should do research.”�

            He rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Here we go…”�

            “You don’t even know me,”� she frowned. 

            “I know you do research endlessly.”�

            She ignored him and continued. “We should gather everything that we can; everything that would support this opinion that we should reunite, because we are only hurting ourselves by staying separate. And then, once we have everything ready, we can present it. In a meeting or something.”�

            “Do you really think that will work?”�

            “Do you have a better idea?”�             

He threw up his hands. “Alright. But don’t you think we shouldn’t be sitting around doing research for months on end? Shouldn’t we start this a little more quickly?”�            

“What? Unprepared? Do you even realize what’s going to happen when we start this thing? Do you-”�

            “We don’t have a bunch of extra time to sit around revising our research!  Voldemort is killing more people every week, and in a month, it could be every day. Do you want to risk the lives of more people because you feel the need to check your notes?”�

            "I should have known you would...you're a Cavillor, after all." Her eyes flashed. “How can you even suggest that I don’t care? I’m _muggleborn_! I care a whole bloody lot about all of those people! _My_ life is in danger.”�             

“No more than mine,”� he grumbled under his breath.

            “You know, if we can’t even decide on this together, I don’t think this is going to work. I’m tired and not in the mood to argue.”� She began climbing to her feet. “I’ll just do this alone.”�

            James’s forehead creased. “No.”� He gently pushed her back onto the couch. “I’m…sorry.”�

            She looked at him guardedly. “No…I am. I have no patience right now. I have a million things to do tonight. We can compromise later, I suppose.”�

            He smiled sadly. “Do you want help?

            She looked up at him with a wry smile. “How on earth can you help me? Are you going to do my essays for me? Because I don’t know if I trust-”�

            “No no, of course not. I hate essays. I _mean_ , do you want help relaxing?”�            

She blushed, not sure what he meant.

            He sensed her discomfort and straightened, turning to face her completely. “You’re a little too uptight about all of this work.”�

            “Like I said, you don’t know me.”�

            “Don’t I? I’m a terribly good judge of character, if I do say so myself.”� He supported his comment with a lop-sided grin. “And it also happens that I know exactly how to relax you.”�

            She cursed her genes for causing her face to visibly color. Nevertheless, her voice never faltered. “What is your suggestion, then, doctor?”�             

“Doctor?”� James frowned.

            Lily laughed. “Healer.”�

            “Right.”� He rubbed his chin. “Take a deep breath.”�

            She did as he instructed, her eyes never leaving his. “And?”�

            “And loosen your body.”�

            Lily almost laughed, but attempted it anyway.

            He shook his head. “No, you’re only tightening yourself.”� He leaned over, placing his hands on either of her arms. She immediately tensed, staring at him. He wasn’t looking at her face, and didn’t notice. He gently rubbed one of her arms, and she thought she could feel his fingers distinctly through her robes. Against the will of her mind, her arms did begin to loosen, and she felt herself sinking into the couch. Her eyes slipped shut, and she smiled serenely.

            When she opened her eyes, he was watching her, his hands still on her arms.

            “Can you do wandless magic?”� She asked. 

            “I don’t think so.”� He was looking at her strangely.

            Lily seemed to come back to herself. “Right,”� she straightened, pulling away from him gently. “I need…to get back. I have class soon, I think.”� She got to her feet.

            He groaned. “You see, you’re still not relaxed.”� He looked up at her with that grin. “Oh well. We’ll continue the lesson some other time.”�

            Lily blushed, no longer sure of herself. James was looking at her like…she had only ever kissed one boy. It had never amounted to anything. This was ridiculous; she couldn’t be having these thoughts. “Er- thanks James.”� 

            He shrugged. “I’m glad we’re friends, Lily.”� She found that she liked her name when he said it.

            “Who said anything about friends? I thought we were only working together.”� Lily smirked.

            “Yes, well. We have to make some compromises next time, remember that.”�

            Lily smiled at him briefly, leaving him spread out on the couch and staring into the fire.

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            Lily Evans smiled to herself as she stared at Professor Binns. Normally, she would be falling asleep on her notes. She had slept rather well last night, however, and found herself in a much better mood.

            Kristen laughed at her. “You’ve been awfully perky this morning,”� she whispered.

            Selene overheard. “I guess you found a way to relax.”� She smiled at her friends.

            “Er-”� Lily shrugged, looking down. “I guess so.”� 

            They fell silent for a moment, until Selene chuckled softly. “By the way, Lily, I think I found someone you could ask to Hogsmeade.”�

            Lily frowned and looked at her black-haired friend. “What?”�

            “You like quidditch players, right? He’s-”�

            “There is no quidditch this year.”�

            Selene rolled her eyes in exasperation. “That’s beside the point. He’s a Ravenclaw and very cute. I was going to tell him you were interested-”�

            “You _what_?”� Lily turned in her seat to glare at Selene.

            “-but Kristen stopped me.”�

            “Thanks,”� she mumbled to Kristen, who smiled. 

            “Anyway, I hope you’ll think about it.”� Selene quieted on a glare from the ghost professor.

            “Mm.”� Lily refused to give a direct answer, and was glad for the professor’s hushing. When she was sure that her friends were thoroughly bored and falling asleep, she allowed her eyes to glance over at James. His hair was a little less messy today, and she found that she wanted to mess it up. Or maybe just touch it, and that was a good excuse. She thought she knew now why Cavillor girls liked his hair so much. She wondered if any Auscultos had ever noticed. _Oh Merlin, you are going batty._  

            She was about to look away because she thought Lucius Malfoy was watching her, when James turned and their eyes locked inevitably. He noticed her slight smile, which she had been unable to rid herself of, and smiled back. Her lips immediately thinned and she looked away in slight panic. Her eyes scanned around her to make sure nobody had seen that. Selene was snoring lightly, and Kristen was drawing a doodle on her parchment. Malfoy was staring straight at her, however. She scowled, and stared back at him until he looked away, a smirk on his face.

            Lily glanced back at James angrily. Why did he have to be so stupid and careless? He was going to get them into trouble. She mouthed, “Meet me in the Heads common room,”� and promptly looked away, hoping he had understood. They could not settle this in public.

            She waited the last thirty minutes of class without moving her head away from the professor once, mostly because thoughts were running through her mind endlessly, leaving little room for movement. She told Selene and Kristen, once again, that she would meet them in the Great Hall for lunch. She didn’t even feel bad for lying this time. Besides, she wasn’t really; she had never told them where she was going, and so they could not assume.

            She walked quickly to the Heads common room, still slightly angry, though she wasn’t sure what had triggered her temper so quickly. She entered the room and found it empty. _He had better be here soon_ , she thought, _I’m hungry_. Lily leaned over to glance again at the books lining the bookshelf, many of which she was sure Dumbledore had placed there on purpose. Dumbledore…perhaps they should ask him how they should begin this. He would be thrilled, she was sure.

            Lily didn’t hear James until he was standing right behind her, and she jumped slightly before turning around. She laid the book she had been holding down on the table next to her. She glared at him, and he frowned. “You need to be more careful, James!”�

            “What?”�           

“You can’t just smile at me in the middle of class, somebody will see!”�

            “Oh, and I suppose you think you’ve been careful!”� His eyes darkened and he stepped closer to her. She laid a hand on the table to steady herself. 

            “Yes, I have.”�

            “Then why were you staring at me with a smile on your face?”�            

“I wasn’t _smiling!_ ”�             

“You _were_!”�

            Lily took a deep breath and bit her lip. She sighed, her eyes slipping. “This isn’t about us, remember?”�

            James made a sour face. “There is no us.”�

            Their eyes met and Lily felt something run through her. “I meant,”� she began, “that this is about defeating Voldemort…not about our inability to…I don’t know.”� She rubbed at her left eye.

            James stepped closer. “I know what you meant.”�

            Lily shifted uncomfortably. 

            “And I know what you mean. But I want to know what you feel.”� James felt slightly embarrassed, but ran a hand through his hair and continued watching her.

            “What- what I _feel_?”� Her voice sounded strange to her ears. She would have laughed, if she didn’t feel so overwhelmed.

            James continued to stare at her as he covered her hand on the table. Her fingers tingled and she froze.

            “I know that you said we were only working together, but...I look at you and I am…going mad.”� He shook his head and clenched his jaw. “So I need to know how you _feel_.”�

            She took her hand away, feeling the weight of this admission. He couldn’t possibly be suggesting that…no. There was no way. She stepped back and there was a hard look on her face and a set to her jaw as she said, “James, we — we can’t. It’s bad enough that I- we just can’t.”� She went around him, not knowing how he could even bring this up. They had been talking civilly for less than two weeks. That didn’t constitute a friendship, let alone anything else.

            He turned around to watch her, looking very awkward for once. She suspected he had never said anything like that to a girl. She had noticed that they all came chasing after him. Perhaps this was only part of his plan to get her to relax, because he couldn’t possibly…she groaned, telling herself to stop it. Before she reached the door, she turned to look at him. “I thought we could talk to Dumbledore, either tonight or tomorrow. Maybe he can help.”� She waited for him to nod, and then left wondering when she had lost all ability to reason.

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**A/N: Thanks for the kind reviews. I apologize to you, tropicsun, because it appears that anytime I write the word Romeo something goes screwy and the response cuts off. At least, last time that happened, it was after the same word. Oh well, maybe I’m just going crazy. But yes, I’m glad you’re still reading.**

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**And now, I sadly have to get started on my homework, when I really would like to start on chapter six. There’s some good stuff coming along…well perhaps, if you kindly leave me a review, I’ll consider abandoning my analysis of Wuthering Heights for AP Lit and write instead. Well, actually, that’ll probably happen anyway. But the point is that I appreciate your feedback ;) Thanks again for reading, you all are great!**

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**~Emily~**

           


	6. Independence and Dependence

**Chapter Six ~ Independence and Dependence**

            Lily knew that Dumbledore would be in his office that night. She also knew that James realized this, and that he was likely waiting for her in the Gryffindor common room. Still she remained sitting on her bed, dangling a quill between her fingers with a mind that rested somewhere far away from the castle. 

            She felt so ridiculous sometimes. Not only had she evidently lost her mind by agreeing to work with one of her worst rivals, but she was keeping it from her friends and everyone else in the school. Then there was the small detail of their interactions; Lily clearly recalled their conversation from the day before. He had been asking how she felt about him, had he not? Was she so in need of mental assistance that she could not recognize his comments for what they really were? 

            _Even if he did, Lily, even if he_ was _showing some sort of interest, what in Merlin’s name would you do about it? Nothing. There’s nothing you can do. Nothing you would do, in fact._ Even if James were an Ausculto, she would show hesitance. The last time a boy had shown a romantic interest in her was fifth year, and that had ended with her embarrassment. The fact that James was a Cavillor made the situation doubly impossible. Add on top of that their limited knowledge of one another, and her mind presented her with a firm and resounding no.

            With a heavy sigh, Lily slid off her bed, leaving her book and quill behind and smoothing her robes before leaving the dorm. Her friends had stayed in the common room after lunch, and she was fairly sure that they were still there. She descended the stairs and her quick glance towards the Ausculto side affirmed her suspicions. She smiled at Selene, who caught her eye, and turned to look for James. He was laughing in a corner with his friends, Sirius throwing his hands up in animation and Remus shaking his head. Peter happened to turn towards Lily with a questioning stare. Lily quickly walked over to Kristen and Selene.

            “I have a meeting with Dumbledore in a few minutes,” she told them, “so I’ll meet you in Transfiguration later.”

            They nodded, Selene replying cheerfully as Lily marched over to James and his friends. She almost laid a hand on his shoulder, but thought better of it at the last moment.

            “Potter! We have a meeting with Dumbledore, remember?”             

            He didn’t turn around immediately, but waved to his friends and moved from his seat towards the portrait hole with relative ease. Once outside the common room, they glanced around suspiciously and then Lily allowed herself to gaze softly at James. He smiled hesitantly.

            “Alright. Let’s go.”

            They walked to the headmaster’s office in silence, their arms occasionally brushing against one another. Once they had passed the statue and climbed the last stair, James raised a hand and knocked. They heard a faint, “Come in, please.”

            Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk, half-moon glasses placed carefully on his nose. His blue eyes lacked some brightness, and he appeared generally tired. Lily had not seen him the last few days in the Great Hall, and she wondered where he had been.

            “Please have a seat,” he instructed them, and after glancing at one another, they sat down. Lily realized that she had no idea what she was planning to say. During this small silence, the headmaster looked back and forth between the two students and nodded to himself.

            “I see that you have learned to cooperate.” He smiled as they both gazed at him in surprise.  

            “Well, we-”

            “Er-”

            Dumbledore continued to smile. “Is this why you wanted to see me?”

            “Professor, we have been talking, and we thought it- well, necessary to- to unite the Auscultos and Cavillors.” Lily let out a heavy breath, feeling the gravity of this situation now that they had revealed it to someone. Suddenly it all seemed very real.

            Dumbledore nodded. “I hoped this would happen. I knew you were both very bright students, and I trust you both immensely. I also thought perhaps…well, that is…”

            “What, sir?” James sat up a bit straighter. 

            “Nothing, nothing.” Dumbledore rose from his seat and walked closer to his window. “It’s a nice day,” he commented absently.

            Lily frowned. “Actually, Professor, we came to ask for your help.”

            Dumbledore turned back towards them. “My help?”             

            “Yes, sir. We needed ideas…we have no idea how to do this or even to begin, and we thought that you-”

            “You thought that I would be able to think of something better?” Dumbledore finished for him.

            James nodded, and Lily pressed on. “I thought we could research for a bit, although I’m not sure what I’m looking for. Something to incite more people to see the reasons behind uniting; the more people we convince, the easier it will become, I think…”

            Dumbledore nodded. “Well, that’s a start. Where is the problem?”

            Lily fell silent. James glanced at her, and then back at the headmaster. “Do you think that would work? After five years, how can we possibly change anyone’s mind?”

            Dumbledore laid a hand on his desk and gazed down at them. “By example, James. There are students who look up to both of you, though that may not be apparent now.”

            Lily frowned further. “But couldn’t you make an announcement, or maybe-”

            “I cannot help you, Miss Evans.”

            “What?” Both students stared at him.

            “I cannot help. This must be done by the two of you alone.”

            “But why? You could at least give us ideas, or help us plan…” Lily never meant to argue with the headmaster, but found herself confused.

            He shook his head carefully. “I’m afraid there is no magical resource of knowledge, one that I might unlock for you, that will provide you with a solution to this problem. Your ideas are as qualified as mine.” James opened his mouth to disagree, but Dumbledore continued. “It also happens that I will have no spare time this year. The war is…progressing, and I will be away a majority of the time. I trust you both to handle this situation to the best of your abilities, and I dare say that your combined abilities are resourceful enough to move Hogwarts into one body again.”

            “I just don’t think many will follow us.” Lily’s doubt surfaced in her expression, and James appeared to agree with her.

            “I apologize to both of you. I admit that I was rather selfish in selecting you as the Heads, because I have had this in mind for several months.”

            “But how could you know that we would even-”

            “You’re both sensible people, intelligent enough to see the truth. I assumed you would come to the correct conclusion.”

            Lily sighed and nodded, accepting this explanation. James was silent beside her. Dumbledore watched them wearily. “You have class soon, I believe?”

            Lily came to herself and nodded. James rose from his seat, and she followed.

            “Er- thanks Professor,” James offered. 

            Dumbledore nodded and led them out of his office, looking sincerely apologetic.

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            Several busy days passed before Lily was really able to disgest this conversation and what it meant for her seventh year. For sanity purposes, she said nothing to her friends and acted as if nothing had changed, when in reality, everything was changing. 

            When she finally had time, she found her way to the Heads common room with a stack of books in her arms. She was surprised to find James inside, with a few books of his own. She approached and saw that he was scribbling doodles on a piece of parchment.

            “Looks like you’ve gotten some work done,” Lily said sarcastically, dropping her books onto the ground in front of the couch. James shifted so that she would have room to sit.

            “Er- yeah.” He crumpled the parchment and dropped it onto the floor. “Actually, you should be happy I’m making an attempt…I never study, and my friends are probably out pranking Malfoy at the moment.”

            “Well, I never asked you to come here.”

            James smiled. “Yes. I am mature this year, you see. I have found a supreme sense of duty, and I- what?”

            Lily laughed. “Whatever, James.”

            “I knew you would be here tonight.”             

            She turned to look at him, suddenly nervous. “How?”             

           “You only had one class today, and I overheard you telling your friends that you had ‘something to do for Dumbledore’ tonight.”

            “Right.”

            “So, I came. I’m just surprised you didn’t ask me to. You know, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable that last time, and I won’t-”

            Lily shifted. “It’s okay, James. Really. I understand. And I didn’t ask you to help tonight because I didn’t want to interfere, if you had something to do with your friends or, I don’t know. I just- why don’t we just get started?”             

           James nodded, also looking a bit relieved to drop the conversation. They slipped into silence as they each paged through a book.

            “How about this one?” James interrupted the long silence. “ _’Unity is to freedom as-_ ’”

            Lily cut him off. “I hope you aren’t serious.”

            “Well, you’ll never know.”

            She continued watching him with a frown until he looked up and laughed. “This is sort of hopeless.”

            She smiled sadly. “A lot of things are hopeless at the moment.”

            Unable to hold his gaze for long, Lily leaned over to grab the bag she had brought with her. She rummaged around and located her chapstick, pulling the cap off.

            James was still watching her; she could feel his eyes and wished he wouldn’t. She glanced over at him, running chapstick over her lips and causing him to look at her mouth. He shifted again. “Er- right. I’ll keep looking.”

            Lily sighed. The tension surrounding their previous animosity had slowly transformed into a different kind of tension, one she thought was much more dangerous, and impossible. 

            She clearly remembered his words from the other day, and was beginning to doubt her initial understanding of them. He had not mentioned it again, and for the most part, he was keeping his distance. There were a few times during class when she knew he’d been watching her, thinking she wasn’t paying attention, but he never said anything, and would look away as soon as they locked gazes.

            Lily shook her head. She should be searching through the next book. _What are you looking for? You don’t even know._ There were a lot of things she was unsure about, it seemed.

            Just when Lily felt her eyes slipping shut, James shifted again beside her. His voice cut through her sleepiness. “‘ _It seems frivolous to argue when we are working towards a common cause. If we cannot agree, neither of us will gain a thing._ ’”

            “Where is that from?” Lily asked, looking up.

            James chuckled. “A diary entry of a seamstress in the nineteenth century.” He scanned the page. “It appears that they decided on red silk for the edges. I personally think the blue would have been more charming.”

            Lily shook her head, laughing despite herself. “Sometimes I think you don’t realize the seriousness of this situation.”

            They both fell silent, until James snapped his book shut and looked over at her carefully. “Oh, I definitely realize what’s going on here. You never have to worry about that.”

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            Lily returned to the Heads common room every night for the rest of the week, and James continued to meet her there. By the end of the week they had collected a list of quotes, although they found none of them to be particularly insightful. Lily felt like they were pushing against a steel wall; progress was not going to happen at this rate. For the time being, however, they had no other ideas.

            She descended the stairs from her dorm that Saturday, intending to find her friends in the Gryffindor common room. She would have forgotten that it was a Hogsmeade weekend, had Selene not constantly reminded them that she had a very attractive date. 

            As Lily approached the common room, a loud argument reached her ears. She cautiously peered inside, and saw that the room was filled was people, many of whom were on their feet and glaring at members of the opposite group.

            She spotted James and froze, leaning against the wall.             

             “You will not speak to him like that!” James was yelling at the boy, who glared back. Lily recognized him as a fourth year Ausculto.

            “Why should I listen to _you_? You have no authority over me!”

            James reddened, unmistakably angry.

            The other boy involved, a fourth year Cavillor, growled, “He’s better than Lily Evans, that’s for sure.”

            Lily started at the mention of her name. Selene and Kristen were standing near her, and finally noticed that she was standing behind them. 

            James looked at the Cavillor, “You can stay out of this,” he said firmly, even angrily. He turned back to the Ausculto. “What makes you think that I have no authority over you? You may be an Ausculto, but you are a student of Hogwarts moreover! I happen to be Head Boy of Hogwarts, and you _will_ listen to me when I tell you to do something!”

            Lily struggled not to smile. The boy may not have agreed with James, but Lily thought he wasn’t going to contradict him anytime soon. Lily watched as James ran his fingers through his hair. She wanted to…she wasn’t sure. She wanted something, and she suddenly realized that she missed his staring. It might have made her uncomfortable, but she missed it. She turned away, knowing that she could not meet his eyes here, let alone approach him. 

            “Well hello, Lily,” Kristen said, smiling faintly. “You came at a nice time.”       

            Conversations began to pick up again around them, and Selene glanced at Lily with a grin. “Hmm. I believe I should meet my date soon. Are you two ready? I’m sorry I won’t be spending the day with you. Really.”

            Kristen laughed. “That’s okay. I think we’ll manage.” 

            “Yes, I think I’ll actually enjoy myself without your craziness.” Lily grinned back. The three of them headed out the portrait hole, passing James and his friends on the way. Lily was sure he was watching her, and left with a smile on her face.

            They reached the giant doors of the Entrance Hall, and Selene left them giddily and with a giant grin on her face.

            “She’s going to scare him away,” Kristen shook her head.

            Lily laughed. “Probably.”

            They followed the large group of students in front of them over the grounds, towards Hogsmeade. 

            “So, where to first?” Kristen asked as the village came into view.

            “Hmm….Honeydukes.”

            “Sounds delicious.”

            They reached the door of Honeydukes in little time, and paused before entering. There were a few younger students, Ausucltos, crowded around the entrance, reading a sign on the wall. Lily peered over them and saw that it consisted of pictures of wanted Death Eaters who had been spotted nearby. Lily frowned and Kristen’s smile slipped off her face.

            They entered the store and were confronted by a multitude of colors and smells. Lily went straight for the chocolate, and nearly ran into Lucius Malfoy.

            “What are you doing here, Mudblood?”             

            She ignored the expletive and replied, “Shopping,” nonchalantly attempting to walk past him. 

            He sneered. “We’ll see how long you’re able to do _that_.”

            “What does that even-” But he was already leaving, and Lily made an angry noise while Kristen shook her head. 

            “Whatever. He’s a worthless and spoiled brat.”

            “Yeah…” Lily reached over an examined a box of chocolates that claimed to taste like a hot fudge sundae.

            As they were buying their things, Lily noticed a very attractive, blonde-haired boy watching her from the corner. Slightly unnerved, she led Kristen out of the shop. They walked for a few minutes, laughing at the woman who had put on two different shoes, and finally came to a stop near a tree on the edge of the street. 

            Kristen bit into her candy and glanced over at Lily. “I’m glad you didn’t go with that Ravenclaw, the one Selene suggested…He wasn’t a completely nice person.” She paused, chewing thoughtfully. “But then, I really don’t know of any guys who are.”    

            Lily was silent for a moment, wondering about this. “Well, some of them are not all that bad…” She trailed off, pulling a piece of chocolate out of her bag. 

            Kristen snorted. “Certainly that one doesn’t fit into the group of ‘not that bad’.”

            Lily inclined her head in the direction Kristen was looking and saw James standing very near to a pretty blonde-haired girl. She was smiling and laughing femininely at something James had said. Lily felt something in her chest sink and she frowned as James turned towards the girl with that grin of his. They laughed together and she scowled, her breath catching in throat.

            _Why should you care? What the hell does it matter who he dates?_ She bit her lip. _I didn’t know he was dating someone._ Lily watched as James leaned over to whisper something in the girl’s ear. She giggled, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. Chewing on her lip, Lily wondered if James liked blondes. He probably preferred them to redheads, anyway. _Will you stop it? This is completely ridiculous. Who cares about James’s preferences?_

“Er- Lily?”

            Lily shifted her feet and tore her gaze away from James. Kristen was staring at her. “Sorry,” Lily said quickly. “I really should sleep more, I think. I was just…”

            “No problem,” Kristen smiled. “But you missed Snape slipping in the mud.” She pointed to their right, where Severus Snape was angrily brushing mud from his robes, to no avail.

            Lily smiled faintly.

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            She found herself in a foul mood for the rest of the evening, and upon their return to Hogwarts, Kristen touched her arm softly and inquired, “Lily, are you alright?”             

           Lily looked over at her blonde-haired friend and softened. “I’m sorry, Kristen. I haven’t been very fun today, have I?”          

            Kristen shrugged. “It’s alright…we all have those days. What’s bothering you?”

            “Er- I’m not really sure.”

            Kristen raised an eyebrow in skepticism. “Well, you were in a good mood until about midway through Hogsmeade…it was right after we came from Honeydukes, come to think of it. So there must have been something that happened in between.”

            Lily frowned, hoping Kristen could not pinpoint exactly when her countenance had shifted; she didn’t need her friend to wonder about her constant problems with James, as she was fairly sure that her present troubles were very different from what her friends would assume.

            Lily saw James appear briefly at the other end of the corridor, before he turned and disappeared down another. She gave a start, and turned back towards Kristen. Before she could say a word, Selene slid to a stop beside them, grinning widely.

            “So, who’s had a good day?” She beamed at her friends, her cheeks flushed. Lily and Kristen only looked at one another, neither sure how to answer.

            “Er-”

            “Oh no – don’t tell me you didn’t have fun without me. Of course, I know that I’m the source of all things exciting, but still…are you okay, Lily?”             

            “Does everybody have to ask me that?” Lily grumbled, reaching up to brush her hair behind her shoulders.

            Selene raised a hand in defense. “Sorry. I thought I would be considerate, for once.”

            Lily sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m just not feeling that well.”

            “It’s quite alright. I don’t think anything can ruin today for me.”

            Kristen smiled faintly. “So, your date went well, I take it?”             

            “Yes…you could say that.” Selene looked away, the broad smile never falling off her face.

            “Let’s go, then.” Kristen began towards the Gryffindor common room, and Selene started to follow.

            Lily hesitated, glancing down the corridor in the other direction. “Er- I actually needed to run to the library for a bit.”

            Selene rolled her eyes good-naturedly while Kristen replied, “Okay…we’ll see you later then, Lily.”

            Lily nodded and began walking in the other direction.

            “Um Lily, you do know that the library is in that direction?”             

            Lily turned to see Selene pointing down another hall.

            “Right. I needed to run by the Heads common room first.”

            There was a pause. “Where is that, anyway?”

            Lily hesitated. “I’ll show you another time.” Her friends nodded, believing her, although she wasn't sure she would want to do anything of the sort. It was her one haven, her one safe place. As soon as the thought ran through her head, she felt very guilty. They were her best friends, and she was hiding from them on a regular basis.

            Lily was glad to find the halls very empty as she hurried in the direction she had seen James go. This part of the castle was slightly unfamiliar to her; there were really no classes over here, only empty classrooms.

            She was becoming discouraged when she hurriedly turned another corner and ran into something very solid.

            “Oomph.” She grabbed at her stomach, sucking in a breath as she stepped back. “James?”

            “What are you doing?” he grumbled, looking down at her.

            She realized that her hair must be completely disheveled; she had been pulling at it, and her face was hot from pursuing him. She suddenly forgot why she had been looking for him in the first place.

            James frowned, watching her. “Was there something you needed?”             

            She looked back at him, with his hair falling into his face and sticking up at strange angles. She wondered if that girl with him had messed his hair up so badly, and groaned.

            She grabbed James’s arm, glanced around quickly, and pulled him through the nearest doorway, shutting the door behind them. She noticed that it refused to stay shut, and she allowed it to stay open a crack, not truly caring.

            Lily turned to face him, a few strands of auburn hair sticking to her lips. She pushed them back nervously, and stepped towards him, suddenly angry again. “What were you doing with that girl?” What was she saying? None of this was her business.

            He seemed to agree with her inner conscience. “Wh- Elizabeth? Why?” His eyes darkened and he watched her as she continued.

            “I don’t know her name! I don’t care, either. Did you- did you ask her out?”             

            “Would it matter if I did? Why are you-”

            “I don’t know, James! I don’t want- why did you have to pick someone so giggly and stupid?”             

            James's face reflected something between confusion and aggravation. “Elizabeth is at the top of her year, actually.”

            “She’s younger?”

            “Yes.”

            Lily’s heart was beating madly in her chest. She had no idea where she was taking this, and she had the faint perception that she was only embarrassing herself. “Well, you could at least have flirted less sickeningly.”

            “Lily, I don’t know what you’re trying to-” He stared at her, and his eyes flashed abruptly. “You don’t have a claim on me.”             

            She stepped back, frowning heavily. “No, but I-"

            James was advancing towards her, and she couldn’t move her eyes away from his, though she felt as if her body was shrinking. “I tried already, Lily, and you threw that idea out pretty quickly. What do you _want_?”

            He was standing so near to her that she couldn’t have answered even if she had had something to say. She simply stared up at him, breathing heavily. He said nothing, obviously waiting for some acknowledgement that she had heard him. Lily faltered in her gaze and bit her lip, reaching a hand up to play with the fabric around his wrist. She could smell him from this close.

            Her fingers slipped under the fabric, and she felt the warm skin underneath gently, wanting to touch him and pushing her thoughts away. James closed his eyes as her fingers slid over his wrist, and when he opened them, she was staring up at him, her emerald eyes clearly asking the question she had been wondering for weeks.

            His gaze fell to her mouth, parted slightly and with faint traces of chapstick lining her lips. Her breath caught as he leaned down, and her eyes slid shut. She felt his mouth gently touch hers, uncertainty flowing between them. She moved her lips carefully against his, not sure how to tell him that this was okay, even if it really wasn’t. None of it was okay, and she didn’t care. She refused to care. 

            “Is this what you want?” he mumbled against her lips. She found no words, and her other hand found his robes and she grasped them tightly, pulling him closer as he slid his mouth experimentally against hers. He was gentle and warm, and everything she had been worrying about flew out of her mind.

            She had never…the other boy she had kissed had either been horrible, or this was amazing. Her head buzzed, and she gasped when she felt his tongue slide lightly against hers. This was new, and overwhelming, and everything in between. She attempted to show him that this was definitely what she wanted, and she didn’t care that she had no idea what she was doing. His hands were grasping her waist, fingers carefully sliding over her hips. 

            Her hand reached up to play with the hair at the back of his neck. She wanted to be the one to make his hair messy. _This is wrong. You shouldn’t be…_ Lily pulled back, their mouths disengaging. She took a trembling breath and met his eyes. He gazed at her in amazement. 

            What was she doing? She felt the need to say something. “Could you come to the Heads common room, later?”

            Still breathing audibly, James glanced out the window, where a full moon now hung in plain view. He turned back to look at her. “No.”

            Lily looked at her feet, clearly disappointed.

            “I mean, I want to – it’s just, I promised my friends something a long time ago. Really, I wish I could- tomorrow?”             

            Lily shook her head. “Can’t. I have Astronomy at night.”

            James ran a hand over his hair, but it continued to stand on end. “Tuesday I have detention…”

            Lily finally let go of his robes, her hands falling to her sides. “For what?”

            James only mumbled, “Snape,” and scowled.

            “I don’t know that we…” Lily frowned, tired but watching him closely. “I don’t know, James.”

            He softened, and shook his head. He opened his mouth to speak, and suddenly there were voices coming from the corridor.

            “Where did James go, anyway?” Lily was sure that was Sirius’s voice.

            “I don’t know…the map is on his bed.” Peter seemed even closer.

            James let out a breath, staring intently at the door. 

            “Let’s go, then. Maybe he’s up there and fell asleep or something.”

            Lily looked worriedly at James, who whispered, “We have to go, they’ll be looking for me all night.”

            She nodded and approached the door, peering out nervously to find an empty corridor. She took one look back at him and, finding his expression unreadable in the dim light, slipped out the door and down the hall, her heart beating madly in her chest.

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**A/N: I am afraid that the scene I was quite looking forward to (and have already written half of) just did not fit into this chapter. Well, one of them, anyway. I should say it will definitely be in the next chapter, which works too; I do love the number seven (perfection and completeness, as my English teacher would connote).**

**On that note, I hope you liked this chapter and that it will keep you interested until number seven, which will hopefully be along soon, as I want to write it very much. So review and give me a more urgent reason to write! =)**

**Muchas gracias y hasta el próximo vez,**

**~Emily~**


	7. Wishing for a Moment

**Chapter Seven ~ Wishing for a Moment**

            James squinted against the crimson of the sunrise and watched as the full moon faded quickly against the horizon. They walked slowly, and James felt sleepiness wash over his body, but his mind was turning over incessantly. He felt slightly apologetic for his obvious lack of interest in the festivities of the night before. This night, with Remus in the Shrieking Shack, had always been reserved solely for his friends. He had found himself wishing he could be elsewhere, and that thought seemed traitorous, especially in this situation.

            “Are you okay, Prongs?”

            James snapped his eyes away from the fading moon, and stared at Sirius.

            “Er- yeah, mate. Maybe I’m just tired.”

            Sirius grinned. “As long as you’re still up for the prank on Snape.”

             “Definitely.” He shook a hand through his hair, looking at Peter on his other side. “You’re coming, right Wormtail?”

            He nodded, smiling carefully. 

            “We’ll have to wait until tonight though, so Moony is back to enjoy this.” Sirius had a gleam in his eye that always made James grin.

            James nodded. _Tonight…she has Astronomy._ He sighed. He was absolutely hopeless. He had kissed many girls, even a few really beautiful girls. But they had never made him think about them even when he was with his friends. He had always been pleased when they took him aside for a snogging session, but he rarely left the company of the Marauders to search for said girl. He had never been the one to pursue like this, or at least to want to. Something about _her_ …he was becoming ridiculous. He was going to have to hide this from her. Was it the way she kissed? He remembered _that_ clearly; it had only been the day before. He felt like he needed to try that again to be sure…He grinned quietly.

            “You look like you’re pleased with yourself. Have you found another girl?” Sirius was smirking, and James was sure he had a goofy look on his face. It quickly became a frown as he realized how close Sirius came to the truth.

            He could never tell them. He glanced at where the full moon had been and realized that it had completely disappeared. He had never kept something like this from his friends.

            “Er- no.”

            Sirius shook his head. “Did you give up the one you took to Hogsmeade? Because she was rather attractive, if you don’t mind me-”

            James smirked. “You can have her, Padfoot.”

            “Was she that bad of a kisser?”             

            “No, she’s not my type.”

            Sirius stopped, causing James to stop walking as well. They were now in view of the Entrance Hall doors. “Not your type? You’ve gone crazy, Potter. I think I need to admit you.”

            James shrugged, struggling to keep a straight face. “Oh, I’m perfectly sane. Far more sane than you, in fact.” He turned his head slightly. “Wouldn’t you agree, Peter?”

            Peter grinned, looking back at Sirius, who raised an eyebrow. “There are things you still don’t know about me, Potter. I would watch it.”

            “Or you’ll hurt me? You would never do that to your very best fr- hey!” James found himself lying in a pile of leaves, and glared up at Sirius half-heartedly. Sirius shrugged and began walking towards the castle again. Peter glanced at James and then opted to follow Sirius.

            “Alright, Padfoot. I see how much you love me! And I’m going to lay here and soak up that love, so expect a very large hug when I get back.”

            Sirius turned his head, grinning, and continued to walk away. James shifted onto his side and peered at the leaves beneath him. The faint light reflected every spectrum of red back at him, with a few shades of yellow and orange in between. He picked one of the red ones up…No, it was more of an auburn color. James grinned to himself, wondering if he was still thinking of leaves, or another subject to which he was swiftly becoming addicted. He had always liked autumn.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            

            “We’ll meet up with you later, Kristen,” Selene called over her shoulder, dragging Lily along with one hand on her bag. Lily waved absently at Kristen as Selene turned back towards her.

            “Ready for another night filled with star-crossed fun?” Selene smirked.

            Lily frowned and bit her lip. She turned towards her friend. “I wish you would not refer to Astronomy as ‘star-crossed fun’.”

            Selene shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

            Lily fell into silence as they walked slowly towards the Astronomy tower. She had been quiet all day, lost in her own thoughts. James had looked awfully tired in class, and he met her eyes a few times, but she knew they couldn’t linger. It was difficult, when she felt his gaze on her all throughout class. He looked as if he had been up all night, and she wondered why. She was a little short on sleep herself, and most of that was because of him. She was sure his reason had much less to do with her. She wondered if he could already want to take back what had happened. Perhaps that was why he continued staring.

            They approached the curving stairs and began to climb. Selene turned towards her redheaded friend. “Why so quiet?”

            Lily shrugged. “I’m tired.”

            “You’re acting like you have some horrible thing to do tomorrow, or something.”

            Lily completed the last step with a sigh. “If you only knew,” she muttered under her breath.

            “What was that?”

            “Nothing.”

            Selene opened her mouth to reply as they entered the classroom, but her newly found boyfriend approached them, and the raven-haired girl broke into a grin. “Isn’t he gorgeous, Lily?” Selene whispered as he came closer.

            Lily smirked. “You think everything male is gorgeous.”

            “That is completely not true. What about-”

            “Hello ladies,” he greeted them with a smooth smile. 

            Lily smiled back. “Hello.”

            Selene grinned. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

            “Yes, a whole day,” he replied with a wink.

            Lily shook her head and started towards the window. 

            Selene called after her, “Hey, Lily, do you mind if we-”

            She waved a hand dismissively in response, “Of course not. Go ahead.”

            Selene smiled and the two of them disappeared.

            Lily sighed, turning back towards the constellations. Her assignment for the night was to identify twenty, and she wanted to finish this as quickly as possible. She pulled her reference sheet out of her bag and then dropped it onto the floor, peering at the first few constellations on the parchment. 

            “I love Jupiter,” a dreamy voice declared beside her.

            Lily gave the girl a strange look and then turned away, smiling to herself. Her eyes traced several stars and she attempted to discern the shape they made. It looked kind of like a broom…and hair….messy hair against the black sky. Lily frowned, clearing her throat. She was going mad. _Stars don’t look like hair, Lily._ She tried again, her eyes wandering to her left. That constellation looked more like….a lop-sided grin. Her frown deepened. What was wrong with her? Perhaps that was Sirius… _Or James?_ Lily threw down her sheet and let out a noise of frustration. 

            “Whoa, what’s wrong?” Selene had reappeared at her side.

            “I can’t concentrate,” Lily grumbled, closing her eyes. When Selene didn’t answer, Lily looked over at her. She was frowning and running a hand over the window ledge. “What’s wrong?”

            Selene rolled her eyes. “Nothing, we just argued. It’s nothing. I have horrible taste in men, really.”

            Lily smiled weakly. “I’ve told you that a million times. When will you start believing me?”

            Selene shrugged, smirking as she picked Lily’s reference parchment up for her. “When I find a good one.”

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            James pushed Sirius’s hand off of his arm. “Hey, no touching. I’m not homosexual, like you, Sirius.” If there was one thing he disliked about his prized invisibility cloak, it was the closeness it forced. Unless, of course, he was with a girl. 

            Sirius grinned sheepishly at his friend, “Sorry.”

            “How do you know Snape is in the library, anyway?”

            Sirius sighed. “It was on the map, you disbeliever. Besides, I know everything.”

            “Right.”

            “Scoot over, Wormtail.”

            “I can’t!”

            “Shh! Someone is coming,” a tired Remus held out a hand for them all to stop.

            James whipped his head around and watched for the approaching shadow. He maneuvered them to the right and then realized that they were passing someone he very much did not wish to see, unless they were alone.

            Lily Evans stopped, having heard their movements. She squinted in confusion and then shrugged. Brushing her long hair over her shoulders, she began walking again only to trip over a box in front of her. 

            “Nufgh,” she muttered, sitting up and rubbing her leg. She inclined her head, glaring about her.

            “What did you do that for?” James whispered to Sirius.

            “So that we have more time to think of a good curse.” He raised his wand, aiming it at the Head Girl.

            James’s eyes flashed. “No!” He said rather loudly, grabbing onto Sirius’s wand and lowering it.

            Lily heard this last comment, and as she rose and dusted off her robes, she turned to face the invisible boys. “Is there someone here?” She asked quietly.

            James stared at her helplessly, wishing more than anything that he could grab her arm and take her along. Or simply take her away to someplace where they could be alone.

            She frowned and began walking away, more quickly this time, and peering at the ground for any other misplaced objects. Once she rounded the corner, Sirius turned towards James.

            “What was that all about?”

            James looked away. “I can’t let you hurt her. We have things to do for Dumbledore tomorrow, and I’m not bloody doing it all myself.”

            Sirius gave him a strange look, but reluctantly seemed to accept this explanation. “I wouldn’t have injured her that badly.”

            James shrugged, grinning to look normal. “Well, with you, I never know.”

            “Too right, you don’t. I’m glad you’ve learned, mate.” He clapped James on the back and they continued their progress towards the library and an unsuspecting Snape.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

                

                Lily was becoming restless. She had known this was a bad idea from the start. She and James had no time to work on uniting the school, let alone time to sneak off together. She hated that she had kissed him, because apparently it was never going to happen again, although she desperately wanted it to. _It’s only been three days. Why are you so batty already?_ But in those three days, she had seen him a million times. Yet she could barely risk looking at him for too long, let alone talking to him. Or kissing him. The latter was what she found herself really wanting to do, though it made her blush and wonder what had happened to her logic.

            So she found herself, on this third night of what she called torture, in the Gryffindor common room with Kristen, peering at her Potions essay. Suddenly, she threw down her quill and snapped her book shut.

            Kristen looked up. “Okay there?”

            Lily sighed. “Yes. I think I’m going to go for a walk.”

            “Do you want me to come?”             

            Lily smiled. “No, it’s okay. I need to do patrols soon anyway.” The last part was true. She had agreed to do patrols that night because of James’s detention.

            She left her book sitting carefully on her chair and made her way to the portrait hole. She walked through and turned to her right, only to feel a hand grab her arm. She looked back and saw James standing behind her. Her arm tingled as he dropped it, taking a step backwards. Lily glanced around them and found the corridor momentarily silent. She turned back to James, who was staring at her without shame.

            “Are you- I mean- do you-” Lily blushed, but refused to drop his gaze.

            James cursed. “I have detention tonight,” he mumbled.

            “I know.” She bit her lip.

            He took a step closer to her, but they heard voices rounding the corner, and he jumped back. Sirius, Remus, and Peter spotted James and quickened their pace. Sirius slapped James on the back, and he gave a half-smile, obviously disappointed. He glanced over at Lily just as Selene appeared beside them as well.

            Selene stopped, gazing around at the animated Marauders. Lily thought she looked slightly upset. Sirius, preoccupied in his imitation of one of the least-talented professors, stumbled backwards and elbowed Selene.

            Her cheeks heated and she shoved Sirius away from her. “Watch where you’re going, dumbass.”

            Sirius spun around and scowled when he spotted Selene. “Don’t touch me, Ausculto. I don’t want your contaminated hands on me.”

            “Fuck you,” Selene hissed.

            James shifted his eyes away from Lily to look at his friend.

            Sirius clenched a fist. “Take your slutty friend out of my sight, Evans.” He scowled at them both.

            James looked at Lily and then back at Sirius, who was stepping towards the two girls. James grabbed his arm and pulled him back. “Don’t, Sirius.”

            “Why _not_?”

            “Because we already have detention.”

            Sirius turned to stare at him. “When has that ever mattered?”

            James looked at Lily as if to say, _Go now,_ and she nodded. She pulled Selene along behind her, and disappeared back into the portrait hole.

            Kristen looked up as the two girls approached, and frowned at their flushed faces.

            “What happened?”

            Selene let out a list of expletives, while Lily bit her lip. “We ran into some Cavillors, that’s all.”

            Selene slipped into the seat next to her and rubbed her head.

            “Are you okay?” Lily asked suddenly, casting concerned eyes towards her friend.

            Selene dropped her hand. “I’m fine.” She sighed sadly, “I broke up with him.”

            Kristen frowned apologetically.

            “I’m sorry,” Lily told her, and she meant it in more ways than one.

                

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            Lily shut her eyes and leaned against the tree behind her. The cool breeze flew around her face, and strands of auburn hair slipped out of her carefully placed bun. She held a book in her lap, and it was helping her get nowhere. She had not wanted to sit in the Heads common room to do this research, though she knew that was probably safer. Her friends would certainly question her motives for reading essays on the Cavillor and Ausculto divide. She was sure she could talk her way out of it, but lying was beginning to frustrate her.

            She opened her eyes with a sigh and stared at the lake in front of her. She had no choice. She hadn’t been able to say more than five words to James all week. Perhaps if she were getting some sort of benefit out of lying, she would be more apt to do it, but she was getting nothing. Not even help with this research, unless he had been doing that on his own. She reached over and grabbed a leaf that clashed perfectly with her hair, and stuck it between the pages of the book, carefully folding it shut.

            She heard the crunch of leaves behind her and shoved the book into her bag, hiding the title.

            “Hello,”

            Lily got to her feet and spun around. James was facing her, his hands in his pockets and hair falling into his face. “Er- hi.” She stared at him.

            He stepped closer, and she shot him a warning glance. “There are people watching.”

            James growled, “They’re not going to know whether we’re arguing or talking. Don’t worry about them.”

            “They’ll know if you-”

            “I’m not going to kiss you here.”

            Lily’s eyes widened. “I wasn’t- I’m not-”

            “I want to, though,” he said quietly, tilting his head to watch her reaction.

            She licked her lips, her face heating. She stuck her hands in the pockets of her robe. “Who says I would let you?”

            James smiled at her, and then glanced around them. “This is incredibly frustrating.”

            “Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Lily kicked the pile of leaves beneath her. She took a deep breath and took a step closer. “What if I want to kiss you?”

            James groaned. “I have detention tonight.”

            Lily frowned and took a step backwards. Their eyes met and she nodded. “This is completely hopeless.” She made a move to go past him, and he caught her arm.             

            “I’ve been doing some research on my own, so maybe we can meet-”          

            “Later, James,” she said quietly, watching as her friends walked out of the castle, gazing around. “I have to go.” He spotted them too, and nodded, though his scowl deepened as she left.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            “Prongs, I have devised a plan to rid you of your misery,” Sirius stated proudly, dropping his dust rag onto the floor.

            “What misery?”

            Sirius gave him a pointed look, and gestured around, “ _This_ misery.”

            “Yes, I see that we’re in detention.”

            Sirius shook his head. “I found you a girl, Potter. You can at least show your gratitude.”

            James’s head shot around. “I don’t want a girl, Sirius. I don’t think-”

            Sirius frowned. “What do you mean you don’t want- is this about Elizabeth? Because you told me you didn’t like her.”

            “This isn’t about Liz and- don’t look at me like that.”

            Sirius shrugged. “You’ve been acting rather strange lately, Prongs.”

            James dropped the polish and cursed. “Sometimes I wish we had detention separately.”

            “We always have it separately, you idiot. This is a special occasion. McGonagall sees the need for us to bond.”

            “Somehow I doubt that,” James grinned at his friend.

            Sirius rubbed his chin. “Yes, you’re probably right. But perhaps Minnie has finally given into my exquisite charms and- Ow!”

            James smirked and threw another rag at his friend. “You have no charm, mate. And it’s best that you remember it.”

            “Yes, well. We’re getting to the bottom of your misery, don’t you worry. Stop trying to get me off subject, I see through you.”

            James frowned, looking down at his shoes again. _If I told you why I’m miserable, Padfoot, you would probably disown me as a friend._ James sighed and continued polishing the latest trophy for the _best catch in a thousand years of Gryffindor quidditch_.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            Lily felt her chest tightening. Every time she looked over Kristen’s shoulder he was watching. How long had it been? A week? She couldn’t remember as she looked down at her plate. She swallowed what was left of her fruit, after chewing it so violently.

            She wanted to be someplace else. This would not do; this feeling and her wishing. She dropped her fork with a loud clank, and proceeded to wipe her mouth carefully, dropping her napkin as well. She placed her palms flat on the table and pushed herself up. 

            “Lily, what are you-”

            But she was already leaving, her eyes locked on James. She felt a wild tingling seize somewhere inside of her as she approached the Cavillor table, James’s eyes fastened on her.

            She stopped and grimaced. “Potter! You- me- outside! _Now_!”

            She threw a steady finger in the direction of the doors of the Great Hall, and turned away without acknowledging the several people who were staring at her. They must all be wondering what new argument had erupted, and why it required further complaint during a meal. She might have laughed at this misinterpretation, if she did not feel so hot inside.

            She swept out the doors into the Entrance Hall without waiting to see if he would follow her. Less than five seconds later, she felt two hands grasping her waist and maneuvering her into a dark corner, behind a few suits of bronze armor. She did not care that an irregularly-shaped brick bit into her back as he pushed her against the wall; his mouth crashed onto hers. She bit his lip and then ran her tongue over it, her hands sliding around to rest on his back, her fingers slipping under the hem of his shirt. She was pleased to feel goosebumps erupting where she touched his skin.

            Her friends had wondered what had been bothering her; well this was it. She wanted this, and she couldn’t have it, and- what was he doing with his tongue? Lily thought she would erupt into flames any moment. She broke her mouth away, taking a gulp of air.

            “I can’t do this anymore,” she whispered against his neck, pulling him closer.

            She shivered when he spoke. “Can’t do what?”

            “I can’t keep ignoring you in public, when all I want to do is-” She blushed and he leaned back to look at her.

            He gave her a lop-sided grin and leaned in to catch her lips against his. His hands found her waist and pushed her sweater just over her hips. She shivered again, a hand going up to his neck. He broke the kiss lightly and bowed his head, breathing deeply.

            “I’m sorry, you don’t need this- I’m-”

            “A Cavillor, I know,” she whispered. “Not now, James. I don’t want to talk now.”

            She pulled him back in and forgot that they were once enemies, backed up against a wall that enclosed at least a thousand people who would be enraged to see them together. She wrapped a strand of his hair around her finger. This kiss was entirely different from their first one; they both knew what they wanted, and how limited their time was here.

            “Lily! Li-ly!” Selene’s voice sounded somewhere in her consciousness, and footsteps passed right by them. Out of breath, Lily broke her mouth from James’s. Relentless, he continued to kiss a trail down her neck as his hand traced cold circles on her back, where he had extended her fingers underneath her robes and shirt. Lily attempted to quietly take giant gulps of air.            “I guess she went upstairs. Neither of them is lying here dead.” Kristen’s voice was not as close as Selene’s had been. 

            Lily bit back a moan as James began nibbling on her lower lip. She dug her nails into his back and sighed into his mouth, wishing she could stay here with him. Their tongues slid together and she placed a hand on his chest as more footsteps sounded to their left.

            She pulled back, resting her head against the cold stone behind her. He moved one hand to the wall and looked at her with dark eyes.

            “I should go,” she said, putting a hand on her mouth and shaking slightly.

            “Meet me in the Heads common room tomorrow.”

            She frowned, “You don’t have detention again?”

            He shook his head, “No, and I won’t ever again, if you can meet me.”

            She grinned and nodded. “Yes.”

            Lily gave him one last slow, simple kiss and slipped through the suits of armor, feeling colder air on her face. She glanced back at James and her cheeks heated when she realized he was still staring at her.

            She quickly climbed the steps and jogged down the corridor, knowing that her friends would be wondering where she had gone. She rushed through the Gryffindor common room at the expense of a few staring eyes, and entered her dorm room to find her two friends sitting on her bed.

            Selene turned towards her, was silent for a moment, then smirked.

            Kristen asked, “Where did you go?”

            “I had to- er- return a book to the library,” Lily gulped in a breath of air.

            Selene was looking at her partly in amusement, and partly in suspicion. “Is returning a book code for having a go against the bookshelves?”

                Lily’s mouth dropped open, “Selene! I never-”

                Selene laughed. “I know. I’m teasing. But why so disheveled, Lily?”

                Lily blushed. “I just rushed back here, that’s all.”

                “Mmm.” Selene shrugged, still smirking.

                Kristen looked between them and frowned. “Right. Well, I’m going to bed. You crazy people can do whatever you’d like.”

                “Oh, I’m going to bed too…” Selene grinned at Lily, patting her on the head as she walked to her own bed. 

                Lily allowed herself a small smile as she changed into her pajamas. After Selene had blown the lights out, Lily was shrouded in darkness. Despite the questions, and all of the problems she knew were imminent, her smile grew into a satisfied grin.

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**A/N: This chapter crawls a little bit and I apologize. The longer I wait to write chapters, the harder it seems to do so. I have been entirely too busy, and I just got back from scholarship interviews in Cincinnati, so I’m sorry it took longer this time to update. But anyway, I must read the first act of Waiting for Godot and also study everything there is to know about existentialism and absurdism (who knew that was a real classification?). Oh well. So, thanks for reading, and let me know your thoughts.**

**~Emily~**


	8. Sensational Lies

**A/N: Okay, to avoid any confusion I may have caused in the last chapter: Neither Selene nor Kristen saw Lily and James in the Entrance Hall. They have no idea what is going on, at least not yet…**

**Chapter Eight ~ Sensational Lies**

            Lily smiled at her quill as she scratched out the specifications for a Transfiguration essay, which McGonagall was assigning from the front of the classroom. She had been smiling like this all day, to both her frustration and satisfaction. She finished writing with a flourish, and happily screwed the cap onto her ink bottle. When she looked up, Selene was staring at her, eyes narrowed.

            Kristen sat with her head propped onto one hand, peering at their head of House as she told them good day. She made a noise of frustration. “ _Why_ do we have to do another essay? We _just_ turned one in today.” 

            Without glancing at their blonde-haired friend, Selene commented, “A better question is- why is Lilyso _happy_ about this essay?”

            Lily blinked and looked over at Selene. “Huh?”

            “You’re acting like this assignment is the highlight of your day…is there anything we should know about, Lily?”

            Lily frowned. “Oh. No. I was just…thinking.” She blushed. “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to concentrate on anything today.”

            “I noticed,” Selene replied wryly.

            Kristen shrugged. “She’s allowed to have a good day. You should try that some time, Selene, having a good day and all.”

            Selene rolled her eyes. “I have good days every day. Lily, on the other hand, never smiles this often and I was only…”

            McGonagall spoke from their right. “Were you girls planning on leaving anytime today? I will have to ask you to kindly take your things and report to lunch, because I have an appointment with the headmaster.”

            “Er-sorry.” Lily quickly rose from her seat, noticing that they were the only three students left in the room. She threw a few things in her bag and slung it over her shoulder.

            “Sorry, professor,” Kristen said as they left the classroom. 

            They began a slow walk to the Great Hall. Lily had been trying to be less obvious, and she hadn’t once let her eyes stray over to James Potter. The problem was that they didn’t need to; she had a good memory. She figured that this was only giddiness, and it should pass. As the thoughts washed over her again, however, she smiled down at the floor beneath them.

            Selene suddenly stopped. “Alright! You’re doing it again!”

            “ _What_?”            

            “Smiling!”

            Kristen made an exasperated noise and, grabbing both of her friends, began pulling them with her.

            Selene sobered. “I’m sorry, Lily. I’m curious by nature, you know that. And you’re smiling like you’ve had some fantastic snog and are running off to…” she trailed off, frowning. 

            Kristen chuckled softly, and Lily looked over at Selene with pursed lips. The black-haired girl’s eyes brightened and she grinned.

            “That’s it! I was only teasing last night, but- who have you been snogging, Lily?”

            Lily’s frown deepened as both of her friends looked over at her. “I haven’t been-”

            “No no, this must be the answer!” Selene nodded animatedly. “I can’t think of a better reason for your mood. Now, just tell me who he is.”

            “I haven’t been snogging anybody!” Lily said very quickly, her face turning red. “Just because you can’t keep your hands to yourself…” 

            “Hey! Don’t accuse me of things that are…well, actually…oh, fine. But still, I think I’m on to you here.”            

            “You’re on to your own madness.”

            “Well, you’re certainly acting like-”

            Kristen, watching Lily’s stricken expression, shook her head at Selene. “She clearly said no, Selene. Don’t badger her; Lily wouldn’t lie to us.”

            Lily felt something sink in her chest. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she shot Kristen an appreciative smile, and then quickly looked away, the smile falling from her lips.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

                The rest of the day passed quickly as Lily became continually more anxious about the night before her. She managed to avoid all eye contact with James; it was easier to do when she knew she would be able to see him later. What was not easier was the situation with her friends. And now she was running late, and she had only partly been able to convince Selene that she was not keeping anything from them, especially not a boy. 

            Once evening rolled around, Lily had disappeared into her dorm to grab a few books before leaving, her heart beating madly against her ribcage. Unfortunately, her friends followed her, and she had to talk to them for an indeterminable amount of time before she felt that it was safe to leave, without suspicion following her as a shadow.

            Now she was jogging down a staircase, hoping James had not already given up and left. She glanced around the corner, making sure nobody was walking the halls this late at night. It was past curfew, and although she was not technically forbidden from being out as Head Girl, she would have no excuse if she were stopped. “Oh, sorry, I’m only running to my midnight rendezvous,” was hardly a logical answer. She grinned at the absurdity, and the irony of her actions, as she turned down the last hallway. 

            She took a deep breath and came to a stop in front of the portrait of the Three Musketeers. They bowed to her, and Aramis smiled kindly as she related the password. The door swung forward, and she slipped through, searching wildly for James.

            He was spread across the couch, with one hand holding a book open and the other tangled in his hair. She approached slowly, dropping her bag next to the couch. He sat up with a jump, and blinked sleepily at her. Once she came into focus, he smiled.

            Lily smiled back, hoping that he could not hear her heartbeat as well as she could feel it. She suddenly felt slightly embarrassed as all of the images from the previous night flooded her memory. Certainly she could be less crazy about this. She was not going to jump on him this time, figuratively or literally. She took another deep breath and blushed when he raised an eyebrow.

            “Hello, Lily,” he was still grinning at her as he patted the couch next to him. She sat down on the edge, settling a bit further away from him than he had indicated. James frowned, but still looked content. 

            Lily pointed to the book he was holding open. “Are you doing research?”

            “Well, I was…” And as he looked over at her, she noticed his eyes falling to her mouth. 

            Lily licked her lips, her blush deepening. “Um, right.  We should discuss what we’ve found. It’s been a week or so…did you find anything useful?”

            James shrugged. “I just can’t see any of this changing anyone’s mind.”

            Lily nodded. “I was thinking the same thing. I wish there was a better way to go about this, but any way I think of is just as bad.”

            James faced her seriously, “However we do this, it’s not going to begin happily. I mean, even my friends-”

            Lily suddenly groaned, rubbing her eyes and leaning back against the couch. “Please don’t mention friends just now.”

            “What happened?”

            Lily sighed. “I hate lying like this.”

            James nodded, looking resigned. “Me too.”

            She suddenly faced him, her eyes tracing his face as she spoke, “I’ve never lied to them like this. I don’t usually lie to anybody…I can’t even imagine what they’ll do when I tell them.”

            James paused. “When _are_ we going to tell them?”

            There was a short silence before Lily said, “Don’t you think we should tell them before everyone else knows?”             

           James nodded. “Probably. I’m just not sure how my friends will take it.”

            “I’m pretty sure mine will not be very happy with me. Perhaps we should do it together?”

            “No. That will be worse.”

            “Yes, you’re right…”

            They slipped into silence, and Lily felt James’s eyes on her as she twisted her hands in her lap. Her face heated when she looked over to find him staring, looking like he expected her to do something. She wanted to move closer to him, or just lean over and give him a hint, but…she was going to seem like some sort of crazy woman who had to be attached to him every moment. It was enough that she had practically dragged him out of the Great Hall the night before, just because she couldn’t take it anymore. What was wrong with her? In an attempt to avoid embarrassment by launching herself onto him, she began talking.

            “Well, I haven’t found much of use, but let’s look at it anyway. We need to figure out when we’re going to have this meeting. Should we make announcements to post in the Great Hall?” She began pulling papers out of her bag, and clutching them in her fingers. “How long do you want to wait? We should probably think about-”

            James was grinning as he cut her off. “Are you not wanting me to kiss you?”

            Lily sighed, gripping the papers in her hands. “It’s not that I don’t- it’s just-” She looked over at him and their eyes met. “Please,” she said softly.

            He scooted closer and looked down at her. “Please what?”

            She swallowed, reaching a hand up to run her fingers through his hair. He watched as she tangled her other hand in the hair at the nape of his neck and pulled him closer. “You shouldn’t have to ask me that question, Cavillor,” she whispered. Their lips met with a quieter intensity, and she felt her whole body sinking into the couch. James’s hand appeared at her waist, shifting her body to face him more fully. 

            Lily suddenly felt all of her worries slip away, even if she realized that it was momentary. This was almost painful, it was so unexplainable. She had always been able to explain everything, but if someone asked her to describe this emotion, she would fail. She would draw a blank face, and blink, and then probably go searching for James to try it again.

            She covered his hand with hers and broke away from him, turning her head to the side. He kissed her on the cheek, his lips skimming the bottom of her ear. She smiled. 

            “I can’t-”

            “I think I’m-” He stopped, finally opening his eyes. “What were you going to say?”

            “I don’t remember.”             

            They stared at one another, until Lily noticed the clock on the wall above the fireplace. “Oh! It’s really late, we shouldn’t be... we should go.”

            James nodded, still watching her. 

            Lily sighed. “Can you- will you come back here tomorrow?”             

           James leaned over and captured her lips again, whispering against them, “You shouldn’t have to ask _that_ question, Ausculto.”

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            Surprisingly, neither Selene nor Kristen questioned her small smiles the next day. It appeared that Selene had finally accepted Lily’s continuous denials of “sneaking off to do naughty things,” as Selene so eloquently put it. Selene merely smiled at Lily when she found her grinning at absurd objects, such as her potions cauldron, which was what she was currently staring at.

            Potions class had always been Lily’s least favorite, and yet she found herself here every year. She needed this class if she wanted to be a Healer. Or an Auror. She hadn’t decided yet, but with the war…She frowned. Selene was grumbling something next to her; they had been allowed to switch partners for the day.

            “What was that?”             

           Selene shook her head. “Malfoy. And Snape. They keep looking over here and whispering, like they’re planning to kidnap one of us.”

            Lily’s head whipped around to where the Slytherins were seated, across the room. They met her eyes, and both scowled. She grimaced. What could they possibly be up to now? She decided that ignoring them was probably the best option for now. As she turned back around, she noticed James watching her and frowned. She didn’t like having so many eyes on her at once.      

            Selene was cutting up a slimy green plant, and Lily began to stir the potion, causing it to turn bright pink. 

            “Just ignore him, he’s not worth our time,” Selene said, noticing Lily biting her lip.

            “Huh? Oh, I know. I am.”

            She heard the Slytherins cackling behind her, and bit down on her tongue in anger. “Ow!”

            “What?” Selene looked over.

            Something hit the back of Lily’s head, and she dropped the ladle she had been stirring with. It fell onto the floor with a sharp clunk.

            Professor Jenkins looked over at Lily. “Evans, stop being so loud,” he snapped, and then looked back down at the parchment he was holding. 

            Lily grumbled under her breath and leaned over to pick up whatever had hit her in the head. It was a crumpled piece of parchment, and she quickly smoothed it over. _Scared, Mudblood? You have no idea what we know._ Lily blinked, and read it again. Was it possible that- no. No, it couldn’t be. She grabbed her quill and scribbled, _I’ve never been scared of you._ She crumpled it back into a ball, and threw it at Malfoy. Unfortunately, she let it go at exactly the same moment Jenkins looked up from his parchment.

            He stood up. “Miss Evans! I do not tolerate students who stay off-task and decide to litter in my classroom!”

            Lily turned to face him. “I wasn’t-”

            “You can serve detention tonight, for refusing to act like a normal human and behave while in class.” He made as if to turn.

            “But sir- tonight I-”

            “You do not have a meeting with the headmaster tonight, Evans, because _I_ do. You can serve detention _tonight_.”

            Lily bit her lip. She was never given detention; she had only had it once before. And tonight…tonight she was supposed to meet James. She cursed and went back to furiously stirring the potion, when the directions said to use even turns.

            “Lily, hey, don’t do that so fast-”

            Lily frowned. “Bloody Potions. I knew I should have stayed in bed today.”

            Selene took the ladle from her and patted her on the hand. “Detention isn’t _that_ bad. At least you can get it over with tonight.”

            Lily shrugged, knowing that she could not tell Selene the real reason for her irritation.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            

            They went straight to Charms after Potions, and Lily was very glad for it; at least she enjoyed Charms. She was good at it. Except James sat right in front of her with his friends, and she now knew that she wouldn’t be seeing him tonight. It was harder not to dwell on that fact when he was there every time she looked up. He hadn’t looked at her once since Potions, and she wished that he would. 

            She found herself not concentrating for the entire class, and as it came to an end, Flitwick was looking at her with some disappointment. She sighed loudly, and then sobered as she saw James quickly leave the classroom. She looked over to see his friends arguing over something animatedly. Her own friends were taking their sweet time gathering their belongings, slowly smiling over some joke Selene had made. 

            Lily quickly scooped her books into her arms and slipped out of the classroom. She glanced around the corridor just as James grabbed onto her arm. She opened her mouth to protest when he shushed her. 

            “Nobody is out here yet. Come on.”

            He pulled her behind him, and she gripped the edges of her books, holding them close to her chest. “Where-”        

            He stopped and pulled open the door to the nearest broom cupboard, gently pushing her inside and stepping in behind her. He shut the door and locked it with a click, turning to face her. Lily’s green eyes narrowed. “What are you-”

            But he leaned in and kissed her, carefully sliding his lips against hers. She felt him grab onto her books and take them away, dropping them onto the floor. Her bag slipped off her shoulder and she placed her hand on his back, gathering his shirt as she gripped him. He attempted to maneuver them against a wall, but succeeded in running into a broomstick. James cursed as it fell with a loud clank, and Lily pulled back, her head softly hitting the wall behind her.

            “You are insatiable.” She smiled at James, slightly dazed.

            “I don’t see you minding much,” he mumbled as he kissed her jaw, quickly moving his mouth back to hers.

            “Mm.” She dug her nails into the fabric at his waist as he squished her further into the wall. She was not complaining, that much was true.

            After an indeterminable amount of time, she pushed at his chest. He opened his eyes and smiled at her. “I just didn’t want- well, I’m sorry you have detention tonight.”

            “No, _I’m_ sorry.”

            He kissed her quickly, lightly. “Don’t be. I like having a reason to drag you into closets like this.”

            “We should go.” Lily straightened her clothes and fixed her hair, reaching for the doorknob. She looked over her shoulder to see him trying to smooth his unruly hair. “How long do you think we can fool our friends?”            

            James frowned. “However long we need to.”

            Lily nodded, opened the door, and disappeared down the corridor.

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            Later that night, James found himself sitting in the dorm he shared with his three friends. He was picking spare twigs off of his broomstick and listening as Sirius imitated Miles Warwick, the latest singing sensation.

            “You’re absolutely horrible, Padfoot,” James shook his head.

            Sirius continued singing, and poked Remus continually, trying to get him to dance. Remus laughed, and shoved Sirius’s fingers away from him. “Stop that, you crazy dog.”

            Sirius stopped. “One could argue that you, too, are a sort of dog, Moony.”

            “True,” Remus nodded. “You’re still crazy, though.”

            Sirius nodded. “True.” He looked over at James, who shook his head at his friends as he picked a final twig off the tail and smoothed his hand over the handle. 

            “Sometimes I think you care more about that broomstick than you do about me, Potter.” Sirius shook his head, and then turned to look at Peter. “Oh, I forgot! Wormtail and I came up with a rather amazing prank. Would you like to hear about it, Prongs? Moony?”

            Remus leaned back against his bed and shrugged. James looked up. “What prank?”

            “That’s the spirit,” Sirius grinned. “Well, you see, it involves Malfoy and Snape…”

            “I figured as much,” James slid his broomstick underneath his bed.

            “And Jenkins…and perhaps McGonagall…” Sirius was rubbing his chin.

            James grimaced. “Well, if we can get away with it…”

            “That’s the only thing. This prank will end with almost sure capture.”

            “Then I don’t want-”

            “But it will also be quite hilarious.”

            “But Padfoot, I don’t-”

            “And it involves a bit of slime, which I think will complement Snivellus’s hair perfectly. In fact, this may be what he uses for shampoo.”

            “Padfoot,” James cut it, “I said I didn’t want to do anymore ‘sure-death’ pranks.”

            “Well, this isn’t about death. This is only about detention. Surely you don’t care about that.”

            James sighed. “I really don’t think it’s worth it, Padfoot.”

            Sirius frowned. “What do you mean it isn’t _worth_ it? When has a prank ever not been worth it to you?”

            Remus intervened, “Actually, Sirius, James is probably making a good decision. He’s Head Boy, after all.”

            James nodded. “I’m sorry, Padfoot. I really don’t think-”

            “What’s wrong with you?” Sirius’s face colored quickly as his mirth faded. “It’s like you haven’t even been part of this group lately. You keep disappearing, and you never want to do anything fun.”

            James’s forehead creased. Was that true? “I never meant to-”

            “But you did.” Sirius replied. There was a pause, in which he met James’s eyes directly. “Fine.” Sirius shrugged. “You can do whatever you want. But the rest of us…we’re going to have a good time. And next time you disappear, I’m not going to ask where you are.”

            James shook his head. “You should listen to yourself sometimes, Sirius. And maybe take a few lessons from Remus, because at least he doesn’t act like a little kid when he doesn’t get what he wants.” James was sure this would blow over in a few hours; he and Sirius had never fought for more than a day at a time. Yet there was something nagging at his stomach. He was _lying_ to them, and in many senses, betraying them.

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**A/N: This chapter is just slightly shorter, so sorry. But I figured nobody can complain too much, because this update is quick, for me ;) If there are any glaring errors in here, I’m sorry, but I’ll have to fix them a bit later, because I’m supposed to be meeting my friends. Thanks for all of the feedback, I really appreciate it.**

**Oh yes, and for those of you who have read the old version of BA, I’ll be tying this in very soon, which means that after this chapter and I suppose the next, the plot will be pretty identical, although I may rewrite some scenes. Eventually the chapters will be exactly the same, and at that point I will turn to writing the new ones (Wohoo! Cliffhanger resolutions…) I also had a question for you. Did the cliché-ness of relationships between some of the characters in the old version annoy you? I am sure you know what I mean, but I don’t want to spoil it for those who haven’t read. I’m wondering because I don’t particularly want to change those relationships, because I rather liked writing them, but we’ll see how it goes…just let me know =) Thanks all of you!**

**~Emily~**

            


	9. Measured Insanity

**Chapter Nine ~ Measured Insanity**

            James inclined his head towards the mirror and combed his hair with his fingers. Or rather, he tried to, but the strands kept scattering back to their original messiness. He suspected that his comb might perform better, but it was most likely hiding under his bed. Sometimes he wondered if some wizard long ago had placed a curse on his family’s hair. He chuckled lightly and his hands fell limply to his sides as the door to the boys’ dorm crashed open.

            Sirius and Peter appeared, the former leaning towards his fellow Marauder conspiratorially. He was grinning devilishly, in that Sirius way; clearly planning something he ought not to be.

            James turned towards them with a frown. “Are you forgetting that I’m here?” There was a lengthy silence, in which the two boys stared at him with closed mouths. “What’s this all about?”

            James had hoped that their argument the night before would be forgotten as many others had been in the past. Judging from the glint in Sirius’s eyes, he was not going to have the same luck this time.

            Sirius slowly faced James, dropping the hand he had been waving. “Are you going to stop being a filthy prat and actually be a participatory friend again?”

            James was silent, his eyebrows furrowed. He thought maybe-

            “I didn’t think so.” Sirius snapped, turning back around and facing Peter. “Come on, mate. I s’pose it’s just you and I now. Let’s go find Remus and share the plan.”

            Peter glanced back at a scowling James as they slipped out the door.

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            The door slammed behind James as he trudged towards the front of the classroom.

            “You’re late, Cavillor,” Lily grumbled from her place in front of the Hogwarts prefects.

            James glanced at her and their eyes met. He read something in hers that he wished he could return, but a combination of anxiety and the many eyes watching him prevented any marked display.

            “I am never late, Ausculto, though your type does always think they run the show.”

            Lily huffed half-heartedly, a strand of her red hair slipping out of her mussed ponytail. James followed the curve of her neck as she turned back to the prefects. “As I was saying…”

            James felt himself listening more to the sound of her voice than her actual words, and more than once he was called out for doing so.            

           “Potter, are you even listening to me?” Lily snapped. Her eyes belied the tone of her voice; she might be tired, but she was not angry with him by any means.

            James realized that the entire room was staring at him, a few people smirking (mostly Cavillors) and others scowling. “Just because I don’t give you the attention you crave, Evans, does not mean that I am incompetent.”

            Lily gave him a pointed look. “I am sure you think you’re entirely _competent._ ”

            An Ausculto prefect muttered something rude, and James glared at him. He continued, “And I happen to think the Halloween Feast planning has been lousy. I will choose a few Cavillors to take over the project.”

            Lily grunted, still staring at him. She wondered how much longer they would need to act like this. She had never been very good at hiding her emotions. Suddenly she sighed. “Alright. I suppose that’s good for today. You are all dismissed. Remember our meeting this Wednesday. Seven o’clock! Don’t be late!”

            Lily attempted to avoid James’s eyes as the students slowly filtered out of the room. She straightened her stack of papers and capped the ink she had only used once during the meeting. She sensed that James was upset, and as the door clicked behind the last prefect, she turned to question his mood. Her efforts were constrained by his hand at her waist, pushing her into the desk just behind them. He kissed her just beneath her ear, along the side of her neck, and breathed deeply. She shivered slightly; she had always been sensitive there.

            “James? I…” He shifted and she trailed off.

            “Not now.” He muttered, leaning down to capture her lips as their eyes simultaneously slipped shut. What began as a slow caressing of lips became almost a barrage of emotions. James was clearly feeling a bit off; he was acting as if he not only wanted this, but _needed_ it. 

            Lily noticed a scuffling of shoes outside the closed door and quickly pushed James away from her. As the door opened, Lily attempted to brush her hair behind her ears.

            An Ausculto prefect stopped just inside the door, suddenly looking embarrassed. “I just- er- forgot my parchment.” He moved towards it, clearly taking their mussed appearances for the result of an argument rather than a make-out session. The boy grabbed his roll of parchment and all but jogged for the door. 

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            As the door slipped shut for a second time, Lily and James stared at one another, at a loss for appropriate words.

            James sighed, running a hand through his hair. 

            “Is everything alright?” Lily asked. James just shook his head, grimacing.

            Lily frowned. “Well? Are you going to share?”

            “Sirius is angry at me and my friends in general think I have been neglecting them.”

            Lily took a step back, her backside again hitting the desk. “Oh.” She bit her lip. She was afraid of this, and her friends had also been suspicious lately. It was added stress she did not need. She gazed at James as he toed the floor, and she wondered what it was that kept her from going back to the way things were before. If this was so difficult, and it was going to upset their entire lives, then why did she need to bother with James Potter? She would be able to ignore the obvious attraction there, given time. At least she hoped so, because his mere presence put her mind and body into overdrive.

            She ran a few of her fingers through his hair, loving the way he had tried to tame it and clearly failed. She had entered the gray area between black and white, and she almost felt as if it was her duty to do this. _Not this_ , she thought, touching her lips gently, but uniting the groups.

            Her eyes strayed to the floor, and then her own hands. Even if the situation, or rather the resolution, was very near impossible, she would never be able to forgive herself for doing nothing or giving up.

            “What are you thinking about?” James cut into her thoughts, and she realized that she has been staring for some time. 

            “Things I shouldn’t be thinking about.”

            “Oh really?” That mischievous glint which had so far been absent from his brown eyes reappeared. 

            Lily gave a strange laugh. “Oh, please.” Yet despite her brief amusement, she saw it in his eyes; things could not go on this way.

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            Lily slid into her seat in the Great Hall, slightly out of breath from hurrying to make sure her friends were still present. Their plates appeared almost empty as they glanced up at her, their expressions of curiosity laced with something else. Lily got the strange impression that the air was becoming heavier. She sat down.

            “Where have you been?” Selene inquired, speaking out of the left corner of her mouth, while the other corner was occupied with a piece of roll.

            “Prefects meeting.” Lily mumbled, grabbing the pumpkin juice.

            Kirsten was peering at her oddly. Finally, she set down her fork and said, “But the prefects came to dinner about fifteen minutes ago.”

            Lily looked up at her friends. “Er- well- I had to stay behind with J-Potter and finalize a few things.”

            Selene swallowed quickly, her face strained. “I thought that was unnecessary- doesn’t a prefect majority have the final say on matters?”

            “Er- yes.” Lily felt her cheeks warming slightly and a warning and she took a long swig of her juice. “But not always.”

            Kristen frowned, but as Lily was paying more attention to her food, her blonde-haired friend finally ceased staring and looked at her plate instead.

            After several moments of deafening silence, Selene cleared her throat and the others glanced up.

            “I thought tonight we could take a walk on the grounds before curfew. I wanted to talk to you two about-”

            Lily was frowning. “I’m sorry, Selene. I really wish I could, but I have a Heads meeting with Dumbledore this evening.”

            “Bloody hell.” Selene shook her head. “Alright then.”

            Kristen bit her lip. “But there was another Ausculto girl- I think she was a fifth year- and she was saying that she had a meeting with the headmaster tonight.”

            Lily glanced at Kristen to find her brown eyes narrowed, thought more in contemplation than anger.

            “Well, she’s probably going before or after my meeting.”

            Kristen shrugged. “Perhaps, but-”

            Lily felt James’s eyes on her and wished that he wouldn’t do that now. She was already feeling warm under the scrutiny. “But what?”

            Kristen frowned. “Never mind.”

            Lily was beginning to understand James’s earlier frustration, and she almost thought that fighting with her friends might be better than this tension. They weren’t unintelligent, and she supposed that it was only a matter of time before something changed...Lily swallowed a large amount of pumpkin juice, feeling it wash down her throat in waves. 

            She looked at Selene. “I really am sorry, about tonight, I mean.”

            Selene looked slightly surprised, but she nodded. Kristen offered a small smile at Lily, who returned it, and pushed away from the table and onto her feet. 

            “I’ll see you later, then.”

            “I hope so,” Lily heard Kristen add as she walked away.

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                Lily had thought many times in the past that she was going mad; in fact, it now seemed to be a regular admission. She was serious this time, however. She was positive that her constant feeling of being watched, or of people slowly figuring out what she was doing, meant that she had finally cracked.

            She’d been on edge all day. Perhaps it was the influence of her friends altered behavior. They were suspicious of her, that much seemed obvious. But they hadn’t figured it out yet; they wouldn’t be speaking to her if they had. How long would it take? They weren’t stupid, or even close to unobservant. Lily was worried.

            She couldn’t relax anywhere. She was pretending constantly, and every time she passed by a couple openly holding hands, her mood darkened. Even if she wasn’t involved in this fight, or rift, or whatever anyone wanted to label it as, she would have been on edge here. Could nobody else feel it? It was never-ending tension; every time an Ausculto and Cavillor brushed arms it caused drawn breaths. How had she not noticed, at least not this tangibly, in the past? 

            She shook her head again, knowing she must look crazy to anyone who happened to pass her. _I am crazy_ , she thought as she finally approached the portrait of the musketeers. She whispered the password and cold air pressed against her face as she passed through the opening door. She pushed it shut behind her, and peered around. James was not there yet. There was something she needed to do, needed to tell him. 

            She walked towards the bookshelf, dropping the bag she had been carrying next to the fire, which burst to life as she tapped it with her wand and an incantation. She peered at the titles and reached up to take her hair out of its ponytail. She meant to put it back up, but left that thought as the door opened.            

            James stopped and looked at her. He closed the door again before saying, “You weren’t waiting long, were you?”

            “No, not at all.” She ran a hand through her hair, moving towards the couch. The way he stared at her sometimes was unnerving. It was as if he knew her a lot better than he should already. Perhaps he did, and she wasn’t sure how that had happened.

            He followed her, and sat down on the other end of the couch, still watching her.  “You look tense again.” He smiled softly.

            “I am tense.” She groaned. “How are _you_ not tense? I don’t understand. Just walking around this castle makes me tense these days.”

            James shrugged, and scooted closer. Lily thought she should bring up what she had meant to discuss with him, but did not have the heart to do it as he reached a hand out to her. Frowning, she took it, and he pulled her closer. 

            He smiled. “I promised you we would continue those relaxing sessions.”

            Lily rolled her eyes. “I don’t need-”

            But his hands were already on her shoulders, and his fingers felt like heaven. She was aware that her mind was slipping into mushiness, someplace where her personality hated it to go. She didn’t care.

            “Oh, fine.” 

            “I thought you might say that,” he winked at her as she closed her eyes. 

            “But only for a few moments. We have work we should be doing. And if we cannot manage that, _I_ have work that _I_ should be doing.”

            “What work?”             

            “Essays. Things.” She waved a hand as if to say, what does it matter?

            She felt James shift beneath her, and she cracked one eye open. He was watching her closely, almost in a scrutinizing way. She wondered if he were considering what she had been considering earlier; was this worth it? Was _she_ worth it? She held back a laugh. She would say no to herself, but to him…his eyes searched hers. 

            “I haven’t talked to my friends since this morning.”

            “But you sat with them at lunch,” Lily tried to push herself up, as she had slipped into a mostly horizontal position on his lap, but he thwarted her efforts. She sighed.

            “But we didn’t talk then.”

            “Oh. I’m sorry.”

            James shrugged.

            Lily continued. “If it’s any consolation, my friends are not treating me like I’m normal either. I think they’re more than a little suspicious.”       

            James looked back at her, and she met his eyes. “Why would that be consolation?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “I don’t know either.” His hands resumed their slow massage of her shoulders. “I don’t want to think about it right now, either.”

            “How can you just do that? Let go of things, for a time, I mean. I can’t do that.”

            “I know. That’s what I’m trying to teach you, if you wouldn’t struggle so much.” He winked at her. She felt his fingers skip her bare shoulder, and shivered slightly. How had he gotten the top of her robes unbuttoned without her noticing? She frowned, staring at the pale green shirt she was wearing underneath her heavy robes. James’s smugness was almost tangible. 

            Lily tried to push herself up again, this time halfway succeeding. “We really should get something done. I would have been talking to Selene about whatever she wanted to talk about, if I didn’t need to be here doing work.”

            “Stop that,” He pushed her back. “You need to be here doing this.”

            “Oh really? You think so?”

            “I do.”

            “And you’re the expert?”

            “At many things.” He gave her a half-grin, and she wondered how she had ever hated that grin.

            She forfeited her protest for a moment. Instead, she wondered aloud something she had been wondering for some time. “Why do you think Dumbledore has left this entirely up to us? Do you think he’s finally lost his marbles?”

            “Yes, maybe. But he’s brilliant. He always knows what he’s doing. Sort of like you.”

            Lily snorted. “I’m flattered. But honestly, I can’t decide what he’s trying to go. He wants the groups together, certainly. But he’s giving us no clues as to how we should do that. I know he’s busy; I understand that. But would it be so difficult to share at least a few ideas with us?”

            “Lily, stop thinking about what you have to do, or what’s going on. Just stop thinking.”

            “How enlightening of you. And how do you propose I do that? There’s no off switch in my brain.”

            James scratched his head, grinning down at her. “No, I suppose not. You really can’t relax, can you? This is completely pointless.”

            “Of course.” She sat up and his hands slid from her shoulders, where they had been motionless for a couple of minutes. “So can I at least get to work now?” She didn’t wait for an answer, instead pushing herself to her feet. James held out a leg and caused her to fall back onto the couch, halfway on top of him. 

            “No.”

            She scowled at him, but she was sure her eyes were presenting a more agreeable emotion. He resumed his work on her shoulders, and she slipped into a peaceful state, not feeling much except for the pressure of his hands. 

            After a time, she opened her eyes carefully. He was looking into the fire, but looked back at her as she spoke. “We don’t do this often enough.”

            He raised an eyebrow. “Give each other massages?”

            “No. Talk.”

            “Oh.” He frowned. “How do you suppose we go about doing that more often? It’s not as if I can send you casual greetings in the hallway, or even in the mail.”

            “No, but we…I mean, not that I’m complaining or anything…it just seems like we, er, skip the talking most of the time.”

            The wrinkling of his forehead conveyed to her that he now understood her meaning. She meant to bring this up when he first came in, but now it seemed more fitting anyway. “You think we’re too-”

            “Physical, yes.” She felt her face heating and sat up.           

           He laughed and then stopped abruptly. “I’m sorry.”

            Her face was undoubtedly entirely pink by then. She frowned.

            “It’s just that…I mean, I understand what you mean. I just…we’re always so pressed for time. And you must understand, Lily, that I really like you.”

            Lily stared at him. That was the closest he had come to saying anything, well, like that. Anything that wasn’t a “we should work together.” She smiled softly, but was scared all the same. Something like worry washed over her. Was this a good thing, or a bad thing? Sometimes she hated ambiguity. 

            “I wouldn’t be going through all this trouble if I didn’t, you know…” He picked up a strand of her auburn hair and pushed it behind her ear.

            “Er- I know. I like you as well, James. I really do. I just think we should be less…physical. Just for the time being.”

            He frowned, but nodded. “You’re probably right. We’re less likely to be caught if we’re only talking, I suppose.”

            She nodded vaguely, pushing herself away from him slowly. She glanced at the fire, which was dying in front of them. They sat in silence for several moments. 

            “I should try to make amends with Sirius, I think…” James trailed off, turning to look at her.

            Lily nodded carefully. “My friends are probably wondering again.”

            They stood up, and Lily brushed past him to grab her bag. James touched her arm as she slung it over her shoulder. “I may not be able to meet you until after the prefects meeting on Wednesday.”

            “I know…I suppose it may be better that way anyway. It might calm some suspicions if I’m not disappearing all the time this week.”

            James leaned in towards her, and brushed his lips against hers. Her eyes slid shut as she reached a hand around his neck. He was so much taller than her that she had to stretch. There was something in the way he kissed her. It wasn’t distress, or anything as terrible as that, but something nonetheless. She ran a finger down his cheek as they pulled away.

            “Goodnight, James.”

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            When James reached his dorm, he found all three of his friends leaning over Sirius’s bed in quiet conversation. James shut the door loudly behind him, causing all three of them to peer over at him.

            “Er- hullo.” They stared at him. He sighed. “Look guys, I’ve been a prat. And I’m sorry. I really am.”

            They continued to stare at him, so James moved closer to where they were standing. Sirius picked up the parchment they had been looking at, and brought it to his chest, eyeing James’s movement.

            James stopped where he was. “What do I have to do to get you to trust me again?”   

            Sirius stared at him for another long moment, until his face suddenly broke into a grin. “I thought you’d never ask.”

            James grinned back warily. “Well I’m asking now.”

            “Good. You can help us with this prank.”             

           “The one I wouldn’t agree to yesterday?”             

            “Yes, that’s right. The sure-death one.”

            James took a step closer, and Sirius finally dropped the parchment back onto his bed. James noticed a small diagram in the center and frowned in confusion. “Mm. Is there any way it won’t be sure-death?”

            “If you help us, then yes, it’s possible.”

            James paused, wondering if he should agree. Was it worth it? He looked around at his friends, and realized that he really had been neglecting them, after all these years together. Finally, he nodded. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

            “Good. Now, we’ve got the song written. The only reason we’re most likely going to be caught is that it’s going to be our voices singing the song, only coming out of their mouths…do you see what I’m saying?”             

           James shook his head. “No. Not really.”

            “Right…” Sirius scratched his head. “We can use this incantation to make this song come out of their mouths, you see, but I’ve got it all wrong and I can’t figure out how to fix it. So the only way I figured it would work is if we sung it beforehand, and then used the spell to make them sing it…it’s complicated, you see.”

            “You’re mad, Padfoot.”             

            “Yes, I know. Now help me figure out how to fix it, or give in to detention.”

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            Lily returned to her room to find her friends sitting on Selene’s bed, eating chocolates. They glanced up as she came through the door, and Kristen smiled briefly.

            “Hi.” Lily walked over and sat on Kristen’s bed, facing them. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

            Selene shrugged. “It’s alright. Kristen helped me out.” Selene smiled at their blonde-haired friend, who smiled back. Lily had the distinct feeling that she had missed something, and there was no way to gain it back. Although they did not seem angry with her, she felt a sinking feeling anyway. Now she was not only lying, but missing out on helping her friends with their problems. Lily wondered at what point friendship faded, once someone neglected acting like a friend. She smiled sadly and then noticed that they were watching her.

            “Are you okay, Lily?”

            “Er- yeah. I’ll be fine.”

            “What did Dumbledore want?”             

            “Huh?” Lily suddenly remembered her lie. “Oh, he just wanted to ask me for a few other things.”

            “He’s been asking for a lot lately, it seems.” Kristen seemed to be suggesting that it was maybe too much, at times.

            “Yes, but- he _is_ busy. With the war and all.”

            Selene nodded and Kristen relented. “I suppose.”

            After a short silence, Selene cleared her throat. “So, tomorrow night, let’s go sit by the lake like we used to.”

            “But it’s already getting cold at night.” Kristen didn’t seem to care much, by her tone of voice.

            “So? We’ll take blankets.”

            Lily laughed. “Okay.”

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

                James chewed on his lip as he considered what he had agreed to a few days ago. They had been unable to fix the incantation, and Sirius had insisted that they do it anyway. Who cared about detention? James wished he had protested then, but something held him back. He had already tried that, and he didn’t really want Sirius angry with him again. It was only one detention, most likely. Not a big deal. He owed this to his friends, even if it was going to get him into trouble with McGonagall. He hadn’t been meeting with Lily this week anyway.           

            His thoughts turned to her and his eyes wandered across the Great Hall as they tended to do. He saw her sitting with her friends, laughing over the apple she was holding in her hand. She reached a hand up and pushed her long hair over her shoulder. He had understood her protest of them being “too physical,” and he even agreed to a certain extent. To a certain extent. He missed it, now. He hadn’t even realized that she had a certain smell to her, or a certain way that she touched him, not until he now found himself missing all of these things. He shook his head, grumbling under his breath. He was going crazy, and it was a good thing she appeared to be completely normal. At least one of them was able to manage that.

            James glanced over at his best friend as he leaned over the table to grab another piece of toast, humming to himself. Sirius looked over at James and winked.

            “Any moment now.” 

            They both turned and watched as Snape and Malfoy took their seats at the Slytherin table. Sirius let out a breath and dropped his half-eaten toast. He retrieved his wand from inside his robes, tipped an imaginary hat towards the other Marauders, and began walking towards the Slytherin table. James watched carefully as Sirius slipped unnoticed right past Snape and Malfoy, paused behind them, and then turned back towards their table. As he was walking back, a confused looking Malfoy cleared his throat. He stood up and loudly announced, 

            “My assistant, Severus Snape, and I have a presentation.” He held his hand out to Snape, who took it, almost gallantly, and the two of them climbed onto the Slytherin table, kicking a few plates out of the way, including Macnair’s, who looked rather angry about this.

            Snape cleared his throat and began the song. Malfoy began to do a little jig. Nobody seemed to notice Sirius slipping back into his own seat, because the entire Hall was staring at the two Slytherins in a mixture of confusion and amusement.

            Both boys had started a sort of Irish jig by then, and their voices, or rather the voices of the Marauders, rang out from their mouths across the Hall. “I love Muggles, yes I doo….”

            “They’re soo fun, I wish I were too.”

            The Slytherins appeared horrified, and as the song finally finished, the two boys dancing atop the table stopped abruptly. Malfoy rubbed his head, and Snape peered around in confusion. Suddenly, they both looked horrified. Snape turned slightly green, and Malfoy was rather pink with anger. He pushed Snape off the table and climbed down into his seat himself, glaring around at everyone who had been staring, as they were now laughing.

            The Marauders were stuffing food into their mouths to keep from laughing, but in Sirius’s case, this mostly caused him to choke loudly. James was surprised to find that once the laughter died down and everyone resumed eating as normal, he did not hear his name or any of his friends’ names announced in angry voices. 

            Once they finally left the Great Hall, James was feeling rather proud at having gotten away with another prank when he was stopped by a commanding voice just outside the Great Hall. He felt Peter run into his back as he hastily stopped. 

            “Potter! Black!” McGonagall stood just to their left. “You as well, Pettigrew! And I thought you had better sense, Lupin.” 

            They approached her carefully, and James frowned. 

            “Detention,” she said calmly. “Tonight at seven o’clock.”

            James opened his mouth. “But today is Wednesday! I have-”

            “You should have thought about that earlier, Potter. You’re supposed to be Head Boy, but clearly you don’t have enough sense for such a title. Well? Report to my office at seven, all of you!”

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ 

            Lily gazed out at the prefects who were staring at her. She knew that they wanted to leave as much as she did, and were probably very frustrated by now. She cursed again, glancing at the door. Where _was_ James? And then it dawned on her – that damn prank. The prank that was definitely not worth all that trouble, in her opinion. No doubt he was in detention. She scowled and turned back to the prefects.

            “Well, seeing as how James Potter is highly inept at everything, we’re going to begin without him.”

            Lily wasn’t sure why it made her so angry. Perhaps it was his lack of insight. He knew about the meeting tonight, she was sure about it. But she didn’t even care about this blasted meeting. She was sure that nobody truly did. It was something else. Something more personal. 

            “How is the progress on the Halloween Feast?” She questioned the two Cavillor boys who James had chosen to cover the project.

            They scowled at her. “We’ll let James know when we see him.”

            Lily groaned in frustration. “Yes, do that. And when you see him, tell him he’s useless.”

            She grabbed the nearest parchment to her, and began to address issues she really didn’t care for. Patrolling. Cleaning of the grounds. Deducted house points. The entire time her mind was occupied with something else, which would not be so frustrating, if she actually knew why it irritated her so much that James was not here. 

            He had been very distant all week, but she hadn’t really cared, because after all, she had asked that of him… _oh_. She had asked him to be less physical. And now he was showing neglect for scheduled meeting times with her. Because it wasn’t the prefects’ meeting that she cared about. It was the meeting with James afterwards. Not the Cavillor, the Head Boy she was supposed to hate, but _James_. Perhaps he had been rethinking all of this. She couldn’t really blame him. She couldn’t expect him to care about her beyond what was fun. How could she have been so stupid?

            _You’re being melodramatic, Lily, so just stop it._ She groaned internally. Now she was angry with _herself_. This was a sure sign of insanity.

            She cleared her mind and finished the meeting normally, making sure to schedule one for the following week before dismissing the students. She gathered all of the papers on the desk and rolled the extra parchment carefully. She supposed that if James did not care much about meeting her, she could forget to care as well.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

                James was positive that Lily was avoiding him. Every time he came remotely close to her, close enough to pull her into a broom closet or even to slip a note unnoticed into her robe pocket, she would find a diversion. He wanted to stop her and apologize for missing the prefects’ meeting, but she was being entirely evasive. James was not sure whether it bothered him more that he could not talk to her or that the only reason he couldn’t was because she wouldn’t let it happen. Either way, he was sick of it.

            He knew that she would be in the library; they had a huge essay due in Defense Against the Dark Arts the next day. Truthfully, he probably should have been in the library as well. He grabbed a few books with the half-hearted intention of actually using them, and made his way down the stairs. As he approached the library, he drew in a breath. He gazed around, and didn’t spot her for a few moments. When he did, he noticed that she was alone at a table. He walked over slowly, and saw that she was getting up. He stopped, watching her wander over to an adjacent bookshelf. He dropped his things onto the table and followed her.

            Lily whipped around, as if she felt him approaching, and her eyes narrowed. “Why are you here?”

            She was making no effort to be quiet, and so James followed her example. “Because we need to talk. You’ve been avoiding me.” She stepped around him, walking back towards the table. She glanced around as she walked; apparently satisfied that nobody was listening. 

            “Oh really?” She hissed. “Have I?”

            He stopped and stared at her. He felt as if he was being watched, but he glanced around and there were no eyes intent on him, so he continued. “Yes, you have.”

            “Well, my mistake.” She seated herself at the table, opening a book and holding the page while she gathered a bit of parchment. “I have some work that needs to be done, so if you could just find your own table.”

            James grunted and sat down across from her. Quietly, he asked, “Why?”

            “Why what?” She returned, less quietly.

            He gave up on discretion. “I’m sorry, Lily. It was stupid, I know that. But I told you, my friends have been angry with me, and I thought-”

            “No, you didn’t. You didn’t _think_.” She paused, dropping the quill she had been holding tightly. James noticed the imprint on her palm. “That’s just it- you didn’t think. I _thought_ we were friends, James. I _thought_ we were working together on this. You know- that’s not even what bothers me. I don’t care about the bloody prefects’ meeting. Miss ten of those, for all you want.”

            James, now thoroughly confused at this anger that seemed to be completely focused on him, watched as something passed over her face and she pressed her lips together. She stood up suddenly, gathering her things. 

            “If you’re not angry about my missing the meeting, then what-”

            She lowered her voice. “Are you that daft, James?” He stared at her, and she shook her head. Her hand was turning white from gripping her books so tightly. “I thought you cared about _me_ , James. But, as is becoming a theme lately, I was wrong.” She lowered her eyes and began to walk away.

            “Wait.” James called softly, hoping that they had not attracted any attention to themselves, although the library seemed suspiciously empty. Lily paused. “I do _care_ , I mean, I don’t really know what-”

            “Yes, exactly.” She continued without turning around, “It doesn’t matter, Potter. I’ll do it all myself. You can have all the time you want with your friends from now on. Enjoy the detentions.” She walked away this time, and James was at a loss. He wasn’t completely sure what had just happened. She had never cared so much about him getting detention in the past, and she just said that she didn’t care about the prefects’ meeting, so what…? He shook his head. He had told her he cared about her, had she gone completely mad overnight? What could make her think that he suddenly didn’t care at all? Unless…James tried to gather everything he knew about women into his head at once. He paused. And then he understood. Cursing under his breath, he grabbed his things and hurried from the library, running a hand through his hair, which was falling all over the place.

            A few paces from where he had been standing, behind a bookshelf, Selene and Kristen slowly lowered the books they had been peering over.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

**A/N: I haven’t really been in much of a mood to write, if you know what I mean. That sounds rather arrogant, and I’m sorry. But I’m sure at least some of you know what I mean. Not writers block exactly, but something. That’s not my whole excuse, that’s only my excuse for not updating as soon as I returned from** **Spain** **on the 17th…and the past week I’ve been using most of my writing energy to write letters to my boyfriend. Actually, you can blame him for the lack of updating after graduation, those few days before I left for** **Spain** **;) I spent that time with him, because he’s gone all summer (in** **Oklahoma** **, of all places. I didn’t think his ROTC scholarship would be so demanding lol) and he comes back about two weeks before I move ten hours away…and in my opinion, that goodbye will be more final. I don’t think the long-distance thing will work out, for either of us. It’s best to just say goodbye, at least for the year. We’ll see what happens.**

**In any case, I am back from my three weeks out of the country, and although I will be getting on another plane to** **New York** **tomorrow, I’ll be back again in a week. My friend is freaking out about moving to** **Boston** **, so after our few days in** **New York** **, we’ll be moving her into her dorm there lol. So there’s no way the next update is going to take a month or more, don’t worry. I’m home for the rest of the summer, working…**

**I hope you don’t all hate me yet =) There’s plenty of time for that later. And I still love you, for bothering to read.**

**~Emily**


	10. A Search For Spilled Secrets

**Chapter Ten- A Search For Spilled Secrets**

            James stopped suddenly outside the library entrance. He was so surprised at having discovered, or at least being on that path to discovering, what was bothering Lily, that he completely forgot what he meant to do about it. His forehead creased as he glared at the floor, his eyes unfocused with contemplation. Did Lily think he had been using her? James almost smirked; had he been using her, didn’t she think he would have attempted more? He thought better of the reaction and sobered. Perhaps not. Their situation was far from normal. 

            The problem was, if James had met Lily under these circumstances, really _met_ her as he had now, this time a year ago…well, he might have done all of those things she was supposedly angry with him for now. He wasn’t one to dramatize a situation, unless it became amusing, but he really did feel that he had grown since the past year. It was more noticeable once Sirius came to stay with the Potters over the summer, and James suddenly found himself to be the more responsible one, where before they had been equally reckless. So Lily was not altogether unfounded in her opinions, he supposed. Except that he had absolutely not given her any reason to believe that he would do such a thing.

            He felt a surge of anger out of the pit of his stomach. In fact, he had been nothing but gentlemanly. How could she accuse him of anything? What if his friends _were_ actually more important to him? Lily had only been in his life a couple of months, yet his friends were there for him seven years ago. What did she expect of him? 

            James grumbled under his breath. He lifted his head, about to decide that none of this was really his fault at all, when he spotted a bit of parchment to his right. He leaned down, picking it up with a grunt. There was no name at the top, but James was sure it was Lily’s handwriting; he had peered over her shoulder often enough to know the curve of her s and the way she crossed her t. He scanned the page. It only contained notes on potions, probably something she would not really need for her essay, as she most likely had it memorized anyway. He was about the crumple it into his pocket when something small in the corner caught his eye. There were several doodles. He smirked; it seemed even Lily Evans became bored with potions now and again. Except that there was one in particular that touched a chord within him. A small J, curved perfectly and decorated around the edges, resided in the middle of the rest of the sketches. James tilted his head. Well then, she had been thinking about him. He smiled to himself. For someone who was so angry with him, she sure was paying a lot of attention to the first letter of his name. 

            That was just it; he wasn’t really angry with her either. Or if he was, he certainly wanted to be around her more than was normal for any typical disagreement. The image of her pressing her lips together in annoyance had him wishing that she was putting that mouth to better use. They had enough problems with having to keep this secret. There was no need to create more problems between them, was there? James nodded to himself. He might be going mad, wanting to do this at all, but had he ever really been sane?

            Lily was sure to be in the Heads common room, and he meant to confront her on this before she changed her mind completely. But first, he needed to locate his friends…

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            Selene was not positive that she would ever be able to close her mouth again. She could not tear her eyes away from the spot where Potter had just been standing, looking distressed. She felt Kristen touch her shoulder briefly and with an effort, Selene looked over at her friend.

           “What just happened? I really think I’m going crazy,” Kristen said too quickly, shaking her head with disbelieving brown eyes. 

            Selene swallowed. “I…I am really not sure at the moment.”

            She had only heard bits and pieces, but those few words had been enough to make her doubt everything she had believed earlier that day. Even if she hadn’t heard anything, the way they acted around one another was enough. Selene may not be an expert on human interaction, but she was sure that they had just witnessed an _intimate_ argument. Not an argument between enemies, but friends. But that was entirely impossible.

            “Lily wouldn’t…she wouldn’t.” Kristen was shaking her head again, as if the movement alone would erase the images.

            “Couldn’t.”

            “Could she?”

            “What are we even asking?” Selene was no longer sure. 

            There was a long silence, in which the two girls stared at one another, caught halfway between horror and perplexity. 

            Selene brushed back a strand of her jet black hair. “They’ve been…on friendly terms. Conspiring? No. Impossible.”

            “Besides, conspiring to what?”

            “I don’t know.” 

            Kristen’s forehead furrowed. “Do you think she’s really been lying to us? She and that…that Potter have been friends this entire time?”

            “I have no idea what to think anymore.”

            Kristen paused, wringing her hands together in silence. “I suppose…” She cleared her throat. “I mean…there is only one way to find out, right?”

            Selene caught Kristen’s eyes. “We need to find her.”

            Kristen nodded in agreement, and the two Auscultos slowly scooted away from the bookshelf. They made their way out of the library and towards the Gryffindor tower in near silence, both of them seemingly in a trance. They had been friends with Lily all these years, and the possibility now of not being able to trust her was astounding. How do you go about completely losing faith in someone in one instant of confession? 

            They climbed through the portrait hole to find a couple of Auscultos sitting in their usual place and glaring at two Cavillor girls who were warming their hands in front of the fire. Selene threw a dirty look at a Cavillor sitting on the floor in her path, while Kristen maneuvered around him. They climbed the stairs, heads pounding, and pushed the door to their dorm open. The girls slipped through silently, feeling as if they were treading on a dangerous potion or curse. Nothing. There was nobody inside.

            Selene listlessly fell into a sitting position on her bed. “Where do you suppose-” She paused for a long moment. “Oh…”

            Kristen turned her head away from Lily’s bed, where she had been staring. “What?”

            “Don’t you think- I mean- that Heads common room. If they really are on good terms, wouldn’t they- that’s the only place.”

            Kristen frowned. “But we have no idea where that is.”

            “No, we don’t.” Selene groaned. “She wouldn’t have told us for that reason, if this is really true.”

            Kristen grunted. “Let’s go, then. We can start looking for a sign of her, at least. I can’t sleep with this on my mind.”

            Selene nodded. She would normally feel ridiculous, theatrical even, searching after her friends like this. Not with something this serious; Lily betraying them? It was completely unthinkable.

            As they descended the winding stairs, they saw James Potter come tumbling down the stairs across from them. He ran past them without a glance, heading for the portrait hole in a hurry. The girls paused, glancing at one another. Then, abruptly, they stumbled down the last few steps and took off after the Cavillor. 

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            Sirius frowned as he picked a speck of dust from his robes. He turned to Remus and Peter and said, “Do you think he’s acting strange, or is it just me?”

            They both nodded and Remus answered, “No, he’s definitely being different.”

            James had come bursting through the door, glancing around quickly and casting his three friends a wavering smile; quite unconvincing. He then proceeded to explain to them that something, some issue, had arisen with the prefects, and he would not be able to participate in their prank that evening. After his friends announced that it would be alright without him, he left the room as quickly as he had entered.

            Sirius was now scratching his chin. “Something’s been off with him. And I don’t just mean his lack of participation…we already settled that anyway. I mean that he’s just _different_.”

            “Nervous at the wrong times…” Remus was frowning as well.

            Peter glanced between then with worried eyes. 

            Sirius shook his head. “There is no way that he would care so much about prefect ordeals. That can’t be it. He must be up to something else.”

            Remus nodded his agreement. “What do you think?”

            Sirius was quiet, and then suddenly his eyes lit up. “Get the map out.”

            Peter leaned over and plucked it out from under James’s bed. “Look- he left his cloak too.” As the blonde-haired boy looked up, he saw Sirius and Remus grinning slightly.

            “Well then, grab that too.”

            The boys made for the door, sliding themselves under the invisibility cloak along the way. Sirius activated the map and they peered over it, standing at the top of the stairs leading to the Gryffindor common room.

            “There!” Peter pointed to a small dot, labeled James Potter, which was moving along a corridor adjacent to the one leading to Gryffindor Tower. He was walking rapidly, twisting around another corner. The boys began to move, complaining about the lack of room.

            “Is the cloak really necessary?” Peter whined.

            “Yes. We want to sneak up on James, remember?”

            “Oh…but can’t we put it on once we get closer?”

            “We don’t want any witnesses. Just be quiet.”

            “Okay…”

            They almost tripped down the last step, and then almost ran into five different students while trying to exit through the portrait hole. Once outside, Peter grumbled something under his breath.

            “Alright then.” Sirius ignored him and took the map from his hands. “There!” He pointed to where James’s dot was still moving, much further away from them now. 

            “Well, I suppose we should get moving then,” Remus tugged the cloak, getting his two friends to follow.

            

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            Selene and Kristen skidded to a stop outside of Gryffindor Tower. They had not seen a glimpse of James since he disappeared around the corner. He was moving too quickly for them to follow without being detected. 

            Kristen made a frustrated noise.

            “Let’s keep going. He went this way; let’s just see if we can spot him…” Selene began striding in the direction they had seen James go. 

            “Hey, slow down!” Kristen jogged to keep up. 

            “We can’t slow down.”

            “But we don’t even know where we’re going.” Selene was silent, still almost jogging, so Kristen continued, “Even if we did, I’m not sure I want to find what we’re looking for.”

            Selene grimaced. “Nor do I. But I do think that we need to find it. Unless you just want to pretend as if we heard nothing.”

            “Impossible. If we can’t trust our best friend, who can we trust?”

            Selene nodded. “Yes, so let’s keep going.”

            Kristen sighed. They continued on in silence for some time, before coming to an intersection with another corridor. They stopped, seeing that they needed to go either left or right. In their hesitance, they heard a few whispers to their left. The girls shared a glance and inched closer. Sure enough, the whispers increased in volume.

            “Would you stop hogging the cloak?” An aggravated voice rang above the others. 

            As Selene and Kristen turned the corner where they supposed the whispers were coming from, the voices stopped altogether. Selene tilted her head. No voices, but…she was sure that she heard a scuffling just in front of her. She frowned and stretched a hand out, feeling it glide over something soft and slippery. She gripped it and pulled gently. 

            Three Cavillors, who Selene knew to be in her year, continued to tiptoe away with their backs to Kristen and Selene. She glanced at the cloak that was now dangling from her hand and her frown deepened.

            The boy with light blonde hair suddenly stopped, clearly feeling the lack of the cloak. He glanced around and spotted the girls, his eyes widening. With a slight yelp, he grabbed the tallest boy’s arm. 

            “What now, Peter? I said-” But as he turned towards where Peter was pointing, he spotted Kristen and Selene. “Bugger.”

            

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            Lily stared into the fireplace as she stood behind the couch, gripping the back of it with fingers that were turning white from the pressure. She would sit on it, but it brought back several recent memories, and she hadn’t come here to drudge through those emotions. 

            Or perhaps she had. She wasn’t entirely sure why she had come here. She needed to write a Potions essay, and instead she was staring at flames. Damn James Potter. Not because he had interrupted her library session; she had already done that for herself. What was frustrating was that she couldn’t seem to concentrate without his name or his image popping into her head. She was positive, especially with his idea of giving her so much space lately, that he was not having the same problem. She had suggested that they be less physical, not disregard one another completely. She wanted to get to know him better, but it appeared that he didn’t have that same ambition. 

            She considered that she was expecting too much of him. He was close with his friends, or so it seemed. She never wanted to take that away from him. She only wanted some acknowledgement that he hadn’t lost interest simply because she wasn’t dragging him into a broom closest at every spare moment. At what point she had begun considering this anything other than an infatuation was beyond her, but it was irritating that he had not reached the same conclusion. Perhaps she should begin regarding this as a passing encounter; she was expecting something ridiculous really…that he might want to make this some sort of real relationship was not anything she should anticipate.

            Lily sighed and leaned over to where she had dropped her bag, intending to begin that dreaded essay. She had no desire to try doing this all over again, but she couldn’t keep distracting herself; the damn thing was due the next day. She stuck a quill in her mouth and was attempting to pull a roll of parchment out of her bag when the door burst open. She straightened, the quill still in her mouth, and stared at him as he approached her. He stopped a few feet away, meeting her eyes. His hair was overly disheveled and his eyes seemed darker than normal. Lily reached up and took the quill from her mouth, looking him over. It seemed entirely wrong of her, considering the circumstances, to want only to step closer to him and snog him senseless. She turned away, staring at nothing in particular.

            She heard him shuffle his feet. “If you think- well- I don’t know what you think. But I am _not_ using you.”

            Lily’s eyes widened. How could he possibly know what she had been thinking? She hadn’t really been serious when she suggested that he was daft; that was only her frustration. Still, she said nothing. 

            “Don’t you think it might have been easier for me to use someone else?” He laughed somewhat unsteadily. “Don’t you think it would have been easier to avoid you altogether-”

            Lily’s head finally snapped up to meet his. “That’s exactly what you’ve been doing.”

            “Now that’s just completely unfair. You asked me to be less physical. And now you’re angry at me for doing that?” James rolled his eyes.

            “No, James. I’m angry at you for ignoring me. That’s completely different and-”

            “What did you want me to do? Yell out a hello in the middle of the corridor? I don’t understand what you could possibly expect me to do. It’s not like I can publicly do anything, when it comes to you and this- this thing we’ve agreed to do! Do you think that’s easy for me?”

            Lily scowled. “It’s not any easier for me, James.” When she saw the way he was looking at her, his eyes ready to burn right though hers, she burst out, “Fuck, I hate this.”

            James looked taken aback at her use of profanity, but only for a moment. He groaned. “Are you referring to our inability to have any sort of normal relationship, or to this argument?”             

           She met his eyes again, ignoring the strand of dark auburn hair that fell in between their gaze. “Both.” 

            James took a step closer, shrugging his shoulders. “Lily, I don’t know what you want, but- I wish you would tell me. Because you being angry at me like this is not helping anything.”

            Lily shook her head, a very wry smile upon her lips. “I’m not really angry with you, James.”

            He stared at her, clearly not ready to believe that statement. She cast her emerald eyes to the floor, suddenly looking very tired.

            “I’m angry at myself. At this school. At every ignorant person in either group, and at the way I can’t just act how I would want to, in any sort of normal situation.”

            James was silent for several moments, watching Lily as she continued to stare at the floor near his feet. Her dark red hair was slipping out of its ponytail, sticking up slightly at the edges. She bit her lip and looked up at him to find him gazing at her.

            She swallowed. “What if I don’t know what I want?”

            James blinked. “Excuse me?”             

            Lily sighed. “You said you wished I would tell you what I want. But I can’t do that. Not really.”

            James shrugged again, shifting on his feet. “Well, that’s okay.”

            She chewed her bottom lip, casting her eyes about the room. “I mean- I want you.”

            He raised an eyebrow, and her eyes widened. She flushed suddenly.

            “I didn’t mean- I mean that I want- er-”

            James grinned, stepping closer to her and running a hand down her arm. Her eyes slipped shut, but the color stayed in her cheeks. “You don’t have to tell me what you mean,” he said quietly, and Lily felt his breath upon her cheek. She opened her eyes, meeting his for what seemed like the millionth time that evening.

            “I can’t ask for what I want.”

            James gave her a half-smile. “Neither can I.” He cast his eyes downwards, watching as she wet her lips. When she raised a hand to move his hair out of his eyes, he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. She let out a small sigh and allowed him to part her mouth, pulling him closer to her. It never seemed like he was close enough. Lily ran a finger under the collar of his robes, just beneath his neck, and he shivered. She felt her backside being pressed into the back of the couch. There would probably be an imprint there later, but all she could bring herself to care about was the way he was running his fingers through her hair and kissing her like it might never happen again.

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            The Marauders stared at Kristen and Selene, who stared right back at them. None of these stares seemed friendly in the least, and from the long silence, none of them appeared to be on speaking terms.

            Suddenly, the taller boy, Sirius Black as Selene recalled his name to be, stepped towards her. “Just hand me the bloody cloak.”

            Selene jerked it back, clutching it tightly in her fist. “No. Why should I?”

            “Because, it’s _my_ property,” Sirius hissed.

            “No.” Selene repeated. “Not until you tell me why you three Cavillors are sneaking about in deserted hallways.”

            “I don’t owe you any sort of explanation, _Ausculto_. Give me that cloak and bugger off.”

            Selene snorted. “Like hell I’m doing that.”

            Remus grunted. “What we do is none of your business.”

            “It is when you’re trying to hide it from me.”          

            Sirius raised an eyebrow. “That’s not logic. It’s insanity.”

            “And what if I am insane? It’s not going to get you your precious invisibility cloak back. Besides, these things are expensive. Why shouldn’t I like to keep it for myself?”             

            “You can’t do that!” Peter groaned. “James will kill us.”

            Kristen inched closer to Selene. “This is Potter’s cloak?” 

            “Apparently.” Selene gripped it more tightly, backing away from Sirius.

            Remus sighed. “We were going to find James in the Head common room. Satisfied, Ausculto?”

            Selene smirked. “Well that’s quite convenient, isn’t it?”

            “Why, Kelehan?” Sirius snapped. Selene stared at him. “Don’t act so surprised that I know your last name. We’ve been at school together for seven years. I’m not stupid.”

            “I beg to differ. Besides, we wouldn’t be here together if I had a choice in the matter.”

            “Oh, but you do. You could leave.”

            “As I was saying, that’s convenient. Kristen and I were headed in that direction ourselves.”

            “Oh yes? And you _know_ that direction?”

            Kristen sighed, watching the argument become more heated. She glanced around to see Peter edging away, and Remus peering intensely at something in his hand. She inched closer to the boy, noticing a deep red scar on his hand. She pursed her lips together and glanced over his shoulder. It seemed to be a map of sorts, but she couldn’t make out exactly what it was showing. If she could only get closer…

            Remus glanced out of the corner of his eye to see Kristen leaning over him, attempting to look at the Marauder’s map. He clutched it tightly to his chest and turned to glare at her.

            She frowned, and their eyes met. “You know where you’re going, don’t you?”            

            Sirius and Selene stopped arguing and turned to look at the pair. Remus said nothing and finally Selene sighed.

            “Just lead us there and I’ll give you this bloody cloak back. Otherwise, I think I’ll just keep it.” To emphasize her point, she crumpled the cloak into a ball and was preparing to stuff it into her robes as Sirius growled,

            “Bloody hell, fine.”

            He whipped around and leaned over Remus, the two of them speaking quietly. Peter stood off to the edge, staring at his friends. Kristen and Selene exchanged a glance, but just as Kristen opened her mouth to comment, the Cavillors began moving down the corridor. The girls followed, wondering if James had informed them where this room was.

            They walked for five minutes, more or less, before the boys scooted to a stop, staring at the parchment in their hands. Remus suddenly looked over at his friends. “Are you sure we should intrude on him like this? Maybe he really is doing something important.”

            Sirius chuckled. “We’re talking about the same guy, right?” As Remus opened his mouth to answer, Sirius added, “It was a rhetorical question.”

            Selene was intrigued by the portrait of the Three Musketeers they had stopped next to, because they were peering at the group of teenagers warily, and then exchanging cautious glances with one another. She was about to open her mouth to say something to them when Peter made a comment in a slightly squeaky voice. She turned her attention back to the Cavillors, her mouth twisting into a scowl.

            “Well, now it’s time to found out what our dear old Prongs has been up to these past few weeks!”

            Kristen leaned over to Selene to say, “I suppose this is it, then.” She gestured to the portrait.

            Selene shrugged. “If we can trust them.”

            Meanwhile, Sirius was leaning over and saying something quietly to one of the Musketeers. The Musketeer nodded, removed his hat, and bowed them in. The door swung open and the Marauders entered first, but stopped suddenly inside the entrance. 

            “What in Merlin’s name?” Sirius was saying, his hands falling to his sides.

            Selene made an irritated noise. “What is so interesting? Scoot over, you idiots.” She watched as Kristen edged her way around Remus, her eyes widening and a hand moving up to cover her mouth.  

           Frustrated, Selene finally shoved Peter, who was in front of her and blocking her view. She glanced around, and spotted what had everyone rooted to the ground. She watched as Lily, her lips clearly attached to James Potter’s, brought a hand up to his back, pulling him in closer to her. Selene felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach when she saw James put a hand on Lily’s waist. She was beginning to feel nauseous. Something needed to be said, to stop this at all costs, because clearly they were not noticing their audience, who all seemed to have identical expressions of sickness and incredulity upon their faces.

            “What in the bloody hell is this?!”

            Finally, James and Lily appeared to hear that they had company. They pulled away from one another quickly, glancing towards the door with wide eyes. A look of alarm came over Lily’s face, and James edged away from her, gazing into his friends' disbelieving eyes.

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**A/N: Yes, I do apologize for ending it there, but then, I’ll be updating again soon. All I’m doing these days is working and going out with my friends when possible (hot pirates in movies are completely irresistible, sorry). So, be somewhat patient, and I’ll get the next part out to you as soon as possible. Thanks for reading =)**

**~Emily**


	11. The Captivity of Collisions

**Chapter Eleven ~ The Captivity of Collisions**

            Lily’s blood chilled. She couldn’t move her eyes away from Kristen and Selene. Nobody’s mouth seemed to be working anymore. Their brains were frozen, thoughts stalled and everything forgotten. Consequently, it turned into an open-mouthed staring fest, where nobody was winning.

            Kristen was the first to move, swinging her head towards Selene. She let out a half-choked laugh.  “I think I’m dreaming.”

            Without breaking her gaze with Lily, Selene replied, “You’re not.”

            The boys were taking a bit longer in their stupor. They had not overheard any conversations in the library, and the last they checked, James Potter was on horrible terms with the Ausculto Head Girl. The scene in front of them suggested completely otherwise.

            “Are you kidding me? Has this been staged?” Sirius roared, not noticing his loud tone. He sounded slightly nervous. “Well that’s hilarious! Haha! You’ve fooled me. Can we return to reality now?”

            James cleared his throat and then swallowed again. “This _is_ reality, Sirius.” Lily glanced over at him carefully, her eyes tired and strained, and then she cast them to the floor, feeling her stomach follow that motion. 

            “It bloody well is _not_! What are you doing?!” Sirius was enraged, his face becoming redder by the second. “What happened to my friend?”

            “I’m the same person that-”

            “Don’t play that fucking game with me, Potter! You aren’t the same person at all. I don’t even know you anymore, clearly.” He cast a neglecting hand towards Lily, as if her presence enforced his point.

            James stepped closer to Sirius, in front of Lily. “Do _not_ blame her for this.” His hair was becoming messier with every movement.

            “I think I’ll just blame both of you, thanks.”

            Lily frowned, stepping out from behind James. “Blame us for what, exactly? Having some semblance of sense? We should be the people pointing fingers. You can’t even see past some petty argument, just because it’s been going on for several years! Don’t you ever think for yourselves?!”

            Sirius grated out, “What I’m _thinking_ is not something I should mention in the company of…oh hell, you’re Auscultos anyway, so you don’t count.”

            Selene scowled. “Count as what? That’s probably the worst insult I’ve heard from you yet. Lily’s right, you can’t think for yourself.”

            At this, Lily’s head rose and a slight feeling of hope ran through her. When she met Selene’s eyes, the feeling fell away and a gap remained in its place. Selene was examining Lily with an indescribable expression upon her face; a mixture of anger, scorn, and anguish, among other things. “I am _not_ saying that this-” She gestured around them, “-is right. Don’t for one second think that I forgive you, or that I even care to consider that option. You have lied to us, betrayed us, and neglected us- for what? For _him_?”

            Lily shook her head, feeling heavier by the moment. “Not for James. For everyone.”

            Kristen and Selene were looking at her like she had gone mad. Kristen glowered. “For _everyone_?”

            Lily sighed. “Do you think that we can ever defeat an enemy such as Voldemort when we’ve already made enemies of each other?” 

            Remus, who up until then had been as silent as Peter, cut in. “That really isn’t the point right now.”

            “Was I speaking to you?” Lily snapped, feeling her patience run out. “It _is_ the point. None of you are _seeing_ that.”

            None of them appeared to hear her it, either. Sirius, who was looking a bit less stone-like, turned to James. “I don’t know what bothers me more, Prongs, the fact that you’re dating an Ausculto, or the fact that you lied about it.”

            James shook his head. “I’m not sure if dating is the right word for-”

            Sirius growled, “Then what _is_? Making out? Canoodling? Fu-”

            “That’s enough!” Lily yelled, cutting him off. Her hair had slipped out of its tie completely, strands sticking up and falling in front of her eyes.

            “Shut up, Ausculto!” 

            James interrupted, “Don’t yell at her like that, Sirius. She’s done nothing wrong.”

            If anything, Sirius’s voice only raised. “NOTHING WRONG?! Nothing wrong, my ass. That’s exactly what an _Ausculto_ would say!”     

            Everyone in the room made a noise of surprise, except Peter. It took the boy a moment to realize that the insult had been directed at James; Sirius calling him an Ausculto showed exactly how angry he was. Peter shivered, feeling as if he should like very much to leave right then.

            James’s jaw had tightened, but Lily was quicker this time, her face completely furious. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?! What have you got against Auscultos?”             

             It was a stupid question, really. She knew that. Her thoughts had not prepared a more intelligent comment just yet, and while she was thinking, a loud _crack!_ penetrated the strained air. She had seen it unfold, so quickly that she was thankful for not blinking. Selene had stepped right up and sent a blow to Sirius’s jaw.

            Stumbling backwards slightly, Sirius clutched at his jaw as he cast a venomous glance towards Selene. By his appearance, he was ready to kill something. Selene flipped her long black hair over her shoulder and stared him down. Only one thing was holding him back; he had never struck a girl before. Deciding to take another course, he hastily peeled his wand from his robes and threw the first curse that came to mind towards her.

            She did not have time to counter it or even to reach for her own wand before it struck her in the neck. Selene’s hand flung up to her throat, which seemed to be sprouting boils. Her face contorted in pain, but that did not deter her from clutching her own wand and throwing a hex back towards a satisfied Sirius. He dropped his wand and grabbed onto his leg, moaning.

            Seeing this, Remus grabbed his own wand and was casting a curse towards Selene when Kristen scooted in front of her. Both she and Remus’s spells left their wands at the same moment, hitting one another in what was a painful blast. Peter was at the point of being too frightened; he scuffled out the door in a great hurry.

            James and Lily stood off to the side, horrified at this new turn of events. They edged away from their friends, two of whom were still attempting to shoot curses at one another. Lily was trying to decide the best course of action. Confusion and fury lay in a heavy cloud around them.

            Fortunately or unfortunately, Dumbledore happened to be passing by at that moment, on his way to a staff meeting. He had witnessed a figure, who he recognized as young Pettigrew, scurrying away in terror. His face hardened and he listened intently. Of course, he caught wind of some of the commotion and general shouting that was being issued from the Head common room, and his face took a graver turn. He thought it would be a nasty thing if his Heads manage to strange one another; and here he had thought they were finally working together nicely. With a sigh, he entered the room and met a sight that even he had not anticipated. His light eyes perused the scene before him in silent disapproval, though the left corner of his mouth was twitching strangely.

            “Silence!” It was not entirely loud, but a direct command from the headmaster.

            Everyone in the room turned and noticed his presence for the first time. Lily stepped forward nervously. “Professor Dumbledore, I can explain-” 

            The aging man held up a hand, which silenced her abruptly. Everyone except Lily and James were hexed so completely that they could no longer speak properly. Nonetheless, Sirius made a noise of anger towards Selene.        

            Dumbledore sent him a stern look. 

            “Professor! I-” James interrupted this time. Again, a hand silenced him.

            He spoke quietly, but clearly. “I don’t believe I need an explanation at this moment. I am not entirely sure that you could provide one, either. There are more pressing matters.” He directed his gaze at the four temporarily crippled teenagers. “Detention, I think, for all of you. Sirius and Selene, you may serve it together, as will Remus and Kristen. I am not the Head of your House; you will see Professor McGonagall about your specific assignments. At the present, however, I believe you four will be needing some assistance. To the Hospital Wing, all of you.” 

           They didn’t need to be told twice. Dumbledore watched closely as they hobbled out, shoving each other and still mumbling nasty comments. Then he turned back to Lily and James, who looked torn and embarrassed.

           The Headmaster smiled slightly. “I will not be giving you any direct punishment. But I see that patiently asking you to work together has not come to any great outcome.”

            The two students hung their heads. “We didn’t mean for-”

           “I know. It does not matter. But I will make it a rule now that you must work together from this point on, at least every other day. No matter what may happen between you and your friends.”

            Lily and James nodded, glancing slightly at one another. “Yes, Professor,” James replied.

           The headmaster nodded, glancing between them. He sighed. “Things are not always easy, and I know that I don’t make them any easier on you. But there are some issues which need attention, and I hope that you see the necessity in this.”

           Before either of them could respond, he was leaving them to their own devices. An awkward silence followed the click of the door.

            James turned towards her. “I’m sorry,” he said.

            “God James, for what?”

            “For everything- for even bringing this up- for starting the whole thing.”

            “You didn’t start this. Whatever we may have started was mutual, I thought. I’m not stupid, James. I have some sense. It would have pointed me to the same conclusion…to working together.”

            “Well, clearly you aren’t stupid,” he gestured towards their surroundings. “I just think- I don’t know. I don’t know what I’ve been thinking.” He paused. “I’m sorry I kissed you just then.”

            Lily groaned. “What did you think I wanted? Merlin.”

            James met her eyes, his weary and sadder than she had ever seen them before. “Well…what now?”

            Lily watched him, wanting to hug him and even to kiss him again, but somehow that all seemed inappropriate now. She remained where she was, her eyes saying things her heart wanted to, but her mouth could not. Finally, she found words, though they weren’t words she cared for. “I need…to think. I can’t stay here right now.” She frowned heavily, meeting his eyes one last time before disappearing through the door, not entirely sure what her plans were or why she was leaving him in the middle of a conversation.

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           Lily spent the night in her room, alone and staring at the walls for lack of anything better to do. Her mind wandered incessantly, and she had trouble distinguishing between dreams and reality, so often did she slip in and out of sleep. She hadn’t come to any real resolution, or made any sense out of the situation. Her friends were so angry with her. They had never been this angry with her before. For the past several years, they had been everything keeping her steady when she needed it. 

            She was still alone in her room the next morning; Kristen and Selene had not returned from the Hospital Wing, probably because of too many compiled curses which could not all be cured at once. Either that or they were completely avoiding her. Lily didn’t think so, however. They didn’t have an alternate bed, as she did, should she ever decide to use it.

            She had been thinking, perhaps a little too much, about what had happened, and her friends’ expressions, and what she should do about it…she kept coming to the same conclusion, and she kept pushing it away. There would have to be a better way of gaining their trust again….but she was no longer sure that anything would help. She was becoming more frustrated with each passing moment.

            Lily suddenly heard a sound, and glanced over towards the door, which was opening slowly. Lily squinted at the figure scooting into the room. “James,” she greeted.

            “Lily.”

            Lily’s eyes widened suddenly. “James?!” She jumped off her bed to face him. “How did you get up here?”

            James simply smiled at her and shrugged.

            Lily shook her head. “You shouldn’t be in here.”

            “Why?” He stepped closer to her.

            Lily sucked in a breath. “Because…” He was watching her intently; almost too intently. “Because Selene and Kristen may be coming back any second- because…. you’re a _Cavillor_.”

            “And what are they going to do to me?”

            “I-” Lily faltered. She sat back down on her bed, examining her hands. “They’re already terribly angry right now. Finding you in here with me is not going to help the situation.”

            “Can we help it anyway?”

            This was what Lily had been wondering for the past several hours. The question beat her over the head and squeezed until one somewhat possible solution came out. “I think…we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”

            James‘s forehead creased. He looked confused as he sat down next to her, on her bed. “What? But Dumbledore said we have to work together.”

            Lily felt her resolve weakening as he inclined his head and looked at her clearly, sitting less than a foot away. “Work together, maybe. But I don’t think we should _see_ each other. Our friends are going to have a hard enough time dealing with this news without us…being together and all that.”

            Realization hit James like cold water. “Oh.” His eyes slipped off her face. “Ever?”

            “Well… I just don’t think I can handle it right now, James. You understand that, right?”             

            “Yes, I might…I mean, I can. You’re probably right, I guess…But ever? Is this final?”

            Lily met his eyes. “Well I didn’t think that you would want…You’re not exactly on the list of least desirable men right now. I can’t ask you to…”

            James shook his head. “I’ll wait for you.”

            “You don’t need to…”

            “If I can’t change your mind, I will wait for you.”

            “Oh, James…”  Lily felt some of the weight fall from her shoulders; so she wouldn’t have to deal with seeing James around with other girls, holding hands and…and kissing. There was still something weighing on her heart though; _she_ couldn’t be that girl. Not now. But later? Was there even that possibility? Perhaps it could…maybe one day everything would be different. 

            “Is that an ‘I’ll wait for you too’?” James nudged her hand with his, and she ran her fingers over his palm.

            “I don’t think I could say no even if I wanted to.”

            James grinned. Then he paused. “Well then…what do we do now?”

            “We focus on getting the groups together. We hope that our friends come around.”

            James heaved a heavy sigh. “I think Sirius would rather murder me right now.”

            Lily looked sidelong at him. “I doubt that. He _was_ angry, though.”

            “They all were.”             

             Lily nodded to herself, her mind awash with memories, only half of which had anything to do with the confrontation the day before. Could she really be with James and not want to be _with_ him? But then, that really wasn’t fair, was it? She should also be asking whether her friends could really forgive her. It seemed that both would take more willpower than she (or they) were used to giving. Perhaps if she attempted the first question, they might consider the second. It was all she could think of to do.

            “James, I- I’m sorry.”

            He frowned. “So am I.”

            They stared at one another for a long moment, their eyes seeming to weigh the other's thoughts. James’s eyes dropped to her lips, he frowned, and then glanced away. “I should probably be going, you’re right. No need to make this worse than it already is…”     

            Lily nodded, and was surprised to find him leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek.  Only, it didn’t happen the way either had planned. One, or both, of them adjusted their head so that James didn’t reach Lily’s cheek, but her lips instead. She opened her mouth and tilted her head farther to one side. _Damn! This isn’t the way it’s supposed to go!_ For some reason, that only made her want to kiss him more. There was something exhilarating in the fact that she was in an empty room with someone she shouldn’t even be talking to. It was so against the rules. She’d never done something this against the rules before, not so close to where the rules mattered.

                She unknowingly gave a sound of contentment. He pressed harder against her, bringing her closer by wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. _Someone could find you here, and then what would you do?_ Her hands found their way to the sides of his face, and she pulled him down farther. _I’m talking to myself again…ohh, this is nice…no! No, it’s not!_ She attempted to shut her mind off, enjoying the sensation, and decided to give as much as she was getting. It must have surprised him a little, because he tightened his grip on her waist.

                And then, the door was thrown open. Lily and James continued to blissfully kiss. Someone shut the door again. Selene and Kristen stood watching them. Disgusted, Selene said,

                “Oh, give it a break or something.”

                Kristen was staggered as Lily and James broke apart, both looking at the floor. “Damn, Lily. I would’ve never thought you to snog like _that_.”

                Lily’s jade eyes shot up, focusing on her friend. She burst out, “I can’t believe you just said that!” 

                Selene rolled her eyes, walking over to her bed. “Yeah, well, I can’t believe a lot of things.”

                After a moment of staring, Kristen followed and sat down on her own bed. She scowled at Lily, seeming to have regained her senses. “You’re lucky it was us again.”

                “Hell, she’s lucky we aren’t telling any of the other Auscultos, like we should!” Selene flung her arms up in the air, her face contorted with anger. “And the only reason we haven’t,” she looked like she preferred to talk to the air, rather than Lily, “is because we don’t care to see anyone decapitated just yet.”

                Lily tried to ignore her friends for the time being; perhaps if she let them cool off, they might forgive her. But for some reason the prospects looked very unlikely.

                Glancing at James and taking a step back from him for safety purposes, she said, “I guess that proves our earlier…discussion. You…understand me, then?”

                Although neither was sure exactly what that meant in its entirety, he replied, “Yes.” He then headed towards the door.

                Lily glanced at her friends, who were ignoring her, and tugged on a strand of auburn hair. She followed him out the door, wanting to make sure he didn't encounter any Auscultos on his way down the stairs. How _had_ he made it up the stairs unnoticed? She closed the door and leaned against it, watching James disappear from sight. She groaned. How was she supposed to work with him all the time without…without...oh, bugger it.

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                Selene wore a scowl on her face, thinking of everything that was completely wrong with the situation she had been put in. Would a good shake put some sense into Lily? _Why_ was she doing thi? Her friend was always the smart and dependable one…why was she ruining everything like this? Lily wasn’t thinking! Selene only wished she could do something about it before she might lose Lily completely as a friend. Just the thought of her becoming a Cavillor and leaving the Auscultos behind made her shudder. She didn’t think Lily would go that far, but then again, she would never have thought _this_ would happen either.

                And now…now she had detention with that filthy Cavillor. Oh, he was a dumbass and as big of one as she had ever known. She wasn’t altogether sure how she was going to spend the evening cleaning the trophy room with him when all she really wanted to do was strangle him or punch him or something that would hurt very, very badly. Clenching a fist, she turned the corner, remembering McGonagall’s instructions.

                _“The Headmaster sent me, Professor McGonagall.”_

_The stern woman looked at Selene from over the rims of her glasses, making the Auscultos wish she had brought some kind of protective wall, to save her from actually having to look at McGonagall. She might very well be the only person who occasionally freaked her out._

_After what seemed like an eternity, McGonagall pressed her lips together and replied in a cold and direct manner, “About your detention.” She set her quill down and folded her hands together. “Yes, you shall report to the Trophy Room at_ _six o’clock_ _sharp this evening. Sirius Black will be meeting you there.” Watching as Selene made a repulsed face, she added, “And if either of the two of you so much as injuries the other, you’ll be given additional detentions…together, until you can work with one another fitfully.”_

_“Joy.” Selene droned, clearly sarcastic._

_McGonagall surveyed her, again pressing her lips together in disapproval. “I’m glad to see that you’re so enthused.”_

                Selene grimaced at the memory. Oh, how badly she wished she could get out of this. Anger pulsed through her body and she couldn’t take it out on anybody. Not unless she wanted to spend extra time with that bloody Cavillor. _Not a chance in hell_ , she thought, sweeping into the Trophy Room at last.

                To her utmost dismay, Sirius Black was already there, bent over a pile of rags. Selene watched him for a moment. He looked so, well, _normal_ when he wasn’t yelling or cursing her. It was almost nice…but no, he was an enemy. It had always been that way for her and she wasn’t about to question the ethics of it now. Not that she wanted to.

                Approaching him, she bumped roughly into his back, causing him to topple forwards into the rag pile. “Oh, oops.” She said dully, meeting his eye.

                Sirius blinked, regained his composure quickly, and scrambled to his feet. “ _You!_ Watch where you’re going!”

                “Yeah, I’ll have to try that sometime…but keep in mind, I’m only courteous with actual humans.”

                His forehead furrowed and she rolled her eyes. _He’s such a bloody idiot. Can’t even figure out what I’m talking about._ Selene stretched out a hand and picked out a rag, then turned back to him. “Well? Get to work! The sooner we finish, the sooner I can never see you again.” She began to polish the closest trophy; a gold one with silver inscriptions.

                “Don’t be so sure of that.” He replied darkly, smirking to himself.

                Her hand paused and she looked back at him. “Right Black, I’m quivering. What, going to try pranking me?”

                Sirius crossed his arms, his rag hanging down from one hand. “And what if I do?” 

                Her eyes narrowed; she should have liked nothing better than to reach over and punch him until he keeled over. But she didn’t. “Then I’ll find a way to make you wish you were never born.”

                Sirius frowned. Who was this girl, to say things like that to him? He had to admit, even if it was unconsciously, that she _was_ a little threatening. And he…oh crap, he actually _liked_ it. But not in such a way that he would ever be civil with her. That was completely out of the question.

                Abruptly, the two of them realized that they had been watching one another for awhile, and snapping back into reality, they went straight back to polishing. They were silent, until Selene felt something wet and slimy smack the side of her head. She couldn’t help but grin because of the absurdity of it all, but she refused to turn around and let him see her amusement. Instead, she pulled out her spare wand (which she wasn’t supposed to have in the first place), and mumbled a spell which caused the bucket of water that was sitting in between them to dump itself on Sirius’s head.

                Selene turned around with a very smug face and burst out laughing at his expression. “What did I tell you, Cavillor?” she asked through a grin, “Don’t bother messing with me.”

                He frowned and cursed, wiping water out of his eyes. “You think that was enough to make me rate you as dangerous?”                

                Quieting, she raised an eyebrow angrily. “Oh, so you don’t believe me?” She paused, tapping her wand against her thigh and staring him down. “I’d be very happy to show you.”

                Despite himself, he glanced at her wand and swallowed. Then he remembered that he was Sirius Black, a Cavillor and a Marauder…and she was just some girl! Why should he be afraid of that wand of hers?

                While he was thinking all of this over, which was very uncharacteristic of him in the first place, she was advancing towards him, her eyes narrowed. She stopped directly in front of him.

                Selene was obviously shorter, and had to strain her neck upwards to look him in the face. He smelled pleasant… _What! Damn it! I hate you, Sirius Black!_ She glared up at him, while he finally realized her close proximity. He glared back down at her.

                It was suddenly very hot in the room, and the energy the two of them were creating was all bundled in between them. It was making them jumpy, and they were having strange impulses, which they did their best to ignore.

                Slowing, Sirius slipped out _his_ extra wand. Selene’s eyes widened slightly upon seeing it, but she quickly resumed her uninterested air.

                “Great minds think alike.” She smiled spitefully, more of a snarl. “It’s a shame that you don’t have a mind at all.”

                “Fuck you.” He said, stepping closer. He had never known that her eyes were so blue. He rather lik- _Shut up!_

                Nobody insulted her. She thought most people were afraid to, and while she didn’t exactly flaunt that authority of hers, she did utilize it. “What did you say, you ass?”

                “I said- _fuck you_.” He repeated, with more of a hard emphasis.

                Selene clenched her jaw together and took a step forward, not breaking eye contact. His eyes widened; she was pressed right up against him. Why wasn’t he thinking properly?

                Giving him one last smirk, she raised her knee up right against the most sensitive area of his body. Groaning with pain, he fell back against the floor. She stood above him, hands on her hips, fingers still clenching her wand. His eyes squinted up at her. “Bitch!” he pointed his wand at her and fired, while she was still looking pleased.

                Selene tumbled backward and hit the floor, hard. She landed funny on her right leg and heard it crack. Pain shot through her body in waves. Gripping her wand, she blindly shouted out a curse, hoping that it would hit him. She was clutching her leg, but she did hear him call out in agony. This wasn’t satisfying enough. Trying to shut out the pain, she began to pull herself over to him, so that she could throw her wand off to the side and start using her fists properly. She didn’t get very far.

                “Good God!” A voice at the door announced. A flutter of feet sounded across the floor, and then Professor Jenkins, the Potions Master, stood over them, frantic and sweating. “What are you two _doing_?”

                It was quite a sight to see. Sirius was lying on the floor in extreme pain; Selene’s second curse had obviously hit his arm, which looked fractured at the least, and Selene was lying just short of him, glaring and trying to pull herself closer with a broken leg. Neither looked ready to give up. It was a good thing Jenkins was there….how far might they go? And both good students! Why? The professor shook his head fervently and halted Selene, who was still crawling around. He summoned a stretcher under each of them.

                “I’m taking you to the Hospital Wing.” He managed to pry their wands away from both of them and tucked them into his robes. “McGonagall will have to deal with you after you’re fixed up a bit. Merlin, what were you trying to do, get yourselves killed?”

                Selene grumbled and clenched a fist. “He’s a pushover anyway. I wouldn’t have gotten myself killed.”

                Sirius looked over at her venomously. “I hate you!”                 

                Before Selene could laugh at him, Professor Jenkins broke in, “Now, kids, you’ve already-”

                “I am _not_ a kid!” Sirius gripped the side of his stretcher, trying to pull himself out, but failing terribly.

                Jenkins heaved a sigh and started to exit the Trophy Room, the stretchers floating behind him. He made sure that they were far enough apart…the two teenagers had done enough damage already.

                The floated along in silence, until they passed by another student. “Selene!” Kristen yelled. “What the hell happened?”

                The raven-haired girl lifted her head off the stretched and glared at Sirius before glancing over at Kristen. “I was just taking care of business.”

                Kristen sighed, brushing a strand of dark blonde hair away from her face. “You’re insufferable sometimes, Kelehan.” But she couldn’t help but feel proud of her friend.

                Selene looked back at Sirius and announced, loud and daring, “Two to one, Black! Two to one!” She meant, of course, that she had gotten him twice, while he had only managed to hit her with a single curse. She felt triumphant as she lay back down.

                Kristen watched as they disappeared from view. She stood there a few moments.

                Remus passed by and glanced at her, then realized who she was, and backtracked. He looked up at her warily with his light eyes. She didn’t look at him, and burst out laughing instead.

                Remus snapped, “What’s so funny? We have to spend detention together in a few minutes!” 

                “Selene and Sirius Black.”

                Remus chuckled quietly to himself. “I saw them on my way over here as well.” He appeared amused. “Leave it to the two of them.”

                They both smiled and sniggered, but when their eyes met, they realized who they were laughing _with_. They let their glances fall to the floor in silence and embarrassment.

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**A/N: Yes, yes…if you’ve read the story before, the last half of this is nearly identical. This is about where I was telling you the plot would tie in with the old story, and thus I will be using a lot of what I’ve written already. Of course I’ll have to change a few things because of what I’ve changed already, but you’ll find that you recognize most, if not all of it, I’m sure. For those of you who haven’t read the old version, I apologize for rambling on about this and I hope that you’re still enjoying the story.**

**On the bright side (well, there really wasn’t a negative side, I suppose…) this means that updates shouldn’t take very long, because I’ll just be going over a lot of old material.  Welll…thanks for reading, as usual.**

**~Emily**


	12. Encounters of a Tense Nature

**Chapter Twelve ~ Encounters of a Tense Nature**

            Kristen glanced up, a bit of dark blonde hair unsympathetically landing against her face. She brushed it away, allowing her dark eyes a clear view of her cleaning partner. That they should be considered partners of any sort was undoubtedly surprising, but more than that, she was confused to find herself not feeling any sort of resentment towards him. Whatever tension had been present between them in the Heads room during the _incident_ had been largely left behind.

            Across the Great Hall, which they had been assigned to cleaning as a form of detention, Remus Lupin polished the legs of the old Hufflepuff table. As much as she wished she didn’t, Kristen admired his work ethics. He didn’t complain, didn’t drag on or mope. He simply cleaned, working at his own pace and occasionally her ears caught wind of faint humming. It was difficult to be angry with someone of that temperament. The fact that he was supposed to be her enemy seemed so futile right then. Remus must have felt her eyes on him; he looked up at her with a questioning expression. Her glance slipped and fell. She resumed scrubbing.

            Kristen was different from her friends. All three of them were different from one another in ways of their own. It was a little strange that they got along as well as they did. She was certainly the most quiet of the three. She couldn’t help it, really; there was just something set in her mind that made her that way. Sometimes she wouldn’t notice that she was not talking, that she was only listening to a conversation. It never seemed to bother her friends, however, and that was good enough for her.

            She smiled absently, thinking of how Selene might as well have been her complete opposite, in both appearance and personality. The black-haired girl could be downright rough sometimes. When she was angry, it was like walking next to a bomb that was bound to explode at any moment, bits and pieces of everything flying around her like mad. Scaring people away was definitely not a problem when Selene was around. And Lily… she was just Lily. She always held the right answer easily in her palm, always had a way of making everything organized. This was what made it so hard to comprehend everything that had happened recently. It was as if Lily had transformed into a completely different person.

            Sighing, Kirsten leaned to the right and dipped her rag into a bucket of soapy water. Every once in a while, there was a whisper in the back of her mind telling her that perhaps Lily was right…maybe, just maybe, there was some truth in the absurdity that her friend had been yelling at them. But then another voice, expressing a concern for loyalty to everything that she had been loyal to in the past, would rebound. She wondered, however, about her loyalty to her friends in particular. No, _friend_ …how could you be loyal to both when you had such differing opinions of what was right? You couldn’t, and that was another problem. She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling as if she needed to come to some conclusion or she could very well go as mad as Lily seemed to have gone. No, however much she might, just a little, secretly agree with Lily’s ideas (and James’s, if she must acknowledge him at all), she was with Selene on this one. Lily’s untruthfulness made her angry, although she suspected that she was not even half as angry as Selene. Until that anger died down, there was no way she was going to confront Lily about anything of the compromising sort. Oh well. Things could certainly be worse, after all…

            “Are you okay?” His voice startled her out of her thoughts. Her eyes popped open, and she realized suddenly that he was next to her, cleaning the Ausculto table now…and he didn’t seem mad at all. Not even disagreeable. He still had that spark of wonder and calm in his eyes, and for some reason, it comforted her a little. She didn’t exactly enjoy residing in a battlefield; she simply endured it without thought of change.

            She smiled weakly at Remus after a moment, an action which, even at this point, surprised her. “Why shouldn’t I be?”

            He shrugged nonchalantly. “How should I know? It’s not as if I know you.”

            “I guess…” she hesitated. “We should consider that a good thing, I think.” We? _There’s not supposed to be any_ we. 

            He nodded his head slightly in agreement. He appeared unaffected by the association; the use of the word we. “Or else we would end up like James and…Lily,” he said the redhead’s name a bit funny, as if it was foreign to him.

            “Er, yeah, I guess.” Kristen paused and added, “Or Selene and er…Sirius.”

            He smiled suddenly, his eyes lighting up. “Sirius can get so worked up sometimes.”

            She glanced at him crossways, smiling as well. “Believe me, so can Selene.” They both seemed to have forgotten any enemy boundaries that had been up before, at least for the time being.

            “I’ll bet that after Selene started the argument, he fumed and blew up.” He let out a low chuckle.

            Kristen, however, was not amused in the slightest. Her small grin faded as quickly as it had come, and she looked rather displeased. She wasn’t about to blame something on one of her best friends, and especially not in the presence of _him_. Realization of the situation in front of her seeped back in. “Selene,” she stated in a firm and hard voice, “was not the cause of that fight.”

            His grin faded as well. He turned to her, and they both looked like they were squaring off for battle. Perhaps they were; their expressions had very suddenly and similarly turned grim and irritated. “Oh, you think so?” Remus asked softly, his eyes boring into her face unpleasantly. He now seemed to see her for what she was supposed to be, to him.

            “Yes, I do. Sirius was most certainly the cause of all that. I think I would know better than you.”

            “Really? Would you? Well, I tell you, it wasn’t my friend’s fault!”

            “Why am I even arguing this point with you? It’s not as if you have any idea what you’re talking about! You’re…a Cavillor. I’m most certainly _not_. Why the hell am I even talking with you?!” She was furious, not only with him, but with herself as well. She had thoroughly confused her intentions. She was not supposed to be conversing with him; what had she been thinking?

            “I don’t know,” he replied darkly. “And of course you’re not a Cavillor. You don’t have the qualities.” He scowled.

            Kristen snorted and mumbled something, or more like growled it. The table beneath her fingers was now gleaming from the way she was scrubbing it so hard.

            But then, there was always the simple fact that neither Kristen nor Remus was as much like their friends as they had always hoped. They didn’t have the state of mind to attempt to kill one another. Their anger seemed to creep away slowly. After a few minutes of intense cleaning on both of their parts, Kristen’s eyes darted upwards and met his halfway. Embarrassed, she glanced back downwards, but not without a small smile curving her lips, one that expressed both amusement and regret.

 

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            Lily tapped a finger on the top of the couch. She couldn’t seem to stop. What a stupid thing to do; why couldn’t she concentrate? She wished she could just climb into bed. Her dreams would take her away form having to deal with any of this. Then again, her bed was in her dorm, in her dorm were her friends, and in her friends was an intense anger, directed at her. She sighed deeply.

            “You’re not listening to me, are you?” James asked, exasperated. It was not the first time she had floated off that day.

            Lily shook herself and blinked. She focused on his face and gave him a small, apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, James. I haven’t been much help.”

            “No, you haven’t.”

            Dropping her hands in her lap and squirming to face him on the couch, so that her back was against the armrest, she made a face. “Well, you don’t have to be so blunt about it.”

            “What, do you want me to lie to you? I was only telling the truth…you’ve been staring off this entire time.”

            She watched as his dark eyes penetrated hers. “No, I don’t think that I do want you to lie.”

            They fell silent, watching each other, neither seeming to realize that they were doing so, or perhaps not caring. Softly, he started, “You seem a little out of it tonight, are you okay?”

            She considered the question. Was she okay? That depended on how you defined okay… “I don’t know,” she replied finally.

            “Oh.”

            Lily sighed, rubbing circles over her temples. She couldn’t look at him. This would not hold up if she kept looked at him, and found him looking at her like that. Not now that she knew, very well, what it felt like to be kissing him. She had let it go too far; far enough to the point where it was nearing addiction. _He_ was addicting. Could you want something so much, when you knew it was wrong to have and you shouldn’t, and call it anything other than an addiction? Well, she would have to break herself of this addiction, because it was not what they needed right now. This was ridiculous; she was a smart person, she had a good mind with cool logic. Surely she couldn’t have lost all of that in the span of a couple months. No, they would work on this, and she would bury any other urges that might come to mind.  

            “So do we have anything new to work with?” Her voice was hopeful; far more hopeful than she felt.

            His forehead wrinkled and he looked away. “I dunno.”

            It was Lily’s turn to be exasperated. “You’re so much help.”

            “Let’s not argue about this.”

            “Whatever, we need to get back to work anyway,” she snapped, knowing that they weren’t angry with one another. Tension could be a strange thing, with its whims and inclinations.

            “As I was saying, when you weren’t listening, _again_ -”

            Her eyes widened in annoyance. “Alright! I get the point.”

            He cleared his throat. “Let’s prepare a speech. Maybe we could present it to the prefects first, if you want, but we need to start this. Even if Dumbledore has to hide us somewhere so nobody attempts to kill us…” He paused to chuckle.

            She observed him grimly. “That’s not funny, you know.”

            He wiped the smile off of his face and continued. “It needs to be out in the open. I don’t care whether our friends come along first or not…we can’t just sit around anymore.”

            Lily nodded, however much she wished she could disagree, he was right. They had to _do_ something. Things weren’t going to get better by them sitting around, staring at one another and wishing the situation was anything different. 

            He rolled his eyes. “You really are in another world tonight.”

            “You have no idea…”

            He absently rubbed his thumb against one of her feet, which she had propped beneath her on the couch. “I wonder how our friends’ detentions are going.”

            “Or have gone,” Lily corrected. “Selene and Sirius’s should be over, as far as I know.”

            “I wonder how hurt they are this time.”

            Lily laughed and their eyes met. Her smile faded. She was beginning to feel ridiculous, really; like a deranged sap, or one of those girls she had always made fun of. No, this wouldn’t do. She rubbed a hand against her forehead. He noticed, though he couldn’t possibly know what she was contemplating.

            “Maybe we should talk about this tomorrow, and just head up to bed for now,” James suggested suddenly, backing away, his hand falling away from her feet.

            “Probably…” Lily rose from the couch and stretched, watching as James followed her movements. They turned towards one another, their hands dropping limply to their sides. Lily leaned in slightly, thinking she would offer him a quick kiss goodnight on the cheek. She stopped halfway, remembering what had happened the last time in her dorm, and she decided against it. They both smiled weakly, averting their gazes. As they made their way out the door, James patted her awkwardly on the back; the most contact he could trust himself with in that moment.

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            “Perhaps we should chain them,” Dumbledore chuckled.

            McGonagall had a persuasive scowl upon her lips. “I say we let them kill one another, Albus. It might teach them a lesson or two.”

            “Don’t be rash, Minerva. If they’re dead, they will not have learned what I hope for them to learn. I have a feeling this will all be settled in good time. For now, I’m rather enjoying the argument; I haven’t had something to laugh about in days.”

            On the other side of the room, Selene’s chin slumped into one of her hands. How much more of a hell could they put her in? Damn that Cavillor. They insisted that he should be in the bed directly next to hers. She had only just gotten out of the dratted Hospital Wing that morning, and it wasn’t as if it was _her_ fault that she was back so soon. It was his! It was all his! He would pay for this, if she had any say in the matter. Oh yes, she already had plans forming…

            She glanced over at him. He noticed, and scowled back. “What are _you_ looking at?”

            “A pile of scum with no brain.”  

            “How original,” Sirius spat.

            She glanced away, her hands itching to clench and hit him as hard as they could manage. Madame Pomfrey was off looking for the correct potions to heal them. Who knows how long they would be in here _this_ time.

            Could he sense her burning hatred? She hoped so. She certainly hoped that it scared him out of his wits…if she had any to begin with. “Why do I deserve to sit here with _this_?” She muttered absently.

            He glanced her way again, venomously. “Are you talking about yourself again?”             

            “Oh, very clever, Black. I’m amazed at your maturity.”

            “ _Maturity_?” He feigned amazement. “It’s funny you should bring that up. I was under the impression that you didn’t know what the word meant.”

            “Haha,” she replied dully. “I know far more than you ever will, I assure you.”

            “We’ll just see about that.”

            “And how, might I ask, are you going to prove anything to me?” Her face took on an expression of superiority as she inspected her nails. She ignored the aching of her broken leg. At least Madame Pomfrey had already taken away most of the pain. Along with their wands…

            He growled something under his breath that she barely heard, but barely was enough to infuriate her. She was so angered, in fact, that she attempted to lunge off her bed at him. It was unsuccessful, as Madame Pomfrey reappeared at that moment.

            “Good heavens, are you trying to do yourself in? I thought you had learned a lesson.”

            Professor McGonagall appeared from behind the stout woman, looking grim indeed. Her appearance certainly didn’t comfort Selene. Or Sirius, for that matter, who was staring at the foot of his bed, looking as if he were condemned to a horrible immediate future.

            “I am more disappointed than I can convey to you, with the manner in which you are disgracing my House. I informed you quite clearly,” she began, “of the consequences of this. I thought you had some sense left in you, but I must have assumed incorrectly. All of next week, you shall have detentions together.” The two of them groaned, naturally. She did not blink an eye. “If such punishment fails to work, we’ll find something that will. I suggest you spend a bit more time thinking about your mistakes.”

            “ _My_ mistakes?” Sirius snorted.

            McGonagall stared at him. If he had ever been on her good side, it had only been for a very short while.

            Selene turned to Madame Pomfrey. “How long until I can go?”

            The nurse opened her mouth to answer, but McGonagall was quicker. “Oh, you won’t be going anywhere tonight.”

            

            “ _What_?” The two teenagers stressed in union. Professor McGonagall simply gave a curt nod, pressed her lips together, and went about her way. Madame Pomfrey did not seem any more excited about this news than the two students were. Dumbledore appeared from where he had been standing on the other side of the room. He passed by the beds with an amused gleam in his eyes. He offered them a small smile and a nod before exiting. 

            “Alright then,” Madame Pomfrey announced gruffly. “Let’s get started.”

            Selene and Sirius groaned and glared in turn. This would _not_ be a night to remember. 

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            “You didn’t!” Kristen spun around, having felt something slimy run down her back. After looking at the ground behind her, she found Remus’s rag lying there. He was standing above it, wearing an honestly apologetic expression.

            “Well,” he raised his hands in explanation, “it slipped. It’s your fault for keeping the water bucket over here.” He watched her stiffly, a grim expression covering his face.

            Suddenly she smiled and threw the rag at his chest. “Alright, you’re lucky you look so innocent all the time. Just don’t drop it on me again.”

            Remus nodded fervently and let out a breath. She noticed and set her own rag down.

            “What did you expect?”             

            “I don’t know- it’s just that- well, we’ve fought once before. You saw what happened to our friends earlier…I didn’t know what you might do.”

            She faced him, no longer smiling. “And you think I wasn’t worried about what you might do to me? Do you honestly think that the fights that have gone on here were all one-sided? That you’re _innocent_ of it all? That-”

            “No! I just-”

            “Whatever.” She spun on her heel and surveyed the Great Hall. “It’s good enough. I say we’re finished.”

            “Yeah,” he responded lamely. He dropped the rags into the bucket and picked it up.

            “Just leave that here,” Kristen said, still not looking at him. “McGonagall charmed it to disappear on its own.”

            “Oh.” He set it back down and watched her with his grayish eyes. When she began to walk towards the entrance, he followed, catching up with her. “It must be almost midnight.”

            “Probably past.” They approached the stairs silently. There were two reasons they didn’t carry on a conversation; neither truly felt like doing so, and they both knew that they _shouldn’t_. 

            They neared the top of the steps. Kristen let out the breath she was holding. “I’m sorry for yelling like that…”

            Remus was so surprised by this comment that he fell into the sinking stair with a small yelp. “Oh damn,” he grimaced.

            She smirked, her dark eyes flashing. “That, however, I am not going to help with.”

            He watched her as she walked away, pensive and confused as he began to sink deeper and deeper into the stairs. 

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            Lily allowed her face to sink further into her pillow, wishing that she could at least take a nap so that she could forget her thoughts, but it was the matter of her excessive number of thoughts that kept her from sleeping. She groaned, her fingers digging into the comforter beneath her.

            “Er- Lily?” She heard James’s voice from across the room and her head shot up, causing her to feel slightly dizzy. “I know that I probably shouldn’t be up here or anything, but – well, Dumbledore wants to see us.”

            Lily frowned. “Oh.” For some reason, she felt disappointed. Shaking herself, she scooted off her bed and stood to face him. He was staring at her, unmoving. “Shouldn’t we go, then?”

            James shifted. “Right. Yes.”

            Lily followed him out the door, and then waited. He stopped and glanced back at her, about to say something. She shook her head fervently, conveying her ideas through her eyes. He understood immediately; they could not be seen together, not even talking to one another without a clear argument as a reason.

            After several moments, she followed in silence, thinking about a million things at once. Really, she should be making plans for the next prefect meeting, or at least thinking about the essays she needed to write for her NEWTS classes. Unfortunately, she could not choose which thoughts to have, and even if she could, she was not sure that she _would_ choose any of the above. 

            She finally met up with James some time after exiting the portrait hole. “What did he want to see us about?” Lily inquired quietly.

            James shrugged. “I have no idea.”         

            Lily found herself also wishing that she might concern her mind with whatever the headmaster might want them for, but unfortunately her thoughts only stayed along that strain for a moment. After that moment, she found it increasingly more difficult to ignore James’s hand, which was swinging so close to hers as they walked, that she could simply stick out a finger and touch it. The point may not have been touching James’s hand, but still, it was driving her mad. His presence was driving her mad. She truly enjoyed the way he smelled, and the way that she recognized the way he smelled… not that she would admit it to anyone. She laughed aloud. Who in Merlin’s name would she admit it to? Her friends who were currently angry with her, or anyone else who _would_ be angry with her if she did admit it?

            James gave her a strange look that trailed off into something else as they neared the stone gargoyle leading up to Dumbledore’s office. Lily purposely ignored his eyes on her as they climbed the winding stairs. They found the door uncharacteristically open.

            Dumbledore glanced up, his blue eyes grazing over them as they seated themselves in the two seats before him. There were darker circles under his eyes, but Lily was relieved to see that their usual glint had not left.

            The headmaster wasted no time. “I asked you to see me because of a problem between two friends of yours.”

            Lily and James’s eyes met and they instantly felt some of the tension leave their limbs.

            “Selene and Sirius?” Lily inquired.

            “Yes. As you know, they had detention together this evening.”

            Lily nodded. “It should be over by now, shouldn’t it?”

            James was chuckling. “I hope they didn’t succeed in killing each other.” 

            Dumbledore nodded. “No James, they did not. However, they are both spending the night in the hospital wing.”

            The grins faded off their faces. “Are they okay?”

            “It's nothing that cannot be mended. Professor McGonagall thought it necessary that they spend the night just as they are.”

            “But-” James appeared slightly worried. “What if Selene tears Sirius’s eyes out while he’s sleeping?”

            Lily swung her head towards him and smirked. “Are you really that afraid of her?”

            “Well…” James trailed off, shifting in his seat.

            Dumbledore cleared his throat. “As I was saying, we have a problem. Your Head of House and I are unable to think of a proper solution. These are your friends; I thought you might be able to assist us. Detention does not seem to be solving the issue, as you can see.”

            A long pause ensued. Lily chewed her lip. “Er-” She ran a hand through her auburn hair, her eyes slipping over to James.

            He was chuckling to himself. Lily shook her head, and he seemed to realize that the other two were watching him. “Well,” he said, “we could always put them in therapy sessions.”

            Lily began to laugh. “Oh, sure. That would be just brilliant, I can see it now…” The two of them held silly grins on their faces.

            Dumbledore looked between them as a twinkle came into his eyes. “Actually, James, that may not be a bad idea.” 

            James’s mouth dropped open. Lily exclaimed, “Professor?”

            “I was only kidding,” James added.

            “No, Muggles have proved that therapy does in fact help.”

            “Are you mad?”

            “I assure you, Miss Evans, that I am not. Even if Miss Kelehan and Mister Black do not respond to therapy as, let us say, normal students might, they will respond…in their own manner.” 

            His eyes held a far-off appeal, one that Lily had simply begun to accept as something she would never understand. She did, however, trust her headmaster immensely, and she suspected he was correct in whatever he was assuming. Lily imagined the look that would appear on Selene’s face when she was told that she would be going in for therapy. She smirked to herself, causing James, who had been watching her, to grin.

            Dumbledore witnessed the exchange in silence, and gave them a thin smile. “I see that you have been taking my advice.”

            “What’s that, professor?” James turned towards him, pulling his eyes away from Lily’s face.

            “Spending more time working together.”

            “Oh, yes…” Lily blushed faintly and shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

            Dumbledore cleared his throat. “I thank you for your assistance, Lily and James. You are dismissed, free to go about whatever you wish.”

            Lily smiled at him. “Thank you, Professor.”

            James grinned, “I’ll let you know if we have any better ideas.”

            Dumbledore smiled serenely and nodded.

            As they were descending the stairs and taking their leave of the stone gargoyle, Lily gently touched James’s arm, causing him to jump slightly.

            Lily, blushing, ignored this. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

            He stared at her. “Why?”

            “ _Therapy_?”

            “Well, I dunno. It seemed funny in my mind. I didn’t think he would actually go for it.”

            “No…” Lily trailed off. She heard a noise off to their right and stopped, shivering slightly. How could they be so stupid as to speak to one another like this right in the path of anyone who cared to listen?      

            “Well, well.” Lucius Malfoy stepped out in front of them. “What have we here?”

            James had time only to scowl once he recovered from his initial shock. It seemed that the both of them had forgotten about unspoken rules. James felt so comfortable with Lily these days that acting like he hated her in public, or not talking or looking at her at all, was becoming increasingly more difficult. He had a feeling, as he stared into Malfoy’s icy expression, that they would pay for this neglect.

            “The prat Cavillor and the mudblood Ausculto, associating together…” Malfoy clicked his tongue, “you should be _ashamed_ of yourselves. Such a scandal, as it seems…”

            “Get out of my sight, Malfoy. Go find your greasy friend.”

            He ran a slow glance over James, his face taking on more of a supercilious expression than usual. “No, I rather think this is more interesting, at present.”

            “Why should _you_ care?” Lily snapped. “You’re a Slytherin, not an Ausculto or a Cavillor. I doubt if either group would have you.”

            “I care,” he stuck his nose up higher into the air, “simply because this could cause major problems for the two of you.”

            Lily grabbed James’s arm and tugged. “Come on. This isn’t worth it.”

            James grit his teeth as Lily dragged him off. Once they were out of earshot, they stopped on the side of the corridor.

            “Can you believe that prat?” James whispered. “What a haughty-”

            Lily groaned. “James, we have to be more careful.”

            James sighed. “Well, yes. But we agreed that it’s not going to be for much longer anyway.”

            Lily’s face was scrunched up. “James,” she said impatiently, “that ass is most likely going to let everyone know before we have the chance to explain anything.”

            He fell silent, realizing the impact of her words. Their friends were one thing…what would the rest of the school attempt to do with them? Wage a war? Something of that size may seem completely unreasonable, but…so were a lot of things, in James’s opinion.

            Lily suddenly grabbed his shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug, not caring that they were on the side of what could be a very public corridor. “I’m so sick of this…I’m actually scared of what other people could do.”

            James sighed, allowing himself to press his nose slightly in her hair. _She_ was scared? Lily Evans, the girl who had an answer, and usually a correct one, for everything? He placed his arms around her waist and inhaled sharply. “Me too.”

            Lily buried her face against his chest, wishing she didn’t feel guilty for holding him so tightly. She pulled back carefully, taking a deep breath. “Thanks, James. It’s a…it’s a comfort to know that you’re here, you know.”

            James smirked. “ _Comfort_ , huh? Is that all I get?”

            Lily suddenly felt very awkward, standing there and watching him, knowing that she should be turning the situation into something they could be nonchalant about, the way he was…and she couldn’t. She simply stared at him, her lip beginning to hurt from the way she was biting it.

            “We should be getting back,” she said in answer, her eyes probing his. “There’s no use standing here, where more people could overhear us.”

            James said nothing, but followed her in silence. There was a deep crease between his eyebrows as they entered the portrait hole. He almost did not have the energy to act like he was not _willingly_ with the Head Girl. It didn’t matter; the only person watching was Kristen. Lily slowed, glancing hopefully at her friend. Kristen acknowledged nothing; instead her eyes slipped away, and she engrossed herself with the book in her lap, something far simpler than forgiveness. 

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**A/N: Soo, as some of you can no doubt tell, I have mainly copied and pasted sections from the old story, which has led to several problems. I have, however, rearranged the order in which most scenes are presented.  By "copy and paste", I mean that I changed maybe ten whole sentences. This is a problem mostly because of inconsistency; that is, I do hope that my writing has improved somewhat over the past year or two, and should I have re-written this chapter, it may have turned out differently these days. The thing is, I simply don't have the patience to be doing that. Rewriting the first part was something I sincerely wanted to do, but now that I don't have any major qualms with the plot, I don't necessarily want to rewrite scenes in the same way they are presented here, solely for the sake of hoping that my writing is better now than it used to be. I think you probably understand what I mean, right? If that was overly confusing, I'll try to re-explain later :) The thing is, I'm slightly impatient to be completely this section of the rewrite and moving on to entirely new material. This doesn't mean that I won't be careful with the rest of these chapters, because that's exactly what I'm trying to do.**

**On another note, I really dislike clichés. And for that reason, I have to do something about the pairings in the old fic. This is not to say that I didn't love these people together, and in fact, I had never planned on two of them getting together in the first place, it just happened. That shouldn't happen in a story I've planned out, however, so I'm going to be returning to my original plan regarding those two characters (clearly I am not using names for giving-away reasons, not just to confuse the hell out of you. Even if you _are_ intelligent people and have more likely than not figured it out anyway...). As for the other pair, they'll continue somewhat along the same lines as before, simply because I can't resist at all. I have to give in to some clichés at some point. Their relationship will change slightly in nature, though. But that's all for another time, and other chapters, and basically...you'll see ;)**

**Thank you ever so much for reading. I do hope that you'll continue, and that you'll let me know what you're thinking (I mean about the story, but should you simply be wanting an ear to listen, I could be here for that too). :)**

**~Emily~**


	13. Momentary Repose

**Chapter Thirteen ~ Momentary Repose**

            “Why are you following me?” Selene glared at Sirius and refused to show any offense at the glower he sent back. Light from the rising sun flooded in through the windows dotting the side of this corridor; the weather appeared to be in a much better mood than the two teenagers.

            “In case you’ve forgotten, my common room happens to be in the same place as yours,” he replied with nothing short of a scowl.

            “I was attempting to forget, thanks very much.”

            “Don’t thank me. I don’t want any gratitude from _you_.”

            She spun around to face him. “Would you rather have a bloody nose from me?”

            “Oh, so you _did_ enjoy spending the night in the hospital wing with me? I thought so. Ready for another go?”

            “You idiot. _You_ would be going back to the hospital wing. I never said I would be hurting _myself_ , and how else would I be injured?”

            He opened his mouth to respond, but no sound came out. He was staring down at the step below him. “Isn’t that Remus’s shoe?” He looked confused.

            Selene spun around, a deep frown etched into her face. “What the bloody hell are you-” She yelped suddenly.

            Sirius, having leaned too far forward to examine the shoe, toppled over his feet, but not before grabbing hold of one of Selene’s arms and accidentally dragging her with him. They tumbled down the stairs and landed with loud noises of discomfort, right on top of one another. Selene looked up at Sirius, who was peering down at her with an expression of complete shock. She wiggled slightly, feeling her breath leave her swiftly. 

            “Black,” she managed to gasp, “get the fuck off me, you prat.”

            “Right…” Sirius rolled off, landing beside her with a small thump.

            She peered at him incredulously, and then gave him a great shove. “What the bloody hell was that?”            

             “I…” He climbed to his feet, shaking his head. “Oops.”

            Selene brushed herself off and ran a hand through her long black hair. “You bloody idiot! If you’re going to fall down the stairs, do it on your own! Or do you need help even with that?”

            He blinked at her, and then remembered to scowl as he shifted his feet. “No,” he grumbled.

            She let out an exasperated sigh and took off up the stairs, leaving Sirius to again stare at Remus’s shoe. He grinned, wondering exactly what sort of circumstances might have prompted his friend to forget a _shoe_.

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            James had an ill feeling in the pit of his stomach when he woke up that morning. It was worse than usual; certainly not hunger. He wasn’t sure why until the whole predicament came tumbling back into his head. _Friends…angry…Malfoy…Slytherins…_ He glanced around, seeing that Remus was still asleep and Sirius was not present. Vaguely wondering if his friend was dead, or injured again at the least, he groaned softly and threw his covers off. 

            He hobbled over to where a messy stack of clothes resided and pulled out a few articles which looked clean. While pulling on his shirt, a very disgruntled Sirius, holding a shoe, threw the door open. James glanced at him quickly, and then did a double take.

            Forgetting that his friend was very angry with him, he inquired, “Why do you have Moony’s shoe?”

            Whether from direct animosity or from whatever fury was left over from Selene, Sirius glared at James. “It was in the stairs. I fished it out. Thought maybe someone else could tell me why it was there.”

            James shrugged. “Beats me.”

            “Yeah, I figured as much.” Sirius looked away, ignoring him and seeming to remember why. “Why don’t you go find your favorite new non-enemy?”               

             “I-” James frowned. “That’s not fair! You never even really gave us a chance to explain.”

            “Now it’s an _us_ , is it? Us? Disgusting! And what chance do you need? Betrayal isn’t exactly an explainable event.”

            “If you weren’t so dim, you might realize that you’re wrong about the whole thing!”

            “Dim? Why don’t you team up with Selene, she seems to agree with you,” his lip curled at the thought of her, “I’ll remind you both that I’m in the top five of the year.”

            “A lot of good that’s done you. You have no common sense.”

            “Whatever. I’m not in the mood for this.” Sirius threw himself onto his bed and pulled the curtains shut with a decisive swish.

            

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            Lily, meanwhile, lay in her bed with closed eyes, mostly awake. She dimly heard Kristen and Selene talking. Or rather, Selene was fuming, and Kristen was lending her ear. Their voices slipped in and out of her sleepy focus, until she felt consciousness grip her completely. 

            “And he’s such an ass!” Selene finished, letting out a loud and irritated breath.

            Kristen replied softly, “I was hoping you were alright when I saw that you weren’t back last night…can’t believe McGonagall made you stay there.”

            Selene grumbled something Lily could not hear. She opened one eye carefully, not wanting to let on that she was awake quite yet; she wasn’t ready to do battle. She saw Selene standing in front of Kristen, who was sitting on the edge of her bed, looking wary and twirling a strand of dark blonde hair around her finger.

            “So how did _your_ detention go?”

            Kristen opened her mouth to respond, but Selene didn’t even seem to realize that she was talking to someone else; she went on rambling. “I bet yours was just as bad. At least you got out uninjured. I bet he said something about Auscultos and their inferiority, right? Did you tell him off?”             

            Kristen’s eyes were intent on the floor, deep in thought, and she looked a bit embarrassed over something. Suddenly she realized that she had been asked a question, and was expected to answer. “Oh, right. Of course.”

            “I thought so…” Selene was staring at the wall, also lost in her own thoughts, which mostly consisted of “that prat Cavillor”. 

            Lily finally decided that she couldn’t lie there forever and eavesdrop. _Eavesdrop?_ _These people are your friends!_ Were they? _You know them better than anyone. You’ll_ _make up…_ She couldn’t help but feel uneasy about the whole thing. She climbed out of bed and stretched, drawing attention to herself.

            Her friends instantly looked up at her. Selene’s face turned a bit pink, but she did not appear to be as angry as the day before, at least not with Lily, and that seemed to be a good thing…Kristen did not avert her gaze for a several long moments. She watched Lily with a mostly serene expression; her head tilted to one side as it usually was when she was thinking.

            Trying not to overanalyze the situation, Lily dressed quickly, wanting to get out of this uncomfortable situation in her dorm. Deciding to eat a quick breakfast alone, she brushed past her friends, who were now silent, and descended the stairs. 

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            Lily was on edge all day. She continued to tell herself that she was not afraid of Lucius Malfoy, but on the other hand, she couldn’t pretend to not worry about what he was capable of. He may not know their whole secret; she and James and their…attraction. But he had seen them together, and they had not refuted his claims. There was no possible way that Malfoy would not utilize this information in some form or manner that would prove detrimental to Lily and James. 

            Lily shrugged, loosening her grip slightly on the books in her arms. She had spent a rather unsuccessful few hours in the library. Her hopes of returning to a somewhat peaceful state of mind, at least long enough for her to complete her schoolwork, were mostly splintered by the appearance of Snape and Malfoy at a bookshelf near the table she had been using.

            _Lily bit the end of her quill and groaned internally. There was nothing quite as frustrating as forgetting what you were writing halfway through a sentence. This essay was not turning out to be one of her best._

_She bent with the intention of rummaging through her bag for more parchment, and froze instead._

_“Oh, it’s not only that, and you know it…”_

_She knew that voice, that icy and self-important tone. Malfoy was sneaking around the library, and from what she could determine, he was not alone. Lily forgot what she had been looking for and instead straightened in her seat and pretended to be absorbed in rereading what she had written._

_“You’ve always found Evans attractive, dare I say it? I hope this isn’t another pathetic attempt to rid yourself of that…inclination.”_

_“I do not find that mudblood worth any attention, Snape. And it’s better that you remember that fact. I would not fuck her if my life depended on it.”_

_Snape raised a greasy eyebrow. “Well, Lucius, just what is your plan then?”_

_“Plans…I have a couple. One has already been set into motion, thanks to Macnair’s contributions…no need to worry. They shall be receiving an undue greeting in only a few hours time. The next plan, however, is not so simple…you do know of Levent Hedley, do you not?”_

_“Yes, Malfoy, but what does that have to do with- Oh.”_

Lily’s attention was brought back to her present circumstances as she stumbled into a sixth year Ausculto coming through out the portrait hole as she tried to go in.

            “Er- sorry-”

            The girl shrugged. “It’s Lizzy. Don’t worry, Lily. I’m just glad it was you and not a Cavillor.” Lily watched the girl with curious green eyes. “Have a good day, Lily!” The younger girl skipped off down the corridor.             

            Lily’s head snapped back around, and this time she did succeed in entering the portrait hole. She nodded to herself; well then, Malfoy hadn’t told anyone yet. She wouldn’t be receiving well-wishes otherwise. She glanced about the common room as she passed through, recognizing people, but seeing none of her former friends or present enemies. Nobody spared a glance for the Head Girl, and a slight sense of relief stole over her body.

            She paid no attention to her surroundings as she ascended the stairs and finally entered her dorm room. It was empty, to her delight. She didn’t have the energy to be arguing with Kristen and Selene right then, not when so many different ideas were running through her brain. What had Snape and Malfoy been talking about? 

            She tumbled onto her bed, her face hitting the pillow and books scattering someplace over the foot of her bed. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could stand this. And yet, she didn’t suppose she had any choice. A meeting…that was what they had decided on. Some sort of meeting, a scheduled time during which she and James would reveal their thoughts regarding the groups and this argument which had boiled over into something quite different. Lily laughed out loud, the sound muffled somewhat by the pillow beneath her. Nobody was going to listen to them.

            “Pray tell, what’s so funny?” Selene slammed the door behind her, and Lily twisted her head to meet her friend’s blue eyes.

            Kristen stood idly near the foot of Lily’s bed, peering at the bedpost with pursed lips.

            “Are we speaking again? Because in that case, I would be glad to tell you.” Lily flipped over, letting her legs dangle over the side of the bed and her feet hit the floor.

            Selene pushed her long hair over her shoulder. She gave Lily a mirthless smile. “Speaking is such a comfortable word…conversing, perhaps? One certainly doesn’t have to be on friendly terms to converse.”

            Lily shook her head, somewhat sadly and somewhat irritated. “If you gave me a chance, I’m sure you would realize how far your head is up your ass.”

            Kristen let out a loud breath and dropped her hand from Lily’s bedpost, turning to look at Selene.

            Selene’s mouth tightened, her eyes intent upon Lily’s. A long moment passed, neither girl looking away. Selene sneered suddenly. “If that’s what you think,” she said slowly, “there’s no need for us to even _converse_ anymore.”

            Lily felt something like defeat wash over her. Her green eyes dropped to her bed, and she glanced at her books lying there. She shook her head, taking a deep breath. Without a word, she slid off her bed and walked towards the door, shutting it softly behind her.  She paused a minute, hearing the muffled voices of her two friends.

            She was tired of arguing. If they were going to act like children, she would just let them. She would probably never stop hoping that they could forgive her, or gain some sense, but it was time that she stopped appearing to care. If she knew Selene at all, arguing with her would never convince her to do anything except continue fighting.

            Lily didn’t even notice the third year Ausculto who was attempting to get her attention as she exited the portrait hole. She figured she should go to the one room where she knew she could relax; the Head’s common room. 

            She arrived at the portrait of the Three Musketeers to find them entirely alert, which was not altogether out of place. They bowed her into the room and she was stopped short by something solid.

            “Umph,” Lily frowned, taking a step back and blinking, only to find that there were arms around her waist. She glanced up, her mouth melting into an awkward smile. “Er- hello James.”

            “Hello.” He dropped his arms and stepped back, and she sighed. 

            “I was just…leaving.”

            “Well, I didn’t think you were just standing in front of the door for no reason…” She raised an eyebrow teasingly, but saw that he was moving around her. She grabbed his arm. “Don’t leave.”

            He looked at her. “What?”

            “Please? I’m having a bad day.”

            James smirked. “And I’m not?”             

           “Exactly…you’re the only person I can talk to right now, James.” She finally let go of his arm, seeing that he was staring at the hand she had left lingering there. “So stay.”

            He offered her a half-smile. “Okay.”

            Lily pursed her lips and made for the couch, sitting gingerly on the edge. James dropped himself beside her, spreading his legs out. “So.”

            Lily glanced over at him, at the firelight across his face, and she shrugged. “So?”            

            “You’re the one who had such a bad day, so let’s hear about it.”

            She leaned back against the couch, letting her hair trail over the back and into her face. “Actually, I’d rather not. I’ve had enough thinking about it to last me forever.”

            James let out a breath. “Yeah, me too…”

            She turned to face him, drawing her legs up onto the couch and tucking them beneath her. “Why do you think Malfoy has been keeping this to himself?”

            “Effect?”

            Lily shrugged. “I just think he must have some purpose. But I think he has more planned than we bargained for, and I just don’t want-”

            She suddenly felt his fingers on hers. She twisted her hand, allowing him to fit his hand through hers. 

            “What?” He asked.

            Lily shook her head. “Nothing.” She glanced into the fire to keep from turning red herself. Blushing had not been such a problem for her the past couple of months with James, but now that she was suppressing things, it seemed that her skin had a sense of inconvenient humor. 

            When she looked back, James was watching her. “Don’t worry about Malfoy.”

            “Oh really? Why?”

            “Because it’s not worth it. You’ll drive yourself mad.”

            “Hmm. I’m mad already.” She leaned her head against the couch, still facing him, feeling the pressure of his hand in hers.

            “No, I don’t think so.” He brushed her hair back from her eyes. “Well, maybe sometimes. But I like that about you.”

            She smiled at him, suddenly a bit sleepy. He leaned forward slightly, placing his other hand on top of her knee. Lily’s drooping eyes shot open, and she carefully untangled her hand from his, causing both of his hands to return to his lap.

            She flinched when she saw his surprised look. “It’s just…I don’t think we should…”

            “It’s just hand-holding, Lily. And we’re in a pretty secure room…”

            “I know.” She accepted his hand as he threaded it through hers again, their thumbs bumping together. “Now, we are. But holding hands just makes me…it just reminds me that I want _more_.”     

            James smirked. “How much more are we talking about?”             

            She swatted his hand, blushing slightly as she turned her attention back to the fire. “It’s just…I have so much trouble lying. I can’t do things in here, and then do them differently out there. Besides, this room isn’t so secure when it comes to our friends…”

            “Who have already seen us together. And you’ve been acting this whole time.”

            “Adding a romantic variable into this equation makes that acting slightly more difficult…”

            “Oh, so you do think I’m romantic then?” He grinned toothily.

            Lily made a frustrated noise, but smiled nonetheless. “You have to make everything a joke, don’t you?”             

            “Hey, it’s how I get through life.”

            “If you want a chance here, I wouldn’t be asking me whether or not I find you romantic.”           

            “Should I show you then?”

            Lily blinked. She had never wanted anything so much so suddenly. “Er-”

            James grinned at her, leaning closer again.

            She shook her head, scooting back. “No no…I don’t think that’s…such a good idea.” She felt her whole body telling her otherwise and she frowned.

            He sighed. “Maybe later?”

            “Definitely later,” she replied a little too quickly, brushing a strand of auburn hair out of her face. “If you and your romantic tendencies will wait that long.”

            “Well if you don’t stop giving me reasons to wait, then I’m not going to have a choice.”

            Lily smiled. “Hey, I can’t help it if you’re attracted to my madness.”

            “That I am.”

            She glanced at their entwined hands and squeezed his carefully. “We should probably be getting back.”

            “Why? So that both of our groups of friends can yell and argue with us all night?”             

             “No. I think I’ve decided that I’ll employ silence from now on. I’m just not going to respond.”

            “Well, good for you,” James stretched, offering her a hand.

            She allowed him to pull her off the couch, and they found themselves close together.

            “Right,” she said, stepping back. “Let’s go then.”

            James was silent beside her on the way back to Gryffindor tower, which was just as well, because they had already been caught talking once, and that had met them with an icy Slytherin. Lily felt a chill travel down her body as they approached, and she glanced over at James, suddenly sad. She had spent the last hour forgetting why she had been in such a bad mood, and now here they were, re-entering that world. 

            Lily felt something else entirely as she stepped through the portrait hole behind James, only to find everyone in the room turning to stare at them, emotions scattered and all apparently negative. She felt like a deer caught in the headlights, and was entirely startled when a voice rang out from their left, filling the room with its accusation.

            “There they are, the traitors!”

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**A/N: Right, well, I’ll be posting the next part soon. My mouth is finally starting to recover from its lack of wisdom teeth, so I don't have to take medication that knocks me out anymore, thus I can write without falling asleep…hope you’re all doing well =)**

**~Emily**

            


	14. Quarrels and Concessions

**Chapter Fourteen ~ Quarrels and Concessions**

            _There they are, the traitors!_ The words rang relentlessly inside Lily’s head as everything around her fell deathly silent. James stood next to her, and though she had not glanced at him, his surprise was almost tangible. Whatever she had been expecting to happen on account of Malfoy’s nastiness, she hadn’t expected it this suddenly and this upfront. The castle might as well have tumbled over on top of her head, for all the sense she currently had.

            Cavillors and Auscultos alike filled the room, their eyes focused intently on the Heads of Hogwarts; their leaders of sorts. Many faces wore different expressions. Some were simply glaring, nothing but the purest anger apparent in their demeanor. Others looked confused, or were glowing with that knowing-it-was-wrong sort of curiosity. Many faces remained unreadable to Lily’s stunned eyes.

            She let out a strangled noise at the same moment the sixth year Cavillor who had spoken last stepped closer to them, shaking his fist. “You are a disgrace,” he sneered. She realized that the boy was speaking more to James than to her.

            She allowed herself to steal a glance at James, attempting to read his reaction to this. He appeared rather like she felt, apparently not knowing how to solve this sudden confrontation. He swallowed, meeting the boy’s gaze. “I am not,” he asserted softly, firmly.

            Lily felt compelled to do something, her hands itching to make some sort of movement, to bring her body out of its shameful pause, so she inquired, “What have you heard that would make you so quickly assume this?”

            The boy turned on her, his glare becoming more frigid. “Malfoy said that you two have been talking together, conspiring something. Did you not realize that wasn’t allowed?” His voice dripped with sarcasm and disdain, and Lily felt like allowing herself to melt right there.

            Instead, her temper flared at the insolent look she was getting. “Of course I knew!” Lily snapped. “Everyone knows! Who are you to believe a Slytherin before anyone else?”

            Everyone else, the crowd of people surrounding them, causing all types of intimidation, was still silent. The boy’s glare subsided briefly and his bright blue eyes flickered between Lily and James, landing back on her. “Are you denying it?” he demanded.

            Lily opened her mouth, but it was James who answered, “No.”

            The boy’s head snapped back to his fellow Cavillor. He looked utterly disgusted. “Potter, I would have thought much better of _you_ , of all people. Have you decided to join the Auscultos, then?” The derision in his voice became more pronounced with this single word.

            James hesitated, but it didn’t matter. Until then, not one Ausculto, or any other Cavillor for that matter, had uttered a single word. Now one of the Auscultos, who Lily recognized as Kathleen, opened her mouth, “Lily! We trusted you! What are you doing with _him_ anyway? What have you been planning? We have a right to know!” Her voice was demanding and harsh, a side of her Lily had not witnessed until now.

            Lily sighed. “James and I have only been acting civilized with one another, as you, all of you, have obviously not yet learned to do. Are you enjoying this? Does it give you a thrill to be so divided?”     

            Kathleen looked confused over her answer, and she was not the only one. “That doesn’t answer what you’ve been planning, Ausculto.” A girl from the Cavillor side shouted, arms crossed. Her gaze landed on James and she shook her head bitterly, as if she could not believe he was standing where he was.

            Lily shifted, not knowing how much she should reveal, or how she should say it, but James once again sighed beside her, a sound of resignation. “We wanted,” he began loudly, clearly not wanting to have to repeat himself, “to show everyone what a disgrace we are with these groups. It needs to be stopped.” James did not think elaboration would help him here. They wanted an answer; well here one was. Not at all what Lily and James had planned for their revelation, but time had caught up with them. Then again, they had never expected to be mobbed, and so soon. There was no time for precision now.

            Some people gasped, many others stared. It was not something they heard each day. A girl to Lily’s left mumbled something along the lines of “not in five years…” When Lily’s green eyes focused on her, she dropped her surprised gaze to the floor.

            “I think,” the icy boy from before said with a twisted tone, “that you’re mad, James Potter. I already knew that Evans must be, since she is what she is, but I thought better of _you_.”

            “He isn’t mad!” Lily felt like grabbing the boy by the neck and giving him a good shake. How were they all so stupid and blind? If they would only open their eyes and realize what exactly was going on…she glared at them all. “If you would only give us a chance, we could explain everything! You’re the mad ones!”             

            Chaos ensued. Up until then, they had all remained on bated breath, waiting for a reason for what they suspected was going on, some explanation that would soothe their worries. The one they had received was completely unexpected, and nobody looked particularly thrilled about it either.

            “What do you mean by this?”             

            “They can’t be Heads anymore, they’re crazy!”

            “Traitors!”             

            “You’re not an Ausculto anymore, get out of my sight!”

            Lily glanced around warily, wondering when it would come to push and shove. She saw a streak of dirty blonde hair rush past her; she had not realized that Kristen and Selene had been standing just to her left. 

            “Shut the bloody hell up!” Kristen’s voice rang out beside her, angry and impatient. Lily swung her head sideways to stare in disbelief at her usually quiet friend.

            “Shut up!” Kristen said a little less loudly. The crowd, though still quite energetic in their disapproval, had softened somewhat. “Are you all too stupid to listen to reason? Hear them out! You don’t have to agree, but how can you know anything if you just stand there and scream obscenities and act like little kids!” 

            Everyone in the common room was now staring at her. Her face become heated as she realized what she was doing. She cleared her throat and glanced at her feet. Remus, who had previously been standing next to Sirius and Peter on the side of the common room, had found his way over to them. He stood next to James. “I agree,” he didn’t need to say it loudly, because everyone had fallen silent once more, staring at the seventh years. “They deserve to be listened to, whatever you might think. This is ridiculous.”

            Lily and James were staring at Remus and Kirsten with expressions almost as bemused and searching as everyone else’s. Were they actually coming to Lily and James’s side? Was this a sign of forgiveness? After they had acted so angrily the past week? Selene and Sirius both looked more confused than disgusted as they gazed at their friends.

            Silence prevailed for a few long moments, while Kristen and Remus had both become red-faced and dazed. Then, one by one, people began to filter out of the common room. Many of them scowled once more at Lily and James, making it clear that this battle was not over.

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            Lily had retreated to her dorm, thinking it best not to go with her previous plans and eat in the Great Hall. She could not afford another outburst, and she wasn’t sure how she was planning on facing everyone now, especially since she would have classes the next day, and like hell would she miss those. She was still Lily Evans, no matter what anyone thought. A sickened air remained about her. She flopped onto her bed, burying her face into her pillow. The door creaked open.

            “Lily?” A voice called from the door as it clicked shut again.

            Lily was obliged to look up, and saw Kristen standing just inside the room, appearing apprehensive.

            “What do you want?” She made her tone even; after was had happened, she was not entirely sure what to think of her friend, or what to expect of her, anymore.

            Kristen tentatively sat on her own bed, which was next to Lily’s, and watched her with intense brown eyes. “I’m sorry Lily, I was an ass, you were right about that.” She attempted to smile.

            Lily sat up, gazing at the blonde girl with an unreadable expression. “Yeah, well, tell that to your twin ass.”

            Kristen grinned. “I haven’t seen her since I…well, I’m not sure that she’s going to be talking to me either now.”

            “Her loss.” Lily had now turned back to her pillow and was staring absentmindedly at her bedspread.

            “Lily, I’m…I don’t know. I’ve been having doubts about all of this ever since we walked in on you and James.”

            Emerald eyes analyzed her face. “What do you mean?” Lily inquired carefully.

            “I mean that I agree with you. I don’t know what I was thinking before.”

            Lily smiled softly. “You know, I always thought you were much brighter than you let on.”

            They both fell silent. Lily was feeling a little lighter than she had a few minutes ago. At least she had one friend back, or so it seemed. Not that James wasn’t a friend, it was just…well, there was no reason to start thinking about him again.

            “Will you help us then, Kristen?”

            “What?” Her friend’s head snapped up, dark eyes focusing on Lily’s face.

            “Will you help us?” She repeated gently.

            Kristen hesitated, but nodded slowly. “I’ll do what I can. I don’t know that I’m very good at this sort of thing.”

            “Well you stood up for me back there.”

            “Yes, but…” Kristen’s cheeks were flushing.

            “Tonight then,” Lily continued, “we’ll go to the Heads room tonight, and work with James.”

            Kristen swallowed, but had no chance to reply, as the door was pushed open slowly. A head poked in, messy black hair appearing.

            “James!” Lily stumbled off her bed and pulled him inside, shutting the door firmly. “I thought you leaned your lesson last time!”             

            They both managed a slight blush, remembering exactly what had transpired last time he’d been in her dorm. Lily cleared her throat and said in a warning tone, “You’re going to get caught.”

            He snorted. “A little late for that, now isn’t it?"             

            “It won’t stop everyone from actually doing something if they find you here, instead of merely arguing with us. We got off pretty easily, I should think.”

            James fixed wary eyes on Kristen for a moment, and then looked back at Lily, his eyes scanning over her entire face. “For now,” he mumbled. “I have a feeling it’s far from over.” He began cursing Malfoy under his breath, causing Lily to stare at her hands. Then she bit her lip, her eyes shooting up to meet his.

            “Malfoy!” She exclaimed, her forehead wrinkling.

            James frowned, staring at her. “Yes, you know, the slimy git who…”

            “I _know_ , James, it’s just…I forgot to tell you before. I heard him, in the library, and I didn’t connect…oh _god_.”

            James was suddenly grabbing her arm with a worried expression. “What?”

            “Well, I should have known. But I was preoccupied, and then I saw you in the Heads common room and,” she blushed here, “I just forgot.”

            “Well it doesn’t matter, we knew it was coming anyway.”             

            Lily nodded. “He said he was planning…more.”

            James shrugged, clearly not offended by this news. “He’s always planning more.”

            “Yes, but…”

            “Lily,” he finally took his hand off her arm, and she sighed. “We can’t worry about this now. You could drive yourself crazy. Malfoy is always planning something, and even when he’s not, he lies about planning something.”

            Lily was silent for a moment, letting his words sink in. She glanced back at Kristen, who was listening to them with a tilted head. “Kristen has agreed to help us,” Lily said suddenly.            

            James glanced over at Lily’s friend, and they met one another’s gaze. Neither looked unpleasant, exactly, but there was a bit of tension Lily wished was not still there. “Right. And I’m sure Remus would be willing to help.”

            “Oh, good.” Kristen put in faintly.

            Lily glanced at Kristen inquiringly. Why should she care about Remus? Lily made a mental note to ask her later what exactly had happened in detention.

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            Dumbledore sat behind his desk, surveying Selene and Sirius, who were seated in front of him and glaring at nothing in particular. Professor McGonagall was sitting to his left, looking very displeased. Her mouth was in as thin a line as he had ever seen it.

            Sirius tapped his foot against the floor impatiently. “What is all this about?” He demanded.

            “Black!” McGonagall snapped. “You do not address the headmaster in that fashion!”             

             Dumbledore raised a calm hand, effectively silencing all parties. “It’s alright, Minerva.” He paused, watching as Selene shot Sirius a look of pure hatred. “I have called both of you here to offer an alternative to your week’s worth of detentions.”

            Selene glanced up. “What kind of alternative?” She inquired carefully.

            “It’s simple, really,” Dumbledore explained, in all seriousness. “Just one therapy session.”

            “Therapy?” Sirius seemed to be choking on something. “What d’you mean _therapy_?”

            “There are wizards who do therapy just as Muggles do, Mr. Black.”

            “But-” Sirius spluttered.

            Selene was merely staring at the headmaster as if he had gone mad. “You can’t be serious. One therapy session?”

            “Yes, unless of course we feel that more sessions would benefit you.”

            Silence fell. McGonagall, who apparently was thinking that Dumbledore was slightly odd for making this suggestion, was watching the teenagers sharply.

            Selene suddenly began chuckling. “I feel as if I’m dreaming. But, since it seems I’m not, I’ll do whatever the blo-” She glanced at McGonagall, “whatever you mean by this therapy session…”

            “Good. And you, Mr. Black?”             

            Sirius simply nodded, a perplexed expression on his face, as if he was not entirely sure what he was agreeing to.

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            “Er- right.” James was standing next to Lily in the Heads room. Remus and Kristen sat on the couch, keeping a good distance from one another. The tension in the room was unavoidably evident. “We should get started, I suppose.”

            “What are we supposed to be doing?” Remus asked, glancing around warily. “I’m not sure that I understand.”

            “Well, for the past couple of months, Lily and I have been discussing how to go about addressing our ideas to the school for the first time. But with what happened in the common room today…well, I don’t know what we’re doing now.” James looked uncomfortable, shifting on his feet. Lily pulled two chairs over, and they sat down to face their friends, the fire warming their backs.

            Lily continued, “So, as you can see, nothing has happened as planned, which means that this is going to be a whole lot more difficult now. I don’t know how James and I are going to manage tomorrow, what with classes and all.” They had so far spent time only in the Gryffindor tower, avoiding everyone for fear of something worse than arguing occurring.

            “We’ll have to present everything more gradually now,” James put in. “We haven’t confronted everyone yet…there’s still the rest of the Cavillors and the Auscultos to go, not just the Gryffindor ones…”

            Lily felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. “I don’t know…I don’t know how to go about it now.” She glanced over at Kristen, and her eyes flicked to Remus briefly. “Any ideas?”

            “Well, I did have one, actually,” Kristen said quietly, surprising the other three. Nobody had expected any progress to be made tonight, it seemed. “I thought we could compile a book of sorts.” Everyone was puzzled, so she continued, “It would be filled with facts or whatever proofs we can find regarding the groups and how they shouldn’t be…oh, I don’t know.”

            All three of the others were staring at her, causing her to shift self-consciously. “That’s a really good idea, Kristen,” Lily said. Remus nodded, and James smiled softly, not looking like he was completely used to the idea of working with two Auscultos. Lily was one thing…

            “I’ll help you.” Remus said from beside her. They glanced at each other, then quickly glanced away.

            “Thanks, I’m sure I’ll need help.”

            Lily watched them carefully, while everything was silent for a long moment. She turned to James and looked slightly embarrassed. “I’m not sure how bad everyone is going to be once the shock of all of this wears off. I don’t think anyone will do anything extreme, but…I thought maybe we should start, well-” She was turning red.

            “Sleeping here?”

            “Er, yeah.”

            James smiled softly, his eyes dark. “It crossed my mind too. Let’s see how bad it gets, and then we can decide.”

            She nodded quickly, ready to drop the conversation, or any words that made her think of sleeping with James so close beside her, so in reach. Remus and Kristen were watching them. Kristen had a very small, almost indiscernible, sly grin on her face. Remus was just staring, trying to figure out what exactly was going on.

            Lily realized that she had been staring at James’s mouth, and turned away, her face suddenly feeling like an oven. “I had another idea,” she announced after clearing her throat.

            “What’s that?” James asked.

            “Well, I thought maybe we could post a notice in the Great Hall. Everyone will know about us soon enough, if they don’t already, so it wouldn’t really matter. It could be a sort of sign up sheet. If people want to talk to us, or help us, or something, they can sign up and we’ll contact them.”

            “But I don’t think many people are going to want to print their names down like that.” Remus pointed out.

            Lily bit her lip. “You’re right.”

            “Well,” James said, “Lily and I talked about this a bit before but...we could have a sort of…large meeting or something in the Great Hall, and present all of ideas then, since we didn’t really get the chance today. We could post the date and time of it, and then people could come if they wanted.”

            “Yes, that’s a good idea. But when?” Kristen asked.

            “It’s the beginning of November now…we’ll need a bit of time…what do you say about December, the week before Christmas holiday?”             

            “Sounds good. Before everyone leaves for break, you mean?”

            “Of course.”

            “I think we should put up a sign up sheet with it, just in case,” Lily persisted.

            Kristen nodded slowly. “I guess…”

            “Are we all in agreement then?” James looked over them all, his gaze remained on Lily a bit longer than the other two.

            “Yes,” they chorused. Lily felt rather pleased with the way this was going. It was almost enough to make her forget about how most everyone now hated her and she most likely shouldn’t go anywhere alone. Almost.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            Selene looked horrified.

            “Imagine you are a flower, blossoming in a broad field…” The man had his eyes closed, and was looking very intent. This was what they called a therapist? Selene was pretty damn sure most therapy sessions were not like this. Wasn’t he supposed to be asking them questions? Dumbledore had picked a right mental one. Selene had felt that something was off about him from the moment he walked into McGonagall’s classroom and said, “Are you ready to return to peace?” Then he had smiled in what he must have thought was a comforting way. And now he was talking about flowers…

            Selene’s eyes could not possibly widen further. It was a fact now. Dumbledore had completely lost his marbles.

            As if reading her mind, Sirius muttered from beside her, “He’s gone off his rocker.”

            This was almost enough to make her think that Sirius was a nice, sane person. When they had first entered the room, they had been glaring daggers at one another. Now, as she glanced up at him, his expression seemed to mirror her own feelings; shock and revulsion.

            She tuned back into the therapist, briefly. He was sitting cross-legged in front of them, his hands gripping his knees and his voice steady. His eyes were still closed, and he looked oblivious to the fact that there were two people sitting with him, thinking he was mad.

            “Your petals open to the sun, and you absorb the warm energy. It flows golden through your veins, giving you new life. All impure and tainted thoughts drift away.” He carried on. Selene was now having a difficult time containing her laughter. She bit down on her lip, looking around for something that might help. But there was nothing, just all of McGonagall’s usual supplies and decorations. She had volunteered her classroom for their use, but only after speaking to Dumbledore about what was going on. She seemed to have decided that he was not mad, as Selene still thought.

            “You are floating in the wondering energy. A butterfly lands on your petal. You are the butterfly. You soar like the butterfly.”

            That was it. Selene threw her head back and cackled. Sirius glanced in her direction and, although he still looked very bewildered, began to laugh as well. The therapist, however, seemed regally unaware of their amusement. He continued with eyes still closed.

            “You land in a field full of animals. The animals are your friends. You are all of the animals. Become the animals.”

            Selene choked and began to cough violently. Sirius smacked her back, still laughing himself, a little more freely now. What the hell was going on? Neither of them had any idea, but if they were going to be holed up in here with _him_ , they were going to make the bloody most of it.

            “No anger remains. The world is free, blue and beautiful. You can fly, fly with graceful wings.”

            Sirius was howling, and Selene looked out of breath, her black hair streaming out behind her, a bit tangled.

            The therapist finally opened his eyes, which held a misty quality of their own. He glanced at Sirius and Selene, and gave them the same smile he had upon entering. “Yes, laugh, my friends. Laughter is the object of peace.”

            Selene stared at him, very puzzled. “Is this finished yet?” She managed to get out.

            “Do you feel cleansed?”

            “Er-”

            “I feel blue and beautiful,” Sirius announced very seriously.

            “Good, very good.” The therapist smiled. “I will inform Headmaster Dumbledore of your improvement.” He approached the door, adding before he left, “Remember the power of the butterfly.”

            Once he left, Selene launched into another batch of laughter, and Sirius was not able to keep his serious face for long either. At the end of it, they stared at one another. Both fell silent. They had forgotten, during the course of the therapy session, who they were in this room with. It was all coming back now.

            Selene’s lip curled slightly. Sirius’s face tightened. “What the hell was that, Black?” Selene asked warily, rubbing her temple.

            “Which part?” He was glancing at the door in a slightly nervous way, as if he expected the man to walk back in and resume his madness.

            “Ugh. I feel as if I’m having the weirdest dream of my life.”

            “Unless we’re sharing it, Ausculto, that’s very unlikely.” Sirius’s tone had become stricter, more confined. He knew that they shouldn’t be talking at all.

            Selene suddenly cursed. “You know, I bet all of our friends are together someplace discussing everything cozily…”

            “Well the hell with them. I’m certainly not joining in.”

            She opened her mouth to agree, then realized what agreeing with him meant, and who she was talking with, and closed it. “I can’t believe this.”

            “Well, I still have Peter. He hasn’t turned on me yet.”

            Selene looked at him, her eyes running over his face. She tried her best to look full of contempt for him, but it was harder than usual.

            “Don’t worry, this doesn’t make us friends.” Sirius growled at her.

            “Like I was even thinking along those lines, you self-centered pig.”

            “Oh,” he smirked, “I’m sure you were admiring my handsome features. All the other girls do, didn’t you know?”             

            Her mouth thinned. “Do I need to show you again what happens when I take my wand out?”

            Sirius shrugged, attempted nonchalance. “I remember you being injured, just the same as me. How do you think that happened?”             

            “Two to one, Black,” she muttered.

            “Want a rematch?” he challenged, scowling at her.

            “Maybe I do!” Selene growled. They glared at each other for a second, before Selene knocked him over. She smirked. “Not very good reflexes, huh, Black?”

            He glowered at her, and when she turned to leave the room, caught her foot and knocked her down. The only problem was, she landed half on top of him with a painful,

            “Damn you, Ausculto!” coming from Sirius.

            Her face hovered next to his. “Well if you weren’t so stupid to accept that I could kick your ass any day, I wouldn’t have landed on you, now would I?”

            He didn’t seem to have a reply to that, so they stared fiercely at one another instead. Neither knew what was going on as the look faded from Sirius’s face. He frowned. “You remind me of myself,” he grumbled.

            Selene’s eyebrows shot up, and she removed herself from her rather squishy and comfortable position. “How the hell am I supposed to answer that?”

            Sirius shrugged. “Only you’re mad. And I’m not.”

            Selene stared at him. “Right.”

            “Now I feel like a butterfly.” Sirius said, the corners of his mouth twitching. Selene shook her head, disbelieving. What was wrong with him? And why did she not care that this was Sirius Black, a Cavillor? Why did she feel like he was right, and knowing this, feel unable to argue this point? 

            “You most certainly _are_ mad, you great git.”

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**A/N: Hmm. A little strange, I know. Must be my brain. I’m really glad I did get this finished now though, because my boyfriend (for another ten days lol) is supposed to get home tomorrow, and I haven’t seen him in two months…so yeah, we’ll see if he calls or...I have absolutely no idea what to expect. We both know I’m leaving for school in just over a week, so yeah. We can “watch movies” or something, lol. No, I’m not entirely sure what I mean by that, so don’t ask. I don’t know anything at this point.**

**Thanks for all of your support with this story; it means a lot to me :)**

**~Emily**


	15. Unbeknownst Even to Friends

**Chapter Fifteen ~ Unbeknownst Even to Friends**

            Normally, Charms was Lily’s favorite class; in general, you would find her watching Professor Flitwick attentively, chewing on her lip as she scribbled notes onto her parchment. Not today. The past few days had been nothing short of horrible, and this day was shaping up to be even worse. 

            Lily did not consider herself juvenile or touchy in the least, but the relentless verbal abuse was getting under her skin and making her a little snappy. Ever since that day in the common room, when she and James had been confronted because of Malfoy’s comments, this had been happening. Lily had considered the experience of the Gryffindors (both Cavillors and Auscultos) turning against them bad, but that was before the rest of the school learned of their meetings and how they wanted to unite the two groups. Saying that they were opposed was an understatement.

            “Psst.”

            Lily’s head snapped to her left, where Kristen was sitting next to her, trying to get her attention. Lily felt a piece of parchment being pressed into her hand. She smiled weakly at Kristen, who she was very grateful to have standing by her through this ordeal, and glanced down at the paper which she held over her lap.

            _Tell me you’ve noticed how weird Selene and Black are acting._

            Lily smiled. Kristen still felt uncomfortable calling any of the Cavillors by their first names, except perhaps for Remus…Lily quickly scribbled a reply, glancing up briefly to make sure Flitwick was not watching her. No, he was still busy lecturing.

            **They’ve been like that for the past few days. Any idea what’s up?**

            Lily passed the note back to Kristen and glanced over at Selene, who was seated in the desk diagonal to theirs. She was absently fiddling with her long black hair, and her cerulean eyes were unmistakably fastened on Sirius Black, sitting in the seat in front of Lily, with Remus next to him. Sirius, who had previously been glancing over at Selene, was now staring straight ahead while scratching his head. Lily almost jumped when she felt the parchment pressed into her hands once more, breaking her out of her reverie.

            _Call me crazy, but I’m almost ready to believe that they secretly like each other and are too thick to admit it._

            **You’re crazy. They’re probably just planning how best to hurt each other next.**

_Maybe, but I disagree. They haven’t hexed each other since that last time they ended up in the Hospital Wing._

            **Sure, but they still argue constantly. Maybe they’ve just advanced to a slightly more civil way of hating each other.**

            _Either way, he’s staring at her again._

Lily looked up just as Flitwick dismissed the class, and found that Sirius was indeed looking in Selene’s direction again, and she was gathering her things. Selene hadn’t said much at all regarding Kristen’s sudden change of heart, for which both Lily and Kristen were grateful. They all managed to get along in their dorm, although no amount of getting by would keep Lily from hoping that Selene would hurry up and realize that she was being silly and decide to help them.

            Kristen laid a hand on Lily’s arm and said, “We should probably get going, or we won’t get much of a lunch.”

            “Oh, do I have to?” Lily muttered, not wishing to go back into the hall and encounter the thread of people waiting to send comments her way. Kristen gave her an apologetic smile; she hadn’t received many insults of her own, because the fact that she too was now involved with this was not as widely known.

            Heaving her bag over her shoulder, Lily took a deep breath and made for the door. Kristen followed her, casting glances around at the remaining students, who thankfully had fixed their attentions elsewhere. Nevertheless, the comments began as soon as Lily exited the room.

            “Planning how to backstab us next?”             

            “It will never work, Ausculto. You should be bloody ashamed of yourself.”

            “Oh, look. It’s Lily Evans, the _traitor_.” 

            Lily kept her bright green eyes trained on the floor, not responding to anyone. Suddenly, from her right, another voice rang out; a cool, sneering voice that she knew well.

            “Having a good time, Evans?” Malfoy smirked, obviously pleased with himself.

            Lily’s cheeks turned a shade of red; not from embarrassment, but from anger. Kristen tugged on Lily’s arm, guiding her away from Malfoy.

            “Don’t pay any attention to him.” Kristen muttered.

            “One day I’m just going to hit him- punch him right in the face and see what he says then, the bloody bastard.”

            “As much as I would love to see that, don’t forget that you’re Head Girl.”

            Lily gave her a pointed look and said sarcastically, “Yeah, and look how much respect that position got me.” She fingered her Head Girl badge, which was fastened tightly to her robes.

            Kristen let go of Lily’s arm as they approached the Great Hall. “They’re just being dense, Lily. I think everyone will shape up in time, especially is you don’t back down. They can’t ignore reason when it’s repeatedly shoved into their faces.”

            “I just wish I was as confident as you are,” Lily mumbled, glancing quickly at the large sign that was posted at the entrance to the Great Hall.

            **Any student interested in assisting the Heads of Hogwarts with the convergence of the Ausculto and Cavillor groups should print their name below, or contact either Lily Evans or James Potter about the matter. No obscenities please; this parchment is charmed to hex anyone who writes anything other than their name, year, and House.**

            It was written in Lily’s orderly scrawl, and there were two columns of lines below the statement, all devoid of names. Lily sighed; she knew that it might mean problems for whoever signed the parchment, but nobody had bothered to ask them about it privately, either. The notice had been up for almost a week now, and they had replaced it several times before James cast a spell to make sure it was securely fixed to the door, because it had been ripped down by opposing students.

            Kristen noticed the downcast gleam in her friend’s emerald eyes as they took their seats at the Gryffindor table, across from Selene, who focused her blue eyes on her food only. “Lily, there are a lot of students who have been keeping out of the way, you know. They don’t want to say anything right now, but I’m sure there are many who agree with us. It hasn’t been that long yet, someone is bound to join us soon.”

            “I guess.” Lily rubbed at one of her eyes and piled food onto her plate. “I just wish everyone would forget about me altogether. I haven’t slept well all week.”

            “You’re not the only one.” Selene muttered from in front of Lily. She made a point of not looking up at Lily and Kristen, staring instead at her food.          

            “What _has_ been bothering you, Selene?” Kristen inquired cautiously, her brown eyes fixing upon her friend.

            Selene glanced up, over at the Marauders, and then back down at her fork.

            Kristen looked sideways at Lily, and then decided that she’d better ask the question, as she was on much better terms with Selene than Lily was. “Did Black do something?”

            Selene’s head popped up, black hair falling carelessly into her eyes as she blurted out, “What do you- No! This has absolutely nothing to do with Black,” she finished hurriedly, her face slightly ashen.

            Kristen and Lily were not convinced, but dropped the conversation because they were already on thin ice with Selene, and making it worse would help little.

            Lunch carried on without any conversation between the three girls. Lily found her eyes wandering over to the Marauders as well, where James was seated across from Remus. He was running a hand through his black hair, looking exasperated and letting it fall over his fingers; Lily wasn’t the only one receiving remarks from other students. Sirius, sitting next to Remus, was ignoring both of them and staring into space with unfocused hazel eyes.

            As students began to finish their lunches, they filtered out of the Hall and on to their next classes. Selene glanced up as Sirius passed, and watched closely with an unreadable expression on her face while Remus handed Kristen a rolled piece of parchment and mumbled,

            “I found this earlier, thought you might want a look at it.” And then he was gone, with James following him. Kristen followed Remus with her eyes.

            Selene made a disgusted face and rose from the table. “Well aren’t you all just so _cozy_ together,” she grit her teeth and followed the Marauders out of the Great Hall.

            Kristen sighed and said to Lily, “I hope she comes around soon, she’s beginning to drive me a bit batty.”

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            The day wasn’t getting any better for Lily. She went to potions in a disgruntled mood and emerged from the dungeons red-faced and angry. The Slytherins, while they did not care about the Cavillors or the Auscultos, seemed to thoroughly enjoy teasing Lily and James about the matter; Lily even more than James, because she was a muggleborn. She fumed all the way back to Gryffindor tower, while Kristen attempted to calm her down.

            “Since when do you care what the Slytherins think, Lily?” Kristen inquired of her as they ascended the stairs to their dorm, books in hand.

            “I don’t! But they’re being so damned ridiculous that I feel like hexing them all! It’s driving me mad!” Lily stomped up the last few steps, only to be greeted by a sixth year Ausculto named Joan.

            “Hi, Evans. Managed to become even more of a bitch today, have you?”

            Lily’s eyes widened slightly and she pushed past the girl, throwing open the door to the seventh year girls’ dorm. “That’s it!” She yelled, slamming the door once Kristen was inside.

            Selene was sitting on her bed and holding a book in front of her face. Lily was in such a frantic mood that she didn’t notice that Selene’s book was upside down and her hands were white from gripping it so hard. Kristen noticed, however, and gave the black-haired girl a bemused look before turning her attention back to Lily, who was throwing stuff onto her bed in fury.

            “Er- Lily?” Kristen was afraid to get any closer as she watched her redheaded friend lean over and pull her trunk out from under her bed. Lily dropped it onto her bed and began randomly throwing her possessions inside. Kristen decided to try again. “Are you- going somewhere?”

            Lily didn’t answer at first, struggling as she was to click her trunk shut. Then she looked up at Kristen, her face bright red. “I’m going to the Heads room,” she said, her voice a bit shaky, “like I suggested to James at that meeting a week ago.”

            “Oh.” Kristen managed to say in bewilderment. She stared as Lily began to lug her trunk out the door. “Will you be coming to dinner?” She called after her.

            Lily, already out the door, yelled over her shoulder, “Dunno.” And then she was gone. Kristen ran a nervous hand through her blonde hair and turned back to Selene, who was still sitting on her bed, with her book now lowered into her lap.

            “This whole thing is ridiculous,” was all Kristen could muster to say as she, too, vacated the room, closing the door behind her.

            Once Kristen was out of sight and her footsteps had faded from the hallway, Selene looked down at the floor next to her bed, where a large lump was concealed under a thick, brown blanket. “You can come out now, Black.”

            

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            Lily struggled through the common room with her heavy trunk, ignoring the questioning looks many students sent in her direction. She managed to tumble through the portrait hole, but ran into someone just outside. “Oh, sorry,” she muttered, not feeling very sorry at all.

            But when she looked up, she found James looking down at her with aggravated brown eyes, his expression not so very different from her own, she imagined. Her glance shifted downward and she noticed that he, too, was hefting a large trunk.

            A little color came into his cheeks, and she realized that she had been staring at him. “Er-” he started, “I thought you might have been right in your suggestion that we stay in the Heads Room. All of this commotion is driving me mad.”

            “You’re not the only one.” Lily replied, leaning down to pick up her trunk. “Well, let’s go, then.” She set off in the direction of the Heads Room, with James close behind her.

            “I don’t know why everyone is being so immature about this,” James said as he glanced over at her.

            Lily smiled slightly and shifted her weight; the trunk was heavier than she had expected. “I was hoping that you would be able to explain that to me, since you’re one of the more immature people I know.”

            He frowned, and then realized that she was joking. “Hey, I’ll have you know that I take many things seriously, and there’s nothing wrong with a little fun once in a while.”

            She didn’t reply, because they had reached the portrait of the Three Musketeers, who were staring at the two Heads in bewilderment. “I thought you had rooms elsewhere in which to sleep,” Porthos exclaimed.

            “Yes, well, those arrangements aren’t working at the moment,” Lily murmured.

            “Oh, leave it, Porthos. They clearly wish for some time alone together.” Aramis stated softly, watching the two teenagers with a knowing expression.

            Lily felt her face heating up and shifted on her feet. James was looking sheepish, refusing to glance in her direction on principle.

            “Password?” Athos grunted, fixing them with sharp eyes. “You won’t be getting in without one of those, I don’t care who you are.”

            James quickly gave the password, and Athos bowed them into the Heads Room. The first thing Lily’s eyes met with was the deep red couch that they had spent many night sitting on, discussing how best to go about uniting the groups. It was a shame that everything had been revealed before they ever reached that conclusion. Lily’s eyes scanned the room, landing on the bookshelf in the corner. Well, if she was going to be here for awhile, she could at least have a look at some of those books; perhaps Dumbledore had picked something interesting.

            Lily abruptly realized that she had been standing there staring about for the past minute or so, and spun around to face James, who was watching her.

            “Er-” he started. As she looked at his face, taking in his disheveled hair and tired brown eyes, she realized that she had not been alone with him in quite awhile. Suddenly she felt uncomfortable, and his staring at her did not help either. She began to deduce what staying here might mean. “I guess we should take our stuff into our rooms,” he said faintly.

            She nodded and lifted her trunk, heading to the right. His room was to the left, and the bathroom (which they shared), was straight ahead. Lily glanced over her shoulder to see James disappear into his room and then opened the door to hers. As soon as she stepped into the room, several torches attached to the walls sprang to life and she jumped a bit, startled.

            Laughing nervously at her own edginess, she sat her trunk down near the dresser, which was on the right side of the room. The bed was a double and looked very cozy, with a deep red canopy that matched the shade of the couch in the main room. She felt like burying herself under the covers, but only had a few moments to consider this thought, until a soft knock sounded on her door. 

            “Uh- need something James?” She asked loudly, and then added, “You can come in.”

            He opened the door and poked his head in. “Looks just like my room,” he said, smiling slightly. “Are you going to dinner?”             

            Lily frowned. “I’m not really interested in another verbal battle right now. I suppose I can wait until morning to eat something.”

            “No need.” James grinned at her.

            “What?”            

            “I have access to the kitchens, you know. I’ll grab us something.” He looked particularly proud of himself in that moment.

            “Well you don’t have to be so cocky about it,” she shook her head but gave him a smile nonetheless.

            “I’ll be back soon.” His head disappeared from the doorway and she heard him leaving the entrance.

            “Well,” she muttered to herself, “I may as well take a quick bath.”

            Grabbing some clean night clothes (plaid pants and a t-shirt), she made her way into the bathroom. The tub was deep, but overall nothing terribly spectacular. After all, they were still allowed to use the prefects’ bathroom if they wished. This bathroom was blue, with dark cerulean walls which reminded Lily of Selene’s eyes, and azure furnishings. Lily smiled; it was comforting to have her own space.

            Humming slightly and beginning to finally forget the events of the day, and indeed the whole week, she let the relaxing sound of the water hitting the tub fill her ears. Sighing, she eased herself over the side of the tub and into the hot water, grabbing a bottle of shampoo.

            Her thoughts drifted; bathing had always helped her relax, when not many things did. She was naturally a tense person, no matter how hard she attempted not to be.

            She wondered what Kristen was doing and felt slightly bad for having left in such a hurry. Lily hoped that Selene was not going to give Kristen a hard time over anything; she hadn’t yet, but there was always that chance. Selene had been acting strange lately, after all, and if she did decide to say something rude to Kristen, Lily knew that Kristen would not argue back.

            After she washed the shampoo out of her hair, she heard a loud noise outside the bathroom and sat up quickly, listening closely.

            “Ow!”            

            Lily recognized James’s voice and relaxed, allowing herself a small grin. At least she would have something to tease him about while they ate dinner.

            “Er- Lily? I’ve got dinner here when you’re ready.”

            She smiled, reaching for the towel she had laid out. “I’ll be out in a minute!”

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            “Alright Black, I don’t know why you decided to barge into my dorm, on the _Ausculto_ side of the tower, but get on with it and stop staring at me stupidly.” Selene was still seated on her bed, her arms crossed and book discarded. Sirius, holding the brown blanket she had thrown over him when she heard her friends coming into the room, looked like he had completely forgotten what he’d come for in the first place.

            “Er- we should talk,” he grunted, as if he had come into her dorm against his will; some supernatural force had pushed him into the room and left without helping.

            She stared at him blankly. “This better be good.” Selene inwardly agreed, however; they _did_ need to talk. They hadn’t exchanged anything but insults since that therapy session.

            “Everything is so bloody awkward,” Sirius started in a rush, his hazel eyes staring at the foor of her bed instead of at Selene herself. “I thought maybe if I forgot who we are just for a second, and maybe- uh- apolo-”

            “Apologized for what, Sirius Black? Sharing a laugh? I will not have you apologize to me, because you should know damned well that it wouldn’t have happened without my consent. I would have just knocked you out otherwise.”

            He ran a hand over his dark hair and opened his mouth to disagree, because he felt that the conversation was too friendly and wasn’t taking the turn he wanted it to, but found that he couldn’t counter her statement. She could and would have knocked him out, had she wanted to. He scowled in frustration, his hazel eyes meeting her azure ones.

            Breaking the silence, since staring at him was becoming awkward, Selene groaned. “Oh, why did this have to happen?” She rubbed her hand against her forehead, her expression painful.

            Quietly, still watching her, Sirius asked, “What?” 

            She snapped her head towards him, rubbing one of her eyes.  “I am…oh, I don’t know. You must have sensed it, stupid though you might be. You remind me of…someone. And I- oh, I don’t know what the fuck I’m trying to say.” She scooted off her bed, her feet hitting the floor with a soft thump. “Don’t you get it?”

            He threw up his hands in exasperation. “No, I don’t know what you’re on about, Ausculto!”

            “Fine!” She snapped. “Since you’re so big-headed and want me to inflate you more by spelling it out!” Selene took a deep breath. “I think I’m attracted to you, Black.” She said it all very fast, and he was staring at her blankly. “Attracted. To. You. Is that better; do you understand now?”

            He gaped at her, his eyes wide and bewildered.

            “I’ve felt something ever since that first detention,” she groaned, clearly angry with herself as she tugged on a strand of her long black hair. 

            Sirius had no idea what to say to this. “Oh,” he mumbled in a small voice. “I didn’t- I mean-”

            “Oh, of course.” Selene was back to being mad at him, instead of only herself. She fixed him with a glare. “Just go tell everyone that even the Auscultos, or at least one of them, finds you handsome. Go humor yourself, I’m utterly ashamed as it is.” She sighed softly and lowered her eyes to her lap.

            After a long moment of silence, Sirius mumbled something inaudibly and took a step closer to her. As she began to ask what he was saying, he covered her mouth, their lips meeting harshly. It lasted for all of half a second, before Selene pulled back, a queer expression on her face. She glanced up at Sirius, and unable to easily read his expression, started at him.

He pursed his lips. “And?”

“It was a bit like kissing myself, actually.” Selene let out the breath she had been holding.

            Sirius exhaled heavily. “Yeah. Me too.”

            Selene let out a laugh, falling onto her bed. She continued to stare at him. “You are a lot like me, as much as I hate you, and as much as you’re completely different from me.”             

             “Huh?”

            “I think you’re attractive to me because you are me, in a sense.”

            “I have no idea what you mean.” 

            “You wouldn’t.”

            There was another long silence, in which Selene fiddled with her sleeve. Sirius finally sighed, shifted on his feet, and asked, “So, friends?”

            Selene’s forehead wrinkled and she raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

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                Lily walked out of the bathroom and as her eyes met James’s, she suddenly felt self-conscious in her pajamas. For some reason, pajamas made her feel too comfortable for the situation; too familiar. She somehow felt naked in front of him. He slowly smiled at her and gestured to the food, which he had laid out on the coffee table in front of the couch.

            “Thanks, James,” Lily said softly, seating herself on the couch. James sat beside her, shifting awkwardly. 

            “Well, let’s eat.” He grabbed his plate and began stuffing food into his mouth.

            Lily watched him with a raised eyebrow. “Someone must have been hungry.” James nodded, still chewing. “You didn’t have to wait for me,” she said.

            He only shrugged. “I wanted to.”

            They proceeded to eat in silence, as Lily was just as hungry, although she had a more tactful way of eating than James. She kept casting glances in his direction, noticing little things like how the hair at the back of his neck curled slightly, and how the light glinted off his chocolate eyes.

            Trying to focus only on her food, because she felt a blush rising in her cheeks, she looked away.

            James rubbed his hands on a napkin, which she smiled to see that he had brought. Lily glanced out of the corner of her eye at him and found that his gaze was running down her body. Her neck and ears heated, and she turned to face him, giving him quite an obvious look.

            He smiled at her sheepishly, his own face a little red. “Er-finished?”

            She nodded and he took her plate, surprising her. “I’ve never had a guy clean up after me,” she blurted out.

            He gazed at her carefully and then grinned, “Well allow me to be your first.”

            She blushed, trying not to let her mind stray and cursing her imagination. She leaned back against the top of the couch, letting her eyes slip shut. “You’re the only person who can relax me this much, you know.” It wasn’t until after she spoke that she regretted the words; it wasn’t something she would normally venture to say, especially given the circumstances.

            She felt a weight drop beside her and popped her eyes open. James was sitting very close to her; Lily could feel his breath on her cheek and his arm burning next to her.

            “James, I-”

            He didn’t allow her to answer, instead covering her mouth with his while it was still slightly open. She made a small, contented noise in the back of her throat and pulled him closer. She couldn’t think clearly when he did this; it brought a bunch of terribly warm emotions tumbling into the pit of her stomach. She was just beginning to shift into a more comfortable position, bringing her leg up with him lying half on top of her, when the door swung open and Lily and James sprung apart, breathing heavily with disheveled hair and crimson faces.

            Kristen blinked, the door closing behind her. “Er…” She looked uncomfortable. “Oh damn- I’m- Ah- Sorry.”

            Lily simply shook her head, trying to regain her senses. Kristen nodded, seeming to remember why she had barged in. She was holding the parchment that had been hanging on the entrance to the Great Hall. “It’s just - somebody signed the notice!”

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**A/N: So, hello everyone. I hope that you’re having a nice start to autumn and all that…I’ve been incredibly busy ever since I left home. It seems like I’ve been here so much longer than I have. I mean college, when I say here. The second oldest college in the** **US** **, in fact, just in case any of you care enough to do some research and figure out where I am ;) Lol, so yeah…there is so much to do here. My classes are difficult, but then it’s easy to procrastinate when your friends live right next to you. And it’s really easy to stay up until five in the morning just talking to one of the guys from upstairs, or a girl from down the hall. It seems like I’m never at a lack for things to do. I understand the appeal of writing one-shots now more than ever, because there’s no time commitment there. Nothing planned, anyway. I love writing, but it’s hard to find the time to do it on a regular basis (when it’s not the less interesting kind for my English seminar or something related, that is). Anyway, I didn’t mean to drone on, so yeah…thanks for reading, as usual ;)**

**~Emily**


	16. Reluctant Friends and Emerging Jealousies

**Chapter Sixteen ~ Reluctant Friends and Emerging Jealousies**

            Lily and James were still attempting to breathe normally again as they gazed disbelievingly at Kristen, who stared back at them. The silence was becoming heavy.

            “Well?” Lily asked after clearing her throat. She glanced over at James, and turned a faint shade of pink when she realized that his hand was still on her lower back, dangerously close to her bum. She removed it, causing him to shift in embarrassment.

            Kristen was looking between them, the parchment clutched at her side. She resolved never to walk in without knocking again if she could help it; she preferred not to find them in these positions.

            “So who was it?” James inquired, becoming impatient.

            “Oh!” Kristen shook herself, gazing at the parchment she now held where she could read it. “You’re not going to believe this.”

            “What, why?” Lily leaned forward, her green eyes wondering.

            At that moment, the door opened to admit a certain light brown-haired and hazel-eyed boy named Remus Lupin. Shutting the door behind him, he scanned the room.

            James frowned. “What is this, free admission?”            

            Remus ignored him, his eyes coming to land on Kristen. “I saw you leave the Great Hall in a hurry, and the map said- I mean, I thought I might find you here.”

            Kristen smiled faintly during this explanation; she seemed to forget that Lily and James were sitting on the edge of the couch, waiting anxiously to learn who had signed the parchment.

            “Bloody hell!” Lily exclaimed, jumping up from the couch and snatching the parchment from Kristen, who smiled sheepishly at her friend. Lily perused it, reading it out loud. “Name…Levent Hedley…never heard of him. Seventh year…Slytherin?!” Her green eyes widened with disbelief.

            James, looking profoundly startled, appeared at her side and took the parchment. Lily stared up at him as he read it for himself.

            “Is he _serious_?” James inquired dubiously.

            Kristen shrugged and Remus looked thoroughly confused, having not heard that anyone had signed the notice. James handed the werewolf the parchment, and Remus frowned, his forehead creasing.

            “Why would a _Slytherin_ sign the parchment? They don’t have a part in either of the groups.”

            The four seventh years gazed around at one another uncertainly, each at a loss for a suitable answer.

            “Well, there’s only one way to find out,” Lily said eventually, ending the long silence.

            “What’s that?” James looked over at her, taking in her disheveled auburn hair (which was his doing, and he smiled internally over the idea) and resolute expression.

            “We have to meet him.” The idea of meeting a Slytherin on purpose, to discuss something nicely, brought on another short block of doubtful silence.

            It didn’t take James long to decide that he had had enough. Taking the parchment back, he turned to Remus and Kristen. “Alright, time for you to go. We were having quite a nice time before you barged in.”

            Kristen’s cheeks colored and she glanced at Lily, who smiled as if to say, “what can you do?” Remus grabbed Kristen’s arm and pulled her towards the door, smirking to himself.

            “See you later then,” he said as he winked at James.

            Lily swatted James as soon as the door closed behind their friends. “Horny bastard,” she declared, heading towards her room.

            “Oh come on, that’s not fair!” He called after her. “You’re just as bad as me!”             

            “Unlikely,” she called back.

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            Once outside the Heads’ room, Remus dropped Kristen’s arm unceremoniously. The whole idea was still rather new to him, and he was having a difficult time accepting it; he found himself easily forgetting that there had ever been boundaries, and once he realized that, it was hard for him to believe.

            Kristen didn’t know what to think. She had taken an early liking to Remus, even before she admitted to herself that she had. They were getting along rather well, too. It was one thing for Kristen to talk with a guy, but when that guy was so similar to her, so incredibly polite and intelligent, and so against the Ausculto rules, well, it was quite another matter.

            She couldn’t help her curiosity; she just had to ask. “So why did you come looking for me?”

            He became embarrassed. “Oh- er- I just wanted to make sure nothing was wrong. You know, nothing important. Uh- but I thought maybe we could get together sometime- to work on that book, of course.”

            “Right, yeah.” She felt bad for having embarrassed him, but oddly pleased that the question had caused this reaction. “What about this Saturday? We shouldn’t have too much work to do, so we could go to the library.”

            “Er- that sounds good.” He turned the corner, realizing that they were finally nearing the Gryffindor tower.

            Wanting to break the silence, Kristen asked, “What do you think of our friends?”

            “Lily and James? I think it’s strangely right.”

            Kristen chuckled softly. “I feel the same way. I think they’re good for each other.”

            “James certainly enjoys her company enough to kick us out of the room.”

            “You should have seen them when I first walked in.”

            Remus held up a hand. “I don’t want to know.”

            Kristen grinned at him, but it faded once she remembered her other friend. “And then there’s Selene.” The raven-haired girl had been distant and when Lily had left for the Heads room earlier that night, Selene had been acting very strange. She came down for dinner looking thoroughly confused, and Kristen had not seen her since then.

            “I’m sorry.” Remus said comfortingly. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. He happened to understand her situation, having been forced to cope with Sirius lately.

            Kristen look startled as she glanced down at their clasped hands, causing the two Gryffindors to become embarrassed again.

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            A week passed with no new commotion. Though the rude comments continued to flow towards Lily and James, they became decidedly less harsh and less frequent. Nobody else had bothered to sign the parchment. A new one had been placed on the door of the Great Hall, as Lily and James didn’t wish to exploit the boy, Levent, who had signed it, Slytherin though he may be. They hadn’t spoken with him yet. It wasn’t that they had forgotten; quite the contrary. The amount of work that their classes required had been piling up, however, and consequently they were left with little time for much else.

            As it was, they had not seen much of one another, unless seeing each other’s heads buried in a book every evening counted for something. At the moment, they were seated in the Gryffindor common room. Five of their friends surrounded them; Kristen and Remus, of course, and also Peter, and Sirius and Selene, although the two of them continued their way of half-ignoring their friends.

            Sirius and Selene were glancing at each other in turn, once again. They seemed not to notice it themselves, but Kristen was certainly noticing. It was beginning to irritate her, in fact. It was difficult enough to concentrate on the Transfiguration essay that was due the next day, but now she was wondering what the ongoing staring fest between the two of them meant.

            “Will somebody _please_ tell me what’s going on?” Kristen finally exclaimed, looking between Sirius and Selene.

            Selene looked down at her lap. Sirius cleared his throat, breaking his eyes away from her face, and said quite simply into the air, “I need to go. I’ll see you later, maybe.” And that was it; he gathered his things and left through the portrait hole.

            The remaining five people were staring at Selene, waiting for what she might say. “Er- why are you all staring at me?” She gazed at them with azure eyes; having regained her composure, she was now looking very unfazed.

            “Oh come on, even I’ve noticed your recent staring competition with Black.” Lily stated, staring right back at her.

            Selene’s mouth thinned, much like McGonagall’s did sometimes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

            “Oh yes, you do.” Kristen persisted, determined to get something out of Selene this time if it killed her. She didn’t care if she made the thin thread keeping their friendship together thinner; it was time for this secret to come out.

            But Selene had other plans. “Look, nothing is going on between Black and I. Believe me, it takes all of my energy not to hex him every time I see him, but I don’t fancy the idea of another detention.” She frowned. Her gaze shifted to James, Remus, and Peter, who were feeling a bit out of place. “You three, leave. I want to talk to Lily and Kristen without a few worthless Cavillors eavesdropping.”

            Lily shot them an apologetic look, and James simply frowned, following the other two up the stairs to the boys’ dorm; he had been meaning to talk with Peter anyway. The boy had not been around much lately.

            Selene continued, “Now, I’ve wanted to talk to you two.”

            Lily and Kristen leaned forward in interest. It was about time this talk happened.”

            Selene seemed to be having a hard time with whatever she wanted to say; it looked painful in any case. “I just…I wanted to- er- apologize.”

            Kristen’s brown eyes widened. In all of their years of friendship, Selene had _never_ bluntly apologized for anything.

            “What do you mean?” Lily asked incredulously.

            “Please don’t make this harder.” Selene snapped, brushing her long black hair out of her face. “I’m…sorry. For the way I’ve been acting, I mean. You’re my friends, first and foremost, and I should never have put anything before our friendship, not even the Auscultos. And I hope that you’ll forgive me for it.”

            Lily’s expression softened. She suddenly felt guilty for ever being angry with Selene. “Of course I forgive you,” she said abruptly. “How could I not?”

            “As do I,” Kristen put in, reaching over to pat Selene on the arm. “We’ve missed you.”

            “Does this mean that you’ll help us with the groups?” Lily asked.

            Selene considered this, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. “No,” she said finally. “At least, not yet. Give me time. I’m still a little confused about all of this. But I was beginning to get bored without the two of you for company.”

            “Hey! That’s the only reason you wanted to apologize? Boredom?”

            Selene grinned at them. “What else are you good for?”

            Kristen frowned. “Well now that all of that’s settled, you can tell us what’s going on between you and Black.”

            “Absolutely nothing,” Selene protested, scowling.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            Lily hadn’t wanted this Levent Hedley to see the Heads room just yet, so she was presently standing in an empty classroom down the hall from Gryffindor tower. At least, it was usually down the hall from the tower, but occasionally it decided to switch places on them.

            She was alone, too. She had sent James to pick Levent up; she still hadn’t seen the fellow. Kristen and Remus were off working on something together, saying that they would meet Levent once Lily and James were sure that he was trustworthy and worth their time. Lily was dubious, but determined to give this a try. She had decided when she first started working with James never to be biased against someone again simply because of what group they belonged to. She grudgingly admitted that this should extend to the Slytherins as well, at least on her good days. _Where the hell is James?_

            As if in answer to her question, James poked his head into the classroom. Upon spotting her, he scooted inside, looking thoroughly disgruntled. A body slid in behind him, shutting the door.

            Lily squinted; the lighting wasn’t the best in this classroom. Levent came into view and she stared. He had light brown hair, and it was long enough to slip into his eyes, which were a dark green color. His face was thin but defined. He was, quite simply, incredibly handsome. Lily suddenly realized she was staring and broke her gaze, embarrassed. James was watching her warily, and Levent smiled softly at her. Looking back at him, she noticed his dark green Slytherin robes and was reminded of the whole situation, her mind having gone off on a tangent.

            “Er- so you’re Levent Hedley?” She asked, wanting to break the awkward silence.

            “Yeah. Lily Evans, right?” His voice was deep, but nothing like most of the other Slytherins’ slurring and condescending tones.

            “Mmm,” was Lily’s response. Then something occurred to her. “I have Double Potions with the seventh year Slytherins. Why have I never seen you before?”             

           “Oh- I stopped taking Potions after fifth year. But I think I remember you, Lily.”

            Lily nodded, glancing over at James. “Right,” she said loudly. “We wanted to know why you signed the parchment.” Although she was having trouble accepting the fact that a Slytherin could be this attractive, she didn’t want to stray from her usually organized and prepared demeanor. She gave him another once over and quickly decided that he didn’t look malicious. Delicious, well, that was another matter. In fact, he didn’t look like a typical Slytherin at all.

            James was looking very annoyed. He shifted on his feet and scooted closer to Lily, glaring at Levent.

            “What?” Levent looked surprised at her question. “Isn’t that obvious?”

            “No,” James replied sharply. Lily shot him a look, and then said apologetically to Levent,

            “Nobody has offered to help yet except you, and well, you’re a Slytherin.”     

            “Oh.” He frowned at her. “Yes, I see. I assure you that my intentions are honorable.”

            Lily suddenly felt embarrassed; it seemed too much like he was explaining his romantic intentions. She quickly banished the thought from her mind.

            “You see, I’ve felt very uncomfortable in my House. They’ve tried to recruit me into the Death Eaters several times already, and I hear about the Dark Arts constantly. I just felt like I needed to get away. I’m against You-Know-Who and I thought helping you would be a good start. I mean, if Hogwarts is separated, we have no chance against him.”

            “Just say the name! It’s _Voldemort_.” James said loudly. He frowned unpleasantly. Levent shrugged, gazing at James, weighing him with his eyes.

            Lily cleared her throat and asked, “But aren’t you afraid of what the other Slytherins will say and do when they find out that you’re helping us?”

            “I’ll manage, somehow. I don’t really have any Slytherin friends anyway, so I’m a bit used to it.”

            Lily liked him more and more by the minute, and James, judging from the look on his face, liked him less and less.

            “Alright, well if you’re really sure that you’d like to help us, I see no reason not to give you a chance. We can use all the help we’re offered.”

            His face broke into a grin, causing Lily to smile back. “I’m relieved to hear you say that, I thought you’d say no.”

            “I have no reason to, at least not yet.”

            James mumbled something.

            “What, James?” Lily asked, turning a little to glance at him.

            He shook his head, scowling insolently. “Are you sure you’re not a Death Eater?” He asked Levent sharply.

            “James!” Lily snapped at him, swatting his arm.

            “It’s alright. Here, I’ll show you,” Levent rolled up the sleeve of his left arm, revealing nothing on his forearm.

            James only grunted, while Lily smiled. “Thank you, Levent. We’ll let you come to the next meeting, and you can meet our friends Kristen and Remus.”

            He nodded. “It was very nice meeting you, Lily.” Then he added, while still looking at Lily, “And you, James.”

            “You too.” Lily watched as he moved towards the door.

            “Goodbye.” James growled, taking Lily by the hand and pulling her out the door.

♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠ ♥♣♠

            Selene and Sirius were sitting on Selene’s bed, in the girls’ dorm. Kristen was out with Remus, working on that book, or so Selene was told. And Lily was apparently meeting some new candidate for their little group, which Selene knew only because Lily had been talking about it all week.

            So her dorm was empty except for the two of them, and she had not invited Sirius here. The situation was quickly becoming awkward. “Why are you here?” She asked suddenly, staring at him in want of an answer. He glanced up at her with his hazel eyes. He shrugged.

            “Well, you’re not going to be allowed to stay here acting like that.”

            Bewildered, Sirius frowned at her. “Acting like what?”

            “You can’t just come in here anytime you feel like it, like you own the place or something.”

            “I thought we were…you know, sort of friends or something,” he protested.

            “Really? We’ve only said about five words to each other that weren’t insulting, and I haven’t spoken to you at all since…well, for a week or so.” She dared her cheeks not to turn pink at the thought.

            “But…”

            “Oh, I never should have admitted to you that I thought you were cute.”

            “But it wasn’t just you. I kissed you, remember?”

            Selene frowned. “And I told you it was a bit like kissing myself.”

            Sirius shrugged. “I guess.”

            “We’re too much alike, you and I,” Selene shook her head.

            “How are we alike? You’re an Ausculto and I’m a Cavillor, it just doesn’t-”

            “Our personalities, you idiot. And I’m not saying that all Cavillors and Auscultos are secretly alike, it’s just- ugh. I’ve never had fun arguing with someone before.” She smiled reluctantly, and then it faded.

            “Is that supposed to be a compliment? I think I’d rather not accept it.”

            “Fine. Who said I wanted to be friends with you, and might I remind you that you asked. You’re an egotistical prat and a Cavillor to boot.”

            “Ah yes, so you do want to be friends.” 

            “Don’t push it, Black! I admitted a week ago that I was attracted to you, and then that didn’t work out, and now I’m beginning to think I’m just a little bit egotistical myself for liking someone who reminds me of myself…Merlin, I’m confused again.” She took a deep breath. “The point is, I’m not attracted to you, not really, and I think you’ve already figured that one out, stupid as you are. We haven’t talked since then. So what makes you think you can just come back in here because you please? What if I don’t want you here?”

            “Exactly, we haven’t talked since then, which is why I came up here to see you.”

            “What are you trying to do? Because I’m still not sure if I like you enough for this ‘friends’ business, and this is becoming ridiculous again…”

            “Oh bloody hell, once an Ausculto, always an Ausculto.”

            “I resent that comment.”

            “And I’m starting to think that I made a mistake coming up here.”

            “Good, then maybe you’ll not do it again.” She crossed her arms, peering at him with a pinched, annoyed expression.

            “Can’t you not snap at me? I’m making an effort, Kelehan! I haven’t called you an Ausculto or anything!”

            “Yes, you have. You just did.”

            “Oh…right. But it wasn’t in a condescending tone.”

            “You see, there again, you’re wrong.”

            “Whatever.”

            “Don’t _whatever_ me-”

            “You’ve been staring at me all week,” he tried again. 

            “I was only staring at you because you were staring at me! It’s infuriating!”

            “Well you don’t have to yell at me for it, honestly!”

            “Oh, go away!” Selene exclaimed. “I’m not in the mood to talk to you right now!”            

              Frowning, he grunted, “Fine. I take back any nice thing I might have said.” He stalked towards the door.

            She watched him through narrowed blue eyes, and then slipped off her bed and met him at the door. “Sirius,” She said, and he turned around to look at her. She sighed. “Friends?”            

             He stared at her, his hazel eyes bemused. “But I thought…”

            “Just answer me. Friends or not?”

            “I guess…” He watched as she raised an eyebrow. “Yes, I suppose…we could try it.”

            “Okay then.” She opened the door and pushed him out into the hall. He stared at Selene as she gave him a large smile, said “Goodbye,” and shut the door in his face.

♣♥♠♣♥♠♣♥♠

            James had pulled Lily all the way to the Heads room. He seemed to be silently letting off steam.

            “Er- James? Could you let go of my arm, please? It’s going a bit numb.”

            “Oh, sorry.” He glanced down at her with a frown.

            They made it back to the room in silence, and the Three Musketeers admitted them. Once inside, Lily patted James on the arm.

            “Alright, what’s wrong?”

            “Wrong? Nothing’s wrong.”

            Lily placed her hands on her hips. “Oh yes it is, you’ve been grunting and growling ever since you brought Levent in to meet me. Why do you dislike him so much?”

            “I don’t- I mean- He was trying to hit on you!”

            Lily’s mouth fell open. She knew James was bothered, but she didn’t think it was…

            James continued, “And you _liked_ it!”

            “What?” Her forehead creased. “He wasn’t hitting on me, he was just being polite.”

            “Oh, _sure_.”

            Lily tried not to smile. “You’re jealous, aren’t you James?”

            “No, of course not!” He protested, turning slightly red.

            She raised an eyebrow at him, and then she couldn’t help it; she grinned. “Oh, come here.” She filled the space separating them and buried her face into his chest. “I would never consider him,” she mumbled into his robes.

            “You were checking him out,” James muttered.

            “Rightfully so. He’s very good-looking.”

            “Hey!”

            She pulled back and grinned at him. “I never said that _you_ weren’t good-looking.”

            James was still frowning as he pushed a wayward strand of auburn hair behind her ears. “Alright, so maybe I am a little jealous. But it’s only because you’re so beautiful and he obviously noticed that.”

            Lily, feeling bolstered by James’s new show of jealously and his compliment, smiled softly. “Well, James, I don’t think he’s the one on the receiving end,” she said softly near his ear, and proceeded to kiss her way along his jawbone to his mouth. He opened his eyes again when she stopped short of his lips, pausing an inch or so away. Their eyes met, and the kiss was soft at first. And then it became something else entirely. He was kissing her urgently, either in want of reassurance or for some other reason Lily preferred not to care about just yet. She realized that she had been pressed in between the insistent length of his body and the door to her bedroom. She broke away from his mouth, taking a deep breath of air.

            “James,” she gasped suddenly, feeling him place soft kisses along her neck. She clasped her own hands over his, where they had been wandering over her thighs. She had never been so intimately connected with someone before, and the way it made her feel was decidedly opposite from the usual controlled way she kept herself. Her heart was thumping violently and she wasn’t entirely sure that she had wanted to stop his wandering hands at all. She thread her fingers through his and he slowly pulled away from her neck. Their eyes met and Lily leaned in, taking his mouth again. She allowed his hands to wander for another moment, her skin tingling. 

            She pulled her head back, resting it against her door. “Okay…okay. I think…”

            James smiled down at her. “Goodnight, Lily.” His eyes ran over her face.

            She grinned, regaining her composure somewhat. “I’m sorry I made you jealous. I hope the kiss made it better.”

            “I’ll be sure to act jealous all the time, if it will earn me a snog like that.”

            “Don’t count on it.” She shook her head at him, but smiled nonetheless. “Goodnight, James,” she said softly, and slipped inside her room. She shut the door behind her, wondering if it was a good thing that she couldn’t think properly.

♣♥♠♣♥♠♣♥♠

            

**A/N: I’m sorry for the delay. College is…demanding. And a lot of other words. Getting home from school is officially a bitch. I had to spend the night in** **Atlanta** **and I got home twenty hours later than I was supposed to. Yep…I might as well have driven the ten hours home, except for the fact that my car is here. In any case, here is the next chapter for you. I’m sure most of you are quite busy with your families currently… :) I have finals coming up (as I’m sure many of you do), and I’m not sure that I’ll be able to post during that stress, but the good news is that it’ll almost definitely be a lot quicker than last time, because once finals are finished, I have no classes for a month. So good luck to you all, and I hope you’re having a good, although short, break :D Thanks again for all of your feedback on this story, I really enjoy reading everything you have to say.**

 

**~Emily~**

 


	17. Outward and Inward Appearances

**Chapter Seventeen ~ Outward and Inward Appearances**

             Kristen and Lily were seated on what had become Lily’s old and mostly abandoned bed, talking avidly and quietly. They were both in uncharacteristic moods; each for their own reasons, but this was not the topic of conversation that evening. The fact that they were both slightly out of character was of no consequence.

             “I think maybe you were right about them,” Lily admitted with reluctance, though a trace of doubt was still laced in her expression.

             “I doubted it for awhile, but there are just too many signs,” Kristen watched Lily from the foot of her bed. Her dark blonde hair was pulled back into a bun, wayward strands trailing over her cheeks.

              Lily considered this, her emerald eyes thoughtful. “Well, there really haven’t been that many signs. We have no proof.”

              Kristen smirked, her eyes flashing as a sudden thought occurred to her. “Last night I heard proof. Did you know that Selene talks in her sleep?”

             “Occasionally, but- why, what did you hear?” Lily leaned forward intently, an identical smirk spreading over her lips.

             “Err- let’s just say she wasn’t angry with Black in her dreams.”

             “Were they…”

             “You know, I think they were just talking, but it was the strangest thing…” She trailed off, bemused.

             Lily smiled absently. “Hmm, who would have thought?”

            “I would have, for one,” Kristen quickly glanced over at Selene’s bed, which was empty for the moment; exactly what had sparked the conversation in the first place. Sirius and Selene had not made any noticeable progress towards amiable relations in the past week or so, at least not in front of their friends. But Kristen’s annoyance at their staring contests had died down; she was now thoroughly amused at whatever was going on between the two of them. The only dilemma was that she wasn’t sure if she was only imagining the whole thing, or if there really was something going on. In the long run, it didn’t really matter, but they so seldom found a chance to tease Selene that this was indispensable.

            “You always were the more observant one,” Lily commented, still smiling slightly. She had been doing that a lot this past week. The fact that she had both of her friends back on her side lifted her spirits, even to the point of allowing her to ignore unwanted comments and to not care that their schoolwork was unthinkably heavy. Actually, Selene may have been on their side theoretically, as a friend, but she still hadn’t agreed to help them with the groups; she was taking her sweet time with that.

            Their conversation was cut short when Selene herself slipped into the room. The raven-haired girl glanced around, her dark blue eyes landing immediately on her two friends. She shut the door behind her.

           “Hello,” she said.

            Lily and Kristen, unable to wipe the slight smirks from their faces, waved back.

            “Why are you so happy?” Selene looked between the two of them suspiciously, sitting on the edge of Kristen’s bed, which was next to Lily’s.

            “No reason, we were just talking,” Lily replied casually. She slid off her bed and announced, “I should probably get back to the Heads room; it’s getting late.”

            “Don’t want lover boy to wait up for you, right?” Selene smiled innocently up at Lily.

            Lily’s face flushed; she seemed to suddenly regain control over herself as the uncharacteristic smirk faded. “No, it’s just... late. I have enough incentive to fall asleep during History of Magic tomorrow without being tired.”

            “True,” agreed Selene. “ _That_ is why I always fall asleep. You should try it sometime.”

            Kristen shook her head, arguing, “Don’t listen to her Lily, that’s exactly why you’re Head Girl and she’s not.”

            “Actually, it’s because she’s much more intelligent than I am.” Selene smiled at the redhead.

            “And I don’t scare people off,” Lily commented. 

            “I like that about myself,” Selene shrugged. “It’s not my fault people are easily intimidated.”

            “Like Black?” Kristen couldn’t help but venture quietly.

            Selene’s face turned a bit pale and she stood up. “You know Lily, I think you’re right. It’s time to go to bed.”

            Lily smiled at Kristen, who winked back. “Goodnight,” Lily called out, heading for the door. Sometimes she missed sharing a dorm with the two of them, and she was especially sorry to miss any possible dreams Selene might have involving Sirius Black. She should give Kristen more credit; it had taken her a couple of weeks longer to realize that Selene only turned quiet when he was around, or indignant when his name was mentioned, even casually. But that wasn’t important. James was certainly waiting for her in the Heads’ room, and she couldn’t help but blush into the darkness as she made her way down the stairs. 

♣♥♠♣♥♠♣♥♠

            Kristen was not sure how to go about things sometimes. While she had always considered Lily good at that, she had presumed herself hopeless. She hated when things were awkward, and hated the fact that it was usually her fault that the situation had become awkward in the first place.

            So she found herself in the library, alone with Remus. Ever since she first met the Cavillor, she had admired the way he was soft-spoken, but somehow avoided looking too uncomfortable. He acted as if he was resolved to something, but she couldn’t read him. 

            They had been working on this book for the past hour; the book that was to be comprised of all the reasons they could possibly find why the two groups should be united. It was a good idea and a simple thought, but it was proving to be much more difficult than she had originally planned. When Remus had first offered to help her, she had been surprised; now she was relieved that he had- for more reasons than one, though she refused to admit it.

            She realized that she had been watching him intently for at least the past five minutes, and gave a start. “Find anything interesting?” She asked, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with the silence.

            He lifted his hazel eyes from the book he was scanning and smiled softly at her. “Not really,” he sighed. “I’m getting pretty tired.”

            She lowered her own book, which was still on the same page as ten minutes ago, and frowned. “I’m not sure we’re going to have this completed before that meeting Lily and James are planning.”

            “Probably not,” he replied quietly, watching her. “They scheduled it for right before holiday, right? But it’s already the beginning of December.”

            “Yeah…” she trailed off, cursing herself for not being able to say anything remotely interesting. And no matter how much she coaxed her eyes to look away from his face, they remained fixed. She felt like there was something she needed to say, to tell him, but she couldn’t remember what it was. In fact, she may never have known what it was in the first place. It was just as well; Kristen felt incapable of making any kind of intelligent conversation at the moment.

            Remus was staring at her hands, she suddenly realized. At least, she _hoped_ he was staring at her hands, because they were dangerously close to another area of her body that she rather preferred he didn’t stare at. Not yet, anyway…she blushed crimson.

            Remus noticed when she shifted in her chair and met her eyes hesitantly. “I- er- right,” he cleared his throat. “I was thinking, maybe you would like to – uhm – come with me on the next Hogsmeade weekend.”

            Kristen stared at him. _Two weeks from now_ , she thought. Hopefully by then she would have gotten over the shock of someone asking her out on a date…if this was a date? She seemed to forget that the question required a response.

            “I mean,” he continued quickly, now hating the silence himself, “I know it’s not exactly conventional, considering everything. But hopefully by then the groups won’t be as, well, forceful. We’re friends, and I just thought it might be fun…” he was becoming more nervous with each work as she continued to stare at him.

            She shook herself slightly and her cheeks turned pink. “I’m sorry, I…that would be great, Remus. Thank you.” She smiled gently at him. _Friends?_

            He let out a breath and grinned back at her. “Well I’m glad, I thought you might say no.”

            “Why would I ever say no?”

            He frowned and replied quietly, “I don’t know.”

            On an impulse, she reached across the table and laid her hand lightly on top of his. “Well, for future reference, I will _never_ say no to you. Unless you piss me off.” Really, she couldn’t believe that it was coming out of her mouth, though it was the truth.

            Remus, however, seemed unconvinced, even though he smiled. It was as if there was something still bothering him, but he didn’t look like he was going to say anything more.

            “Let’s get back to the Tower, I don’t think we’re going to get anything else done tonight,” Kristen said, snapping her book shut and gathering her scattered things into her bag, which she promptly placed over her shoulder.

            He nodded, agreeing with her silently and placing the books on a nearby shelf. When he approached her again, he took the bag from her shoulder and said, “Let me get that.”

            Smiling, Kristen placed her hand in his. She was feeling much more comfortable now for some reason. She was now assured that he didn’t think she was silly- or at least not _too_ silly. She looped her fingers through his.

            “Thank you,” she said quietly as they walked down the hall. She refused to acknowledge the looks they were getting from other students; looks of disgust at the way they were walking together.

            “For what?” He looked over at her, startled.

            “Everything. Helping me with the book and all,” Kristen looked over at him, noticing that there was a hint of brown in his blue-green eyes. 

            “Oh, right. Of course.” He smiled and stopped walking, realizing that they were now outside the portrait hole. He was feeling a lot less tired now, looking at her.

            “I suppose we should say goodnight here,” he said, “since the common room is probably still full of people who would not be happy to see us on good terms with one another.”

            She shrugged, “You’re right, though we can’t hide forever.”

            He was shifting his feet, wondering what to do next. Kristen realized that maybe she had been wrong, and he _was_ uncomfortable sometimes, but it only made her like him more. Smiling, she took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face into his chest. “Goodnight,” she mumbled.

            Blinking, he placed his arms around her waist in response and hugged her tightly. “’Night.”

            They remained in that position for a moment; with his head atop hers, breathing in her shampoo, which smelled of some sort of flower, and Kristen savoring how un-awkward she felt in that moment.

♣♥♠♣♥♠♣♥♠

            Remus entered his dorm that same evening, just a few minutes later, with a soft smile on his face. His light brown hair was falling into his eyes and he didn’t seem to care. It took him a moment to realize that there was a weird mood hanging over the room.

            James sat on his bed, Peter was on the floor near the bathroom, and Sirius was staring at the wall from atop his bed. Remus shut the door with a click, causing all three of his friends to look up at him.

            James smiled, although he seemed a bit out of it. “Have a good library session, Moony?”

            “Er- sure. We’re still far from finished, though.”

            “Yeah…” James trailed off, staring at his bedspread. He was clutching a piece of parchment in his right hand; it looked like an essay of sorts.

            Sirius watched indifferently. Although they had not formally made up, he hadn’t been so biting towards them lately. He acted preoccupied most of the time, and his friends didn’t care to make the first move towards restoring their friendship.

            Peter, in his slightly unsteady voice, piped up, “Um, James. I’ve been thinking about it, and maybe I could- I dunno- help with the groups somehow?”

            James shifted his gaze to the smaller boy, his face brightening. “Really, Wormtail? I’m really happy to hear that. Why don’t you come to the next meeting?” This was surprising to James; last time he’d talked to Peter, the boy had been very edgy and ready to get away from him. He had never been so dodgy in the past…perhaps he was just embarrassed that he used to idolize James and Sirius so much in past years.

            James turned to Remus, who was listening quietly. “I thought we would have a meeting this Friday night. You know, so you and Lily’s friend can meet this Slytherin fellow.” He frowned bitterly.

            Remus chuckled, finally sitting down on his bed. “He can’t be all that bad, Prongs.”

            “Lily would agree with you,” James scowled, crossing his arms with resentment.

            Sirius felt that it was the right time to enter the conversation, and announced, “Prongs, you don’t need to worry about this Levent fellow. Evans won’t leave you.”

            This caused the other three Marauders to stare at him.

            “What?” Sirius pressed, wondering what he had said wrong.

            James shifted on his bed. “It’s just- I didn’t expect you to-”

            “Yes, I know. I just think I’ve gotten past hating Evans. I’ve been…thinking.”

            James snorted, muttering something with a half-smirk.

            Sirius rolled his eyes, laughing. “No, really. And I, well, you’ve been my friends for so long- I’m just sorry I’ve been a prat, I guess.”

            Remus and James exchanged a glance. Then James turned back to Sirius with a grin. “I knew you’d come around, man.”

            Sirius smiled impishly. “So we’re okay then?”

            “As always,” Remus replied.

            “But really, Prongs. I’ve noticed the way Evans looks at you in class and in the hall. She’s not going to push you over for some Slytherin.”

            James brightened upon hearing this from his friend, but he was still disbelieving. “You haven’t met the bastard yet.”

            “In any case, I have no problems with beating the crap out of a Slytherin, if necessary for my pal.” Sirius grinned, almost in anticipation. “In the mean time, I’m sure you’ll be enjoying hearty snog sessions in the Heads room.”

            James turned slightly red; this was not something that usually happened to him. Normally he was all too ready to discuss these details with his friends. “Er- well- I suppose. Lily is fairly practical though, you know.”

            “What does that have to do with anything?” Sirius argued. “I think making out is perfectly practical.”

            Remus smiled softly at Sirius. “Sure,” he said. Peter smirked, looking back and forth between his friends.

            “Well,” Sirius announced in a loud voice, “I think all this calls for a prank- I’ve been so bored these past couple of months. Prongs, old boy, you should never have accepted Head Boy.”

            “Hmm. Well, I suppose I could make an exception in the case of a prank.”

            “Now that’s the James I know.”

            Remus simply shook his head, still smiling, and Peter was now gazing at his hands.

♣♥♠♣♥♠♣♥♠

            James paced the Heads room, muttering to himself. The week had passed uneventfully, apart from wasting entirely too much parchment on various essays and charming dancing and singing fruit to follow certain unmentionable people. But currently, James was not relaxed. In fact, his palms were a little sweaty and he had almost just tripped over the couch.

            “James, calm down already, Lily will be here any moment,” Remus commented in an attempt to get his friend to sit down and stop making everyone else nervous. He was sitting on the couch, next to Kristen, who looked fairly amused at the situation. Peter had decided to come after all, and was sitting in one of the two armchairs across from them. Lily had gone to find Levent and bring him back to the Heads room.

            “I should have gone with her!” James insisted. “Who knows what he’s trying to pull…”

            “I don’t think he’s going to attack her, and she’s quite capable of taking care of herself,” Kristen put in.

            “Yeah, I know! But still…” he continued to pace.

            Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to all who were present, the door opened and Lily walked in, followed by a very handsome boy in dark green robes. He blinked, pushing dirty blonde hair out of his jade eyes, which matched his robes nicely.

            James spun around to face them, still looking rather sour. Lily said to Levent, “Why don’t you sit over there,” and indicated the armchair next to Peter. He nodded, his eyes scanning everyone in the room, weighing them, though not unpleasantly.

            “Hello everyone,” he said in a deep voice.

            Lily smiled, tugging James’s hand to get him to sit next to her on the couch, near Remus and Kristen. He fell beside her, his limbs still stiff.

            “Alright, I suppose we should start.” Lily glanced around the room, surveying everyone, her eyes coming to land on Peter. She said, carefully, “And I’m glad you decided to help us, Pettigrew.” Earlier that evening, she had told James that she didn’t trust Peter, although she couldn’t explain why and therefore dismissed her suspicions in the hopes that she could come to trust him in the future. James assured her that he was a good friend.

            “Any questions for Levent? He said he doesn’t mind,” Lily prompted, uncomfortable with the silence that was threatening to fall over the room.

            “Er-“ Kristen spoke up. She had been staring at Levent since he walked in; apparently his nice appearance was not lost on her. Remus was frowning in Levent’s direction, but not scowling like James. “I was just wondering what your motivation for joining us was. I mean- Lily told me that you just felt that you should help…but I can’t help but think that there must be some other reason.”

            Levent smiled softly, his arms now resting on both armrests beside him. He glanced at Lily briefly, then turned back to Kristen and said, “I really do want to help with the groups, and this opportunity was a good one. But I will admit that there were other reasons, for instance the fact that this group is going against what we’ve come to accept as rules; not only for all of you, who are involved with the groups, but Slytherins as well. I shouldn’t be here by any means, and they really makes me _want_ to be here.” He was looking at Lily again, however, and James was glaring at him because of it.

            “Yes, well,” Lily turned to Kristen and Remus. “How is that book coming along?”

            The two exchanged a glance, and then Kristen replied, “Okay. But it’s going to take a long time.”

            “Understandable,” Lily smiled, “it’s taking us awhile to plan the meeting too.”

            James smirked; apparently there were reasons for how long it was taking them. He seemed to momentarily forget his dilemma with Levent as he gazed at Lily, placing his arm around her shoulders.

            They all spoke casually for about the next twenty minutes, about nothing in particular. Peter mentioned random people he thought were not entirely for the groups, and might be willing to help out. Lily said that they shouldn’t be pressed. She wanted people to help out of their own free will, although nobody else had bothered to sign the parchment yet. Levent put in a few words here or there, though nothing very insightful; mostly ideas they had already deduced. James was silent for most of the meeting, as was Remus. Kristen and Lily engaged in a small offhand conversation for a few minutes, mostly about school in general.

            Eventually, to James’s delight, Levent announced that he should go, though he “deeply regretted it.” Peter also rose from his chair, saying that he was supposed to meet Sirius somewhere. The two of them left the room together, leaving the rest of them in abrupt silence.

            “So…what do you think of him?” Lily asked Kristen and Remus. James shifted beside her.

            “I dunno…” Remus said quietly. “I don’t think he’s so bad, James, but he’s maybe a little too…I don’t know, I can’t place my finger on it.”

            “He’s just a bastard.” James said simply, causing Lily to frown at him.

            “I think he’s a little suspicious,” Kristen put in, “I can’t tell whether he’s sincere or not.”

            “I believe he is,” Lily remarked, “I think he could help us in the future.”

            “Well let’s hope so, since he hasn’t yet.” James mumbled.

            Lily turned towards him. “You are being entirely too bitter about this!” As they began to argue, Kristen and Remus started their own conversation, whispering to one another.

            “I wonder how they manage to get along every night, when they’re alone in here,” Kristen whispered, although she realized directly after it was said how it sounded.

            Remus smirked. “Oh, I’m sure they get along well enough.”

            “It’s so weird, up until this year I had never seen her with a boy, I don’t know if she’s ever really had a boyfriend, and now, well…” Kristen trailed off as the two of them looked back up at Lily and James, who appeared to have come to an understanding and were now sitting very close and gazing at each other. Lily brushed her hand against his shoulder as she leaned closer, her expression suggestive. Kristen noticed this and her cheeks turned rather red. She couldn’t imagine that this was the very same Lily who used to blush when Selene would describe to them her various encounters with different boyfriends.

            Remus cleared his throat, looked at Kristen, and then back at Lily and James, who had turned away from one another at long last. “I think it’s time I go to bed too,” then he added to Kristen, “Ready?” She nodded.

            “Right,” Lily’s face was slightly red; she seemed to have realized that she and James were not alone and how all that must have looked, and scooted a little further away from James, who looked dismayed. “Well, see you two tomorrow, then.”

            Remus and Kristen smiled back at them as they walked side by side out the door.

♣♥♠♣♥♠♣♥♠

            Selene and Sirius were still stubbornly not involved in this movement to converge the groups, although they had both, by now, made up with their groups of friends. They were still avoiding each other, though neither really understood why. In truth, they had not spoken much since the second time Sirius had appeared in her dorm. If either of them was disappointed, they weren’t about to admit it. At least that’s what they thought.

            At the moment, all seven of them were gathered in the Gryffindor common room, among scattered heaps of books and parchment, empty ink bottles and extra quills. It was surprising that their little group did not attract more attention; they were sitting awfully close together in a circle-like shape, and even if they weren’t currently talking, the fact that they were “associated” with one another should have angered the others in the common room. But that evening, they were left alone, and their silence was void of all nasty comments.

            Sirius stretched at one point, his essay dropping to the floor as he did so. He had been sneaking looks at Selene in a considering manner for the past few minutes, although she had not noticed. Suddenly he rose from his chair and, without a word to anyone, slipped up the stairs. Remus shrugged and James had not noticed. Peter stared ahead, and the three girls couldn’t have cared less.

            Sirius reappeared several minutes later, his hands behind his back. The whole group looked up at him as he stopped in front of Selene’s chair, watching her. Bending over, he extended one of his arms towards her. Clutched in his hand was a bouquet of flowers- everything from lilies to violets.

            Everyone, including Selene, stared at him in bewilderment as he muttered, “Truce?”

            Selene blinked at him, as if she couldn’t possibly believe that he could be anything but an apparition. James and Remus were utterly surprised; this was certainly not the Padfoot they knew. But Lily and Kristen had turned their surprise into large smirks as they gazed at their black-haired friend. They almost looked as if they had expected a scene like this, although they were just as surprised as the others. Selene caught sight of them and frowned.

            Then she looked back at Sirius, her frown deepening, and seized his arm roughly, lifting herself out of the seat. Her quill and book slid to the floor beneath her, but she paid no attention. She was busy dragging him towards the side of the room. She noticed that all of their friends were still staring and frowned again, deciding to ignore them for the time being. She turned to Sirius, who was staring at her warily.

            “What the hell was that?” Selene burst out, poking him in the stomach.

            “I- I was only-”

            “Only embarrassing me in front of my friends, that’s all!” She scowled. “I’ll never live this down! And I yelled at Lily for doing almost the exact same thing, it appears.” She looked very flustered at the thought. “Did you _see_ the way she was smirking at me?” She added hastily.

            Sirius, looking defeated, was still clutching the bouquet of flowers in his right hand, which was now resting beside his body.

            Selene’s features suddenly softened as she studied him carefully with deep blue eyes. After a moment, she asked in a soft voice, “Did you – mean what you said? About a truce?”

            “Yes,” he replied watchfully, as if he was unsure how she was going to respond.

            A truce would mean that they would stop acting like enemies, the main thing that had been standing in the way of a friendship between them. Selene couldn’t help but act that way with him sometimes; it was amusing. But she still felt that something was missing, although she had been too stubborn to consider asking for a truce herself. His asking astounded her, quite simply.

            She smiled and took the flowers from his hand, clutching them tightly in her own hand. Selene stared up at him for another long moment, still unsure about all this. It was strange, to be nice to him, yet comfortable at the same time. Still smiling, she left him standing there and went back to sit down with her friends. They were still staring at her, not having said a word.

            Sirius appeared next to her within a few seconds, and she looked up and caught his eye. He looked as if he was waiting for something.

            “Oh, right,” Selene said quietly. “Thank you.” She was already forgetting to be nice to him.

He nodded, still looking at her, and she raised an eyebrow. She wondered…climbing out of her chair, she placed a hand on his cheek and carefully leaned in, touching her lips to his.  After a moment of contact, they both pulled away, shaking their heads.

            “No,” Selene announced, “same as before.”

            “Yes, definitely not there.” Sirius grinned at her.

            She shrugged. “It was worth another try. Now we know.”

            “Another try?” Lily suddenly asked, completely bemused.

            Selene and Sirius ignored her, grinning at one another.

            Selene gestured towards the bouquet with her open hand, “You know, I don’t really like flowers that aren’t in the ground. They’re dead, you see.”

            Sirius frowned. “Well then, perhaps I should just take them back, give them to someone else.”

            She held them behind her. “Perhaps we shouldn’t have a truce, in that case.”

            He immediately looked frightened at the idea. 

            Selene laughed, “I’m only kidding, you prat.”

♣♥♠♣♥♠♣♥♠

**A/N: I hope you all had a fun Christmas and New Year. I am personally happy that it’s 2007, as 7 is my favorite number. I have another two weeks or so off from classes, so another update should be coming up soon (for once). And now I’m going to finish listening to my Wicked soundtrack…hmm…**

**♥** **Emily**


	18. Unpredictable Occasions

**Chapter Eighteen ~ Unpredictable Occasions**

            Lily wasn’t in a bad mood, but she was slightly subdued. She was definitely feeling the stress of schoolwork – which had doubled as the holidays approached – and on top of that, she had the self-appointed job of reuniting the school.

            She was walking down the corridor towards the Great Hall and dinner, her right hand wrapped inside James’s. He had insisted on walking her to dinner and had waited while she finished an essay in the library. Lily smiled, her green eyes trained on the floor. He insisted on a lot of things. Lily admitted a long time ago that he could relax her like nobody else, and she had given in to the idea. She still held herself back sometimes; she knew she couldn’t trust herself to be rational around him, so she usually ended things fairly quickly and disappeared into her room. On more than one occasion she had been tempted to sneak into his room, but thankfully she had enough self control to dismiss the idea. Blushing, she realized that she wasn’t sure if she _wanted_ to dismiss the idea.

            James was watching her, his mouth slightly open as if he were preparing to say something. But as they walked through the doors of the Great Hall, his mouth clamped shut and their hands fell away from one another.

            The noise was almost deafening. It looked like a multi-sided, unorganized argument, bordering on a fistfight, or worse. Lily couldn’t make out what was being said, but none of it sounded pleasant. Students surrounded all four of the long tables, shooting glares at one another, pushing and shoving, knocking over goblets of pumpkin juice and stray rolls. Lily’s heart dropped to her stomach and she swung her head to the right. Kristen was standing on the side of everything, Remus beside her. Kristen’s face was pale and her eyes were glued to the mob of people; she looked as if she wasn’t hearing a word Remus was saying to her. Selene and Sirius were nowhere to be found, and Peter was standing behind Kristen and Remus, his head poking out from behind them to watch.

            James’s dark eyes were scanning the crowd in bewilderment. If that mob in the Gryffindor tower awhile back had seemed bad, this was much worse. However, none of the anger was being directed at Lily and James specifically this time. In fact, none of the students seemed to have noticed that either of them had walked in.

            Lily focused her green eyes on the staff table to find that Dumbledore was not there; that explained the extension of this argument. The other professors were trying to calm the students down to no avail; they were severely outnumbered. Even McGonagall was standing and waving her arms, yelling something that was lost in the commotion.

            The Head Girl was not happy. Her fear was beginning to float away while she watched the crowd of people, and her anger was flaring up at the thought that they were all stupid and immature if they couldn’t see how they were acting. Even the seventeen-year-olds were yelling at one another like they were fighting for a toy.

            Another goblet smashed against the floor, spraying liquid everywhere. Lily took a step forwards, causing James to stare at her avidly.

            “Shut up! Shut the bloody hell up!” Lily screamed out at the crowd. “Listen to me!”

            Slowly, the voices receded as they noticed the frantic Head Girl standing in front of them, yelling at the top of her lungs. Silence fell on the Hall.

            “Fine! If you want to act like stupid prats, that’s your choice. But not here, and not now! I will not have you arguing with each other over these groups, I’m sick and damn tired of it!” She realized that she had their full attention now, and carried on in a slightly lowered tone, “I’ve given this some thought, and I don’t think this big meeting we were planning is going to help any of you. It seems you can’t listen to sense, because it’s beyond you. So, we’re going to have a masquerade ball before Christmas! You won’t know who is a Cavillor or an Ausculto, and we’ll see how you fare _then_!”

            Lily’s face was bright red at this point. She looked across the crowd of students, who were staring with dumbstruck faces. Her emerald eyes swept across the room and landed on Dumbledore, who must have appeared in the midst of her outburst. A thought suddenly occurred to her and she quickly added, watching the headmaster, “That is, of course, with your approval, sir.”             

            Dumbledore raised his eyebrows slightly, with a small smile, and extended his hand as if to say, “Carry on.”

            Lily smiled at him, relieved that she must not have sounded like a complete lunatic. Still flustered, her eyes focused on James, who watched her in extreme surprise. Apparently, he had not been part of this change in plans. Lily was worried that he might be angry, as she hadn’t yet run the idea by him. Her eyes pleaded silently with his, not to be upset with her.

            His face changed from surprise to admiration; he looked almost proud of her. He wasn’t smiling, but his eyes told her what she wanted to know, and she grinned at him.

            Lily realized, as she turned away from James, that Selene was now standing next to Kristen, her mouth open and eyes staring.

            The students were stirring; their surprise was fading away. Many mouths opened at once, but nobody seemed to know what to say. Quietly, they all glanced at their friends or classmates and moved among themselves to find a place to sit and eat, even though much of the food had been thrown to the floor. Lily watched them, utterly lost for words; were they not going to protest what she had said? There weren’t going to be any more shouts about her betrayal? Perhaps not…she took a few steps backwards, disorientation etched across her face.

            Lily no longer felt very hungry. With a last glance at her friends, she turned and swept out the doors. She was only a few steps outside the entrance before she felt James beside her. Lily paused, not knowing where she wanted to go, and abruptly decided to take a walk across the school grounds. James followed her in silence through the Entrance Hall.

            Once they were outside, Lily let out a long breath. “Well, altogether, that went much better than I thought it would.”

            James glanced over at her, his dark eyes running across her face. “You’re brilliant,” he smiled, taking her hand in his and squeezing it.

            She blushed slightly, although she wasn’t sure why. She didn’t consider herself worthy of the praise, especially as she was beginning to feel embarrassed about the whole episode. They were nearing the lake and she watched as a giant squid poked it’s tentacle above the water.

            James suddenly stopped walking and tugged on her hand to get her to halt as well.

            “Lily- we never formally said that we were going out.” She was staring at him now, and he was speaking slowly, uncertainly. “I just, well, wanted to make sure that it was formal. So, will you be my girlfriend?”             Lily’s face broke into a large smile, and she knew that she must look ridiculous, but she didn’t care. “Of course I will, James. Logically, I already was your girlfriend.”

            James shifted, beaming at her. “Well, Miss I’m-always-logical, I’m glad you think so.” As he was looking at her, unruly black hair falling into his eyes, his smile suddenly faded. He leaned over and softly, carefully kissed her. He tried to pull back and she leaned forward slightly to catch his lips again.

            Quietly, with his dark eyes meeting her jade ones, he said, “Lily, I lo-”

            “ _There_ you are!”

            Lily and James jumped apart quickly, a little annoyed and disoriented. 

            Selene skidded to a stop in front of them, her cheeks flushed from hurrying. She looked between Lily and James and said, “Well shit, maybe I should go.” She turned to leave but Lily caught hold of her arm and said,

            “No, stay. What is it?”

            Selene shifted her feet awkwardly. “Well, it wasn’t really important.” When she didn’t get an answer, she continued, “It’s just- I’m really impressed by what happened back there and – I want to help.”

            Lily grinned and swiftly engulfed Selene in a hug. Startled, it took the raven-haired girl a moment before she wrapped her arms around Lily and squeezed back.

            “I’m so glad you’ve finally come around,” Lily said quietly.

            Selene spotted James over Lily’s shoulder, looking slightly uncomfortable, and she grinned.

            “Don’t worry, Potter, she’ll be all over you again in a minute.”

            Lily pulled away, blushing but smiling faintly at Selene, muttering, “Shut it.”

♣♥♠♣♥♠♣♥♠

            A few days passed and the seventh years were so absorbed in studying and finishing random essays that they didn’t talk at length about what had transpired in the Great Hall. Remus and Kristen were in full support of Lily’s new idea for a masquerade ball, agreeing that it would probably be much more effective than the meeting they were planning originally. But the two of them also insisted that they would do the book anyway, as they had already started on it. Lily had a faint suspicion that the just enjoyed the time alone together, but she didn’t say a word about it.

            Lily and James were on the way to Advanced Charms, her next class. James no longer had Charms, but he did have Advanced Transfiguration, which was close by. They didn’t normally walk everywhere together, but James had again insisted on walking with her, and she saw no reason to protest.

            They were nearing the Charms classroom when a voice addressed them from behind. It surprised them because the corridor was nearly empty, as most students were already in class.

            “Er, Lily and James, right?”             

            They turned around to find a girl with shoulder-length dark brown hair staring back at them. She had a thin face and curiously sparkling hazel eyes.

            Cautiously, Lily replied, “Yes.”

            The girl nodded. “I thought so.” She seemed to mentally shake herself as she looked between them. “I just- I saw your notice, and of course I’ve heard what’s been going on. I – er- wanted to help, if that’s okay.”

            Lily’s face immediately melted into a smile. “Of course it’s okay! We can always use more help, believe me.” James nodded, his face having softened now that he realized that this girl wasn’t here to insult either of them.

            “Brilliant!” The girl flashed a set of white teeth. “Oh yeah, my name’s Clover Sindri – I’m a Cavillor – or maybe I’m not anymore, I don’t know.” She extended her hand, which Lily promptly shook, still smiling. “Anyway, I think the masquerade is an excellent idea.”

            “What House?” James asked, scanning her intently. He seemed much more pleased with her than he had ever been with Levent.

            “Ravenclaw. I’m a fifth year.”

            He nodded, giving her a small smile. “Well, thanks, we’ll let you know about the next meeting and all, but we’d better get going or we’ll be late to-” James stopped short upon seeing a light-haired boy walk up to them, looking as if he had something to say.

            All three of them turned their attention to the boy in curiosity. Lily raised one of her eyebrows slightly when he said, quite simply, “I’ll help you.”

            The boy, who was tall with a freckled face, had blonde hair and bright blue eyes that made him look slightly like a hawk. Although he was addressing Lily and James, his eyes had wandered over to Clover, who was watching him skeptically. The boy seemed to realize that they were all staring at him and frowned.

            “Er- I’m in Hufflepuff, a sixth year. I know that was all on the sign-up parchment. My name is Astor Linford.” He paused. “Have I been too abrupt?”             

            Lily intervened quickly, her eyes wide and once again bewildered. “No! I’m sorry, Astor, I’m just a little surprised. We’ve only had one other person volunteer before today, and then Clover here just offered, and here you come-” She clamped her mouth shut thoughtfully, her eyes still reflecting surprise.

            “Oh, well…” Astor was looking inquisitively at Clover, who gave him a little smile. “When’s the next meeting, or whatever we do?” Astor asked, turning back to Lily and James.

            James quickly replied, “We’ll let you know, but now we really need to-”

            “What group were you in, Astor?” Lily asked, though James was tugging on her hand, pulling her towards the Charms classroom which was just a few feet away.

            “Ausculto.” He called after her. “I guess I’ll talk to you later, then.”

            James waved and Lily finally responded to his efforts to get her to walk away.

            “That was certainly interesting,” Lily asked wonderingly.

            “Yes, it was. Er- I’ll talk to you later Lily, I’m gonna be late.” He squeezed her hand quickly and disappeared down the corridor. Lily smiled after him, glanced behind her to see that the two students had left, and entered the classroom to find her friends already there.

♣♥♠♣♥♠♣♥♠

            Lily’s mind was wandering continually throughout Charms class, so she was very thankful that Professor Flitwick was only reviewing what they had learned last week. He was also going on about some kind of practical exam he wanted to give, but she would worry about that later.

            She was still wondering how two people had offered to help in the span of five minutes, when it had been weeks and they only had Levent Hedley offer so far. Apparently what she had done in the Great Hall had made some kind of impact, on at least some of the students. Plus, the rude comments had all but stopped, as most people seemed to have decided that they were no longer bothering her enough to be worth the effort, although Lily would beg to differ. 

            It wasn’t that she was disappointed with the new offers of help. On the contrary, she was very enthusiastic about the whole thing. But she was also worried about where they were going to hold meetings in the future; surely they needed to find someplace other than the Heads room, it would be too crowded. Plus, that couch was beginning to seem a little too…personal to be sharing it with so many people. Her face flushed crimson. Lily could have sworn, as she looked out of the corner of her eye at Selene, who winked at her, that her friends were able to read her mind sometimes. Sighing, she tried to shove all of her thoughts away and concentrate on whatever Flitwick was going on abot.

            Thankfully, class ended about ten minutes later. Lily let out an audible sigh, causing Kristen to look at her quizzically. Lily shrugged as if to say, “don’t ask,” and made a move towards the door. She would explain about Clover and Astor later, for now she just needed to think it all over.

            “I need to ask Flitwick a question,” Kristen said, “You go ahead and I’ll catch up with you later.”

            Lily nodded, looking around for Selene, but she had already disappeared someplace. The redhead grabbed her bag, slung it over her shoulder, and slipped out the door. She had walked all of five steps before a hand touched her shoulder and she spun around.

            “Oh, it’s just you.” Lily looked up at Levent, who was smiling at her and running a hand through his blonde hair.

            “Sorry if I scared you, I didn’t mean to.”

            “Did you need something?” She realized that his hand was still on her arm and frowned, taking a step backwards. She trusted him, but that didn’t stop her from feeling slightly uncomfortable when they were standing so close together.

            “I just wanted to say hello and see how you were doing. And was there anything you wanted me to do? I mean, we haven’t had a meeting in awhile, it just seems like everything’s come to a stop.”

            “I’ve just been really busy, and so has James,” Lily explained, her eyes constantly darting to the hand on her arm. “You don’t need to do anything extra though; we’ll work on it together soon enough. There’s just a lot of schoolwork that needs to be done first…don’t worry about it.”

            He noticed that she was shifting uncomfortably and finally removed his hand, at which she let out the breath that she had unconsciously been holding in.

            “Alright.” He smiled at her. “Good enough, I just wanted to check, I’ll see you later then.” He leaned forward, causing her breath to hitch in her throat again, and lightly kissed her on the cheek.

            Kristen appeared from behind him and grabbed Lily’s arm, pulling her down the hall. “Let’s go,” Kristen said quickly, giving Levent a strange look.

            Lily looked bewildered as she muttered, “Bye,” and began walking next to Kristen. Levent stared after them, brushing hair out of his light green eyes.

            “What were you doing?” The blonde girl demanded. “And what in hell’s name was _he_ doing?”

            “I – don’t know.” Lily replied absently.

            “Bloody Slytherin,” she muttered, watching Lily seriously. “I don’t trust him. I hope you know that.”

            “Why not? I haven’t found anything untrustworthy in him so far.”

            “He’s just- I don’t know, I just can’t _let_ myself trust him and I wish you weren’t so open towards him. Besides, I thought you and James were-”

            “What do you mean?” Lily suddenly cut in, frowning.

            “Nothing, I don’t mean anything. Let’s go find Selene; I’m not in the mood to start homework right now.”

♣♥♠♣♥♠♣♥♠

            “I told them I would help,” Selene mumbled. She was sitting next to Sirius on the couch in the Gryffindor common room. There were other students around; in fact about half the room was full. But nobody said anything to them. It didn’t look like anyone had noticed, and if they had, they didn’t care. Neither Selene nor Sirius was sure where their friends were at the moment.

            “Help?” Sirius asked in reply.

            “With the groups, with this whole deal.”

            “Oh, right.”

            She turned her head to look at him, her blue eyes scanning over his face. 

            “Well, I want you to help too.”

            He was still staring into the fire, the flames casting shadows over his face. “Do you now?”

            Selene frowned and grabbed his jaw, moving his head so that he was looking at her. “You’re awful at pretending to listen, Sirius Black.”

            He grinned at her. “And what do you plan on doing about it?”

            Selene shrugged, leaning over slightly to put her feet in his lap, stretching out to fill the rest of the couch. “I’ll have you trained soon enough, don’t worry.” 

            They didn’t seem to notice when Lily, James, Kristen, and Remus entered through the portrait hole. The four of them stopped and stared at Selene and Sirius, who were sitting in contentment, almost amusement, with Sirius’s hand on Selene’s feet, and the two of them in quiet conversation.

            James was the first to regain control of his thoughts. He stepped forward, and the other three appeared to follow his motions. “Well you two appear to be quite comfortable, all of a sudden.” James smirked at the two of them as they finally looked up, glancing around at their friends. Peter appeared behind James, taking a seat across from them and smiling slightly.

            “All of a sudden?” Sirius asked, matching James’s smirk.

            Selene shook her head and laughed. “Not really. We can’t help it if the rest of you are slow.”

            Lily raised an eyebrow, watching as Selene stretched her arms behind her head, shifting her feet in Sirius’s lap.

            Sirius shrugged. “She’s right, you know.”

            “We’re good friends, he and I.” Selene pursed her lips, waiting for an argument.

            “Er-” Lily sighed. “I guess- that’s good to know.”

            Peter laughed quietly from behind her. “You’re always keeping some secret or another, Padfoot.”

            James turned to him and asked, “And are you, Wormtail?”

            Peter turned his attention to James and shook his head. “Have I ever lied to you, Prongs?”

            James grinned, putting a hand on the back of Peter’s chair and replying, “No, you’ve always been a trustworthy friend…unlike some people,” he finished, glancing at Sirius.

            Sirius winked back at James. “I’m trustworthy. I’m just a bit unpredictable, s’all.”

            Selene snorted. 

            Sirius turned to her. “What?”

            “Unpredictable,” she laughed, “not for me.”

            “That’s because we’re just about the same person, only…”

            “I’m a girl?’

            “Yeah…something like that.”

            “I’m glad to know you realize the difference between girls and boys, Sirius Black. Now I can rest easy.”

            “Oh, you do that.” He leaned back against the couch, his hands once again covering her feet.

            The rest of their friends found seats around them, digging out their homework and parchment and shaking their heads silently.

♣♥♠♣♥♠♣♥♠

            

**A/N: Well now, that was a pretty quick update :D It would have been quicker, if not for my internet going out for two days. Thank you for reading, and (perhaps) reviewing.**

♥Emily 


	19. Runaway Reason

**Chapter Nineteen ~ Runaway Reason**

            Lily walked briskly down the corridor, watching James out of the corner of her eye. She was neither stupid nor ignorant, and she knew that there was a reason behind his walking her everywhere lately. Although his jealousy was flattering at times, it could also be very irritating. Today, it was very much the latter.

            She let out a breath of frustration, brushing a stray strand of auburn hair from her eyes. “Levent isn’t here, so stop looking around every corner.”

            James’s head snapped towards her. “What? Why would I be looking for _him_?”

            Lily narrowed her eyes and turned away, deciding that it wasn’t worth the effort. James peered into the nearby shadows and almost failed to notice when Lily turned into a classroom. It was McGonagall’s room, to be precise. Lily had of course asked permission from the Transfiguration professor; they needed a new place to meet because she didn’t feel comfortable showing the Heads room to anybody else. In fact, Lily was coming to regard the common room she shared with James as something very private; the squishy couch had proved to be a very comfortable snogging backdrop.

            She walked through the doorway, James right behind her. Lily felt Levent enter a moment after them, and noticed that James tensed beside her. She smiled hesitantly at Levent, who grinned back at her and took a seat.

            Kristen and Remus were already there, talking and sending small smiles towards one another; Kristen’s cheeks were slightly flushed. Clover Sindri and Astor Linford had also already arrived and were both sitting alone, not saying a word. Peter was in the hospital wing, as he had fallen into the lake earlier that week and consequently obtained a rather severe cold. James had begun to say something about this when Sirius had told them, but then he had stopped and stared at the floor.

            Clover had braided her shoulder-length brown hair and was gazing around in earnest. She straightened in her seat when she saw Lily enter.

            “Hello,” Lily greeted them pleasantly, tearing her eyes away from Levent’s face as she realized that everyone was watching her. “James and I called this meeting because we wanted everyone to meet Clover and Astor, but we should also think about the masquerade ball, because Dumbledore has handed full responsibility to us, so-”

            She cut off as Selene tumbled through the door, her face bright red and breathing labored. “Sorry- forgot – had to run.” She slipped into a chair, still trying to catch her breath. “Where’s Sirius?” She gazed around the room with a puzzled expression.

            “Dunno,” James answered, “I haven’t seen him since our last class.”

            “Oh, well…” Selene glanced at Lily and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry – did I miss much?”

            “We just started, don’t worry about it.” Lily cleared her throat. “Anyway, this is Clover,” she gestured towards the girl, who smiled and waved.

            Her hazel eyes sparkled as she said, “I’m in Ravenclaw, by the way. And in fifth year, so I’m willing to bet that I’m the youngest one here.”

            The boy, who had sharp and bright blue eyes, spoke up for himself. “I’m Astor, a Hufflepuff in sixth year. I’m still getting used to the idea, but I think that you have a good cause here, I very much agree with the plan to unite the groups.” He ran a hand over his blonde hair, gazing firmly at them, almost like a hawk.

            Kristen smiled at the two of them. “Well I’m glad someone finally decided to help us.”

            Levent, who had been looking at the two newcomers with scrutiny, turned to Kristen in surprise, but he didn’t say anything. Remus watched her with eyes full of admiration; apparently he was not terribly fond of Levent either, even if the Slytherin was completely innocent.

            “Right,” said Lily, interrupting the silence. “About the masquerade…is everyone okay with the idea?”

            “Of course,” Remus answered, “it’s brilliant. I wonder why we didn’t think of it before.”

            Kristen nodded. “It’ll be interesting to see if everyone can tell the groups apart.”

            “Do you think we should post a sheet about rules for the ball and everything?” Astor inquired.

            “That’s probably a good idea,” Clover replied thoughtfully, “because otherwise students may try to wear things that will give their group away.”

            “Yeah.” Astor was still reluctant to gaze fully at Clover, so he directed his attention towards Lily and James, who were standing at the head of the classroom. “What do you think?”

            James had been in his own little world for the past few minutes and he mentally shook himself, “Oh- right. Yes, I think that’s a good idea.”

            Lily gave him a pointed look, as he was already back to glaring at Levent. She sighed, “Well, we also have to work out all the small details – decorations, music…”

            Selene averted her eyes from where she had been staring at the door. “Don’t you think we should have everyone switch partners? That way it would move more quickly and nobody can stop to figure out who they’re dancing with and what group they’re in.”

            “Yes, that makes sense,” Kristen nodded, “But what about us?” 

            “Well, we won’t know each other either,” all eyes turned back to Lily, who grinned mischievously. “It’s more fun that way.”

            Selene nodded absently, her eyes wandering back towards the door. James was gazing at Lily again with a frown creasing his forehead, but she didn’t notice. “Er-” He shifted in discomfort, and then turned his attention to Remus and Kristen. “How’s that book coming along?”

            “Great,” Remus said, a little too quickly. A small smile had curved onto Kristen’s lips, and she nodded her agreement.

            “We won’t have it finished by Christmas, but we’re working on it.”

            Selene laughed loudly, almost suggestively. “I’m sure you are.” But her eyes did not leave the door, and after a moment’s pause, she blurted out, “Where _is_ that ruddy boy?”

            “What?” Lily looked confused, while James suddenly grinned.

            “Sirius Black!” Selene answered, “I specifically told him to meet me here, where the hell is he?”

            “Oh, this should be good,” James mumbled as Selene got out of her chair.

            “Is there anything else we need to do today?”             

             Lily blinked, “No, I suppose not. Why?”             

           “I’m going to give him what-for, if you’ll excuse me.” Her expression was almost feral as she smirked and quickly left the room, her dark robes billowing behind her.

            “He’s going to get hell when she finds him,” Remus commented thoughtfully.

            “Yeah, and I’d almost pay to see it.” James’s grin widened, and Lily smacked him on the arm. “Hey, he’s the one who decided to be friends with her.”

            “She probably would have made that decision for him, if he hadn’t done it.”

            “Good point,” James nodded.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

                Kristen sat on her bed, dark blonde hair pulled back from her face and chocolate eyes staring at the parchment in her lap. She was hardly getting anything done, the way her mind was wandering. It seemed that everything, even the curtain around her bed, was more interesting than the essay she was attempting to write. Her mind was ultimately preoccupied with one subject; she tried to shove her doubts away, but they kept coming to the surface nonetheless.

            Selene threw the door open with an expression of displeasure and almost stomped over to her bed, which she promptly threw herself onto, face down.

            Kristen bit back a grin as she observed her raven-haired friend. “What happened?”

            “I can’t find that prat anywhere! He’s managed to avoid me so far, but he’s just making it worse for himself, because he can’t hide forever!”            

           “Did you check in the boys’ dorm?”

            “Yes! But Lupin was the only one there, and he just laughed at me.”

            Kristen visibly sobered at the mention of Remus’s name, and Selene noticed, as preoccupied as she seemed. She sat up on her bed and fixed her dark blue eyes on her friend. “What’s up?”             

            Kristen opened her mouth to reply that nothing was wrong, but then she realized that she was once again chewing on her quill. She took it from her mouth and sighed. “I dunno…”

            “Come on, you know you can tell me anything.”

            “Well – it’s just that the Hogsmeade visit is next weekend – one week from tomorrow.”

            “So?”

            “Remus asked me to go with him…”

            A strange look of confusion emerged on the dark-haired girl’s face, and then quickly transformed into a very large grin. “Ah, now I see.”

            “Don’t look at me like that,” Kristen mumbled, her cheeks turning a darker shade of pink. “I hate it when you smirk that way.”

            Selene shrugged nonchalantly. “I really don’t think you have anything to worry about, Kristen, the boy is smitten with you.”

            “No, he’s just – polite. I don’t know if he even likes me.”

            “Are you kidding, of course he does! And if you’re nervous about it, I’ll help you get ready. You’ve been on a date before.”

            Kristen frowned, “Well, yes, but I – I really like Remus. And I haven’t had nearly as many dates as you.” She glared at Selene, seeing that the girl was grinning that way again. “Why should I take advice from you, anyway? You go through relationships like fads.”

            Selene became indignant. “Says the girls who…who…oh damn, I have no idea,” she grinned. “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

            “Whatever you say,” Kristen waved a hand dismissively and turned back to the parchment in her lap. “If you’re finished trying to find Black, you could help me with this essay.”

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Lily awoke the next morning in a good mood; it was Saturday. She and James made their way to the Great Hall for breakfast, and Lily was surprised to see that it had snowed quite a bit overnight. The days were getting much colder now, but in her heap of schoolwork, Lily had not given much thought to the approach of winter. After all, Christmas was not so far away now, nor was the masquerade ball.

            She was trying to forget her earlier annoyance with James, because she wanted this to be a good day, so she smiled broadly at him when they walked to a table together. He looked startled by this, but his lips melted into a lopsided grin. Selene and Kristen were already at the table, sitting across from each other. Remus was sitting next to Kristen, and Lily and James took seats next to them.

            Selene’s eyes darted around crazily, and Lily watched her with a bemused expression. “What’s up with her?” She whispered to Kristen.          

            “Oh, she’s been doing that since we woke up. It seems that Sirius is proving very elusive.”

            Lily smirked, remembering that he had not made an appearance yesterday. Surely the boy must be very worried about Selene’s reaction if he was still trying to avoid her. And he never missed a breakfast; food was one of his passions.

            “She hasn’t talked about anything else all morning,” Kristen added, causing Remus to chuckle heartily.

            Selene turned her attention to him, suspicion written on her features. “Have you seen him?”             

           “Well…”

            “You have! Where did he go and why is he avoiding me?”

            Remus held up a hand and said through his laughter, “I don’t know, I only saw him for a moment this morning. He said something about being scared of you, but he didn’t say why.”             

           “Because I told him to come to that meeting and he didn’t,” Selene said matter-of-factly.

            Lily shook her head in amusement and decided to put an end to the nonsensical conversation. “Is anyone up for going out in the snow?”

            Selene’s eyes lit up, “Oh, I will!"          

            “Sure,” replied Kristen, looking at Remus in question, and he nodded.

            Lily placed a hand on James’s thigh, causing him to jump slightly and then smirk at her. She rolled her eyes, “What about you?”            

            “Oh, of course I’m in, do you even need to ask?”

            After several minutes of frantic eating, the five of them grabbed their winter clothing and headed out onto the grounds, towards the lake. It had been flowing freely a few days before, but the surface was now completely frozen.

            Lily was grinning broadly; this was so much better than going to the library, which was her original plan for the day. She suddenly dropped down into a sitting position under the tree next to the lake. Kristen followed suit, pulling Remus down with her. James grinned at Lily’s expression of happiness as she rolled a snowball.

            “No, that’s boring!” Selene insisted. “We should have a snowball fight!”

            “Alright – boys against girls,” James said. “Come on, Remus.”

            “But that’s two against three,” Lily pointed out.

            “So, you’ll need the extra person, trust me.” 

            “Don’t be so sure of that.” Selene smirked and tugged on Lily and Kristen’s hands. The boys walked away laughing, supposedly to find their base. “Okay,” Selene whispered to her friends, “let’s build a fort right here and roll as many snowballs as we can.”

            Once the fort, a wall about three feet tall but not very wide, was halfway done, Lily said, “Selene, why don’t you try to climb the tree, and then we can-”

            A snowball hit the back of her head and she turned in indignation to see a smirking James standing just behind her, right on the edge of the lake. She grabbed a few snowballs and ran in hot pursuit of him, but he was faster than her.

            Several other students had followed them outside, and small groups of people were now enjoying the snow as well. Lily paid them no mind; her sole focus was getting James back. He managed to get far enough ahead of her that she decided to retreat for a moment. She glanced back at her fort and saw that Selene was now sitting up in a tree, but hidden mostly from view, and Kristen was grinning eagerly as Remus approached from the side, trying to be sneaky.

            “Yes!” Lily yelled as Kristen hit him in the stomach. He frowned, throwing his sole snowball at her and missing.

            “Moony, get back here!” Lily heard James yell from somewhere to their left. She jogged back to her fort to join Kristen.

            “Alright, grab some snowballs and let’s go. Selene can stay here.”

            Over at the boys’ fort, James was peering around in concentration, and jumped when someone tapped him on the shoulder; Remus was approaching him from the front and was not within touching distance. James spun around and saw Sirius standing there staring at him, his back hunched over slightly as if he were trying to hide.

            “Padfoot! Where have you been?”

            “Er – you know, just – Oh damn it! I’m scared of her, alright? Come on, she hexes as well as I do.”

            “Or better,” Remus laughed, seeing Sirius’s expression. “And she’s been looking for you; I don’t think she’s very happy with you not showing up.”

            “Yeah, why didn’t you?” James asked curiously.

            “Er – I’m not sure actually. I just didn’t want to. Oh, it’s not that I won’t help, Prongs. It’s just – I dunno, I don’t want to do everything she tells me -”

            “Ow!” James suddenly yelled, spinning around to find Lily smirking behind them. She was advancing fast and James found that he didn’t have time to grab any snowballs as he ran away from her. This time, she was much closer behind him. They ran all the way back to Lily’s fort, where Selene was waiting in the tree. Lily and James passed under it, Lily right behind him, when she felt something hit her on the head. She squinted up at Selene, who put a hand to her mouth.

            “Oh sorry – I missed!” 

            Lily rolled her eyes and ran after James, who was now at the edge of the lake. He seemed to forget that it was ice and took a step onto it and promptly fell on his backside.

            “Umph,” said James.

            Lily stopped next to him and laughed, “I love watching people fall like that,” she said in delight, her face flushed from exertion.

            James grinned and pulled her down onto his lap. His eyes ran over her face as their smiles faded quickly and they both leaned in at the same time. Just as their lips eagerly met, a loud voice rang out from the tree.

            “Sirius Black?! What on earth have you been doing?!” It was Selene, and she was now struggling to get down. Sirius’s face had paled considerably and he took off running towards the castle, dropping all the snowballs he had been carrying. Lily and James chuckled just as Remus skidded to a stop next to them and Kristen plowed into him, causing them both to topple over next to each other.

            “Er-” Kristen said, rubbing her head with a grin. “Sorry.” Remus grinned and shrugged. 

            Lily and James turned back to one another, but Lily stopped short of his mouth, instead opting to push his unruly black hair from his eyes and smile at him. It was nice; she could forget about the groups, forget about Voldemort, and concentrate on being seventeen. The feeling of the snow all around them, the laughter of fellow students, it was all very liberating.

            “I hate him, I absolutely hate him!”

            Remus laughed, “Let me go talk to him, maybe I can persuade him to stop running away from you.”

            Selene waved a hand dismissively. “If this is how he wants to play, then I don’t care. I’ll just ignore him.”

            James reluctantly pulled away from Lily, “Come on Remus, let’s go find him.” The werewolf nodded and they stood up, brushing snow from their coats. “I’ll be back soon, promise.” James said to Lily, who smiled back at him. The two boys headed back to the castle.

            “Well, guess it’s just us girls again.” Selene grinned, laying back in the snow and resting her head on her arms.

            “This is nice,” Lily announced suddenly. “I mean, we haven’t spent much time together this year.”

            Kristen shrugged. “On account of…certain events.”

            “Hey, I thought we had already discussed that,” Lily protested jokingly.

            “I think she was talking about you and James,” Selene smirked.

            “Oh, but-”

            “Don’t try to deny it; you two make out every night in your private little room, don’t you? Or is it something more that you get up to?” Selene said in a playful tone. Lily began to protest, but Selene ignored her and continued. “After all, if I had a common room like that to myself, I would make very good use of it – just think of the possibilities!”             

           Lily, now blushing, protested, “James and I don’t – well, we’ve never-” She huffed and gave up. In an attempt to change the subject, she turned to Kristen and asked, “What’s up with you and Remus, anyway?” Kristen opened her mouth to reply but it was Selene who answered.

            “Oh, she’s going to Hogsmeade with him next weekend.”

            “Is that so?” Lily smirked, and Kristen gave her a small smile while she fiddled with her gloves. “You’ll have to-”

            “Lily, can I have a word with you please? Sorry to interrupt.”

            Startled, Lily looked up to see Levent standing behind her, scratching his head.

            “Er – I guess so.”

            Kristen was suddenly frowning and Selene looked thoughtful. Lily shrugged at them, pushed herself up, and followed Levent to wherever he was walking.

            “Did you need something?”

            Levent was silent for a moment, his pale green eyes running over her face. He suddenly stopped walking; they were now close to the doors leading back to the Entrance Hall.

            “It’s just – I’ve wanted to talk to you for some time now.” He paused, and Lily was once again struck by his attractiveness. “I lied about my motivations for joining your cause.”

            “What?” Lily countered loudly.

            “I – well, not entirely. I do want to help but…my main reason for joining was – you.”

            “ _Me_?”

            “Yes.” He frowned, touching a hand to her cheek and leaning closer.  She could feel his breath on her cheek. “I know you never noticed me when we had classes together, but I’ve always known who you were. I’ve always admired you and thought you were beautiful and – it was the only way I thought I could get to know you better. I’m sorry I lied, but I did it because I-”

            “LILY!”

            Lily heard James yell from behind her and she blinked. Levent’s hand dropped from her face while she continued to stare at him. Vaguely, she felt James grab her hand and yank her back towards the castle. She barely noticed as he led her into the Entrance Hall, finally letting go of her hand once the doors slammed shut behind them.

            “What the _hell_ was that?” James roared.

            Lily flinched, rubbing her hand and stepping back from him. “ _James_ ,” she said warningly, “I wasn’t doing anything wrong!”

            “The hell you weren’t! Then why the fuck was he all over you – touching you and-”

            “You are so paranoid! I’m _sick_ of your jealousy! Dammit, I’m sick of _you_! I hate you when you’re like this!” The level of her voice rose with each word and her face was flushed bright red as she met him glare for glare.

            “You LET him!” His face twisted in disgust.

            “OH! I am _not_ having this conversation! I’m sorry you feel this way, James, but I can’t deal with you like this!” She spun around and left him standing there, running a hand furiously through his messy hair.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Lily’s anger only partly faded by dinner; she was still fuming and was pleased to see that James had not shown up yet. In fact, none of the boys had shown up yet. She didn’t feel that she could deal with seeing him right now. She had just related the entire story to Selene and Kristen as they listened in thoughtful silence.

            “Well,” said Selene, munching on an apple, “If you want to get back at him, just go and snog Levent or something.”

            “Selene! She can _not_ do that!” Kristen burst out, lowering her fork from her mouth.

            “And why not?”

            “Because – it would mess everything up even more! James and Lily, they’re…well, a lot of things. And they’re working together, how would they ever get along?”

            Selene shrugged. “It was just a suggestion. And you have to admit that Levent is completely hot.”

            “And totally untrustworthy! If Lily even considered doing something like snogging a random guy, she should at least pick a better candidate!”             

            While they were arguing, Lily’s mind was reeling from the words Levent had said to her earlier. Despite most everyone else not trusting him, she couldn’t bring herself to mistrust Levent. She felt bad for having left him – or been pulled away from him – so abruptly. At the very least, she owed him an apology.

            “If you two are finished debating about my life and problems, I think I’ll just excuse myself.” Her green eyes were fastened on Levent, however, who was sitting at the Slytherin table and eating quietly. “I’ll see you two later.” She brushed her hands off and headed towards him with a firm expression.

            Kristen groaned and buried her face in her hands. “This is all your fault, Selene.”

            “Oh, she would have thought of it herself anyway, so don’t be so edgy.”

            Kristen glared at her. “Well when this creates more problems, you two sure as hell aren’t going to be getting any help from me!”             

            Levent had smiled when he saw Lily approaching, and followed her from the Great Hall. The Head Girl led them over to a corner, where they could talk quietly, unnoticed by anyone walking past.

            She turned to him and said in a rush, “I just wanted to apologize for James and-”

            “It’s okay,” he said quickly. “He had a right to be angry. I mean, if you were mine…” he trailed off, brushing a strand of hair from her eyes. “He’s just worried you’re going to leave him, I’m sure.”

            Somehow, this didn’t feel right to Lily; none of it did. She pushed the feeling away and said roughly, “But he’s going about it all the wrong way – he’s just being a prat.”

            “I’m sorry.”

            It seemed so genuine, and as she looked into his light green eyes, she smiled slightly; his expression was comforting. “You’re definitely not like the other Slytherins. And any girl would be lucky to have you.”

            “But not you?” He asked quietly.

            She bit her lip. What was she doing? She didn’t know, and she said as much. “I – don’t know.” And before she could say anything else, he had leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. Her eyes widened in surprise, but she realized that this was not altogether unpleasant. The kiss was over as quickly as it had started.

            “I’m sorry,” he said again.

            Lily shook her head, pressing a hand to her lips. “Don’t be,” she whispered. The way he was looking at her…  "Levent, I – I like you, but-”

            “Will you just give me a chance?” His hand was running up and down her arm, making her shiver slightly. And before she knew what she was doing, she couldn’t stop herself, not with those eyes staring into hers…she nodded slowly. He beamed, his eyes lighting up.

            Somehow she managed to get out, “I – need to go.” And she ran off, afraid that she would do something else to mess the situation up further.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Later that evening, after walking around the school for an hour or so and collecting her thoughts, she realized that she may have made a very large mistake. But Levent seemed truthful in his affections, and she couldn’t just stomp on them…could she? Groaning, she realized that she had no idea what to do. Her cool logic wasn’t helping her with this one. She made her way back to the Heads room, disgusted with herself for letting things become this mixed up.

            When she entered the room, she found James standing before the fire, his silhouette hunched over in thought. He jumped at the noise of her entrance and spun around to face her. They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. She was struck by the expression in his dark eyes – she had never seen it before, though she recognized the regret laced through it. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything to him about Levent, she had no idea how, or if she should…

            But before she could think of a way to get out of this, he was headed towards her, and in no time had her back pressed against the wall, his body crushing hers. With a groan, he claimed her mouth. She couldn’t fight this; it was James after all. So what if they had just argued and who cared if she might have just told Levent that there was a chance for something there. She felt her thoughts fading away with the taste of his mouth, and as so many times before, she recognized that he was the only person who could make her forget like this.

            His hands were skimming over her body, down her hips and over her arms. She felt one of his hands touch her waist under her shirt and abruptly broke their mouths apart, breathing heavily. Her eyes were still closed as she said,

            “James – I can’t.”

            She met his darkened eyes, but couldn’t hold the gaze. Guilt was running through her body to her fingertips, and her hands fell from around him as a stony expression came over her face. She shouldn’t be doing this. She should be sorting out this mess that she had created in the span of a few hours; she should be using her usually present logic. She definitely _shouldn’t_ be snogging him senseless, when she had no idea about Levent, and neither did he.

            “If this is about – well, earlier – Lily, I can’t promise that I won’t get upset by that. I’m sorry but – I mean, he’s just-”

            Lily shook her head quickly. “Please don’t, James, not right now. I need – I need to think.” She frowned and slipped away from him. She couldn’t do it; she would have to tell him later. It was all too much right now and she needed a clear head to fix it, but being so close to him did absolutely nothing for leveling her thoughts. She mumbled a quick apology to him, not able to meet his eyes, and retreated to her bedroom. She closed the door behind her and leaned against its surface, which now felt colder than usual. Letting out a groan, she threw her face in her hands. Where _had_ her judgment gone?

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

**A/N: Woot! I’m on a roll with these quick updates. Yay for me :D More coming soon (if you ask nicely)…hmm. Although, considering the plot, you may just want to hurt me instead. Ah well, perhaps you’ll change your mind in the future…**

**♥** **Emily**


	20. The End of Blissful Ignorance

**Chapter Twenty ~The End of Blissful Ignorance**

            Lily rolled onto her stomach and made a frustrated noise into her pillow. She really didn’t need this right now; it must be well past midnight. Although the next day was Sunday and there were no classes, she had a feeling that she would need every scrap of energy possible. With each toss and turn of her body, her thoughts drifted back and forth. James…Levent…they were so different. James was – well, just James. She felt so comfortable around him; he had broken down most of her barriers already. Except when their make-out sessions went too far, that’s where her walls remained. She blushed fiercely and rolled onto her side, taking a deep breath.

            And Levent…there was no word to describe him. She wasn’t even sure how she felt about him, only that she was slightly intoxicated when near him. There was some sort of thrill in the possibility of a relationship with Levent; some spark that she couldn’t force away no matter how hard she pushed. Oh hell, with as much change as this year had brought already, she was almost ready to let all of her guards down. Lily’s heart rate sped up at the thought. It was an escape, wasn’t it? She desperately wanted an escape. But an escape of that sort was… unimaginable, and the logical part of her mind told her to stay clear of these ideas. The price might be too much.

            Sighing in defeat, she pushed the covers off of her body and slipped out of bed. It was useless; she may as well go sit in the common room. The chill swept over Lily’s legs and she quickly pulled on a bathrobe of sorts and began to tie it around her waist. But when she opened her door and looked out into the Heads’ common room, James was there, and her fingers slipped off the tie of her robe. He was sprawled out on the floor in front of the dwindling flames of the fireplace. Sucking in a deep breath, she leaned against her door. The cool of the door – or perhaps something else – caused her to shiver. Gathering her courage, she padded over to James and sat down next to him. His eyes were closed and he was obviously asleep.

            Lily watched as his chest rose and fell rhythmically beneath his robes. Her eyes roamed over his body with a faint blush covering her cheeks. His glasses were half-hanging off his face; apparently he had not been planning to fall asleep here. She smiled softly at his messy hair, and leaned forward to slowly brush a strand out of his eyes. He awoke with a start and sat up abruptly, causing her to gasp and pull back.

            She put a hand over her chest. “Oh! I didn’t think you’d wake up, I’m sorry.”

            He blinked at her, and retrieved his glasses which had fallen to the floor, placing them back on his face. “No, I – I guess I just fell asleep when I was lying here earlier.” He had a confused look on his face and his eyes were wandering from hers down to where her robe was hanging partly open.

            Lily fell silent beside him, clutching the edges of her robe closer around her. For the first time in awhile, she felt self-conscious around him and couldn’t explain why. Finally, she raised her eyes to his and saw that he was now staring at her. He visibly shook himself.

            “Er – right.” She noticed the guilt in his eyes; her heart went out to him, but she stayed where she was. “I’m not sure what I said earlier, why you left, but-”

            “What do you mean?” She asked cautiously. Was he talking about their argument, or when she had come back into the Heads room, kissed him, and run into her room?

            He frowned. “I don’t know. One minute you were kissing me back, and then you suddenly looked angry.”

            Oh, that. Her breath stopped in her throat, and when she looked at him, his pleading eyes were too much. She couldn’t tell him…tell him that she was more angry at herself than at him. He didn’t have to know about Levent, did he? She would just find a way to break it off with him without James ever knowing that it happened. Yes, she would have to do that, no matter what Levent said or did, she wouldn’t give into him. _Who’s to say that you won’t be the one trying to start something with him?_ She shoved the galling voice to the back of her mind and realized that James was waiting for an answer. Quickly, she formulated a response. “I’m sorry James – I just wasn’t thinking clearly and you _had_ made me angry earlier when you pulled me away from Levent.”

            James’s face hardened at the Slytherin’s name and he stared off into the fire. “Well you can hardly blame me for that,” he stated harshly, “he was all over you, and he knows that we’re together.”

            “James,” Lily pleaded in a warning voice, “ _this_ is exactly why I was angry with you!” She leaned further towards him and said in a soft voice, “I realize that what happened looked suggestive, but I wish you wouldn’t get so jealous. We were talking, and that’s all.” She bit her tongue, cursing herself for being so stupid. How could she berate him when just hours before she had let Levent kiss her? She might have been surprised at the Slytherin’s rash actions, but that didn’t change the fact that she hadn’t shoved him off immediately and told him that nothing could happen. _Well he didn’t give me much time to, now did he?_ Indignantly, she brought her emerald eyes back to his and saw that James’s chocolate gaze had darkened considerably, and he was staring at her mouth.

            _What happened to wanting time to think this over?_ She shoved the voice out of her head as James gently brought a hand to the side of her face and leaned forward to lightly brush his lips against hers, causing her to shiver for the second time that night, it was so soft. Smiling in spite of herself, she scooted closer to him without breaking the contact with his mouth. He appreciatively accepted her advance, falling back against the floor and pulling her on top of him.

            Lily wanted so badly to lose herself in him. She asserted that it was him – not just anyone – who she wanted comfort from. Letting herself sink into the feelings he evoked in her, Lily sighed softly. Then she pulled back into a sitting position, her hands still in his hair as she straddled him. They stared at one another, breathing a bit labored. Suddenly she laughed quietly, causing his forehead to wrinkle.

            “What?” He asked in a deep voice.

            Lily’s face flushed slightly and she shook her head. He started to sit up and she slid off his lap, adjusting her legs to a more comfortable position.

            “No, tell me,” he pressed his lips against the side of her neck, causing a sharp intake of breath from her.

            “Well, I was just – umm – thinking about your eyes.”

            “My eyes?”

            “Yes,” she giggled slightly, pulling his face back from her shoulder area, “hold on, that tickles.” He smirked in satisfaction and watched her carefully, his hands in her long hair. She continued, “Your eyes are usually milk chocolaty, but just then they looked like dark chocolate and – don’t laugh at me!”

            “I never knew you thought my eyes were tasty.”

            She crossed her arms over her chest, a stubborn look on her face. “I didn’t imply anything of the sort.”

            “Yes, you did. I know you, Lily.”

            She smiled at him. “You said that once before, and how wrong you were.”

            “True, back then I thought you were incredibly hot, but a little uptight.”

            “You thought I was a prude!”

            “Well no, not exactly…and I was able to get you relaxed soon enough. Er – _more_ relaxed, that is.”

            “You can be so bigheaded sometimes,” she sighed, “And you still don’t know me now, James Potter.” A small smile was curving around her lips.

            James grinned, snaking his arms around her waist and pulling her closer. He couldn’t tell whether she was completely kidding or if there was some bit of truth in her statements; he took one look at her and decided that he didn’t care, at least not for the moment. But he couldn’t help but notice that she was still holding back from him, still not giving in completely. James tried not to tell himself that it was only her logical mind, but he couldn’t get rid of that nagging feeling that she might never completely _lose_ herself in him.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

                That same night back in Gryffindor tower, Sirius Black was not having much of a field day himself. He had managed to avoid Selene all day and was rather proud of it, but he hadn’t thought about the fact that he couldn’t possibly skip another breakfast; therefore he would be running into her sooner rather than later.

            _Ah well, it can’t possibly be that bad, can it?_ The question rolled around his mind for hours as he stared at the hangings around his four-poster bed, illuminated by moonlight. He was not accustomed to contemplating things in this fashion. He was more of an action kind of guy, and so far his good looks and charm had carried him pretty much anywhere. He was sure now that that wouldn’t work on Selene; she was immune to his charms, and although he found her incredibly hot, there just wasn’t that connection. Despite this, she was so – passionate about things, sometimes, that he was afraid to see her too angry. 

            He was right about part of the situation; it wouldn’t be long before he ran into Selene. Sirius had thought it all out: he would sneak down to the Great Hall as soon as breakfast began and grab some food before everyone else got there. This should buy him at least a few hours.

            He was humming to himself as he descended the stairs, his stomach growling with hunger. Yes, he was content with this plan, and then possibly he wouldn’t have to face her anger until dinner – 

            She was waiting in the middle of the common room, her arms crossed over her stomach, and she gave him a feral smile. Selene was the only one in the room, he realized as he glanced around, feeling his heart drop into his stomach. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs. Selene watched him for a moment with an odd look across her face, as if she was undecided about something. He was only slightly comforted by the fact that she didn’t have her wand out.

            Finally, she took a few steps forward, closing the distance between them into only a foot. “Sirius Black, I agreed to forget that you’re a dratted Cavillor when we entered this friendship, but I never said I would accept your stupidity.” After all of these weeks, she still said Cavillor as if it were something to be hated.

            He stared at her; transfixed by the way she could be so attractive and so scary at the same time…he wondered if he ever looked like that. Before he knew what he was doing, he blurted out, “Hey, it’s not my fault, I was born this way.”

            She pulled her long black hair over her shoulder, tried to glare at him angrily and suddenly burst out laughing. “Oh, who am I kidding? You’ve been avoiding me for so long that all I really wanted to see was that look on your face.”

            His jaw dropped. Was she serious? Apparently she was, because she was just smirking at him, not reaching out to punch him, or grabbing her wand in an attempt to curse him.

            “Oh, well in that case-” He began to head towards the portrait hole, his stomach growling again.

            “Not so fast, you big arse.” She grinned at him. “You _will_ come to the next meeting, won’t you? I feel a bit out of place there, you know, and I think if you came…”

            “I – er – I guess,” he paused, “Do I have to do _everything_ you say?”

            She contemplated this for a moment, staring over his shoulder, and then turned back to consider him through intense azure eyes. “Yes.” She laughed at the look on his face. “No, Sirius, especially as we’re not dating, I can only expect you to be better than a crap friend.”

            There was a pause before he replied, “Well, I guess it’s a good thing the relationship didn’t work out then.”      

            “What relationship?”

            Sirius grinned. “Good point.”

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Lily and James woke up next to the fire, having stayed up considerably late talking – with a bit of snogging in between. The subject of Levent had not been brought up again, and both of them were a little relieved. Lily awoke to find James leaning on one elbow, watching her with a lazy smile. She extracted her arm from around his waist and grinned impishly.

            The extent of his kissing urges, to put some label to it, frightened her sometimes, not because she didn’t want to – of course she did – but because she wasn’t sure if she would be able to stop herself, if it went too far. And was she ready for that? Lily wasn’t sure. She couldn’t completely abandon thought, and she had a feeling that James realized that; he had never really pushed her, though she recognized disappointment in his eyes at times.

            “Lily?” His voice broke into her thoughts, and she suddenly realized that she had been staring at him.

            “Oh – er – what?”

            “I’m kind of hungry.”

            “Right then, let’s go.” She pulled herself up from the floor and cringed; her back certainly hadn’t enjoyed sleeping there. She yawned and wondered how many hours of sleep they had managed to get, as she was still very tired.

            They changed their robes quickly and walked out of the Heads room sleepily. When they reached the Great Hall, there was a loud buzz of noise and most people were already finished eating.

            Lily and James approached their table – which instead of being an Ausculto or a Cavillor table, it was now filled with their friends and a few other people who seemed not to notice or care. Lily gazed in confusion at Selene and Sirius, who were laughing together.

            Lily turned to Kristen, who was next to her. “Uh, did I miss something?”

            Kristen shrugged, sipping her orange juice and pushing a strand of her dirty blonde hair behind her ear. “No more than the rest of us. When I came down to have breakfast, they were laughing hysterically again. Must have made up or something.”

            “Typical,” Lily shook her head, smiling. Her stomach twisted and she was abruptly reminded of how hungry she was. She began to pile her plate with food, and glancing sideways, she saw James chewing away happily.            

           A hand fell on her shoulder and she jumped. “Oh, hello Levent.” She had turned around, swallowing hard. She had almost forgotten about him.

            Levent took his hand from behind his back and she saw that he was holding a bouquet of pink roses. _Oh no_ , Lily looked at James nervously and noticed his face darkening dangerously.

            Levent gave her his charming smile and extended the handful of roses. Slowly, she took them from him, their hands brushing together.

            “Thank you,” she said very softly, her cheeks flushing in embarrassment when she realized that all of her friends were staring at them.

            Levent nodded, squeezing her hand and causing James’s jaw to clench. He brushed hair from his green eyes and watched her with a pleasant smile. “I left you a note with them,” he gestured towards a small piece of paper, stuck in the string tied around the stems of the roses. “I’ll see you later.” He gave her one last glance and swept away towards the Slytherin table.

            Lily was now pleasantly pink and she set the roses down carefully next to her plate. Selene was watching her with a knowing grin and Kristen was jabbing her fork into her eggs angrily. Remus stared at Kristen as she turned partly red and said, “Well,” in a hard voice.

            Lily wasn’t listening, however; she was busy gauging James’s reaction. He appeared livid and was staring from the roses, to Levent, and back. Suddenly, he threw his fork onto his plate and tried to stand up. Lily grabbed onto his arm and with force she didn’t know she had, pulled him back down into his seat. This jealousy of his was beginning to eat at her temper again.

            “What do you think you’re doing?” She hissed.

            His mouth tightened, “I’m going to explain to that bastard that he can’t just try to take someone else’s things.”

            “ _Things_?” Lily’s emerald eyes about popped out of her head and the embarrassment on her face faded into bright anger.

            Kristen had dropped her face into her hands and was groaning. Remus watched James with a frown, and Sirius and Selene were staring in amazement. Peter swallowed loudly, grabbing his goblet of water.

            “I’m a _thing_?”

            James grunted, realizing his mistake but too stubborn to say anything about it, and tried to reach for the note attached to the bouquet of flowers. Lily’s reflexes were just as quick and she grabbed it before he could, holding it behind her and almost hitting Kristen in the face. She was very aware that many eyes were now focused on them, and not caring to make more of a scene, she dropped her napkin onto the table, grabbed her roses, and stormed from her seat knowing full well that he would follow her.

            Lily stopped once she was outside in the Entrance Hall and spun around, crossing her arms and flattening the roses against her chest in the process. Another moment passed and James was standing in front of her, glaring at the roses. The past night slipped from her mind as quick as water through her hands; the only thing remaining now was her fury.

            “I can’t believe you’re doing this again, didn’t we just have this conversation yesterday?” Lily spat at him, her lips thinning.

            “How the fuck can you expect me to just smile and nod when he hands you roses, of all things?”

            She pushed her guilt away at holding yesterday’s secret from him and raised an eyebrow. “Well how the fuck do you expect me to stay with you when you’re constantly jealous?”

            He gasped at the word coming out of her mouth; she never used obscenities. At least, not usually. He said nothing and only stared at her. 

            Her eyes wide, she let out the breath she had been holding. “James, I want to take a break.”

            “What?” His eyes snapped to hers, not understanding.

            “I can’t be with you like this. I’m sick of fighting over the same thing.” She swallowed, her eyes dropping. “And if all I am to you is a _thing_ , then I can’t imagine that you’ll care very much.”

            She turned away and stomped down the Hall, not caring where she was going but wanting to get as far away as possible. James shook a hand through his messy hair, staring at her retreating back in a daze, as if he had just seen an elephant tap-dance.

            

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            The week passed by at an accelerated speed. Lily and James were still sleeping in the Heads rooms, but so far they had managed to say less than ten words to each other all week, choosing to spend most of the time in their respective seventh year dorms.

            Lily had only spoken with Levent a time or two, and only briefly. He had, of course, noticed that she and James weren’t speaking and offered his condolences. It amazed her how he could try to comfort her over something he must know that he had a part in causing; but his comforting worked and she was powerless to resist it. Where James had been able to relax her almost completely, Levent could make her feel excited and beautiful. James had very rarely called her beautiful, and though she thought she might have seen it in his eyes sometimes, he never voiced it. Levent was completely different in that area.

            They had not snogged since that first, very brief time, and Lily was glad for it. She wasn’t ready to be doing anything like that and she wasn’t sure that she ever wanted to, even if Levent _was_ very good-looking and flattering. Every time she looked at James, she changed her mind about Levent. And every time she saw Levent, she was angry with James.

            Kristen had been a little short with Lily, mumbling things like “I warned you,” and “Never listens to me.” Lily refused to admit that Kristen had been right; Kristen had rebuked her several times lately over her bad decisions and how everyone would not be able to work together if this continued.

            Selene was having the best week of them all it seemed, now that she and Sirius were happily friends again and out in the open. They were often laughing together and planning ways to prank Snape and some of the less-respected professors.

            The next Saturday dawned with a nervous Kristen, a subdued Lily, and a gleeful Selene. They were seated in the seventh year girls’ dorm, each on their own beds and lost in their own thoughts.

            Humming, Selene rose from her bed and laughed at the looks on her friends’ faces. “Today is a Hogsmeade day, cheer up.”

            Kristen’s forehead creased. “Exactly. That’s what I’m not looking forward to.”

            Lily’s head snapped towards Kristen and she suddenly remembered her date with Remus that day. She had been so wrapped up in her own mind lately that she had completely forgotten and now felt guilty. “Oh, Kristen, don’t worry about it so much, we’re going to make you look great.”

            “You mean, _I_ will make her look great,” Selene announced importantly, “as you have no idea what you’re doing with these things.”

            Lily frowned indignantly, but then she sighed. “You’re right. I’ve always been hopeless with appearances, makeup and hair and – all that.”

            “That’s because you don’t need it, Lily,” Kristen stated.

            “Yeah, right,” she sounded doubtful, and then burst out, “Well neither do you!”

            Kristen only shrugged, staring at her clasped hands.

            Selene smiled to herself. “Anyway – when are you meeting Lupin?”

            “Er – about noon, I think. I thought he mentioned something about us hanging out with the rest of you for awhile.”

            Lily’s eyes flashed; she might be keeping company with the five of them, but certainly not James.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            The seven Gryffindors – Peter Pettigrew included, although he had been off on his own lately – were seated at a booth in the Three Broomsticks. Madam Rosmerta had already brought them a few bottles of butterbeer each, and it was showing in the loud conversation that they carried on. Most of them, anyway. Lily was glaring at the glass in her hand, purposely ignoring the black-haired, bespectacled boy in front of her. They just _had_ to have friends who were friends, and both were too stubborn to go off on their own. James wasn’t looking as angry as her, although he was avoiding her eyes, staring into his butterbeer mug silently.

            Kristen was looking very happy, though maybe slightly nervous. She had insisted that if she wore any makeup at all, it should be light, and so it was. Selene had pulled her hair back into a simple style that she claimed was “very Kristen” and it kept hair out of Kristen’s face, which made her happy. Remus looked a bit tired, maybe a little sick. Lily wondered if he was nervous and hadn’t slept well, or if he was coming down with something. She had noticed that he came down with something pretty often, and wondered how Kristen felt about that. Poor boy, he seemed very nice and had always been polite to Lily. She had always liked him.

            Lily swept her gaze back across the table. Sirius and Selene were sitting next to each other, and Selene almost choked on her butterbeer and glanced wide-eyed at Sirius.

            “Stop that!” She said, causing Lily to raise an eyebrow and smirk. She probably didn’t want to know. Sirius only swirled his butterbeer around nonchalantly.

            This carried on for awhile, until Selene and Sirius, looking a bit red in the face from so many drinks, announced that they were going to Zonko’s and Honeydukes. James grumbled something and slumped off behind them, presumably to do some shopping; Peter followed him. Lily was left to stare at her empty butterbeer mug, with Kristen and Remus talking quietly beside her.

            While the rest of them had had enough butterbeer to be pleasantly energized, Lily thought she may have had enough to make her tipsy. She wasn't sure that butterbeer could make one drunk, but her alcohol tolerance level was much lower than most of her friends, and she was not terribly fond of it. She realized that she was probably annoying Kristen by sticking around and abruptly tried to get up from her seat and realized that she might be a bit more than tipsy as she swayed and grabbed onto the edge of the table. Who knew that butterbeer could make one drunk? It was awfully mild – how many had she drunk? She couldn’t quite remember; it was all a little fuzzy now.

            “Lily!” Kristen was now looking at her red-haired friend in alarm. “Oh no – you don’t look so well.” She glanced at Remus, “Maybe I should take her back to Hogwarts.”

            “Nonsense,” Lily said a bit too loudly, “I’m – er – uhm – oh yes, I’m _fine_.”

            Kristen opened her mouth to protest again, but Remus placed his hand over hers and she remembered that Lily had not listened to any of her advice lately; it wasn’t _her_ fault that Lily was in such a sinking mess. Maybe the experience of being drunk would make her see some sense. Kristen shrugged, tore her eyes from Remus’s to look back at Lily, and saw that her friend had disappeared.

            Remus squeezed her hand again and she smiled softly. If at the beginning of the year, someone had told her that she would meet someone as perfect and as sweet as Remus, she would have laughed and responded sarcastically. She still couldn’t believe that he had asked her out on a date. She had never been extremely popular with the guys, not like Selene was, and she didn’t really understand why. There had always been some condolence in the fact that Lily didn’t go out with boys all that often either.

            She tried to push thoughts of her friends from her mind and met Remus’s eyes. Kristen loved how she wasn’t sure what color his eyes were. They had gray in them, but they were also a little blue. And his hair had gotten darker with the appearance of winter, though it was still not quite brown. She quickly realized that she must be staring and squirmed slightly in her seat.

            “Kristen, I -“ He paused, taking a deep breath. “I really like you.”

            “I like you too,” she said quickly, “but I think you already knew that.”

            “I’m really glad we ended up meeting, even if it was by hexing one another.”

            Kristen chuckled, “Actually, that was kind of funny now that I think about it.”

            His eyes filled with amusement. “Yes it was, wasn’t it?” But his smile faded quickly as he watched her, his eyes running over her face silently. She noticed that he looked very tired as he sometimes did. Suddenly, he said, “I have to – tell you something. Do you mind if we go someplace quieter?”             

           Surprised, her mouth dropped open, but she nodded. Pulling their hands away from one another, they slipped out of the booth and treaded out of the pub, having already paid for the drinks. He took her hand once they were outside and tugged her to the right. Remus seemed to know his way around Hogsmeade very well, and he pulled her to a little alleyway beside the Three Broomsticks, where almost all of the laughter and chattering of the students faded into the background. There was still snow on the ground from the past week and it crunched under their feet, almost sounding loud to Kristen. Remus suddenly stopped and looked at her with a very somber face.

            She dropped his hand, confused. Had she done something wrong? Said something? The look on his face was anything but comforting to her.

            “There’s something that you don’t know about me,” he said quietly, his eyes dropping from her face. He leaned slightly against the wall behind him.

            Kristen’s frown deepened. “What is it?” Her mind was racing; she tried to shove some of the horrible thoughts away.

            “I can’t keep it from you, but I never thought that I would get so – close to you. I shouldn’t have.”

            “What are you talking about?” She said a little more urgently, getting impatient and feeling her hands become sweaty.

            “I’m – I’m a werewolf.” There, he had said it.

            There was a long, stunned silence. Kristen’s hand covered her mouth as she realized all of the signs she had been missing. She couldn’t find her voice, and she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to respond. _This_ was what he had been keeping from her?

            His light eyes had dropped to the snow beneath their feet and he looked resolved, taking her silence for rejection. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I just didn’t want to push you away…” His eyes were so sad, she melted inside at his pain.

            Kristen, regaining her senses slightly, shook her head back and forth. He had turned to the side and started to walk away, when she grabbed his hand and, pulling him back towards her, did the only thing she could think to do. She dragged his head down to hers and kissed him.

            The feeling of his lips against hers sent an unfamiliar tingling through her body, extending even to her toes. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling, she realized, and wrapped her arms around his neck. Kristen felt slightly bolder when he responded so eagerly; she leaned against him and pressed his back to the wall. He opened his mouth to her, deepening the kiss.

            Never had she done something so suddenly, without thinking, but then again she had never felt the urge to before. The kindest, most gentle person she had ever met had just shared something very personal with her; how could she just let him leave? _Well you didn’t have to attack him either._ She shoved the voice from her mind and sighed into his mouth. He wasn’t protesting, was he?

            Suddenly he pulled away, breathing heavily and opening his eyes to meet hers. They stared at one another and she pushed her now slightly disheveled hair out of her face.

            He took a deep breath and began to pull away, “But-”

            She knew what he was going to say and cut him off. “I don’t care.” And then she moved her mouth back to meet his.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Lily had stumbled from the Three Broomsticks and down the street, attracting a few amused glances from passing students. Cursing them and herself, she ambled on, not quite sure where she was going or why. Suddenly, or maybe not so suddenly, she couldn’t remember; she heard a voice at her side.

            It was Clover Sindri, her brown hair pulled back from her face and a scarf wrapped around her neck. “Hi Lily! I was thinking, and the masquerade ball is pretty soon. Are we going to plan more of it sometime or -” Clover suddenly took a good look at the red-haired girl. With a concerned tone, she asked, “Are you _okay_ Lily?”

            Lily tried to nod, but found that it made her very dizzy. The Ravenclaw fifth year grabbed Lily’s arm to steady her and shook her head. “No, you’re not fine. Why don’t I go find James?” She tried to pull Lily towards a nearby bench, but the Head Girl wouldn’t move.

            “No – not…James!” She slurred, holding a hand to her forehead.

            Clover frowned, not entirely aware of what was going on between the two Heads of Hogwarts. She pulled Lily over to the bench and said, “Just wait here, I’ll go find somebody.” And she was gone with a swish of her cloak.

            Lily closed her eyes, leaning back against the bench. She felt somebody else sit down next to her and lay a hand on her arm. “Damn it, I-” She opened her eyes and saw Levent staring back at her, worry etched in his features. She groaned.

            “Lily, you – I think I should take you back to the castle.”

            Leaning her head into her hand, she said slowly, “Don’t look at me right now, I’m a mess.”

            “No, you always look good, don’t even think about it. Come on now, let’s get you back.” He held a hand out to her and smiled comfortingly, but she didn’t take it. She leaned over to kiss him instead.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            James was walking around, still sulking a little. He had left Peter at Honeydukes; the boy just wasn’t the same this year, and he hardly seemed to care whether James was with him or not. James had decided to find Sirius. His best friend always knew what to do around girls. Well, that is, he was rarely without a girlfriend, so he must be doing something right.

            He'd been thinking about it, and maybe he had been a little overprotective. He should be able to trust Lily, right? She deserved that much from him. So now he wanted to apologize, but wasn’t sure if he could. He needed to find Padfoot; his friend would know how to go about it.

            James strolled through the village of Hogsmeade, his spirits raised a bit at the prospect of being able to kiss Lily tonight. He had sorely missed running his hands through her hair and the way her hands went straight to his. And she walked around as if she had no idea what kind of an effect she had on him. She probably didn’t.

            He received a few strange glances from students; he must have been a sight, marching through the village and staring down every alley. He was almost ready to give up when he finally saw Sirius, with Selene, of course. James noticed that they were joking with one another, stupid grins on their faces as they stood only a few yards from the Shrieking Shack. He approached and stopped behind them.

            “Your hand is on my bum,” Selene was saying, giving Sirius a strange look.

            “I know,” he replied.

            “Fine, then I get to squeeze _your_ bum.”

            “Go ahead. My bum is – er – your bum? No, that doesn’t sound right.”

            Selene just laughed and shrugged, and James suddenly cleared his throat.

            Sirius frowned. “James?”             

           “Er-” James abruptly wondered what he had been planning to ask Sirius.

            His friend knew him too well, and said, “This is about Evans, right?”

            James nodded, swallowing quickly. Selene was watching him with a considering look on her face.

            “Well,” James began, finding his voice, “I think I want to apologize.”

            “So then why are you here?”            

            “I – I don’t know anymore.” He looked defeated.

            “Look Potter,” Selene broke in, “just go find her and explain yourself as best you can. Lily’s very understanding most of the time and I can tell she cares about you.”

            James just stared at her and she smiled slightly. “Right. Right – I’ll go find her.” He broke into a quick jog, back towards Hogwarts and most of the popular shops. Where would she be? He frantically tried to think of ideas, not sure why he was hurrying but doing so all the same.

            “Hey James! James Potter!” He skidded to a stop, pivoting on his heels and looking for the owner of the voice.

            Clover appeared before him, looking anxious and tugging on a strand of her brown hair. “Lily’s kind of, um, out of it. I thought you might help – I left her over here.”             

             He stared at Clover. Lily was out of it? What did _that_ mean? She shook her head at his confused expression. “Come on, follow me.”

            He stalked along behind her, wondering what was wrong.

            They had only walked a short ways when she suddenly stopped and burst out, “Oh _no_ ,” raising a hand in shock to cover her mouth.

            He glanced up and all thoughts left his mind. There was Lily, on a bench. _Snogging Levent_. James’s eyes widened as he stared at the scene unfolding almost like a delusion. He felt his own body tense; Lily wasn’t fighting it, in fact she looked to be initiating it. James felt his heart clench painfully and he tore his eyes away, not able to watch.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

**A/N: Perhaps it’s a bad time to change the subject, but…I wish these sorts of quick updates could continue indefinitely…sadly, I have to return to school, organic chemistry, and research, and then whatever else comes my way. I’ll confess that I left my notes for the first new chapter (where I leave the last version) at home…er, at school. But I’ll be back there in about a week (I fly out from here tomorrow, but I’m staying with a friend until classes start), and we still have three chapters to go to that point, so no worries there, eh? The next chapter should be out relatively soon, so I won’t leave you hanging with this. I just wanted to caution you not to always expect a new chapter every four days or so from here on out (oh, how I wish I was superwoman and could manage that). In any case, thank you all for your feedback. It's like food, really.**

♥ **Emily**


	21. Those Consequences

**Chapter Twenty-One ~ Those Consequences**

            Kristen wished she could dig a hole in the snow and bury herself in it. She would be surprised if her face was not bright red from shame, but at least it could be assumed that the pinkness in her cheeks was only a result of the cold. She was quite sure that she was going mad; there was no other explanation for it, except that she was irreversibly insane and should be sent off to the madhouse. Cursing herself for the thousandth time, she snuck another glance at the boy trudging beside her.

            Remus was keeping enough of a distance between them to prove that she had given him the wrong impression. Everything had been so perfect, and she had messed it up, once again. Why did she have to be so damn stupid? She didn’t want to never speak to him again, she certainly wasn’t scared of him, and she _would_ find a way to accept his condition. She just needed time.

            Kristen had practically wrestled Remus into a snogging match back in that alleyway. And it had been amazing – _so_ amazing. But she wished she hadn’t acted so rashly, because she never gave her brain time to really comprehend what he had told her. She was just enjoying the way his hands tugged at her waist and his lips slid against hers, gently but purposefully. And then his words reformed inside her brain and she came crashing back into reality, a collision that left her head throbbing.

            He was a _werewolf_? Her actions came screeching to a halt and she pulled back from him, her breathing harsh and eyes wide. She must have been staring at him in shock, and he had taken it all the wrong way. Kristen hoped her expression had not been one of fear, but it must have seemed that way. Remus’s hands dropped from around her and he stepped away, almost embarrassed, which did nothing to help her. 

            They stood awkwardly, Kristen wanting to hit herself and explain to him what she was feeling, Remus knowing that he should never have gotten involved with her and resolving to stay away so that she wouldn’t have to be frightened.

            And then he said something about it being cold, that they should be getting back to Hogwarts. She must have nodded or something, because they were now walking through the village of Hogsmeade, wordlessly staring at the fresh snow in front of their eyes.

            Kristen seemed incapable of action, or she would have yelled something about it not being that she was scared of him. She was just confused. Not only were her feelings overwhelmingly strong, but now her brain had turned to mush and possibly been stomped on a few times for good measure.

            She was about to take off in the opposite direction – as much as she loved Hogwarts, she was beginning to think that living in a hovel for the remainder of seventh year was more appealing than dealing with this situation – when they came to a slight clearing, where the path widened and there were several benches off to the side. Kristen suddenly spotted a very familiar flash of auburn on one of the benches to her left and swung her head towards it. And then several things occurred at once.

            She realized that the flash of red was Lily’s hair, and that it was draped over her friend’s face as she leaned over another body. It looked like a boy, with blonde hair and…Slytherin robes. Kristen’s eyes widened as she realized what was unfolding. She whipped her head back around to look at Remus, but on the way saw something that made her own heart sink. James was standing to their right, his expression one that Kristen couldn’t have described even if she wanted to. In the few seconds that she was watching him, his expression hardened and he spun around sharply, fleeing in the direction of Hogwarts.

            As Kristen turned to look at Remus, she found him shooting her an apologetic glance and taking off after James. What the bloody hell? Kristen felt the blood beginning to warm in her veins as adrenaline overtook her. With it was a strong sense of anger – frustration with her own situation mingled with annoyance at Lily’s behavior lately. She wasn’t bloody superwoman.

            She watched as the boys disappeared around the corner and then turned her attention back to Lily, who was now holding her head in her hands and leaning forward slightly, elbows resting on her thighs.

            Kristen wasn’t completely sure how to go about cleaning this up, but the first thing was to get Lily away from Levent. She made her way over to them and stopped in front of the bench, crossing her arms. Levent glanced up at her with confused pale green eyes and Kristen met his glance with a flat-out glare that should have melted the snow clinging to his hair. Then she proceeded to ignore him, turning to Lily, who lifted her head.

            “I’m not even going to ask right now, just come on.”

            Kristen grabbed one of Lily’s arms and gave a tug, trying to pull her to her feet. Lily swayed and fell against Kristen, who would have fallen if not for the hand against her back. She whipped her head around and found herself staring into the eyes of Clover Sindri. The Ravenclaw fifth year looked bewildered but industrious as she grabbed onto Lily’s other arm and helped support her between them.

            “We should get her to the castle,” Clover said softly.

            “Right – of course,” Kristen mumbled, still a little out of it. The girls began hobbling along the path that led back to Hogwarts.

            “But-” Levent spluttered from behind them. He was now standing and starting towards them, looking unsure of what he was doing there.

            Kristen called over her shoulder, “Oh save it and just sit there. You’ve done quite enough already.”

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Remus panted as he tried to keep pace with his friend. “James – you’re going too – bloody – _fast_!”

            The messy-haired Gryffindor hadn’t even acknowledged Remus’s presence, let alone said anything. They were nearing the large doors leading to the Entrance Hall, and still James was running. He seemed very intent upon the snow crunching under his shoes.

            “James, I saw it too and I know you’re upset, but I’m sure Lily has some kind of explanation or – or something. I mean, she _was_ pretty drunk earlier and-”

            At this comment, James spun around, his dark hair falling into his eyes. “Drunk off what? Butterbeer?” He snorted. “I don’t fucking care to hear her _explanation_ – there always is one, isn’t there? I’m too _protective_ , right? That’s why my girlfriend has run off to snog a Slytherin!”             

            They had reached the doors; James turned back around and threw them open, stomping inside. Remus jerked forward and caught them before they slammed shut.

            James suddenly spun back towards Remus, his dark eyes fierce and filled with emotion as he continued in a loud voice, “No, I’m sure all that she’ll have to say to me is that I’m a bloody wanker, we were on a break, and the Slytherin is a much better kisser than me.”

            Remus watched helplessly as his friend seemed to deflate before his eyes; his shoulders slumped, the anger ebbed away and was replaced with something much more unpleasant. Before Remus could find something to say that might help, James continued, his voice full of forced composure.

            “It doesn’t matter anyway. I have no intention of talking to her.” James turned and started walking in the direction of the Heads Room.

            Remus followed and couldn’t help but ask, “But what about getting the groups together?”             

           “I’m sure Lily and fucking Levent Hedley will make a jolly good team. Go away, Lupin. I don’t want to talk.”

            Remus stopped walking and stared softly as James turned the corner and didn’t look back.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            “Let go, I can walk on my own,” Lily grumbled, trying to pull her arms away from Kristen and Clover, but they were maintaining a firm grip.

            “Like hell you can,” Kristen replied. “Just wait until you’re not drunk anymore, I have a few questions for you and I don’t think you’re going to like them one bit.”

            Lily’s head was spinning; she wasn’t sure what to think about any of this, but really preferred to think about nothing until her head stopped this pounding and…She closed her eyes as her foot hit a rock and she stumbled; everything seemed to swim before her.

            Lily couldn’t understand her reaction to this butterbeer; it made no sense. Either way, she certainly didn’t appreciate the way Kristen was digging her fingernails into her arm and snapping at her every few seconds. She chose to ignore the voice in the back of her head that told her that she deserved it.

            Clover was looking between the two seventh years uncertainly, as if either of them could blow up without warning. She was feeling a little out of place, like this conversation was private and she shouldn’t be listening. She wasn’t sure what had brought all of this on and what was happening between Lily and James, but she didn’t think it was her place to ask, and usually her hunches were right.

            Kristen was not known for her temper; in fact it very rarely made an appearance. It was only when things repeatedly annoyed or angered Kristen that anyone saw the worst of her. At the moment, she felt that Lily needed nothing more than someone to put her in her place. The whole thing was becoming ridiculous.

            They were approaching Hogwarts when Lily let out a sharp yell. “Ow!” She gasped. Kristen had given her arm a rough squeeze. “What’s the big deal anyway?” She took a deep breath, her face screwing up with the effort of putting words together. “Why are you being like this?”

            “ _Why_? How can you even ask that?”

            “Why should you care who I snog?” Lily held a hand up to her forehead; she was beginning to sweat. 

            “Because I happen to care about other people’s feelings! What’s gotten into you, anyway? You’re not acting like the Lily I know and am friends with. You’re supposed to be Head Girl!” Lily grumbled something under her breath in response.

            Was it possible that she hadn’t noticed? Kristen wondered, and so as they finally reached the doors to Hogwarts and stumbled through the Entrance Hall, she turned to the redhead. “Did you not notice your boyfriend watching?”             

            Lily’s eyes popped open. “ _James_? James was there?” And then, in one quick and fluid motion, she fainted.

            Clover and Kristen bent to catch her, grabbing her head before it collided with the floor.

            “What has she been _doing_?” Clover exclaimed, her hazel eyes wider than ever.

            Kristen shook her head, her expression still dark. “I wish I could answer that.”

            The two girls remained on their knees beside the knocked out Head Girl, neither of them quite sure what to do next.

            The doors opened behind them and laughter filled the silent Hall. And then Sirius and Selene spotted the three girls several feet away and rushed over, the smiles fading from their faces.

            “What happened?” Selene exclaimed, staring at Lily with vivid blue eyes.

            “She got drunk and – oh, it’s a long story. But there’s going to be hell to pay when she and James see each other again.”

            “What-” Selene began again, but Sirius cut her off.

            “Oh no…” He mumbled, staring at Lily with a horrified expression. “I didn’t mean for – damn it.”

            Selene turned on him, her expression changing from concern to suspicion. “Black, have you done something I should know about?”

            “Well I-” He stared at her helplessly, as Kristen and Clover turned their attention to him as well. “I thought it would be funny! You know, lighten the mood up a little, because Lily and James were acting so down. But she wasn’t supposed to – I must have put too much.”

            “What the hell did you do?” Selene demanded.

            “I – er – kind of put something in her drink.”

            “What something?” Selene put her hands on her hips.

            “Just something to make it stronger is all. But like I said, I must have put too much-”

            Kristen cut in, now fed up with everyone present, except Clover, who was staring at them all with her mouth open. “Well that’s just brilliant. And do you have any idea what happened while Lily here was drunk?”

            “Er, no-” Sirius stated, and Selene watched Kristen closely, obviously waiting for an answer.

            “No, of course not! You two were too busy gallivanting around.” _And what exactly were you doing?_

Kristen pushed the thought out of her mind. “She was snogging Levent, that’s what. And James saw the whole thing.”

            “ _What?_ ” Sirius practically yelled.

            Selene flinched. “I didn’t think it would go so far…” She mumbled.

            Kristen was about to open her mouth again when Remus came jogging down the hallway, and she promptly forgot what she was about to say. Remus glanced at her, but then his eyes fell to the floor and her heart dropped.

            The silence was broken abruptly by Sirius. “Where’s Prongs?” He inquired of Remus, who shook his head and tried to catch his breath.

            “He’s in the Heads Room. And I tried to get in, since he told us the password, but he must have changed it because the Three Musketeers wouldn’t let me through. Bloody bastards kept talking about dueling and-”

            His grayish blue eyes had landed on Lily, who was still out of it on the floor next to where Clover was sitting, supporting her head, and Kristen was standing next to them. Remus gave a start. “When did-”

            “She just passed out when we told her about James seeing everything.” Kristen said softly as the two of them locked eyes and both looked away quickly.

            Selene was looking between Remus and Kristen shrewdly, but then she shrugged. “Let’s just take Lily up to our dorm, then.”

            Kristen nodded and kneeled to help Clover lift Lily’s body. Selene moved forward and grabbed her legs. The three girls began to move towards the stairs, leaving Sirius and Remus to stare after them, a little bewildered.

            Once they reached the top of the staircase and realized that they were right around the corner from Gryffindor Tower, Kristen turned to Clover.

            “Thanks for everything. I appreciate it and I’m sure Lily will too – once she’s, well, back to acting like herself.”

            Clover nodded, waiting until Kristen moved to support all of Lily’s upper body weight until she let go. “Right – uh – I suppose I’ll be talking to you all soon. Oh, and my younger sister – she’s in Ravenclaw too, third year – says she wants to help with the groups. So is it alright if I bring her to the next meeting?”

            Kristen nodded quickly. “Yes, that would be brilliant. Um, I guess we’ll be telling you about a meeting in a few days. I’ll see what Lily has to say about it when she – er – wakes up.”

            Selene smirked, scanning over Lily’s appearance. “We might just have to take control of this next meeting ourselves.”

            Clover smiled weakly and disappeared around the corridor, presumably to her own common room.

            Kristen was shooting Selene a glare over Lily’s body as she began moving backwards towards the portrait hole, supporting Lily’s head and shoulders.

            “What?” Selene shot back. “Why are you glaring at me?”

            “Because you encouraged this whole mess! Aren’t you the one who told her to snog Levent in the first place? Did I not say something like this would happen? Why does nobody ever listen to me?!” Kristen stomped a food against the floor, almost running into the Fat Lady, who crossed her arms in protest.

            “Password?” the Fat Lady grunted.

            “Kringle the Dragon,” Kristen muttered, causing the portrait hole to swing forward and admit them.

            Selene grumbled something about that being a ridiculous password and somebody should strangle James Potter. Then she resumed trying to defend her case. “I only told Lily that she should lighten up. Never did I suggest that she cheat on her boyfriend. I have more morals than that you know.”

            Kristen only glared at her. “Well I suppose technically, she didn’t cheat,” she said through her teeth. “Let’s just get her up to bed and be done with it. I’m running out of energy.”

            “Why are you being so snappy anyway, did-” Selene’s eyes suddenly flashed. “Did something happen with Lupin?”

            Kristen stopped walking and opened her mouth, but found herself at a loss for words. She didn’t think Remus would appreciate her telling the world about his condition, so she would have to come up with another way of explaining it.

            She was saved from figuring it out, however, because Lily’s green eyes had popped open and she was trying to say something.

            Selene yelped and let go of Lily, causing her to topple to the floor.

            “Holy hell!” Selene exclaimed. “Sorry – it’s just – you scared the crap out of me.”

            Lily rubbed her back, raising herself to a sitting position on the floor. “’S okay…” She was mumbling. “What hapeeened – er – harpooned – I mean – oh hell…”

            Selene laughed. “Sirius Black did something stupid as usual, is what happened. Let’s get you upstairs and I’ll explain the whole thing.”

            Kristen muttered something under her breath and glared at both of them.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            James Potter was not in a good mood, clearly. He couldn’t get the image out of his mind – of Lily, his Lily, kissing Levent and twining her hands around his neck. What did the stupid Slytherin have that he didn’t? So what if he might be better looking, James was smarter. And not a Slytherin.

            He ripped another page out of _How to Compromise_ , the book that Dumbledore had supplied in their private Heads Room library, rolled it into a ball and threw it into the fire. He felt sick to his stomach. The couch he was sitting on, the floor in front of it – everything reminded him of past evenings with Lily.

            James glared at the fire, as if the flames were to blame. He couldn’t believe he had been going to apologize to Lily. But he had missed her, even if it had only been a week. He missed running his hands through her long and soft auburn hair, the way the light glinted off her bright emerald eyes, and especially how she snuggled against him when they shared naps on the very same couch he was now brooding on.

            This was insane. He pushed himself off the couch so that he could pace around the common room. He had already changed the password – so Lily wouldn’t be able to come into the Heads Room anytime soon. And his friends couldn’t come and try to talk to him either.

            This was silly. He wouldn’t lose this battle to Lily and a bloody Slytherin, no matter how much it had hurt him – she shouldn’t know that she was affecting him this way. No, he would just have to fight back – and he _would_ win.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Lily had fallen asleep again when they reached the seventh year girls’ dorm, but not she was wide awake. She stared at the moon through the open curtains and shivered. She didn’t know what she was going to do about this.

            She really missed James. Why she had kissed Levent was a mystery even to her, when all she wanted at that moment was to go find James and apologize, and say that she hated being on a break. How had it gotten so messed up? She couldn’t even be angry at Sirius Black, because she knew that the whole situation was her own fault.

            Lily was known for many things – being smart, loyal to her friends, thoughtful and always practical. She almost never broke the rules, and if she did, it was usually for some greater cause.

            But it seemed that her seventh year at Hogwarts was changing her quite a bit and she was having trouble knowing herself anymore. Still – if there was one thing she wasn’t known for it was getting drunk and snogging Slytherin boys and being the one to initiate a “break” with her boyfriend.

            She groaned and rolled onto her stomach. Everything would be okay once she sorted it out with James, she tried to assure herself. She would just have to keep at him until he gave in. She would find some way to keep Levent at a distance, and she would reassure James that Levent could never replace him and whatever had been between Lily and he was finished for good. James was an understanding person, right?

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Lily awoke the next morning to a raging headache – raging _at_ her to be more precise.

            “Lily, get up you stupid idiot.”

            “Time for breakfast!”             

            “Get your ass out of bed and wash your face.”

            When she opened her eyes, a face swam before her. She blinked and registered dark blonde hair and brown eyes staring at her. Lily swatted a hand out in front of her.

            “Kristen – get out of my face.”

            “Oh, I see. That’s all the thanks I get for saving you from making the situation even worse than you already have.”

            Lily took a deep breath. She knew her friend was right. She knew it, and yet she deliberated on ignoring that she knew it. “Damn it, I just want to sleep, is that too much to ask for?”

            “When you’ve been acting like a royal mess it is. I’ve got a few questions for you, Lily Evans, and you need to be dressed and on your way to breakfast before I start.”

            “Oh, _fine_.” Lily grunted, throwing the covers off her body and slipping out of bed. She rubbed her temples and headed for the bathroom door.

            Lily emerged from the bathroom several minutes later, not feeling much better. Selene had reappeared in their dorm and was holding a vial of foul-looking orange liquid. She extended it towards Lily and wrinkled her nose.

            “Here – drink this. It’ll help, trust me.”

            Lily sighed and swallowed the liquid quickly, spluttering and running back into the bathroom.

            Kristen yelled after her, “Don’t spit that out or you’ll regret it later!”             On the way to breakfast, Kristen surprised Lily by staying silent. She had expected to be bombarded with questions that she had no idea how to answer. Or at the very least, she expected more scolding.

            “I need to talk to James,” Lily suddenly announced.

            “I don’t know if this is the best time for that,” Kristen replied, giving Lily a sidelong glance.

            “Why not?”

            “You’re still hung over. Don’t you think you’ll need your whole brain when you duel with him?”             

            “We’re not going to duel – we’re just-”

            “He saw what you did Lily, he’s not going to want to take you someplace to snog. What do you think is going to happen?”             

            “I just – I need to talk to him, alright?”

            Kristen shook her head and sighed, and Selene was trailing the two of them with a faint smile on her face. Of course she felt slightly guilty that Lily had gone so far with this whole Levent thing, but she couldn’t help but be slightly amused at how much havoc one Cavillor could cause.

            The three girls entered the Great Hall and noticed at once that it became unusually quiet. The students who had seen Lily in Hogsmeade the day before were watching her in extreme amusement. _Great_ , she thought, _another thing to alienate me from the normal student population._

            She set her eyes on the floor and made her way to the end of an Ausculto table, where she and her friends were used to sitting and the Marauders had recently been joining them. Sirius and Remus were already sitting there, munching on their breakfast. Sirius glanced up and grinned, his mouth full of food, when he saw Selene. She shook her head and smiled, slipping into the seat next to him. Lily sat across from Selene and Kristen sat next to her.

            “Where’s James?” Lily asked.

            Sirius glared at her. “Why do you want to know?”

            “Because I have to talk to him! Do you all have to be so difficult?”

            “After what you did, Lily, you can’t expect everyone to just forget and forgive,” Kristen mumbled, sipping her pumpkin juice. Remus was watching her closely, almost longingly, before he gave a start and stared down at his fork.

            Before Lily could take a bite out of her toast, she felt a tap on her shoulder and spun around. Clover Sindri stood there, twirling a strand of her brown hair around her finger and watching Lily carefully. There was a younger student standing beside her, bearing great resemblance to Clover, except that her eyes were deep blue instead of hazel.

            “Sorry to interrupt you Lily – but this is my sister, Mariana Sindri.”

            Lily looked slightly confused, so Kristen spoke up, sending her friend a look.

            “Clover mentioned, while you were out of it, that her sister wanted to help us as well.”

            “Oh!” Lily smiled, ignoring Kristen’s shortness. “Well it’s nice to meet you Mariana.” Lily held out a hand and shook Mariana’s. The third year nodded, watching Lily with wide eyes and saying nothing.

            “Er – she’s a little shy sometimes.” Clover said, putting a hand on the girl’s shoulder.

            Selene straightened in her seat. “We thought we’d have a meeting Wednesday night about the masquerade so that we can get all of the details together.”

            “Okay,” Clover nodded and smiled, “Great! Well I’ll see you then.”

            Lily turned back to her food once they had left, pushing her long red hair over her shoulder. She almost didn’t notice when James Potter slid into the seat across from Kristen, looking tired.

            When Lily did look up, it was to find James staring at her, his eyes blazing. She blinked and opened her mouth, finding herself at a loss for words. The tension at the table was tangible, and everyone had stopped eating and was looking between Lily and James.

            “James,” Lily suddenly blurted out, “let me explain-”

            That seemed to be enough for him, because he got right back up and marched out of the Great Hall. Lily frowned and followed him, leaving her food to get cold and her friends to stare after them. She noticed Malfoy and Snape sitting at the end of the Slytherin table, watching her and sneering.

            She shut the doors behind her and glanced around the Entrance Hall. Finally she spotted James walking down one of the adjacent corridors and chased after him.

            “James!” She stopped suddenly when he spun around to stare at her. “James I’m – I’m-” He was making her nervous, staring like that, with his eyes so serious and unlike they usually were.

            “What, you’re sorry? It’s a little late for that now; the image is permanently burned into my memory. As much as I was jealous, I trusted you and now-” James felt his resolve weakening. He was supposed to be showing her that he wasn’t hurt, but it was all just too much.

            Lily frowned and crossed her arms indignantly. “That’s bullshit James and you know it! If you had trusted me, you wouldn’t have been so angry with Levent all the time.”

            James had been advancing towards her, a murderous look on his face. Her voice slowly faded away and she became speechless, wide-eyed. She had never seen James like this. Re-gathering her strength, she managed to put a slightly composed look on her face. Then she sighed. “James, you have every right to be angry with me. I accept it and I’m only here to apologize. I miss you and – and don’t you think you’re being a bit over the top? Can’t you learn to forgive me?”

            James spoke softly, firmly. “I thought I loved you, Lily.” His face was a mixture of pain and anger as he turned around and stomped away.

            She stared after him for a moment before shaking herself and following. He was heading towards the Heads Room again. She called out to him, “When I was kissing him, all I could think about was you! I wanted to be with you, not him!”

            “Oh Christ, what an image.” James grumbled, not turning to look back at her.

            She tried again, still following him. “But – that was the only time I actually kissed him back, and I was drunk, James!”

This caused James to stop and spin back around, his eyes burning. “You mean you’ve kissed him more than once?”

Lily swallowed. She hadn’t meant to tell him that.

“You kissed him while we were _together_?” He roared. For a moment he looked like he was going to hit or throw something. And then he turned back around and proceeded towards the Heads common room.

She continued to follow him in silence, feeling tears forming in her eyes. He was right, all of it. She deserved it all and yet she wished he would forget everything. With a sinking feeling in her stomach, she watched him mutter something to the Three Musketeers and slip inside the room.

Lily jumped forward and tried to go through behind him, but the door had closed. “James, I loved you too!” she yelled desperately. “And I love you now – and I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.” She slumped against the portrait and the tears streamed down her cheeks. She tried to mumble the password to get in, to try one more time, but Porthos looked at her distastefully and said,

“You can’t get in without the correct password.”

“He must have changed it,” she mumbled, scrubbing at her cheek. “Fine, then I’m changing it again.”

Athos shook his head gruffly. “You’ve got to know what the password was before or you can’t create a new one.” Aramis nodded, holding his feathered hat against his chest.

Lily burst into a fresh batch of tears and realized that she just didn’t have the energy to argue.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            The next few days went by quickly. Lily was sleeping in the seventh years’ dorm with Kristen and Selene. She had eventually left the portrait of the Three Musketeers and resolved to not give into James. If he wanted to act this way, she wasn’t going to continue begging. She had apologized. What more could she do right now? So she had made a mistake – a big one – but couldn’t James find it in him to accept her apology? No, he had just been ignoring her instead.

            It had been very evident when classes started again on Monday that neither of them was willing to give in anymore. Professor McGonagall had been extremely displeased when they wouldn’t speak to one another during a group project in Transfiguration.

            The days leading up to the meeting scheduled on Wednesday were filled to the brim with tension. She was dreading it, as she had been avoiding Levent completely and ignoring James, and they were both going to be there. At least, she assumed James would be coming, since he didn’t seem to care very much about her anymore. And deep down, she knew that it was his right. She was one royal mess, as Kristen had so kindly pointed out. But Kristen had been acting rather weird lately as well, especially around Remus. Lily was so wrapped up in her own dilemma that she had not asked Kristen about their date, but now she was wondering if everything had gone okay, because they were always side-stepping one another.

            On Wednesday afternoon, Lily entered the dungeons for Potions class with a frown on her face. James was her partner in this class, as had been appointed by Professor Jenkins the week before. Whatever was in store for her, she was not looking forward to it.

            She took a seat next to James, who was already there, his hair looking even messier than usual and enticing her to try to flatten it, even though she knew she could do no such thing.

            Selene slid into the seat behind her with Kristen. They both greeted Lily and Kristen attempted to smile at her encouragingly. She might not be happy with Lily’s decisions or behavior lately, but she wasn’t one to give up on her friends that easily. Selene was humming to herself and casting random glances over at Sirius, who winked back.

            Lily turned back to Kristen and whispered, “The meeting is at seven, right?”

            Kristen blinked; Lily and James were usually in charge of these things. She certainly was never the boss or the leader of anything…but considering certain circumstances…”Er – yeah,” she whispered in response.

            “Miss Evans, would you care to close your mouth and turn around, hmm?” Professor Jenkins was standing in front of the class, leaning against his desk and watching her with disapproval. He had always been rather dry towards all of his students, however, so Lily never took it personally.

            She turned back around and sat quietly, opening her book to the page indicated on the blackboard.

            “Fertilizer Potions,” he began. A few snickers rang out through the class and he frowned. He might be a coward in the best of times, but he could generally keep the class in order. He continued in a drawling voice, “are only useful for people with gardens or who care too much for their plants. But, because they’re the next section in the book, we will be trying them today. You’ll find a list of ingredients on page 957, which you will find in this cabinet right here-” He tapped a cabinet on his left, “you may begin.”

            Lily turned to James and saw that he was leaning over the cauldron and ignoring her as usual. She sighed and lifted her book to go look for the ingredients. The list was dreadfully long and by the time she returned to her desk, the cauldron was already properly heated and simmering. And James was staring at her in the most peculiar fashion. Her heart dropped every time they made eye contact, because she knew that she could not kiss him, couldn’t touch him. She shouldn’t even be allowed the right at this point, and she knew that. And looking at him, especially at his eyes, really made her wish she could.

            She dropped her book and the randomly gathered items onto the desk and began chopping. She tried to ignore the blush that rose up her neck as she realized that he was still staring at her with that strange glint in his eyes.

            And then, quite unexpectedly, she felt a hand brush against her rear end and squeeze, rather roughly. She gave a sharp jerk, dropping the knife and barely moving her hand out of the way before she chopped off her finger.

            She turned to James, crossing her arms across her stomach. “What the bloody hell was that?”

            But James was ignoring her again, intent upon the cauldron and dropping the first ingredients inside, stirring lightly. Fuming, Lily turned back to the knife and began chopping again, this time violently.

            It wasn’t long before his hand returned. She turned on him angrily, the knife still in her hand, and pointed it at him.

            He held his hands up in the air, smirking and infuriating her further.

            “Are you trying to sexually molest me or something?”

            “I’m only acting like a Slytherin would. I thought you liked Slytherins.” Then he stopped and a look came across his face; feigned realization. “Oh no – I’m sorry – you only like _shagging_ them.”

            Lily’s eyes almost popped out of her head at the implication. She turned away from him sharply and felt tears pricking at her eyes. As if she would ever sleep with Levent. What she had done, it was awful, but it was no where near that – and he hardly had the right to insult her like this. He should know better. If that was something she took lightly, she and James would have been at it long ago – didn’t he _know_ this?

            For a second, he looked close to apologizing, but then shut his mouth firmly and stared at the blue-green substance in the cauldron, his face a mask. Lily absolutely refused to cry in front of him, and as a result, they spent the rest of the class in silence.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Lily made her way to the meeting with a sinking feeling in her stomach. The way she saw it, nothing good could possibly come out of this. She realized that they needed to plan the masquerade, but nothing could get done with James and Levent both there, and her thrown into the middle of it.

            She walked into McGonagall’s classroom and smiled weakly at Sirius and Selene, who were sitting off to the side smirking at one another. Lily had long ago given up trying to understand those two. Kristen was sitting at a desk in the front and obviously staring at Remus, who was staring out the window. As Lily approached her, Kristen suddenly snapped her attention away from him and forced a smile at Lily.

            “Sorry,” she said, “I’m just a little tired.”

            Lily nodded, making a mental note to be a better friend and figure out what exactly was going on between Remus and Kristen. The door opened and Lily’s head shot up. She let out a breath – it was only Clover and Mariana, and Astor came in behind them.

            But before she could turn away in relief, Levent strolled through the doorway, looking as handsome as ever. Lily swallowed, realizing that he was headed for her. She didn’t want to talk to him now; she wasn’t sure how she could go about telling him to stay away from her.

            Selene seemed to notice all of this as she grabbed Levent’s arm and said something to him that caused him to turn around and smile at her. Lily shot Selene a grateful look. And then she felt someone breathe on her neck and shivered. She knew who it was; she didn’t need to turn around. Taking a step away, she said loudly,

            “Well, now that everyone is here, let’s get started.” She sat down on top of one of the desks and faced everyone. James was glaring fiercely at Levent, who didn’t look like he noticed any of it. But he was watching Lily carefully enough to make her nervous.

            “We’ve already decided on decorations – with the tree and snowflakes and all. Of course everyone’s costumes will be decoration as well.”

            “What about music?” Sirius asked.

            “Didn’t we say traditional wizarding Christmas music would be good?” Astor commented.

            “And a little bit of Muggle, for good measure. And modern music too, it can’t all be traditional or people will get bored.” James seemed to be trying to prove that Lily did not faze him and neither did Levent, and he wasn’t affected at all by any of it.

            Lily, trying not to watch James, repeated something about how they wouldn’t know each other and everyone would have to switch partners frequently for the first part of the ball.

            “For the thousandth time, we know,” Selene muttered. Lily shot her a look.

            The meeting was not nearly as bad as Lily had assumed that it would be. In fact, it was almost pleasant. Even Mariana, who had proved to be rather quiet, had contributed. They had pretty much everything sorted out, and the masquerade was set for two days before everyone left for holiday break, which meant they had two weeks.

            After the meeting, Lily walked out with Kristen, who was still staring after Remus with an almost sour look on her face. She was about to ask what was up when she noticed James walking down the hall and an idea occurred to her. Most of her clothes were still in her Head Girl room, and she needed to get in sooner or later to retrieve them if nothing else.

            “I’ll meet up with you later,” she mumbled to Kristen, who glanced at her in confusion.

            Lily ran off after James, deciding to inconspicuously follow him and gain access to her bedroom. As she walked along behind him, she was finding it very hard to not try apologizing again, just so that she could touch him and feel like everything was okay again. This whole thing had been going on so long and it was tiring; she just wanted him back. 

            He stopped in front of the Three Musketeers and muttered something. They bowed and swung forward. Lily was so caught up in her thoughts that she forgot to move, and when she realized that he was almost inside, she did the first thing that came to mind. She jumped on his back, causing him to spin around and the two of them to tumble to the floor inside the Heads common room.

            “What in Merlin’s name,” James spluttered. He had landed on his back, staring up at Lily, who was spread out over him, her legs on either side of his waist. In fact, it was a very uncomfortable position, but mostly out of its inconvenience at the moment. “Fuck Lily, you could have killed me.”

            She glared at him. “Hardly. And since you’ve been locking me out, I had to find some way in, didn’t I?”

His jaw clenched. “You could have asked Dumbledore, did you ever think of that?” “Of course I did!” She yelled back at him, her face reddening. She hadn’t wanted to give in.

Suddenly his glare slipped and his dark eyes slid away from hers. She softened and realized that she was doing what she had wanted to do for the past couple weeks; touching him. She brushed his black hair out of his eyes and stared down at him, now leaning very close to his face. She closed her eyes, feeling his breath on her neck.

“Lily, I’m sorry for – well – the way I acted in Potions. I never meant to say something like that, I just…”

“James, can’t we just put this behind us?” Lily pleaded softly, moving her hand back into his messy hair.

Suddenly he stiffened again. He had said that he wouldn’t lose this, hadn’t he promised himself? And he was giving in to the feeling of her pressed against him. Scowling, he pushed her off and got to his feet.

“I’ll apologize for my behavior Evans, but I won’t excuse yours. I never thought you, of all people, would cheat on me.”

“We were on a break…” She tried feebly, knowing that it was an awful excuse. He was already standing, staring down at where she was sitting on the floor.

“I can’t forget about it – not this.” His eyes stared into hers. “You were right Lily, I _don’t_ know you.” And then he turned and walked into his bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind him.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

**A/N: I’m sorry this chapter didn’t come out as quickly as I had hoped. I came back to school, and unpacked, and then everything just sort of fell on my head. This morning I thought I would take a break from reading organic chemistry and actually finish this, because it’s been bothering me for about a week and a half to do it. Soo, _finally_ , here we are :D**

**♥** **Emily**


	22. Climbing another Rung on the Ladder

**Chapter Twenty-Two ~ Climbing Another Rung on the Ladder**

            Lily had always been the Head Girl type, at least on the surface. She had convinced herself of that identity. But she wasn’t really contemplative; that was Kristen’s trademark after all. She wasn’t altogether cunning, as many Head Girls had been in the past; that was Selene’s area of duty. Was she intelligent? Well yes, she supposed she could give herself that.

            And practical, realistic, grounded – those were the traits that she had always prided herself in having. Those were the traits that defined her character, the ones she was sure others saw in her. And now…well, she felt as if they had slipped away. Certainly a practical person would have known to get out of the situation with Levent. Certainly a realistic one would realize that Sirius Black had potentially messed with her drink, and have stopped drinking it. Certainly…but it didn’t really matter. James was not going to forgive her, and she understood the reality in that.

            Lily quickly realized that it was only too easy to eat, study, and sleep in close proximity to a person and ignore them completely at the same time – especially when said person wanted nothing to do with her. At least, they both did a satisfactory job of appearing to; emotions were quite another matter. 

            “Daydreaming about the precious Slytherins again?” A deep, snide voice rang out from behind her. Lily realized that she had been staring at the door leading out of the Heads Room for quite some time.

            With a soft sigh, she spun around to face what could only become another fruitless argument; there had been many lately, when they did happen to acknowledge one another. But her well-practiced stinging comment fell short in her throat, and only a strangled sort of breath came out. He had taken to doing this to her lately.

             James was standing just outside the bathroom that they shared, freshly showered and clad only in a towel, wrapped low around his waist. Before this week, she had never seen him shirtless. She was fairly new to relationships and even when she and James would become heavy on the couch, she had never been so bold as to remove much of his clothing; mostly for the reason that she wasn’t sure what she would do if that happened. 

            She couldn’t help herself; her eyes moved of their own accord, drinking in the broad, white skin of his chest – his slight tan had faded with the warm weather. She loved the little trail of dark hair crossing down his lower stomach and disappearing into what she realized was a very loose towel, one that could at any moment slip and pool around his feet. The thought made her face heat involuntarily and by some sudden strength of will she pulled her emerald eyes towards his face.

            She would have accused James of doing this for the sole purpose of teasing her, but the expression on his face made her think twice. He looked a bit confused, watching her closely as he leaned against the door, goose bumps appearing on his arms. He must have been wondering why she'd become mute. Frowning, he glanced down at himself and then realization crossed his face. James looked back up at her and smirked carefully, standing a bit straighter.

            There was a long moment of silence and Lily almost wished that she was still sleeping. She had never been so physically attracted to James before and it was terribly embarrassing. By the look on his face, he knew this.

            She scowled; she hated how transparent she was sometimes. “Don’t you smirk at me,” she snapped, trying to get her blush under control.

            He simply shrugged and she was taken aback – there wasn’t going to be any yelling? That was the only thing they did consciously around one another anymore. He wasn’t even going to make a rude remark? Accuse her of something?

            She stared in awe as he casually walked past her – a little closer than was necessary to reach his bedroom door – and the smell of his soap reached her nose. Lily almost didn’t notice when he entered his room and flipped the door shut with his foot.

            “Damn,” she muttered under her breath, trying to clear her head. What was wrong with her? She knew she had no right, considering the circumstances of this fight, to be angry with him. But she was weary of ignored apologies, and frustrated that she may never get to touch him again.

            After a few moments of collection, she remembered that she had been heading to the Great Hall for breakfast before her thoughts had interrupted her.

            Lily reached the Great Hall and sat down with something rather close to a scowl on her face. Kristen was already there, picking at her food and watching Remus pick at his.

            Lily dropped her books down on the seat beside her and turned to face Kristen, “Where’s Selene?”

            “With Sirius, of course.”

            “They’ve found some kind of special place to think of obnoxious things to do to people,” Remus added sleepily. “Honestly, I don’t know how those two are so energetic in the morning.”

            Lily made a noise of disgust. “I have no desire to know what they might be planning.”

            Kristen shrugged, still eating small bites rather unenthusiastically. Lily frowned and wished she could do something to improve the situation for her friend. She and Remus both liked each other – that much was obvious – but something had gone wrong on their date. When she asked Kristen about it, the blonde wouldn’t say much, only that she had done something completely idiotic. Lily didn’t believe her, but she also had no idea how to argue with her without knowing the circumstances of the dilemma. 

            She glanced sidelong at Remus, who was flipping through a Defense book to the chapter they were supposed to have read before class that day. Perhaps there _was_ something she could do about it. Merlin knows she hadn’t been a good friend lately; maybe this would make up for some of that.

            Her thoughts were cut short by the arrival of Selene and Sirius, looking too pleased with themselves for their own good. She suspiciously glanced at Selene’s flushed face as the girl settled into the seat next to Lily.

            Selene began piling food onto her plate as if she was never going to eat again. Lily was about to ask what she had been up to when the mail owls arrived – she had taken to getting the Daily Prophet lately; she liked to be up on things, even if some of the journalists were slightly biased at times. Lately though, the daily routine of reading the newspaper only caused her more anxiety, what with all the new attacks. Taking a deep breath, she caught the paper the owl dropped into her lap and unfolded it. The front page was enough to drop anyone’s spirits; even Selene and Sirius fell silent when they caught a glimpse of the headline. The grins were wiped off their faces and they focused on their food. Lily began to read to herself.

**Four Muggles Discovered Dead in a** **London** **Flat**

_The bodies of Mark and Susan Dorwall and their two sons were discovered in their flat in_ _London_ _on Monday night, dead but otherwise untouched. The Muggles are still searching for a medical explanation, but the wizarding world has never been more aware of the presence of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He has struck again, this time for no apparent cause except perhaps greed._

_“I don’t believe any of it. He wasn’t looking for anything from those Muggles except practice,” commented a Magical Law Enforcement official working on the case. There has been much speculation of a massive attack on the prominent Auror families of_ _Great Britain_ _. There are whispers among the Ministry about confidential information regarding the subject, but the simple facts of when and where are indefinite…_

            Lily looked up, feeling drained and not caring to read more. None of it made any sense. If only they could find a pattern to these attacks; a method to the way Voldemort killed, they might have a chance to stop him, at least once or twice. But he was so unpredictable and so powerful that anyone and everyone felt helpless. Silly things that she worried about, such as her reaction to a scantily clad James, seemed very miniscule in comparison. Of course, by focusing on such simple things she took her mind off of the world at large, which was getting worse by the day. It was really the only way to get up in the morning without feeling completely hopeless.

            She realized for the first time that James was sitting diagonally across from her, reading his own copy of the Daily Prophet that his parents paid to have sent to him each day. His face was becoming paler by the minute, his dark eyes flickered back and forth quickly as he read.

            It hit her abruptly why he should be so affected; how could she have forgotten? James’s parents were both Aurors. If there were rumors about an attack on the most prominent of them, the Potters would certainly be included. What a horrible way to start the Christmas holidays. She felt a rush of sadness for James and wished that she could comfort him somehow, to tell him it would be alright even though they both knew that it might not be. But she could do nothing with the situation, so she sat watching him and twisting her hands in her lap.

            James looked up after a moment and their eyes met; something passed between them. A flicker of hope came across Lily, but left just as quickly when he tore his eyes away, frowning and looking like he was having a silent battle inside. Lily sadly lowered her emerald eyes to her full plate. He would never forgive her, she decided. And the worst part of the situation was knowing that she completely and irreversibly deserved it.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Lily and Kristen left the Great Hall together, Kristen’s books scattered in her arms and Lily’s in a bag she slung over her shoulder. Selene and Sirius were trailing a few feet behind them, surprisingly silent; maybe they had already used up all of their energy.

            “Hey Lily!” A girl’s voice rang out from behind them.

            Lily groaned softly. When Mariana, Clover’s younger sister, had first started helping them she had been very soft-spoken and reluctant to do anything wrong. Now, with only a few days left until the masquerade, Lily was happy if she could find an hour without being pestered. Not that she didn’t like Mariana, it was just…

            “I couldn’t find you in the Great Hall! I was-”

            Kristen spoke up softly, “Did you have a question, Mariana?”

            “We have everything planned already, and we’re going to set up Saturday night after dinner – which will be earlier than usual, actually more of a late lunch – and that’s all we have left to do,” Lily said in a rush.

            Mariana surveyed them with a funny expression in her blue eyes. “I know,” she said.

            Lily frowned. “Then why were you looking for me?”

            “I just wanted to see if you had a good night last night.”

            Lily’s forehead creased, but she nodded. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Kristen biting her lip and emitting a strange sort of cough into her hand. “Er- yes, it was very good. Um, and did you?”

            “Oh, yes! Clover and I went down to the lake and-”

            She cut off as James quickly bushed by Lily, causing her to involuntarily shiver. Lily watched as he glanced back at the three girls and shook his head.

            Kristen put a hand on Lily’s arm and turned to Mariana. “I’m sorry, but we’d better get to class now or McGonagall might have a spasm when we come in late.”

            Mariana giggled, “Okay, see you later!” She rushed off down the hall to join a group of fellow third years.

            “Oh boy,” a female voice behind Lily and Kristen sighed. They turned just as Selene grabbed their arms and pulled them towards McGonagall’s room. Sirius was running up behind them yelling,

            “Hey, wait up!”

            “Why did you leave him?” Kristen looked over her shoulder, confused.

            “He was being a bad boy.”

            Lily snorted as they entered the classroom and she took a seat between the other two girls. Sirius skidded in a moment later and McGonagall shut the door behind him. He grinned at Selene and took a seat behind her, where Remus, James, and Peter were sitting.

            Transfiguration had never been a favorite of Lily’s, and after about five minutes of Professor McGongall’s lecture, her attention span was beginning to wane. They weren’t going to be doing any spells today, only taking notes, and so far the only thing that Lily had on her paper was her name and a little doodle beside it.

            Her mind kept playing over the morning’s events and she could only wonder why they had had such an effect on her. It wasn’t as if she had never seen a shirtless boy before; she’d seen loads. But somehow it was different. This was James, and although she had never been quite this attracted to him, she thought it had something to do with the fact that she knew how well he kissed. And she knew that she couldn’t just turn around in her chair and kiss him right now, or after class, or anytime she wanted.

            But it was this desire to do just that, to be reckless and say she didn’t care what happened, that was new to her. She wasn’t used to having overpowering urges like this; she had always been in control of her emotions before. It was the way a Head Girl was supposed to be.

            She glanced sideways at Selene, whose eyelids were slowly sliding shut. Perhaps her friends could be of some help. She hastily scribbled a few sentences on her paper and poked Selene in the side, sliding the paper in front of her.

**This might sound a little funny, but I need your help. It’s about James.**

A look crossed over Selene’s face, almost a smirk, and she intently leaned over the piece of parchment to write back.

            _Funny? It’s always about James. I am the master at solving these kinds of problems, so let’s hear it._

            **Well, I feel different around him. Like right now, I would like nothing better than to turn around and snog him.**

            Selene raised an eyebrow and smirked widely. 

            _I thought you were still arguing with him, even though he’s the one who should be angry. But that never lasts. Anyway, what caused this change of heart?_

            Lily was interrupted momentarily by Sirius Black’s voice ringing out across the classroom. “Professor – what would be the – ah – practical application for this lesson?”

            McGonagall’s lips tightened; she hated it when students, specifically Sirius Black, asked that sort of question, because she knew they were mocking her.

            “This lesson, Mr. Black, will help you with real life.”

            “So what we’ve been learning until now prepared us for imaginary life?”

            McGongall was not amused, but she seemed to steady herself as she continued with the lesson.

            Lily turned back to the note and briefly explained the shirtless ordeal and how she was sure he was going to do it on purpose now, after two obvious incidences of her staring.

            _And you can’t take the teasing, right? Well, I have the solution._

            **And?**

_Tease him back._

**How the bloody – And how do you propose I do that?**

_Ah, an inexperienced child. I knew you’d be asking me about these things eventually._

**Please quit being annoying, I’m serious.**

_Alright, fine. I’ll let you borrow some of my clothes. I mean – the sexy ones. I think James will find them to his liking, trust me._

            Kristen had been watching this exchange for the past few minutes and Lily had scarcely finished reading Selene’s reply before Kristen snatched it away. It took a moment for her to read it and write something, but Lily soon found it under her nose again. She bent forward to read it, just as Kristen leaned over apologetically and added something else.

            **You’re not honestly going to listen to her again, are you Lily? Look what happened last time.**

**then again, what else do you have to lose? I change my mind, this could be amusing.**

            Lily read it with a frown on her face; why had she ever asked her friends for help? She jumped when McGonagall’s hand appeared in front of her face and snatched the note from her hand.

            “You girls seem very interested in your note-taking, except I’m willing to guess that this note has nothing to do with Transfiguration,” McGonagall surveyed them with a stern eye and then held the note in front of her to peruse. When she finished, she glanced down at the three girls and raised her eyebrow.

            A chant of “Read it! Read it!” came from where Sirius Black was seated behind them.

            McGonagall sent a look in his direction. “There’s no reason to intrude upon privacy, so long as it doesn’t happen again.” She muttered a spell and the note went flying towards the trash bin, where it was shredded and fluttered inside.

            Even as the professor said sharply, “Ten points from Gryffindor!” Lily could swear that she saw a slight smile playing at McGonagall’s lips.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            The day went by slowly, so slowly that Lily was about to pull her hair out. She was still confused about James and her quick change of feelings for him. _No, not feelings in general – just certain types of feelings._ The past week the two of them had been arguing nonstop. She knew that she shouldn’t be arguing with him, that she should be apologizing, but she had tried so many times and every time only been insulted by him. She deserved that too. Holding in a large sigh of regret, she tuned back into her friends’ conversation as they entered Gryffindor Tower.

            “I can’t believe Dumbledore is issuing an earlier curfew – as if we can’t take care of ourselves,” Selene mumbled, a scowl on her face. Kristen uttered something in agreement.

            The Headmaster had indeed announced during dinner that a new curfew was being put into place to help keep the students safe. It was undoubtedly a result of the growing number of attacks and everyone understood the reasoning. But that didn’t stop them from being annoyed.

            Lily must have looked pitiful and very out of it, because Selene startled her by laying a hand on her shoulder. “It’s alright, Lily. We’ll be sure to make James suffer in the same way.”

            Lily sighed. “He doesn’t deserve to suffer. I do.”

            Selene stared at her as they walked into the girls’ dorm. “True, but I don’t like seeing you so upset…”

            “Besides,” Kristen edged in, “as I said earlier – this could be amusing.”

            “Maybe for you!” Lily’s eyes looked towards her friends, “I’m mortified just thinking about it, thank you very much.”

            “Aw Lily, you’re just not used to the art of seduction.”

            Lily grinned, “And I suppose _you_ are, Selene?”

            “Of course, I mastered it long ago.”

            “I’ll be willing to vouch for that…” Kristen smirked.

            Lily matched her smirk. “And why exactly would you say this?”

            “Now wait a minute – this isn’t about me…” Selene shook her head. “But if you must know, I haven’t done anything…too intense. At least, not yet. I told Kristen last weekend, but if you want me to…”

            “Ugh, I was just kidding,” Lily made a face of disgust and Kristen laughed. Kristen had been very nice to Lily lately, although it was clear she disapproved of many of her recent decisions, she would never abandon a friend, or scorn her more than necessary to get her point across.

            “Anyway,” Selene continued, pulling her trunk out from under her bed. She leaned over it and clicked the top open. Lily watched wordlessly as her friend muttered to herself, throwing random pieces of clothing on top of her bed and pushing her black hair out of her eyes.

            Lily slowly walked towards the bed, fingering a silky piece of black cloth that was slipping off the end. She held it up and gasped.

            “Selene – I couldn’t possibly!” It was a nightgown – she thought. But guesswork told her that it would probably only reach her mid-thigh. It wasn’t so loose either, but that dark material was so soft and touchable that Lily held onto it anyway, running her fingers over the midsection.

            Selene was now standing up in front of Lily, surveying her. “Put it on,” she instructed.

            “What?” Lily broke out of her reverie and looked up.

            Kristen and Selene were both smiling at her, Kristen holding a long robe. “Go on, try it on,” Selene repeated. “It’ll look good on you, I promise. It never did fit me right; I’m too tall.” She made a face down at her body. “And I certainly don’t have the curves that you do.”

            Lily’s eyes snapped up and met Selene’s, while a deep red blush spread over her cheeks. Selene rolled her eyes playfully. “Come on, we don’t have all night. You don’t want the object of your seduction to go to bed before you get the chance to render him speechless.”

            Lily nervously held the fabric against her. “Alright,” she conceded finally, and began to undress. Selene and Kristen turned away and began to pick through the rest of the clothing strewn across the bed. They made quiet comments to one another and laughed accordingly.

            Finally, Lily let out a short laugh of her own. The other two girls looked up at where the redhead was standing, in front of the mirror that all three of them shared. “This is ridiculous,” Lily announced, “I can’t pull this off. I couldn’t act sexy if I tried.”

Selene chuckled. “Oh, Lily. You only think that because you’ve never tried. James finds you very sexy all the time, believe me. Even when he’s angry with you.”

“Or maybe especially when he’s angry with her…” Kristen added thoughtfully. She shook her head slightly and walked towards Lily, her eyes scanning the outfit. It did indeed cling to Lily’s form in all the right places, Lily had to admit to herself. In fact, she realized as she gazed at herself in the mirror, she actually looked _good_. For someone who never paid much attention to what she wore or how her hair looked, this was certainly a surprise. She hadn’t thought it possible for her to look like… _this_.

“Well, that was easy.”

“Yeah, I think we have a winner.”

Selene and Kristen looked a little too happy over this. Before Lily knew what was going on (she had been slightly out of it all day), Kristen was draping the robe she had been holding earlier over her shoulders, and Selene was stuffing many of the other clothes into a bag and shoving it into Lily’s arms.

Lily spluttered, “I don’t know…”

“Oh, just take them all, and don’t take _that_ off,” Selene gestured to the nightdress. “At least not until you have James drooling.”

Lily looked worried; a crease appeared on her forehead. “I don’t know how to make him do that. Honestly, this is stupid…”

“Oh, you won’t even have to do anything. Just pretend you’re completely oblivious to the fact that you look so…good. And he won’t know what hit him.”

“Just do what you normally do, Lil,” Kristen smiled at her encouragingly, her head tilted slightly to the side.

The two girls grabbed onto Lily’s arms and pulled her towards the door. Kristen patted her on the back. “Good luck.”

“Let us know how it goes!”

And with that, they shut the door after her. Lily found herself staring down the stairs, a cold draft working its way up the robe and over her legs. With a heavy sigh, she decided that things couldn’t possibly get worse anyway.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Lily entered the Heads common room with knots in her stomach, shivering. Her eyes immediately latched onto the head of messy hair peaking out above the back of the couch; he was sitting in front of the fire, bent over something. Her legs moved quietly of their own accord towards her room. She dropped the bag of clothes next to her door and looked over at him. He was flipping through a book, stretched over the couch. He hadn’t acknowledged her entrance, but he had certainly heard her.

            _What am I doing?_ Lily could almost hear her heart beating in her head. _Oh, what the hell. He probably won’t even notice me sit down._

She grabbed her bag of schoolbooks and made her way over to the couch, to the end where his legs were draped over the edge. She pushed them aside, finally drawing his attention. Instead of making eye contact, Lily sat down before he could move his feet back. She dropped her bag onto the floor between her legs, bending over it to pull out a book. Reading was her best bet at the moment; she couldn’t trust herself to write without blotching up her paper.

Silently, she thanked the fire for its strong warmth; removing her robe when her skin was dotted with goose bumps would not have been a very smart idea, or very sexy. The thought made her laugh internally. As casually as she could manage, she slipped the robe off of her shoulders and leaned over again purposefully to stuff it into her bag.

Still she couldn’t look him in the eye; she thought she might blush. But she noticed him shifting next to her and couldn’t resist the temptation. Her eyes moved upwards of their own will, meeting his dark ones. He was staring at her in disbelief – not her eyes, but her body. It was enough to make her very self-conscious.

Steadying her voice mentally, she cleared her throat. “Looking for something?” Lily was surprised to find her voice steady and slightly deeper than usual.

“Huh?” James’ eyes snapped up to meet hers. “Oh – uh – sorry.” Then he appeared to realize that he was apologizing to her and scowled.

Lily sighed. She couldn’t help it; she was both annoyed with him and herself. It was her fault that this situation had begun in the first place, but couldn’t he accept any of her apologies on the matter? Then maybe she wouldn’t be forced to dress like this – although she wasn’t sure what she was doing. But it was quite enjoyable, she admitted reluctantly to herself. No wonder Selene was in a good mood so often.

Lily leaned over, not realizing why this made James’ eyes widen considerably. “James – I’ve tried so many times. What do you want from me? I’ve told you, Levent mean nothing to me, and you mean everything. But-”

She followed his gaze and sat up straight immediately, her cheeks flushing.

“But I can’t take back what I did. You have to understand that I wish I could, I-” Her throat was constricting and getting dry. She swallowed and fell silent. Realizing that he hadn’t been listening anyway, she sighed and leaned back against the couch. This motion caused his feet to come in contact with her upper thigh, and she couldn’t help but shiver slightly. This was all going the wrong way, Lily thought frantically. He was supposed to be seduced, not her.

“Lily-” His voice suddenly rang out, sounding very strange. “Lily, I- I mean I’m…”

She glanced up to see him staring at her like he wasn’t quite sure what was happening. He gave up and she realized that her mouth was open and she was breathing rather loudly; she clamped it shut quickly.

He reached a hand out toward her, almost unconsciously, and brushed it against her hip, running his fingers over the fabric there and smoothing it. She felt her eyes fall shut and leaned back into the couch, stretching so that his hand brushed more completely against her skin.

When she felt him pulling away, she opened her eyes and put her hand over his. She opened her mouth to protest, when he spoke first.

“I can’t stop thinking about you with him.” Their eyes met and locked

“I don’t know how to undo that…” She was having trouble breathing this close to him. “I’m yours, James. I’ve never been anyone else’s.”

Feeling like she couldn’t take it anymore, she reluctantly pulled away from him, dropping his hand. He watched regretfully as she pulled the robe around her and grabbed her neglected books. With one last confused glance towards her room, she shut the door softly behind her, suddenly feeling very warm.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Lily found that the rest of the week moved very quickly; they were approaching the day of the masquerade without time for thought. It was obvious that despite the general protest over the ball, there was much anticipation. The opportunity to hide one’s identity, to be anyone for a night and not have to face the consequences, seemed to be quite appealing to a very large number of people. Including her, she had to admit. Pressure was something that Lily felt heavily these days, from many different sources, each one as heavy as the last.

            That Friday night – the night before the masquerade – she entered the Great Hall for dinner with drooping eyes. She hadn’t felt so tired in a long time. Even when she finished her homework and Head Girl duties and had time to go to sleep, she found it very hard to drift into easy dreams.

            She spotted Remus walking past her and decided that she would do something she had wanted to do all week. She owed this to Kristen, and she rather liked Remus, too. She felt a bit strange talking to him like this, as they didn’t know one another very well, but anything that might help her friend was worth a chance.

            Lily reached out and tapped Remus lightly on the arm. He stopped and spun around, blinking when he saw the redhead beside him. “Oh – hi Lily.”

            “Er – can I talk to you, Remus? I know this is sort of odd, but well-”

            He watched her speculatively, his weary eyes changing color. “Of course you can.”

            The turned and walked back out of the hall together. Lily glanced behind her and saw Kristen watching them; she hoped her friend would not draw any strange conclusions from this, but she doubted it. Kristen was not fickle and certainly not stupid.

            Lily turned towards the dusty-haired boy when the large doors fell shut behind them. She drew him off to the side and took a deep breath.

            “I just – I wanted to ask you about Kristen.”

            Remus took a step backwards. “What?” He asked, startled.

            “Do you like her?” Lily paused. “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m sorry.”

            Eventually, he let out a sigh. “Well, yes. I like her a lot. I have for awhile.”

            “She wouldn’t tell me what happened on your – ah – date. And I know that it’s none of my business…but I’m positive that she likes you more than anybody before, and I just didn’t understand why neither of you is saying anything.”

            Remus was looking at her closely, as if weighing her. Finally, he lowered his voice and said, “There are a few things that you don’t know about me, Lily.”

            She blinked, confused. “Like what?”

            “Only James, Sirius, Peter, and now Kristen know about this…apart from Dumbledore and other people like that, of course.”

            “Know about what?”             

            There was a long pause. “I’m…I’m a werewolf.” He said it slowly, reluctantly.

            Lily felt her mouth drop open and she wasn’t quite sure how she was supposed to react. She must have looked very strange, because he sighed and looked down at his shoes.

            How had she not noticed? It all made sense! The way he disappeared each month and always looked so tired and sick…she felt stupid for not piecing the clues together earlier. Silently, she shoved her surprise away and decided that it would do neither of them any good to stand there looking like a fish. She would think about it later.

            “Oh, Remus…I’m so sorry.” She reached out a hand and laid it on his arm.

            “It’s nothing I’m not used to…It’s just…” He seemed to forget what he meant to say. “Don’t say anything to anyone, alright?”

            “No, of course not.”

            She had meant to tell him that he should just ask Kristen to go out again or something. Now she was beginning to understand what her friend must have been embarrassed over; clearly it had something to do with this. And the only reason Remus was holding back was because he didn’t want her to become involved with it.

            “Remus – you know she doesn’t care, don’t you? That she would give anything to help you, not to hurt you?” Lily prompted softly. “She thinks you don’t like her.”

            “But that’s ridiculous!” He paused. “She deserves better anyway. I can’t take that away from her.” He turned away from Lily, towards the doors. “We should be getting back or we’ll miss dinner.”

            Lily nodded reluctantly and was surprised when he turned back to her and said, “James loves you Lily. He’s hurt, but he still loves you. I think…I think you should go back to acting like you always have, and things will work out sooner or later.”

            Lily was slightly taken aback but she smiled. “Did Kristen tell you to say that?”

            Remus flushed slightly. “I- she-”

            “It’s good advice Remus, I’ve been thinking that myself, but it’s a lot to…piece together sometimes.” The silence stretched out between them.

            After slight hesitation, she reached out and pulled him into a hug, not caring that she didn’t know him very well and he might think she was crazy. She was surprised when he relaxed against her and patted her back, like they were old friends and this discussion was not completely out of the blue.

            They walked back together, both feeling a bit lighter about the situation. When they reached the table, their friends stared up at them questioningly, but nothing was said. Kristen’s eyes lingered on the two of them and Lily watched her silently. She hoped Remus talked with her soon and ended this ongoing misunderstanding, because clearly they both wished it would happen. With everything Kristen had done for her, Lily felt that she deserved all the happiness she could find.

            After dinner, Lily was ready to walk out of the Great Hall when she heard Dumbledore call her over to the staff table. James was already standing in front of him, watching as Lily approached. The two of them stared at one another until Dumbledore cleared his throat.

            “The curfew has been working well and I think everyone feels a bit safer with it in effect. But there are those students,” his eyes lingered on James a moment, “who feel that it doesn’t need to be taken seriously. I thought I might ask the two of you to patrol tonight, just for a bit, to make sure everyone is out of the corridors at the proper time.”

            Lily nodded. “Of course, professor.”

            James grinned slightly. “Well, it’s not me this time.”

            Dumbledore’s blue eyes twinkled slightly. “No, indeed it is not you this time.”

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Lily and James walked back to the Heads common room together, their friends having already left in the direction of Gryffindor tower. The two of them had not exchanged many words since Lily’s attempted seduction a few nights past. But she had noticed the way his eyes lingered on her a bit longer, how he seemed to be daydreaming almost as much as she was. She felt a small bit of pride in the fact that she had some kind of effect on him, at least, although she could never know what was really going on inside his head.

            They entered the common room in silence and Lily stopped walking when she heard him mumble something from behind her. She turned slowly and raised an eyebrow at him.

            “I said – maybe we could patrol a bit early tonight, as in just before curfew, because we both have a lot of work to finish tonight.”

            “Yes, of course.” She nodded in agreement; it was a good idea. She vaguely realized that it was the first thing they had agreed on in weeks, and peacefully too.

            A few hours later, she heard James call her name and she looked up from her parchment, biting down on the end of her quill rather hard.

            “Are you ready?” he asked, his eyes trailing over her.             

            “Yeah, one second.” Lily quickly capped her ink, brushed off her robes, and stood up. She glanced at James and headed towards the door, expecting him to follow.

            Once they were outside their common room, she turned towards him and took a deep breath; she was very aware of how closely they were walking. “Which way would you like to go first?”

            He shrugged, so she took a left. “You know this school better than I do, but whatever.” She was walking quickly, and she noticed that he had to jog a moment to catch up. She wanted to say something to break the silence and the inevitable uncomfortable feeling that would follow, but she could think of nothing intelligent and had a feeling that James would only snap at her if she tried. 

            So they walked on in silence, passing a few groups of people. James reminded them that they needed to head back to their common rooms, and they all replied that that was where they were going. It was all very routine, slightly boring, and Lily was letting out a huge yawn into her hand when James all of a sudden wrapped a hand around her arm and yanked her roughly into a broom cupboard next to them. He shut the door behind them.

            “What the bloody hell are you trying to do, James?” Lily squirmed; it was pitch black and very crowded. What little space the closet offered was mostly filled with what felt like mops and a couple of buckets.

            James let out a breath and Lily was suddenly aware that it was him pressed against her backside; she could feel his breath drifting down her neck and she shivered slightly.

            “I saw Mariana coming, I thought you might want to escape her,” he mumbled.

            “Oh- well you didn’t have to scare me half to death, you know.” Flustered, she managed to turn herself around but quickly decided that it was a bad idea. Her body was now aligned with James’s and they were pressed together tightly. Her head came up just below his chin and she felt his arms wrap around her; she wondered vaguely if that was his own doing, or if it was the only space available to put them. But she was certain that his hands need not be that close to her bum- certainly he didn’t need to be holding her so close. But the mop pressing into her backside caused Lily to push against him even harder. Her breath hitched in her throat; she could feel his whole body pressed against her, even his heart beating against her chest.

            It felt surprisingly comfortable, in fact she wished she could get closer. She knew where his mouth was; she could feel the warm breath grazing her cheek. Her eyes were adjusting slowly to the darkness and she could now make out his face. He was staring down at her and their eyes met. She knew that Mariana could be twenty corridors away form them by now, but she didn’t want to be the one to say so. It felt too good; she wasn’t going to end this unless he did.

            Suddenly she felt a river of warm air against her cheek as he said deeply, quietly, “Have you broken everything off with Levent yet?”

            “I- I’ve been avoiding him, actually. I would think he’s figured out by himself that I want nothing to do with him – in that sense, anyway. He’s been keeping his distance. Acting strange too…” She knew she was babbling. She couldn’t help it; being so close to James had that effect on her.

            “ _Will_ you break it off with him?” He asked forcefully. 

            “If – if necessary. Nothing was ever really started…” She felt herself nod, even though she wasn’t sure if he could see her. She tried to move farther away from another mop that was digging into her lower back, and in doing so pressed her hips against his. She gasped at the sensation.

            Without warning, she suddenly felt his lips on hers, crushing her mouth, his tongue brushing against her lips. She moaned suddenly, not pausing to be embarrassed about the emission. Her hands fumbled at his clothes; she couldn’t see what she was doing, but managed to slip them underneath his sweater. She felt goose bumps appear where her fingers traveled, over the skin that she had been thinking about ever since he walked past her in that blasted towel. She felt his hands tugging at her back, moving lower and pulling her closer to him, if that were even possible at this point.

            She could barely breathe, but she had needed this for so long. Maybe he did still love her, maybe Remus was right and there was hope. He certainly didn’t seem to be holding back now. She broke her mouth away from his and their foreheads rested against one another, both of them breathing heavily. She wanted to stay there, attached to him.

            Gathering her breath, she stumbled over her words. “James, you are so – unbelievable. And I never thought you would forgive me.” She buried her head against his chest and felt him stiffen. She pulled back, trying to squint up at him through the darkness.

            His voice came out rough and he was pulling away. “If I’m as great as you say, then don’t I deserve someone equally as good?”

            Her heart seemed to stop for a second. Did he mean that? But he was already pulling away, fumbling with the doorknob, pushing her hands away from him. He must mean it. But then _why_? Lily felt her eyes tearing up at this overload of emotion and she realized that she had nothing to say to that. Of course he deserved someone better than her. She didn’t deserve much right now, especially not him.

            He slipped past her and out into the hallway, leaving the door ajar behind him. With a quiet sob, Lily sunk to the floor and didn’t even look up when the mop behind her fell to the floor with a loud “thunk”. 

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Lily entered the seventh year girls’ dorm with a large pile of assorted things dangling from her arms. She nodded slightly towards Kristen and Selene and walked over to her bed, dropping a few things on the floor along the way.

            She dropped a very large pile of books onto the stand next to her bed with a loud slamming noise.

            “What are you doing?” Kristen asked curiously, watching as Lily sat down and took the topmost book from the stack, opening it and arranging her quill and parchment on the page. 

            “I’m doing what I should have been doing all year. I’m acting like a Head Girl.”

            “Oh, Lord.” Selene mumbled, shaking her head in wonder.

            Kristen raised an eyebrow. “Are you spending the night here? What happened?”

            Selene turned back towards Lily sharply, her blue eyes suddenly lighting up when Lily’s face flushed.

            “Absolutely nothing!” Lily finally managed. “I just – I couldn’t handle being around him tonight and the masquerade is tomorrow – I just need a good night’s sleep is all.”

            Kristen glanced amusedly at Selene and commented, “Well I don’t think you’ll be finding that here, sorry.”

            Lily shook her head and started scratching something onto her parchment, prompting Kristen to watch her seriously, with an almost proud gleam in her eyes. Finally she appeared satisfied and smiled softly at Lily, who was too immersed in her book to notice.

            A million things were running through Lily’s mind, but she was determined to take Remus’ advice and forget the rest. She was Head Girl, Dumbledore trusted her with this, there was nothing she could do about James anymore, and everything was already settled for the masquerade. But none of this prevented the knots from forming in her stomach, squeezing in just the right places to make her weary. 

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

**A/N: Let’s just say that life has been interesting lately…I do think I attempted to warn you all about that, although I feel bad anyway. It wasn’t even so much the workload (although, good God, I’ve never had so much to do at once). I suppose I had it coming to me; one of my friends did warn me that I’ve been suppressing everything for a long time, and it seems that it only makes it worse in the end. Except that, how are you supposed to get through things when they’re happening if you don’t suppress them? Eh. I’m not going to use this space to broadcast everything I should have dealt with years ago (don’t worry), I’ll just say that there are family…issues, and I just wanted to offer an excuse for my absence this spring.**

**Other than that, I’m happy to say that the new material is just a couple of chapters away, and although I'll be starting two new jobs, I won't have organic chemistry to deal with lol, so I'll be able to post more often. I hope you’re all doing well :)**

**~Emily~**


	23. Unmasking

**Chapter Twenty-Three ~ Unmasking**

            Lily awoke the next morning, Saturday morning, the day of the masquerade morning, wondering vaguely where she was. She was abruptly reminded when Selene appeared over her head and said loudly,

            “Oh finally- she’s awake.”

            “Looks a mess too,” a voice said from her right, and Lily turned to look at Kristen. She sat up slowly, rubbing a hand over her hair.

            “Good morning, Lily. We’ve got quite a bit of decorating to do, so I hope you’re in the mood,” Kristen smiled softly and seated herself on the end of Lily’s bed.

            “Oh wonderful…” Lily groaned. If there was one thing she hated, it was being woken up early and knowing that she couldn’t go back to sleep.

            Selene pulled Lily out of bed. “Come on, the longer you think about it, the worse it gets. Besides, we shouldn’t need to stay for all the decorating; we can just tell everyone what to do.” She winked at Lily and threw a clean pair of clothing at her.

            After the early start, the day was rather monotonous, in Lily’s opinion; at least until after the “early dinner,” when they could finally begin decorating the Great Hall. They had wished for the decorations to be a surprise, and so they had decided to wait until after everyone had finished eating.

            There were only a few hours left before the ball would begin, and Lily found herself staring at the walls, where James and Peter were attempting to string a shiny banner that had been the Marauders’ creation. Lily wasn’t quite sure what to do around James, or anyone else of that matter. She was feeling more collected than she had in weeks, but that didn’t stop her disorientation, especially when James was around.

            Kristen was grinning next to her, and Lily had the faint impression that she knew why. She leaned over and asked, “Have you talked with Remus lately?” Kristen blinked at her, and replied, “Well of course, we’ve been trying to work on the book as much as possible and-”

            “No, I mean have you _talked_ to him lately?”

            “Oh! Er- well, he did say something to me about making sure that I saved a dance for him…”

            Lily nodded in satisfaction. Her eyes moved across the room and met Remus’s. He grinned and waved at her, not noticing that he had pieces of shiny silver in his hair. James snickered and sprinkled some of Selene’s carefully folded snowflakes onto his head as well. Lily smirked as she waved back at Remus.

            She could still appreciate James’s antics, right? Even if she didn’t deserve him? Heaving a sigh, she turned towards the rows of long tables. She grabbed her wand from her pocket and muttered a spell, waving her arms about. The tables immediately began scattering, forming many smaller, round tables and chairs. They arranged themselves in a semi-circle, facing a large area that Lily kept open as the dance floor.

            Selene narrowly jumped out of the way as a table scooted past her. “Hey!” She glared at Lily. She then surveyed the scene, and with a wave of her wand, sent white tablecloths fluttering over the tabletops. Kristen, who was standing next to her and observing, said, “I think we should probably go get ready now. The guys won’t need nearly as much time, so they can finish up here.”

            Selene, who had approached Lily from the other side, snorted. She gestured towards Sirius and Remus, who were attempting to hang ornaments on the giant Christmas tree Hagrid had lugged in, cursing each time they dropped something or poked themselves.

            “It’s alright, it looks good already. I think we can trust them with the last few simple tasks,” Kristen stated quietly, and Lily nodded.

            The Great Hall was rather attractive, mostly thanks to Clover and her sister, Mariana. Lily was very thankful that Clover had kept Mariana away from her as much as possible. The Head Girl really appreciated all of the enthusiasm that the third year exhibited, but she didn’t think the girl should be looking up to her, of all people. Kristen was the better role model any day.

            They had decided on House colors. Though it was Christmas, this masquerade ball was about bringing the Houses together and breaking the Cavillors and Auscultos apart. But of course they had planned for much Christmas music and Selene had absolutely insisted upon decorating the walls with paper snowflakes. Dumbledore had effectively dimmed the candle lighting more than usual, making the whole Hall look more like a dance floor. There was a decidedly mysterious feel to it, Lily reflected, which was very fitting. She glanced up and surveyed the sunset above them. There were already a few stars appearing here and there, and Lily was thankful that it was a cloudless night; the night sky added to the mystery and had always comforted her for some reason.

            She was startled from her reverie when Selene grabbed her arm and tugged her towards the door. “You daydream too much, Evans,” she smiled.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            It wasn’t until they reached their dorm room and began digging through their clothes that Lily realized who had been missing from the decorating session. “Do either of you know where Levent was today?” Lily asked, glancing carefully at her friends.

            They both stopped what they were doing and looked up. “No, why?”

            “I dunno.” Lily shrugged. “I haven’t seen him at all lately, I was just wondering.”

            “He’s been acting really strange lately,” Kristen commented softly.

            “I mean, he’s been sitting near Snape and Malfoy in the Great Hall and he never looks your way in class anymore.”

            Selene nodded, indicating that she had noticed the same thing. “Rotten Slytherins. I swear, if I see either Snape or Malfoy smirking again when they’re reading the morning news, I’ll bash their heads in.”

            “D’you suppose they’re really Death Eaters?” Lily asked carefully, trying to forget about the fact that Levent had indeed been talking to them a bit lately. But he hadn’t seemed himself, either…she didn’t know him all that well, but she could tell that he was different.

            “I dunno. Probably.” Selene rolled her eyes. “Let’s not talk about them now, we have a lot of work to do.” She held a long gown up and ran her fingers over it. “So what do you think?”

            Kristen gasped; it was the deepest blue she had ever seen on a dress. “It’s gorgeous,” she breathed, “it goes perfectly with your eyes.”

            “What?” Lily pulled her eyes away and stared at Kristen. “Her eyes aren’t purple.”

            The two girls stared at one another in confusion and Selene burst out laughing. “It’s form-changing fabric. It becomes whatever the person looking at it wants to see.” She paused. “I’m so glad you like things to go with my eyes, Kristen. And Lily- do you really see me as a purple sort of girl?”

            They both flushed slightly. Kristen stared at the dress a moment longer, stating, “But that must have cost a fortune.”

            Selene smiled ruefully. “Yes, well, that’s one plus of being born into a wealthy family, I suppose…”

            Lily nodded; the Kelehans did have a good deal of money, possibly even more than the Blacks. And from what Lily had heard, the Potters weren’t far behind. None of those three people really flaunted their wealth, and Lily was glad for it, because she couldn’t stand people who did. Like Malfoy.

            Kristen laughed, “Well, either way it’s a beautiful dress.” She glanced down at what she was holding, earning the other girls’ attention. 

            “Well hold it up,” Lily instructed.

            It was a pale purple color, one that would have looked awful with Lily’s hair but would look great on Kristen with her blonde hair. The front was cut a bit low, but not low enough to raise any eyebrows, and the bottom widened out to where little purple flowers were embroidered into the fabric, only noticeable if one looked closely.

            “It’s beautiful,” Lily commented, fingering the silky fabric. “And very comfortable, I imagine.”

            “So what did you pick out, Lily?” Kristen asked, setting her dress down on her bed for a moment.

            Lily smiled softly. “Nothing as nice as yours. She reached down onto her bed and pulled the dress up against her body. It was two layers; the top layer being a transparent sort of green and the back layer was a solid, darker emerald. When the two layers were against one another, they created a feeling of depth and it had held Lily’s interest for this reason.

            “I always did like the color of your eyes, Lily,” Selene announced, grinning.

            “But- I didn’t pick it because it matches-”

            Kristen held up a hand. “Doesn’t matter,” she said, “we need to get a move on so that we’re not late.”

            When they were finally finished dressing and after much struggling with their hair, the three Auscultos grabbed the remaining piece of their costumes; the masks. They surveyed one another and noticed that their masks all matched the colors of their dresses (apparently Selene’s mask also changed to accommodate her dress).

            “This feels a bit like Halloween,” Lily commented, grinning. There were holes for their eyes and mouth, and of course their hair could be seen, but that was the only form of identity left.

            Selene suddenly sounded serious. “Let’s make an agreement that tonight we don’t think about anything. That we just have fun, forget about our respective problems and go with whatever happens.”

            “Agreed,” chorused Lily and Kristen. They were more than willing to comply with that idea. While the purpose of the masquerade was to unify the groups, they couldn’t help but feel that it was the perfect opportunity for an escape from reality, something that Lily was not sure she had ever done in her life.

            The three girls descended the stairs together, giggling as other Auscultos passed them and they realized that even though hair and eyes were visible, they still couldn’t tell who many of the people were and it would be even more difficult to discern once they were all in the dimness of the Great Hall.

            Lily began wondering what James was going to be wearing. Not that she would be looking for him, especially if she was going to comply with this forget about everything agreement. She need not see him at all tonight. On the other hand, forgetting about her problems could include going along with her feelings for James, right? She sighed internally when she realized that he, however, would not allow that interaction. And she was trying so hard to forget about their encounter in the broom cupboard; she had decided that while she knew it was more than lust on her part, it had only been hormones for James. He cared nothing for her anymore; Remus had only been trying to comfort her.

            They walked into the Great Hall in silence and stopped just inside the doors, scanning the finished product. The boys had done a nice job finishing up; it was very fitting for a masquerade ball during Christmas time. There was a large group of people already there- or two large groups would be a better way to describe it, as it appeared that the Cavillors and Auscultos were congregating on opposite sides of the dance floor. It was clear that they had gone against Lily’s wishes and they seemed to know who was who – at least where their friends were concerned. Lily was not completely disheartened, however, because she was sure that once they began dancing, nobody would be able to tell.

            Selene chuckled. “It looks like some people went all out.”

            Indeed, there were many dresses and suits that looked like they would fit in very well at a Halloween party. Some of the girls had fluffy or sparkly masks. The boys didn’t even look like teenagers in their formal wear. There was a distinct air of excitement; it was palpable and Lily was very inspired by this. She had hoped when she first blurted out her suggestion that it would all work out well, because it could have been a disaster…still could be, in fact.

            Kristen mumbled on her right side, “I wonder where the boys are. We may never be able to find them in these costumes.”

            “Oh, I think we’ll manage.” Selene laughed. Lily didn’t need to look over at her friend to know that she had a smirk on her face. No doubt she and Sirius had already discussed this.

            There was faint music playing from the direction of the Staff table, where a lone witch was seated in a rather modest but fitting dress. Lily was sure it was McGonagall and she grinned; she hadn’t thought she would ever see her professor in a dress, let alone a mask.

            More people had wandered in while the girls were staring about them, and Lily abruptly felt a tugging on her arms as her friends led her over to a table and they seated themselves to watch people come in.

            Lily’s lips tightened as she realized that nobody was really mingling; there was still that division through the dance floor. She was glaring at a very stubborn boy who seemed to be keeping the people next to him from mixing with another group, when she heard Selene let out a breath beside her.

            “Well- _there’s_ Sirius,” she announced loudly, smiling.

            The first thought on Lily’s mind was _where’s James then?_ She didn’t see him near the boy Selene was advancing towards, but she followed her friend anyway to see if James would be nearby.

            Selene tapped Sirius on the shoulder as they approached and he turned towards them. His eyes looked confused a moment, but Lily could tell that it was Sirius by the smirk on his mouth. He was staring quite avidly, and not at Selene’s face.

            “You look hot in leather,” he told her, his smirk widening.

            Lily’s eyes widened and she almost burst out laughing, but Selene beat her to it. “Well- it’s not leather, exactly. Just form-changing fabric; it becomes whatever you want it to be.” She smirked, gauging his reaction.

            “Oh, well that’s…I fancy myself in leather, and seeing as we may as well be the same person, that makes perfect sense.” He was tapping a finger against his still-smiling lips.

            Her smirk widened, almost evilly. “But I’ll be sure to wear leather whenever I need something from you.”

            “Oh no, won’t work on me, my dear. I am a wall.”

            “Sure. Whatever you say. We shall see.”

            Lily was feeling a bit out of place, but decided to cut in now, before they forgot about her completely. “Do you know where James is?” She couldn’t take it anymore; if she was supposed to let go tonight, she was going to at least try to find him. 

            Sirius turned his attention to her. “Lily! I thought it might be you, but I can’t tell y’know…”

            “Apart from the red hair, you mean.”

            “Well I can’t see that well in here.” He squinted towards her and then stopped, smiling suddenly. “What’s that you say? You’re looking for James?” He rubbed his chin beneath his mask. “Wait- wasn’t it you who kept insisting that we not know who everyone else is?”

            Lily groaned. “But-”

            He held up a hand. “Nope. There will be no breaking of the rules by this man.”

            Lily gestured towards Selene and tried to make a suggestive face, before realizing that her face was masked.

            He shrugged. “I had nothing to do with that, it was all her doing. She was just attracted towards me by animal magnetism, is all.”

            Selene grinned and didn’t bother arguing for once. Lily shook her head and made a frustrated noise in the back of her throat. She decided it wasn’t worth her effort and turned to make her way back over to the table, where Kristen was still seated and watching the door. 

            When Lily approached, Kristen commented, “Well it looks like we’re still missing a bunch of people…do you think there are many who decided not to come?”

            “No, probably not. I thought a masquerade would be quite popular, despite the purpose…”

            But even as she finished, Kristen was pointing towards the door, where a large group of people was now filtering in. Lily squinted, wondering why they were all traveling together, when she abruptly found her answer. On the right-hand side of all of their costumes, there was a large green pin, complete with a snake forming a large “S”. Lily rolled her eyes. She should have known that the Slytherins would try something like this.

            A slightly raspy voice that had a familiar air of command rang out from the staff table. “Please, if you would, students, remove your pins. Nobody is allowed to have an identity tonight and I believe that you are breaking the rules.”

            Lily laughed when she looked up and saw Dumbledore’s costume, complete with planets and half-moons moving across a deep blue robe. “Nice costume, Professor Dumbledore,” a student near the middle of the Hall announced loudly.

            He pulled off his mask and laughed softly. “What gave me away? It was the beard, wasn’t it?”

            Lily looked back at the Slytherins, who even with masks covering most of their expressions looked none too pleased. They were all reluctantly removing their pins and sticking them in pockets or purses. Lily had the distinct suspicion that Lucius Malfoy had had something to do with the pins. Actually, Malfoy had probably instructed Snape to make them. He rarely executed his own ideas.

            Dumbledore seemed to be reading Lily’s mind as he said, “Well, we should be getting started. If the boys would form a large circle on the outside, and the girls a circle on the inside, Professor McGongall and I will start the music without further ado.”

            The circles, inevitably, were mostly Cavillor on one side and Ausculto on the other, prompting Dumbledore to say, “No, no, mix it up a bit,” in a cheery voice. There were a few groans but the students complied, many of them dragging their feet. Lily found as she arranged herself in between two other girls that she had lost track of her friends. She looked around her and realized that she didn’t recognize anyone. Sirius was right; even hair color was proving very elusive unless one was extremely close to the other person and squinted, and Lily did not think she should do that with this many students just to locate her friends, even if they didn’t know who she was.

            She stopped staring around as the music began, and the students around her began to dance with the person across from them. It seemed that much of the suspicion that was previously thick in the room was fading away into excitement, and no one much cared about which group the person across from them was in. If there was nobody to watch and tell them it was wrong, and in fact they weren’t sure if it was wrong or not themselves, then why not go ahead and do it?

            Lily grabbed the hands of the boy in front of her, feeling rough palms sliding against hers. Immediately her mind began speeding, _hmm…probably a quidditch player_. She began to go through a list of quidditch players she knew – but these weren’t James’s hands, she had felt his just last night after all…her face flushed and she was trying to look into the eyes of this boy in front of her when she heard a loud,

            “Change partners!” And girls moved to the right, boys to the left.

            Well, she had asked Dumbledore to make sure they switched quickly, but honestly, wasn’t this a bit fast? Lily shook her head to clear it as she grasped the hands of the next boy. _Ugh- what awful teeth._ _Maybe it’s a Slytherin…_ But then he grinned at her and she dismissed the idea. Slytherins were not famous for their grinning faces. But then again, Levent was a Slytherin, and he grinned all the time…but he also had perfect teeth…

            “Change!”

            Lily stumbled slightly and caught the next pair of hands.

            “Hello Lily,” a small voice said, and the boy smiled at her. Her eyes had probably reflected confusion, because he added, “It’s Peter. Sirius told me what you were wearing.”

            Lily nodded and smiled at him, forgetting to be irritated with Sirius. She’d been seeing less of Peter lately, it seemed. “Oh- well hello Pete.” They danced for a moment longer before an idea occurred to her. But if Peter knew what she was wearing…” Wait- did Sirius tell J-”

            “Change partners, please!”

            Peter shrugged and moved off before Lily had a chance to finish. She sighed and reluctantly placed her hands into the next pair offered to her. And she felt it almost immediately – how the slightly rough surface gave just the right amount of friction against her palms. How his grip melted against hers in a way she was very comfortable with, in a way that she had felt many times before…She looked up and met his eyes. They were already staring into hers, prompting her to shiver slightly and tighten her grip on his hands. She scanned over his mask, wishing for some reason that it wasn’t there anymore, because it felt like a barrier. Her eyes ran over the pieces of raven-black hair that stuck out from behind his mask, reinforcing her suspicion that this was definitely James.

            His costume was a forest green and complemented the color of her dress very well, she noticed. She tried to memorize what he was wearing, his mask – everything that might identify him later so that she would not lose track of him. After all, they would not be changing partners all night, it was only an idea for the start of the masquerade to ensure they the students mingled a bit and forgot where their friends were amidst all of these masks. It was working, too.

            Lily felt the heat of his eyes still on her and realized that she had become so comfortable with his hands in hers that she hadn’t noticed the way his arms had pulled her closer and how she had been losing her mind to all of the bright colors around them. She needed to stop this daydreaming…

            “Change!” Dumbledore interrupted her suddenly.

            She pulled away very slowly and they shared a lingering glance. _Now what did all that mean? I’m so confused._

            She was sure that she didn’t know the next boy, at least he felt completely unfamiliar to her, so she didn’t attempt to guess who it was, instead opting to act perfectly polite.

            The changing of partners continued for a long while, and Lily was beginning to feel quite weary near the end of it. She wondered if they had gone around more than once. The circles were very large, so it was unlikely, and yet it felt as if they had been dancing for hours. 

            “And one more time – change partners!” And Lily felt that her hands were being taken into a firm grip. She thought these hands felt familiar and glanced up. A dark green costume again. James? She supposed they _had_ gone around more than once, in that case. Where had her mind been? Yes, these hands were definitely familiar to her, but she wasn’t feeling that same spark. She guessed it had something to do with her tiredness, and perhaps she was gaining back some of her practical nature. _Not bloody likely._

Suddenly Dumbledore’s voice once again rang out across the Hall. “Alright then! You no longer are required to change partners; you may dance with whomever you choose. But no removing masks yet! Punch and snacks are available on the long table next to the Christmas tree, so feed to your own liking! Now, don’t be too alarmed if you find an old man dancing among you, as I’m afraid the music is calling me.”

            Lily pulled away from the boy in front of her – James, she supposed – because she suddenly had an urge to get something to drink. Her throat was feeling very dry. She noticed on her way over to the table that there were many couples dancing, and that nobody seemed to be separating themselves, except perhaps for that group on her left side that had to be Slytherins, judging from their cocky demeanors. She hated how overconfident they were lately, because she knew it correlated directly with all of the recent attacks.

            Trying to shake her head of these thoughts and abide by the agreement she had made with her friends earlier, she finally reached the table and grinned. There was a pitcher of pumpkin juice laid out next to the punch, and for some reason she felt that it was a safer bet than the punch; she didn’t suppose she could ever trust Sirius Black again.

            She grabbed a cup and began to drink quickly. Her face was very warm beneath the mask and she wondered vaguely how long they had been dancing. She heard a laugh off to her right and recognized it as Selene’s. As her eyes followed the noise, she spotted Sirius near her and in the process of snapping some poor soul’s mask against his face.

            “Oh dear,” a voice on her other side said. 

            “Oh, hey Kristen.” Lily grinned, turning towards her. She gestured towards Sirius and Selene. “D’you suppose they can do anything except annoy other people?”

            “Dunno, but I have to admit it is rather amusing.”

            “Sometimes…” she trailed off. “Danced with Remus yet?”

            “I think so, but I couldn’t really tell. We went all the way around the circle, right?” Kristen scooted out of the way of a boy who was stumbling about.

            Lily answered, “I think we may have gone a bit more than all the way around, because I thought I danced with a few people twice.” _Namely James_ …because she probably wouldn’t have noticed anyone else.

            “Oh. I hadn’t noticed,” Kristen mumbled, taking a sip from her drink.

            Lily grabbed her hand, holding her cup in the other. “Let’s sit down for a bit…I’m feeling a bit tired.”

            Kristen nodded and they made their way over to the table near the doors, where they had been seated before. As they sat down, Kristen remarked, “Well the ball can’t be lasting much longer, because the plan was to unmask at midnight…”

            “But what time is it?”

            Kristen pointed up at the ceiling in response, prompting Lily to stare upwards. The moon was nearing the center. “Oh- almost midnight then, I suppose.” She was feeling a bit surreal; there were so many things happening at once. She wanted to get up and dance more; she didn’t want to waste this freedom. But at the same time, she was strangely exhausted. She figured that they must have been dancing for a long time, however, if it was almost midnight, which would explain her tiredness.

            “Care to dance?” Lily blinked and looked over to see a boy standing before Kristen, extending his hand. His voice sounded quite like Remus’s and as she stared, Lily noticed him wink at her. A grin spread across her face.            

            “Go on,” she encouraged Kristen, “I’m just going to sit here and rest a bit, I think.”

            Kristen nodded, “Alright.” With a smile, she took the hand offered her, and the two of them disappeared into the crowd. Lily sighed and leaned back against her chair. She was happy that there had been no disastrous results thus far. In fact, everything seemed to be coming along quite nicely…

            A spot of green invaded the corner of her eye and she rose from her chair, despite her body wishing for rest. Something was telling her that she should take advantage of the situation and dance with James. She was sure he would know it was her, but if neither of them could know for sure, it would be alright, wouldn’t it? She consented internally and advanced towards him, making sure to keep the green costume in view so that she would not lose him.

            When she reached her destination, she captured his hands from behind, slipping hers inside. She leaned close to the back of his neck and whispered, “Dance with me.” He turned around and complied, taking her hands into his and leaning his head over her shoulder, so that she couldn’t look into his eyes. She was a little sad to find that there was not the same chemistry that she had felt earlier. But she supposed that had only been the excitement of the moment. She pressed her hands against his back and leaned into his shoulder, sighing as they danced around in a circle. Nothing had been said beyond her initial offer, and she was almost thankful. She didn’t want to argue, just to feel like everything was okay. Even if she didn’t deserve him.

            Suddenly, he pulled back. “I’m not who you think I am.”

            Confused, she squinted up at him. His eyes seemed to be pleading with her from beneath his mask. She suddenly saw a glint of green flash from his eyes and pulled back. _Oh no – it couldn’t be._ She then noticed a bit of blonde hair sticking out from the side of his mask and her stomach felt like it dropped. Her confusion deepened. But if this was Levent, then where was James? And who had she been dancing with before? How had Levent known, anyway? His eyes were still pleading with her, but she didn’t understand what he was asking her. Nor did she care much at the moment, as her eyes were busy scanning the rest of the very crowded Hall. And there – she saw it – there was another man in a green costume, that had to be him! 

            Or maybe he had not been the first person in green she danced with either…Lily emitted a very frustrated noise and squinted harder. But no, that had to be him, it just had to. She watched as he leaned down, closer to the girl he was dancing with. She was pulling away, pushing his hands off her green dress…Lily marveled at all of the green even as she was horrified. She was sure that was James, so what was he doing kissing another girl? She felt herself choking up once again on an emotional overload- what was wrong with her these days?

            And then he looked up and she knew for sure that it was James, because his eyes met hers from across the room. Well, that is, he was looking in her direction and she certainly felt like she was being stared at. 

            She knew they would be unmasking any minute, and she really wanted to see the results of this masquerade. She knew so many things at the moment, but the embarrassment of having mistaken Levent for James was killing her, and she wilted under the gaze of both. Knowing that her face must be flaming under her mask, she turned and quickly fled through the doors of the Great Hall. She could do with a bit of air, and perhaps to hide from James for the rest of the night. She couldn’t explain her sudden need to get out of the crowded room, but her feet led her out. Nobody seemed to notice her leaving, and the doors did not even sound loud as they shut behind her.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Kristen took Remus’s hand – for she was sure it was Remus by his demeanor – and allowed him to tug her towards the dance floor, her pale purple dress swirling about her hips. For a moment she turned her head to glance back at Lily, feeling slightly guilty for leaving her friend alone at the table, but then she noticed that the chair was already vacant. Blinking, Kristen strained her head to search for any flashes of red among the sea of masks but was interrupted by Remus’s hands at her waist. She turned her brown eyes upon his face and felt herself blush beneath the mask. She was thankful that something was covering her face for the moment; it gave her an extra scrap of confidence. Kristen bit her lip to stop herself from laughing nervously and slowly moved her hands around his neck.

            “Are you comfortable?” He asked her softly, pushing at her back to close the distance between them.

            “Yes…”

            She failed to notice in her nervous state that Remus’s hands were shaking and his voice was not altogether steady. The only thing that registered in her mind was the fact that they were standing very close together and she could feel his warm breath on her neck. She took another step forward and sighed at the contact with the whole length of his body. Slowly and carefully, he began to sway to the now softening music. It was nearing midnight; Kristen was sure that it must be. She wished this would never end, but she knew that when they unmasked at midnight the moment would be broken in the inevitable chaos that would follow.

            She sighed and leaned her head against his chest, feeling his hands tighten on her waist. Her eyes were just beginning to slide shut when she spotted that flash of red that she had been searching for several minutes ago. Her head snapped up and she turned sharply, causing Remus to move his hands a bit lower on her waist to keep them steady.

            Kristen watched as a tall boy with strands of messy black hair jutting out from behind his mask followed Lily out of the Great Hall. Sighing in exasperation, she quickly turned to look at Remus before realizing that he had also leaned over to look past her and, as a result, their faces were very close. Nervously, she leaned back a few inches and whispered, “Do you suppose we should make sure everything’s alright?”

            After a long pause, Remus shook his head. “I had a talk with Lily and…well, they’re big kids now. I think they can handle this themselves.”

            Kristen frowned, confused with his sarcasm. “But – I just don’t want Lily to be upset tonight and James – has been through enough.”

            Remus shook his head firmly this time, tightening his hold on her waist when she tried to turn away from him and causing her to stare up at him with wide, searching eyes. “This is their problem, not ours. Is it so wrong for us to want a moment to ourselves? I wanted to talk to you…” He trailed off and stepped back from her slightly. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m being selfish-”

            Kristen silenced him by sliding her arms back around his neck and pulling him close to her. She whispered against his mask-concealed cheek, “It’s not selfish of you…and I wanted to tell you anyway. I don’t care about your condition. I was shocked, is all. And…” She blushed and cleared her throat nervously. “and if you still want me, if you ever did, I-”

            “Of course I do!” He said loudly, causing the couple next to them to glance over.

            Kristen felt herself beaming despite her best efforts. She had never been so embarrassed and so ecstatic at the same time. The smile still broad across her mouth, she buried her head against his chest and clutched his arm with one hand, the other draped around his neck. They swayed to the music together, neither really caring to get the steps right. After a moment, Remus wrapped his arms protectively around her waist, holding her tight as if she was the only thing keeping his balance.

            Dumbledore’s voice abruptly cut through the unruffled atmosphere, announcing, “Students, it is now midnight and time for the unmasking to begin. I ask that you do so without any shouting or obscenities of any kind, please. This is meant to be an enjoyable event.”

            There was a long moment of silence until students began shuffling their feet and a few of them unmasked. Kristen noticed out of her peripheral vision that Sirius Black was one of those students; he unceremoniously flung his mask off to the side while simultaneously pulling at Selene’s. Remus chuckled beside her at the display and pulled his own mask off. Kristen followed suit and their eyes met, causing Kristen to realize that it did not matter if their whole faces were covered; they could communicate well enough using only their eyes.

            That was when the chaos began to surround them. Kristen felt the energy drain out of her as she watched the tension begin to build. Masks were falling to the floor with some mouths quickly following. It was as if a sheet had been lifted and reality descended upon them all at once, only it was a confined reality; not one that anyone had truly desired to return to despite all of their protests. Cavillors dancing with Auscultos! They had touched one another and it was – it had been – the confusion drowned out all thoughts and speech only came a few minutes later.

            Kristen had feared that there might be automatic physical conflicts and she was slightly uplifted to see that there were not. A few nasty words were exchanged, but for the most part, everyone was in disbelief; it was like having hundreds of deer caught in the headlights. She laughed silently at the image, but her laughter fell silent in her head when she caught sight of two boys who had yet to unmask and did not appear to have any intention of doing so, as they were very busy conversing privately.

            “Levent was just an experiment. This will be much better,” said the cool voice of the first, who Kristen was now sure was Lucius Malfoy. He smirked towards Severus Snape, who even with his mask on, seemed smug. Kristen made a sour face and turned back to Remus. 

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Lily leaned against the wall adjacent to the doors to the Great Hall, pressing her forehead against the cool surface as she pulled her mask off. This was crazy- just what did she think she was doing? She took a few deep breaths to steady herself and decided that she should go back in; she really did wish to see everyone unmask, after all.

            Just as she turned away from the wall another figure moved out into the hall. A figure clothed in green…a distinct groan arose from her throat as he pulled off his mask, revealing very messy and yet still very desirable hair.

            “James – I thought you were him!” She blurted out, not quite sure what else she was supposed to say.

            He stared at her, his eyes questioning. “Huh?”

            “Why did you have to wear the same color as Levent? You know I don’t pay much attention to details – at least not those kinds of details.”

            “Well it isn’t as if I planned to match him,” James snapped. “Speaking of which, why the hell did you wear the same dress as that girl?”

            “What girl? I wasn’t wearing the same dress as anyone!”            

            “Well it looked the same to me!” He was very flustered and running a hand through his hair, his dark eyes ready to bore a hole through her. 

            She was struck suddenly by all of the feelings she had been trying to bottle up over the last week and her voice wavered slightly as she mumbled, “I swear I was not looking for Levent, I really thought he was you and – I’m just really confused now. Please- I never meant to kiss him in the first place and I certainly would never again.” She took a deep breath of air. He simply stared at her, taking a step closer and brushing back a strand of her hair, which had fallen out of where it was pulled back.

            “I- I believe you.” He seemed as equally amazed at this admission as she was. His eyes widened as he looked at her. “I can’t help it, I really don’t think – oh bloody hell…” He trailed off, his eyes moving across her face.

            “Why are we arguing over mistaken identity?” Lily asked softly. “You never kissed her, so I hardly care, and I thought it was you…I-” She knew it made no sense; in fact the whole situation made no sense at all. But he was touching her hips again, in the same place he had a few nights ago in the Heads common room. She found her fingers were running over the mask he was holding in his right hand. He stiffened slightly as she trailed them slowly up his arm and chest, coming to rest on his shoulder. She dropped her own mask and in one swift movement, brought her other hand up to his face, pulling his head down and stretching to reach his lips. Lily was surprised that he did not immediately pull away. They were not in a dark broom cupboard, pressed against one another this time. He could see her and she him; this wasn’t hidden and couldn’t be mistaken for anything else. She didn’t let the kiss deepen, but pulled away slightly, causing him to lean forward. “I’ve not been a practical person lately, I’m sorry,” she whispered. 

            He brought his lips back to hers and she smiled against them, feeling his hands grasp her hips and maneuver her towards the wall, pressing her tightly between him and the cold surface. She moved one of her hands from his shoulder to his back, pulling him against her. “Do you trust me this time? Will you give me another chance, even though I don’t deserve you?” She tried to continue speaking, but was slightly drowned out by his insistent kisses. She sucked in a breath and shuddered slightly as he trailed kisses down to her neck. Suddenly he stopped, simply laying his head on her shoulder and pulling her against him.

            She felt the need to say something, so she mumbled near his ear, “You’ve been nothing but wonderful to me, James. And you’re right, you deserve better. Perhaps,” she took a deep breath, “perhaps – you should just forget about me.”

            There was a long moment of silence. He didn’t move, but continued to rest his head against her shoulder. She brought a hand up and ran it through his messy hair, afraid that he would pull away and accept her suggestion. She would deal with it, if he did. She didn’t want to be the person she had been lately, and if that meant letting him move on to someone better than her…

            He mumbled something against her shoulder.

            “What?” She whispered, afraid to ask.

            “I said before – in your room months ago – that I would wait for you.” He lifted his head up and looked at her. “Remember?”             

            She smiled softly. “Yes, of course I remember…” He couldn’t possibly mean that he forgave her, could he? Even she was not sure that she could forgive herself, even with how annoyed she had been with him for not forgiving her. 

            She could hear the commotion inside the Great Hall behind her and realized abruptly that it must be after midnight now, that everyone must have unmasked, and that she should be inside surveying the results, gauging what else would need to be done to bring the groups together. That was her job, as Head Girl, and James’s too. What were they doing out here? Somehow, she didn’t care at the moment.

            She felt his breath against her cheek as he said, “I would have never thought…”

            “Thought what?”

            He brought his head up farther and their eyes inevitably attached. “That this would happen.”

            Her breath hitched in her throat. “You mean…that you would care about an Ausculto?” 

            “No,” he paused. “Anybody, really. Not like this. You’re a special girl, Lily. I couldn’t help it.”

            Lily couldn’t help the large smile that spread across her face, even as she felt tears in her eyes. “No. I’m just lucky. Very lucky.”

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

**A/N: Thanks everyone, for the comments you left me, and the well wishes. I really do appreciate it. The next chapter shouldn’t be so far along, as it’s old material (as many of you may notice, I’ve changed very little lately) and I’m anxious to get to the new.**

♥Emily 


	24. Blurred Boundaries

**Chapter Twenty- Four ~ Blurred Boundaries**

            Kristen felt Remus’s hand on her lower back and when she turned to smile at him, he pointed towards the doors. James and Lily were standing there, close together with flushed faces. Kristen only smirked and was about to make her way over to them when Remus wrapped his arm around her waist to keep her there.

            “Let’s talk to them tomorrow,” he whispered, “They’re probably confused.”

            She leaned against him, thrilled that she could. “Does this mean that we’re…”

            “Involved? I would say so.” He squeezed his hand on her waist and when he spoke again, his voice was not as confident, “Unless you don’t want to be of course…”

            “Of course I do!” Again a few people turned to look at them and Kristen blushed. Quietly she added, “I mean – yes I want to be.”

            “Good, then I can do this,” 

            “Wha-” She began to ask, but her eyes grew large in surprise before sliding shut as his lips molded themselves to hers. She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him, sighing into his mouth as he deepened the kiss, neither of them wishing to break it but feeling the necessity in order to breathe properly. As she pulled away dizzily, she felt arms from behind her giving her a tight hug. 

            “Selene! I’m trying to breathe!”

            “Well after a kiss like that, I’d say you need to,” Selene pulled away from Kristen, grinning maniacally. “But can’t a girl hug one of her best friends?” She paused as Kristen watched her in amusement, clearly believing that she had had too much “punch”. “Speaking of which – where’s Lily gone off to?”

            Kristen turned to look at the doors, wondering that herself, only to notice that Lily and James were no longer there. She turned back to Selene and shrugged.

            Peter was standing awkwardly off to the side, and Sirius was staring around them, noticing that they were really the only happy people around; the rest of the Hall held an air of solemnity and most of the students were slowly filtering out in silence. It was like someone had died and only the five of them had failed to notice. “I think,” Sirius said to the other four, “we can probably head back to the Tower now. There’s no reason to stay here, everyone probably just needs time.”

            Selene smiled at him as if he had just said something quite profound. As the five of them, all in agreement, made their way out, Sirius suddenly stopped and stared towards the corner where Levent was walking towards two boys, clearly Slytherins, who were still masked and talking quietly to one another. 

            “Hold that thought,” Sirius grunted as he ambled away.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Thoughts buzzed through Lily’s head as she and James walked towards the Heads common room, presumably attached at the hip. She was worried. They had not shared many words since he said – oh what _had_ he said? She wasn’t altogether sure. Had it just been in the moment? She didn’t want him to be rethinking this right now, as she was sure he was, and she desperately tried to think of something to say to cut into his thoughts.

            She loved him. She knew that now. She loved him and if he would have her back, she was never going to let him go. “James, I-”

            “Well, you two look as if you’ve come from a ball,” Aramis called out to them from the portrait of the Three Musketeers.

            Lily sighed and nodded, smiling weakly at Aramis. “We did. But I’m a bit tired, if you wouldn’t mind letting us through,” she replied apologetically.

            “Password?” Grunted Porthos.

            James spoke the word softly and the portrait swung forward and allowed them into the Heads common room, where they both stopped and stared into the blazing fire, unsure what to say.

            Lily suddenly turned towards him. “I’m sorry James.”

            He glanced at her and nodded. “I know.”

            “I don’t expect you to be able to forgive me so soon, what I did was – I don’t know what I was thinking.” She looked down at the ground, deflated.

            “I said I forgave you, but-” He stopped, staring at her.

            “It will take awhile to trust me again, right?”

            “Yes.” He replied, and they continued to stare at one another. 

            Lily suddenly walked towards him and pulled him into a hug, just wanting to feel his body against hers. “Take all of the time you need James, I don’t deserve you right now and I’m not sure I ever did. But hopefully- one day I will.” She felt her skin tingling at the contact between them. She had never been so aware of his presence, at least not in its entirety.

            “I think the masquerade worked brilliantly,” his voice tickled her neck. “They’ll have the Christmas hols to think it over, and I think when we get back, things will slowly be different…” He smiled, pulling her tighter against him. “It was a brilliant idea, Lily.”

            “I hope you’re right,” she said, pulling back to look into his dark eyes. She suddenly felt very tired. “Goodnight, James,” she said, leaning over to kiss him softly on the cheek, feeling as if she wanted nothing more than to pull him into a better kiss. But she respected the fact that she should give him time. She felt so very lucky that he was giving her another chance in the first place.

            He watched silently, a little disappointed, as she pulled away from him, their eyes still attached, and walked slowly into her room.

            “Goodnight, Lily,” he replied quietly.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            James awoke the next morning yawning. He ruffled his hair and slid out of bed, grunting at the sudden loss of heat. Glancing into the mirror, he noticed the dark circles under his eyes and shook his head. When had he ever been a worrier? Since when did he stop and think about things? Not only was he a Cavillor, he was a Marauder. He thought he had set out to teach Lily how to have a good time, and now look at him.

            James sighed and, after pulling on some robes that he was fairly certain were clean, stepped out into the Heads common room. He immediately noticed that Lily’s door was still shut and frowned; she was almost always up long before him. He padded towards her room and slowly nudged the door open, peeking inside. His breath caught; she was still sleeping. She looked so carefree when she was asleep, with her dark auburn hair spread across her pillow and the sheets hugging her body tightly. He tried to stop his eyes roaming and noticed that his stomach was growling. As softly as possible, he shut her door and decided that he would wait for her at breakfast.

            He was still very tired because he had stayed up late, mostly thinking about Lily. At first he was slightly annoyed over the fact that he had given in to her – forgiven her just like that when it had never been his intention – but that feeling was eventually suppressed by the thought that he had Lily back, as his. She had promised him and he liked to think that Levent had no chance of getting her back now. He snorted. The pretty boy had never really had her in the first place.

            When James arrived at his usual table in the Great Hall, four faces turned towards him.

            “Where’s Lily?” Kristen asked after glancing behind him to see nobody there.

            “Did you wear her out last night?” Selene inquired with a smirk.

            _I wish._ James reddened slightly. “Er – no. She just needs rest…”

            Selene smiled softly at him. “Don’t worry, I’m just teasing. I certainly don’t need all the details. At least not right now…”

            Sirius turned to her and said with a full mouth, “Not while you have me and my stories, right?”

            Selene made a mock-disgusted face and handed him a napkin.

            He swallowed and smiled, “You know I’m charming.”

            Kristen cleared her throat, causing Remus to realize that he had been staring at her, although she hadn’t noticed. She was busy touching the deep red rose in her lap.

            “You should ask Sirius why he’s in such a good mood,” Remus directed at James, just as Peter joined them. “Oh, hello Pete,” Remus greeted him with a smile.

            “Hullo,” he said back, quickly piling food onto his plate.

            Remus turned back to James, who swallowed what he had been chewing and glanced suspiciously at his best friend, who was smiling broadly and looking like a dog who expected a treat.

            “I punched Levent for you, my old pal. No man messes with my friends and gets away with it. And get this, the one punch landed him in the Hospital Wing.” The smirk on his face grew wider.

            Selene snorted, “You had too much punch yourself, that’s why.”

            “What?” James exclaimed, his mouth having fallen open. He swallowed and a sinking feeling landed in his stomach. “But – Lily’s going to kill me. She’ll think I put you up to it and we – damn it, Sirius, we just got back together!” Just as James finished, Lily slipped into the seat beside him, yawning into her hand. “What’s that?” She asked, turning to James.

            He glanced at her fearfully. “Er- well, you see, Sirius here,” he said the name gratingly, “thought it would be a good idea to beat up Levent-”

            “Just one punch,” Sirius muttered while laughing and biting into a piece of toast.

            James, feeling his normal voice leave him, fell silent as Lily’s eyes scanned his face. After a long moment, she burst out laughing. “Oh James- your face.” She put a hand on his cheek, exactly where she had kissed him the night before. “I’m not mad. Truly…it’s a little funny. And in all honesty, I think…even if you had put him up to it, I would have no right to be angry at you.” Their eyes locked in understanding.

            James broke into a nervous grin. Sirius smirked, “See Prongs, I am the know-all-extraordinaire man.”

            Selene, who had been listening to something Kristen was saying, suddenly turned back to Sirius. She scanned his hands and the table in front of him. Then her eyes abruptly flashed and she said loudly, “Damn it, Black. I knew you’d forget!”

            Sirius stared at her, looking like a fish with his mouth open.

            James laughed mockingly, “Yes Sirius. You sure are.”

            Lily smiled and found his hand under the table, giving it a squeeze. She wondered what she would do without him during the Christmas holiday. They would be leaving for home the next morning, after all. Which reminded her that she still hadn’t packed…

            The sudden whizzing of owls around their heads announced that the mail had arrived. A letter fell in front of James and he only stared at it, causing the other six at the table to stare at him.

            “Why don’t you open it?” Peter asked, and Sirius nodded.

            James sighed, knowing it was from his parents, and began to read, holding it away from everyone so that only he could see it. After a moment, he looked up. 

            “I can’t go home during break,” he muttered, fitting the letter back into its envelope and stuffing it into his robes. “They’re going into hiding.”

            “Is this about that _Daily Prophet_ article a few days ago?” Sirius asked. “The one about the big-name aurors being targeted?”             

            James shrugged. “I suppose so.” He appeared very dejected and more worried than before. “I guess that means we’re both stayed here, mate,” he said to Sirius.

            “What?” Lily inquired, confused.

            “Oh – er – Sirius moved in with my family last summer. He’s been living with us since then.”

            “Why-”

            “No matter,” Sirius waved the question away.

            Lily, after a long moment of silence between the seven students, spoke softly, “James, I suppose – well maybe you could come stay with me during holiday.” Everyone stared at her. She didn’t notice, as she was looking at James questioningly. “Unless you wouldn’t want to, of course.”

            “Would your parents mind?”

            “Well – I’d have to ask, but – I don’t think so.” Her eyes were pleading with him and he suddenly nodded, grinning at her.

            “That would be great.” But then his grin faded and he turned to Sirius. “But I-”

            Sirius held up a hand. “Don’t worry about it, mate. I can stay here alone. Besides, rumor has it that Snape, and possibly Malfoy, are staying over break, so I can have a bit of fun…”

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            After breakfast, Lily went to the owlery and quickly sent a note to her parents, hoping that they wouldn’t be too busy and could reply to her soon, otherwise she might have to just show up with James. As awkward as she realized it might be, she was really attracted to the idea of being able to spend time with James – time that would be unobstructed by homework, Head duties, and especially Levent.

            As the name crossed her mind, she realized that she was close to the hospital wing and she really needed to talk to Levent. As much as she was dreading it, she needed to make sure Levent understood that whatever had happened between them was completely finished. She owed that much to James – and to Levent.

            Lily walked into the hospital wing staring about her and noticed that Madame Pomfrey wasn’t around. She sighed in relief and spotted Levent in a bed near the window, his blonde hair framing a face that looked very pale against the pillow – except for the giant bruise around his left eye.

            She winced and tip-toed over to his bed, thinking he was asleep. But about a foot away, his eyes slid open and he looked over at her. He smiled softly, almost regretfully at her, as if he already knew why she was there. She immediately felt guilty and stood there shifting her feet.

            “You never cared for me,” Levent said, his voice slightly raspy from being in the hospital wing all day with no company.

            “That’s not true – I mean, I cared _about_ you.”

            He nodded, tearing his eyes away from her face. “Perhaps. But you were only confused. I respect that, I should never have – you’ll have to forgive me.”

            She stepped closer and he sat up in the bed. “I do, and you’ll have to forgive me. I’ve been horrible to both of you.”

            “No, not to me.” He smiled. “You were wonderful to me, always. I’ve never met someone so kind.”

            “Surely you have,” she protested, “I’m not very kind, at least I haven’t been lately. I’ve been selfish…”

            Levent smiled. “Maybe, but so have I. James cares about you, I can tell and you know it. I waited too long…and I should never have stepped in between. In fact, I can’t really remember why I ever did – Ow!” He suddenly rubbed his head.

            She leaned forward and put a hand on his arm. “What? Are you okay?”

            Madame Pomfrey came bustling in and stopped when she saw Lily. “Who gave you permission to be in here? My, you students just love bothering my patients.”

            “She’s not bothering me,” Levent protested, but Madame Pomfrey was already fussing over him, handing him a potion to drink.

            “It’s alright, I need to be going anyway,” Lily gave Levent a grateful look before she turned to leave.

            “Oh, and Lily?” Levent called after her.

            She turned around. “Yes?”

            “I can’t remember much at the moment, maybe it’s because of the punch, but I needed to tell you something, I just – can’t remember.” His forehead wrinkled in thought and then smoothed over again. Then he frowned. “Oh yeah – stay away from Malfoy and Snape, okay?”

                                     

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            That evening, Lily sat on the floor of the Gryffindor common room, in front of the fire with her back resting against the couch. James sat behind her. Their friends surrounded them, talking quietly. The atmosphere around them was strained – it had been since the masquerade ball. Lily hoped that after the holidays everyone would be more likely to mingle. Right now, the groups were still segregating themselves, but everything was subdued; she could see in their faces that they were thinking things over.

            Sirius suddenly spoke from his place on the couch between James and Selene. “D’you suppose Voldemort is really after your parents, mate?” He spoke quietly, facing James.

            James shrugged, his eyes partly covered by his messy hair. He twisted his hands in his lap. “I dunno. Probably. We’ve always been vocal about…things. He was bound to dislike us, especially if the Malfoys are in league with him – they’ve always hated us.”

            “But that article – do you think he’s after all of the top aurors?”             

            James shrugged again and finally turned to face Sirius. “Honestly, Padfoot, I think he’s after everyone who disagrees with him. And I’d really rather not dwell on it. Why so many questions anyway?”

            “Not exactly the talkative and carefree Marauder you were this summer, eh?” Sirius made a face.

            James sighed. “Are you?”

            “Of course I – well, okay, maybe I’m a bit different.”

            James snorted, and then laughed at his friend. 

            Suddenly a younger girl tentatively stepped in front of Lily, blocking her view of the fire. “Er,” she said, “an owl just tapped on the window and I untied this from his leg – it’s for you.” She handed Lily a small envelope.

            Lily took it and smiled. “Thanks, Susan.”

            The girl left, smiling at the use of her name.

            Lily quickly unfolded the letter and perused it. James leaned over her head from his spot on the couch and tried to read, but she was already folding it up again. She suddenly got on her knees and twisted around so that she could look at him. She grinned, “They said it’s fine if you stay with us.”

            James smiled at her. “In that case, I’d better go pack. Er – I think I’m going to stay in the Tower tonight.”

            Lily nodded. “Me too. I have a few last minute things to pack in here anyway.”

            As they got up from their seats, the rest of their friends followed, stretching and walking towards the stairs. At the bottom of the Cavillors’ staircase, Lily smiled when James turned back towards her. “G’night, James,” she said softly and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.

            He stared at her, saying, “Goodnight Lily,” as she made her way up to the girls’ dorm.

            Lily climbed the stairs quickly, feeling Kristen and Selene follow her. When all three were inside the dorm, Selene shut the door.

            “You could cut the tension with a knife.”

            Lily frowned as she stuffed a few things into her trunk. “I’m just trying to stay back and take it slow. It’s mostly my fault he doesn’t trust me, after all.”

            “Have you noticed the way he watches you? I mean, he’s always done that, but – I think your small act of seduction really worked.”

            Lily grunted. “Yeah, right. I felt so un-sexy it’s not even funny. I think he seduced me more than I did him. Speaking of which, I have clothes to give back to you.”

            Selene waved a hand, “No, keep them.” She smirked. “You might need them over the holidays.”

            “Uh, in my house, with my parents there…I don’t think so.”

            Selene shrugged. “Why not? That just makes things more exciting.” She paused. “Why can’t you kiss him – I mean, it doesn’t have to be an up-against-the-wall makeout session, but the cheek thing is pathetic. It’s not your first kiss or anything.”

            Kristen cut in after setting her rose inside her trunk. “Well I’m proud of Lily for thinking this over.”

            Selene turned towards Kristen. “Speaking of you-”

            “Oh no you don’t,” Kristen cut her off, laughing. She crawled into her bed and tried to pull the covers over herself, but Selene was too quick.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            

            The next morning, the three girls made their way downstairs. Lily suddenly noted that only she and Kristen were carrying trunks, and Selene was grinning happily between them.

            “Er – Selene? Why have you not packed?” Lily asked, trying to shift her trunk into a more manageable position.

            “Packed? Why, because I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here.”             

            “But-”

            They reached the bottom of the stairs and found the four boys sitting there, waiting for them.

            “What’s that?” Sirius asked, walking up to Selene with a smile. “Hey – where’s your trunk? I was going to be a gentleman and help you with it.”             

             Selene continued to smirk. “You have two whole weeks to be a gentleman. I’m staying here, with you.”            

            Sirius’s eyes widened, and then his lips curled into a smile. “I see. Well that’s certainly an interesting new development.”

            Peter shook his head from where he was still sitting on the couch. “Oh boy. Merlin help whoever you two decide to prank.”

            Thinking by the way they were looking at one another, Lily was not likely to see either Kristen or Remus on the train, she walked over to Kristen and said softly, “Thanks for everything.”

            Kristen smiled shyly. “I’m sorry I was a bit pushy at times. I know I can be annoying.”

            “You’re my friend and I like that you can be pushy. Besides, I needed it.”

            “You do realize, Lily, that not all of this was your fault? I don’t think you should keep blaming yourself.”

            Lily, not quite sure what to say, pulled Kristen into a hug.

            Selene came over and exclaimed, “What’s this? A hug without me?”

            Lily grinned and made a move to hug Selene, but she moved back.

            “Not until you promise to tell me all about your holiday with James.” Selene raised her eyebrows suggestively as Lily glanced at James, who was grinning, and back to Selene.

            Kristen drew them both into a hug. “I’m glad to have such…normal friends.” She coughed.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Lily smiled at James as he helped her onto the train. She had lost Kristen amidst the crowd of students struggling to stow their luggage and find a compartment, but she was sure Kristen was with Remus and not alone.

            Lily’s thoughts came to an abrupt end as she ran into a hard object. “Ow.” And it just happened to be one of her least favorite people.

            “Watch where you’re going, mudblood. I wouldn’t want you to bleed on me,” Lucius Malfoy hissed in her face.

            James made a move towards Malfoy, but Lily grabbed his arm. “No, it’s not worth it James.”

            Malfoy laughed coolly. “You’ll be singing a different tune soon. Watch yourself, Evans.”

            “What are you on about, Malfoy?” James sneered. “Trying to be sneaky and cruel again?”

            Malfoy turned his icy blue gaze to James. “I’m sure you’d love to know, Potter. But you should watch yourself too. The Dark Lord doesn’t take well to blood traitors. And there’s nothing you can do about your little girlfriend.”

            With one last smirk, he spun around and disappeared into an adjacent compartment.

            “Oh, of all the lowly-” Lily growled, “I hate him.” She curled her fingers tighter around James’s arm and tugged him in the opposite direction, although he was staring after Malfoy as if he wanted to go after him. Reluctantly, he followed her.

            They found an empty compartment and Lily smiled at that bit of good luck. As she sat down, she informed James, “My parents can’t pick us up at the station, so we’ll need to take a cab to my house.”

            “Er – a muggle cab? But-”

            Lily grinned. “Don’t worry James. I’ll take care of it.”

            He frowned, but finally began to look content as she settled against him, pressing a light kiss to his jawbone. It was the most physical contact they had had since officially getting back together, she realized. She very much wanted more, but she wondered if he felt the same. Her doubts were silenced as he lowered his head and pressed his lips against hers, a jolt as the train began to move pressing them more firmly together.

            He marveled at the way their bodies molded together so well, and his hand wandered to her waist. James realized that although she had been holding back, she seemed to be much more open to his exploration lately. She no longer pulled away when his hands wandered. In fact, she encouraged it. Just then, her hand covered his and moved it a tad lower, so that it was on her upper thigh. She moved closer to him, but before she could get situated, her mouth left his and they both looked towards the door, where Remus and Kristen were standing.

            Lily, her face flushed, said to Kristen, “I figured I wouldn’t be seeing you again, it’s so crowded…”

            “Er – the rest of the train’s full. I’m not sure where Peter disappeared to either,” Remus said apologetically, glancing between Lily and James.

            It seemed that all four of them blushed, but at long last, they were all sitting down contentedly. Lily removed herself to James’s side, entwining his hand simply in hers. Kristen and Remus sat opposite them, close enough for their arms to touch. Kristen shot Remus a grin and the werewolf looked at the Head Boy and Girl. “Up for a game of exploding snap?”

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            As promised, Lily took care of the cab situation and before long, Lily and James were standing on the doorstep in front of her home. She glanced up and sighed. It was a clear night and she had always loved the stars; they were calming. Taking a deep breath, she rang the doorbell. James jumped at the sound and turned to stare at her, bewildered. The door swung open to reveal a red-haired man with dark eyes that were at once comforting and intimidating. He beamed at Lily, and then his gaze fixed on James’s fingers, which were curled protectively around Lily’s waist. James dropped his arm quickly, awkwardly smiling. Lily glanced sideways at him and then looked back at her dad. She broke out into a large grin as he engulfed her in a hug.

            Mrs. Evans appeared in the side of the doorway, her green eyes sparkling at her husband and youngest daughter. “Well – I should like a hug too, if you please.”

            Lily broke away from her dad and put her arms around her mother. “Mum – I have a lot to tell you!”

            Lily’s dad had fixed his gaze on James, who was standing with his hands in his pocket, looking like he was trying not to stare and instead was very interested in the leafless plant next to the front steps. 

            Mr. Evans turned to his wife and said in his deep voice, “You didn’t tell me Lily was bringing someone along.”

            All eyes turned to James, who looked startled and tried to smile politely. Lily, sensing his discomfort, grasped his sleeve and pulled him inside, brushing a bit of snow off his shoulder.

            Lily’s mum smiled softly at her husband. “Must have slipped my mind – much like you and the orange juice I asked you to pick up.”

            Mr. Evans, startled, opened his mouth to respond, but thought better of it as his wife ushered the two seventeen-year-olds into the living room.

            Lily turned to her parents and gestured towards James as she said, “This is James Potter. He’s er – he’s Head Boy.” She might have described him as something different, if doubt had not resurfaced in her mind. These last few days had not been eventless between them and she wasn’t entirely positive where their reconciliation left them.

            Their eyes met and he seemed to understand. James extended his hand and though still looking a bit peaky, said steadily enough, “It’s very nice to meet you, and I really do appreciate you allowing me to stay here.”

            Mr. Evans shook his hand and smiled, while Mrs. Evans said, “Dear, it’s no trouble at all, especially with the trouble regarding your parents – I’m so sorry about that.”

            “What’s this?” Mr. Evans was gazing steadily at James.

            Lily spoke up. “Dad, let’s not talk about it right now, I’m still quite cold and I’m willing to bet James is as well.”

            Her dad glanced between Lily and James carefully and after taking a deep breath, nodded. “Well, let’s get you warmed up then. We have a whole holiday break to spend talking.”

            Lily heard James swallow loudly at her side and she grasped his hand and squeezed it. 

            After a few minutes in front of the fire, Lily left James in the living room with her father and went to find her mum in the kitchen. She wanted to see if she could help with dinner and make sure her mum was okay with the fact that Lily had left the minor detail of her friend being a boy out of her letter.

            Smiling to herself, Lily walked into the kitchen and spotted her mum chopping onions, her eyes watery. When she saw Lily, she dropped the knife and turned towards her, dabbing at her eyes with the dish towel.

            “Oh Lily – he’s really handsome. And I can tell you two are close…are you sure you’re just friends?”

            Lily avoided the question and frowned. “You mean you’re not mad that I didn’t tell you I was bringing a boy home?”

            Mrs. Evans chuckled. “You said he was a “friend in need”. Boy or not, how could I refuse? Besides, I was beginning to wonder why my daughter hasn’t been writing me many letters lately…”

            Lily sighed and sat down at the kitchen table, her mother quickly joining her. She smiled at the flour in her mum’s dark brown hair; she tended to be a bit of a messy person. “Well – James and I have been trying to get the school to work together. You remember how I told you about the Cavillors and Auscultos?”             

            “Er – yes – you did mention something…”

            “Well that’s what I’ve been really busy doing.”

            Mr. Evans suddenly walked into the kitchen, James following him warily but with a small smile on his face.

            Mr. Evans grinned at his wife. “James was just explaining to me the particulars of the game of Quidditch.”

            After dinner that evening, Lily showed James to the guestroom, which was down the hall from her bedroom and her parents’ room. She flipped the light switch on and he smiled. “I like electricity.”

            “James-”

            He turned back towards her.

            “I’m sorry about the train. I didn’t mean to err-”

            He said nothing, and she fell silent, knowing that he knew what she meant. She figured he had probably only been obliging her insistence that they do more than snog on the cheek. He certainly had not given her much encouragement to snog; he was still acting distant. She sighed, hoping that he wouldn’t take forever to trust her again.

            She took a step forward and reached up to kiss him on the cheek while whispering her goodnight. But he moved his head to the side and their lips met instead. Lily felt herself melting against his body and James’s hands moved around her waist to keep her steady. Lily reached her hands into his hair, loving how it fell over her fingers messily. He deepened the kiss and she responded eagerly, abruptly wondering when he had pressed her back against the wall but not caring. 

            “James…” She whispered against his lips, before deepening the kiss again. There were footsteps on the stairs. With a groan, Lily pulled back, softly pushing James away from her and straightening her hair.

            “Why can’t your parents know?” James whispered, slightly annoyed.

            “It’s not that, I just don’t want my dad to witness us making out. And I doubt they would have let you come if they had known that we were-”

            “That we were what?” He insisted, but her answer was cut off by Lily’s mother and father stopping in front of the open door.

            “Is everything okay for you, James?” Mrs. Evans asked kindly while looking from Lily to James.

            “It’s very nice, Mrs. Evans. And again, thanks very much for letting me stay here, I really appreciate it.”

            Mr. Evans smiled at his daughter. “Lily normally has good taste in her friends, at least better than her sister Petunia-”

            “Where is Petunia, anyway?”

            “Oh, your father didn’t mention? Petunia is coming home tomorrow with her fiancé, Vernon Dursley.”

 ♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            Selene was thrilled to have Sirius all to herself. Between everything going on and schoolwork (though she generally tried to avoid that), they hadn’t been able to plan many pranks lately. She enjoyed Sirius, she really did. Not only was he dead sexy (much like herself), he had the same sense of humor that she did, and that was hard to come by.

            Sirius, as if reading her thoughts, slipped into the spot beside her on the couch. “I’m still a bit embarrassed about that leather thing the other night…”

             Selene laughed loudly and then turned to look at him. “You hardly need to be embarrassed, my friend. We’ve already determined that we’re almost the same person, and therefore we have many of the same interests and…well, perhaps that includes leather.” She winked at him. “I always did like a man in leather.”

            “I always did like myself in leather.”

            “And we’re both quite sexy in leather…at least, I’m assuming that you are.”

            Sirius raised an eyebrow. “I’m sexy in everything.”

            Selene shifted to look at him more fully. “Oh, and I’m not?”

            “Oh no, you’re pretty sexy too.”

            “Good.” After a moment of silence, she added, “But I was thinking – we should have a prank war.”

            “A what?”

            “A – prank – war. You know, with pranks?”

            Sirius shook his head at her. “I’m not stupid, I know what a prank war is…but are you sure you’re up to it? I mean, I am the master of pranks after all. Even better than James.”

            “That’s what you think.”

            “Oh really? Well then, you’re on. When do we begin?”

            Selene smiled, leaning closer. “Tomorrow morning.”

            “I love your crazy ideas,” he murmured.

            “I know,” she smiled back. Suddenly, she leaned over and hugged him, sighing. He was like a big, Cavillor teddy bear. How could she have ever disliked him?

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            When James woke up the next morning, it took him several moments before he realized why he was surrounded by creamy white walls and red sheets. _Oh yeah, Lily’s house_. He smiled at the thought of her. He suddenly wondered what she had worn to bed. Certainly not that – _No, I will not think of that now. Not in her house, with her parents…_

            When he did find Lily, she was wearing flannel pants and a t-shirt, to both his dismay and relief. He sat down with her at the kitchen table, smiling when she looked up at him. She smiled back and handed him the plate of pancakes.

            “Where are your parents?” He asked.

            “In the other room decorating the Christmas tree. Seeing as how we’ve already done that once this year, I decided to eat instead. I thought maybe we’d go outside after breakfast.”

            James glanced out the window and realized for the first time that morning that it had snowed, and quite a bit too. His mood lifted considerably, he replied, “That’s a wonderful idea.” He ate his pancakes quickly, not leaving room for much breathing, all the while staring at Lily over his fork.

            Eventually, she looked up at him, “You don’t have to eat so fast, you know. We have time.” She laughed at him.

            He stared at her. “Oh – right. I’m just so used to trying to eat quickly before classes.”

            She nodded, feeling the slight tension between them. Last night had gone partly unresolved, as she had disappeared into her room after her mother told her about Petunia coming that day – thankfully not until dinnertime. She and Petunia, to say the least, did not get along. She didn’t want James to be exposed to all that, but there was no way around it now.

            After he had drained his glass of orange juice, Lily tugged on his sleeve and walked towards the stairs. “I’ll meet you down here after I get dressed.” He nodded and followed her up the stairs and into his room, where he rummaged through his trunk for something to wear in the snow. He felt he should probably wear Muggle clothes, as he was staying with Muggles and Lily hadn’t been wearing her robes.

            After finding something suitable, he made his way downstairs and found that Lily was waiting for him in the kitchen. She grabbed his gloved hand and pulled him out into the backyard, which he had not seen in the daylight yet. He smiled at the snow crunching under his boots and she looked back at him.

            “You’re looking very sharp in those clothes.”

            He grinned at her, “Am I?”

            “Yes,” she paused, hands behind her back. “But I think you’d look better with a bit of snow on them.” And with that, she threw the snowball she had been holding behind her back at his chest and fled, causing him to chase after her.

            They began a game of running about and hiding behind trees, getting in a throw every once in a while but mostly missing each other. Eventually, he caught up to her and pulled her down onto the ground, breathing heavily.

            She smiled at him, dropping the snowball in her hand. “Alright, I admit defeat, but only for today.”

            “Aha!” He smirked at her.

            “On one condition.”

            “Which is?”

            “Oh, just that I get to kiss you.” And she pushed him back into the snow, moving her body halfway on top of his and lowering her mouth to his. “Is that condition fair?”

            “I would say so.” He mumbled, moving his head up just enough for their lips to meet. She moved so that she was lying fully on top of him and deepened the kiss as he had the night before. They snogged with abandon, not caring or thinking about anything that had happened at school since their seventh year had started. They were so engrossed in one another that they failed to hear Mr. Evans as he came out the back door.

            “Anyone want some hot choco-”

            He broke off as he saw them lying in the snow.

            Lily and James broke apart, her face turning red quickly. She felt her body freeze and stared guiltily up at her father.

            Mr. Evans paused, a strange expression on his face. “Am I correct in assuming that you two are more than just friends?” His tone was not altogether pleased, but his voice was completely steady.

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

            As they made their way down to breakfast the next morning, Selene grinned at Sirius and pulled something small out of her robes; a little bottle of lotion. She turned to Sirius and said, “Want some? Your face is looking a tad dry, and you wouldn’t want your sexy features to becomes old and…er, dry.” She scrunched up her nose.

            Sirius rolled his eyes and took the lotion, rubbing it over his face without thought and thrusting the bottle back into her hands, failing to notice that she was smirking and looking quite content.

            They walked into the Great Hall, which only held the few students who had decided to stay at Hogwarts over Christmas. As they passed by the staff table, the potions master, Professor Jenkins, spoke and caused them to halt. “What lovely boxers, Mr. Black,” he commented in all seriousness, nodding his head in approval and taking his seat next to McGonagall, who was pursing her lips.

            “Wha-”

            Sirius looked down and saw that his boxers were outside his robes, instead of underneath where they should be. He turned to Selene, who burst out laughing. And then he turned back to Jenkins in bewilderment – why the hell had _he_ commented?

            “Don’t worry,” Selene smirked, “I charmed him too.”

            Looking slightly relieved, Sirius proceeded to walk proudly with his boxers over his robes and seated himself down at their usual table, pulling Selene down next to him. “That was good – but a bit clichéd if you don’t mind me saying.”

            “Well yes, perhaps.” She smiled over at him and took a bite of her eggs. “But I still have one over you.”

            Suddenly she burst out laughing, almost spitting out her eggs.

            “What now?” Sirius asked suspiciously, glancing down at himself.

            “Oh, nothing,” she replied, trying to hold back her laughter as she sipped her juice. “I just thought of something…”

            He continued to squint suspiciously at her throughout breakfast, and was still watching her when they left the Great Hall awhile later. He had to think of a prank quickly – he had meant to last night.

            Breaking his thoughts, one of the portraits they passed suddenly said, “Nice moose-tache, Mr. Black.” He stared at the portrait as if it had gone crazy.

            Selene pulled the bottle of lotion out from her robes and laughed loudly. “Form-changing lotion. Got it from the same catalogue as my dress robes.”

♥♣♠♥♣♠♥♣♠

**A/N: I admit this chapter probably would have been out even quicker had it not been for my obsessive reading of the _Count of Monte Cristo_ the past few days…God, I wish I could write like that. If you haven’t read it, do. It’s quite amazing. **

**And, yes, for all of you who have been with the story since the first version, you may recognize this cliffhanger. I left you here a long time ago, did I not? Perhaps, if you ask nicely, I’ll remedy that soon ;) And it’s almost frickin July. And we all know what that means…personally, my sanity is slowly slipping away into excitement.**

**Until next time,**

**♥** **Emily**


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